• Member Since 7th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen Mar 4th, 2017

SkylerTDaniels


Letting my imagination run free!

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Source

Hearts and Hooves... Oops, Valentines day is a day away and Applejack has plans for hers and Rarity's first Valentines day together. Hopefully the weather doesn't put a damper on the fields or Rarity's health.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 4 )

This story was incredibly cute.

However, it felt very rushed in places, and some of the dialogue felt off. Everytime AJ said "May I..." I cringed a little. The transition from Rarity being loopy and suddenly being fine caught me off guard a little. The grammar was a little weird sometimes, too. One thing that really bothered me was whenever you wrote '4' instead of 'four'. Always spell the number out, unless it's over a hundred. I don't know if that's the rule per say, but it works.

I hope this didn't seem too rude or anything, this story and many others have a lot of potential if only you got an editor. :pinkiehappy::twilightsheepish:

7965801

Thank you for the feedback! :rainbowkiss:
I truly appreciate it and no this is not a rude comment. I have read rude comments on my stories before and this is not one. :twilightsmile:
I did rush certain parts of the story to meet the Valentines Day deadline... didn't turn out that way, but I tried. :ajsmug:
Rarity being loopy one minute and the next better was one of the parts I rushed. I know I shouldn't do that, but I wanted to finish it in time. :pinkiesad2:
I knew the '4' would come back and haunt me. Sorry about that, I know that rule but I was in a hurry.
I promise I shall not publish until I reread my story at least five times! :scootangel:

I would love an editor! If you would like to be my editor direct message me and we'll talk about it. If not that's perfectly fine! :pinkiehappy:
Thank you again for your comment! :twilightsheepish:

7970616
Unfortunately I have no time to edit anything at the moment. :applejackunsure:

I barely have time to write! College is taking a toll on me, for sure :twilightsheepish:

But there is an editors group where you can find some!

It was, uh... It could've been better. The premise is good, but the execution not so much. You have some tense and even person mixups in there.

I'm a sucker for RariJack, though, so feel free to put it up on gDocs and shoot me a link through a PM. I'll take a look at it.

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