• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen July 30th

theRedBrony


Your friendly neighborhood mechanic / fanfic writer. Don't worry, I'm good at both! :D

T

After Twilight captures a changeling, Spike finds himself talking to the strange creature...


For those of you that have seen the mid-season 6 promo video, you'll know where I got the cover art. But actually, a lot of this story comes from a very old story that I wrote and never finished. The promo video gave me the idea to change the perspective of that story and shorten it to just Spike... befriending a changeling.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 21 )

I want a sequel or epilogue!

Stop ripping off ponies! :flutterrage:

:duck: I keep hearing rude burping noises outside when Spikey's helping me at the boutique...

:twilightoops: Sayr you look like a stealth blimp!

:moustache: It was a Goodyear

:facehoof:

This was a nice little story. Honestly of all the characters most likely to give changelings the benefit of the doubt, Spike, Fluttershy, maybe the CMC and Pinkie would be among the most likely for various reasons. It's understandable that most ponies would be unsure of changelings given the whole wedding fiasco, especially Twilight given that it more personal. I do hope that we get to see changeling be allowed to live among pony society in the future but that might be a pipe dream.

Hadn't even known that there was a promo until I saw this. Cant wait until that episode with the changeling. I will definitely be reading this soon.

id love to see a follow up to this
maybe Celetia chewing out twilight for doing that to a prisoner?
or maybe see what happens between the changelings and ponies?

7434022 Uh... maybe?
7434057 Hue.
7434273 LOLWUT
7434287 Thanks! And who knows? I think that episode is slated to air on August 20.
7434396 We'll see how much I got right! (Probably nothing lol)
7434750 Well the original story actually 'ended' not with Spike breaking him out, but with Spike writing a letter, and then Celestia chewing out Twilight. There was a part that I never actually wrote in the original, where Twilight was simply missing from Ponyville for quite some time after that, and I was going to hint that she was in magic kindergarten, lol. At the moment, I'm not considering this story part of my... changeling universe, I guess? But none of that is set in stone yet. But I will tell you, at least two of my upcoming changeling stories involve what happens between the changelings and the ponies.

7434769
sweet!
cant wait.
but i still want to see something involving this story. like celetia chewing out twilight :P

7434769 I wonder if he might be the changeling who attended Cranky and Matilda's wedding. That would just shatter all my head canons.

omg kevin

7435629 Oh trust me, all the headcanons will be shattered on that day.
7435745 Dude, what? :yay:

7437175 Kevin is the name given to the lone "friendly" changeling in Slice of Life. he;s on the official mlp trading card game. Ik he's probably not the guy in this story tho XD

7437210 Well, actually yes, he is. Didn't know about him being named Kevin though, lol

This isn't a bad start, but it needs a rewrite or two.

The story's pace is too fast and all the characters are wearing their emotions and motivations on their sleeves. This is especially evident at the conclusion with the simplistic and short dialog. Twilight does a complete 180 within 5 lines for example

What? But-" Twilight leaned over and whispered to me. "But he's a changeling. They attacked Canterlot!"

"Well, ok then, Twilight. Isn't it, like, you know, against the Canterlot Conventions to mistreat prisoners of war?"

"…What's his name?"

"Seyr."

"Seyr? Interesting. Seyr, on behalf of Equestria and myself I would like to formally apologize for… my behavior. Towards you."

It's a decent premise and the right ideas are there, but it needs fleshed out. Badly.

Neutral rating overall.

7437712 I can respect that criticism. To be completely fair, I wrote this in under a week, with really 2 days of actual writing, and no days of editing. A far cry from the usual week or two I reserve for editing and modifying, nevermind the actual writing process. So I don't feel too bad about it.

As for the pace... I kind of like it that fast? But if anything, I think maybe the ending could've been stretched to be its own chapter. That probably would've helped.

7437729

The Spike/Changeling stuff wasn't all that bad actually. I think it missed some opportunities, like Spike wanting to know who the changeling was disguised at in town and how Spike felt about that, but it was okay.

Where it really suffers is at the ending. Twilight and Spike's final conflict literally comes down to

"Point"
"Counterpoint"
"Point"
"Counterpoint"
"Okay, you win"

And it's where the story suffers most in my opinion. I think the story would have been better ending with the Changeling running away, without the noble sacrifice, and Spike perhaps pondering on why things have to be this way. Going for the 'and they all lived happily ever after route' feels hollow when it isn't earned and it fails to do so here.

7437793 I prefer to think of it as 'they all lived miserably ever after,' but I see your point.

Actually your idea does sound much better, though I remind you, I wrote this on a time budget.

7474487 On the contrary, thank you for taking the time to break it down. But I was aware of most of this. I wrote this on a time constraint, you see, so even I didn't expect it to be perfect. Unlike most of my other (better) stories - on which I actually spend time to sort these things out - I gave myself a deadline for many reasons, but one of those was to just get me to write something, which I haven't for quite some time.

To be perfectly honest, Starlight was thrown in at the last moment. I suppose what I was going for with Twilight was that she never really learned her lesson. Her apology purposefully lacks sentiment, (I wanted to express that better than I did, I suppose) because she doesn't feel guilt. She only gave in because Spike cornered her in the argument, in front of all her friends and her new student, no less. She apologizes because she knows she is technically in the wrong, not because she feels like she was wrong.

I think maybe this story would've benefitted from a much longer, and private, chat between Twilight and Spike at the end. Oh well. :unsuresweetie:

Login or register to comment