"Cloud Nine: guard, pegasus, and not much else" these were the words he often used to describe himself in his head. For years he had followed a simple routine, wake up, eat, go to work, be bored at work, go home, wish other ponies talked to him, go to sleep. But with the sudden appearance of a being that he has no clue who, or what, is, everything changed
Note: added sex tag so nobody could complain about any dirty jokes or euphemisms I use.
Also added comedy tag 'cause apparently some people find my dreadful jokes amusing.
Chapters (46)
you are welcome
I only ask one thing: please don't change pandora into one of the new lings. Also, i hate it when my tiny sun breaks.
7896292 don't worry, I like the badass old version too much to change (ps: planning on making a bonus chapter later in that topic) and thanks much for the feedback
Whatever works for you, im good either way. nothing worse than burning your self out over a "deadline".
I have one question. What's marshmallow fluff?
7908246 A spreadable substance made from marshmallows, it makes really good sandwiches when you put it together with peanut butter
7908647
Don't forget chocalate spreads, btw love the story.
7911066 Aww, thanks for that, so long as one person enjoys it, I'll keep writing.
I've enjoyed you're story since the beginning I'm just uncertain when it takes place in regards to A Canterlot Wedding. I sorta also want to see the other guards response when they realize he has a marefriend.
7918691 To answer your question, a few episodes back was the return of discord, so it will be happening shortly. (The first chapter was a couple months after the return of nightmare moon.) And you bet your butt I've got something planned for when the other guards find out. And I'm really glad you're enjoying my story, that just really means a lot to me.
Love the story man, Pandora is so adorable it melts my heart. Keep up the good work my friend.
7922953 I'm glad you like it! I just want to try to have my story brighten people's day. It makes me smile to write it so... something. Also helps distract from the sadness that I can NEVER HUG A FRIKIN PONY WHY OH WHY MUST THE WORLD BE SO CRUEL!!
Huh this chapter came straight out of left field for me. Good work
7926070 Same for me actually. I was making ramen and kinda zoned out. I had this chapter as a weird day-dream, it fit, so I wrote it.
This part seems incomplete... Was this intentional?
7928211 Kinda... maybe?... ok I don't actually remember. Having a horrible memory's the worst. But at least it sounds good(I hope).
7928223 Might want to change that to "But one day, that all changed..."
At the very least, add a proper period to the end of it.
7931181 Didn't notice that, thanks mate!
story so far is amazing. but you have alot of simple wrong key strokes, example "amd" \and, "live" \love. Is your keyboard too small? other then the key strokes problem this story is fantastic
simply divine 
"I've heard that that xan ruin a relationship, and I really want this to work"
Xan=Can
Other than that great work.
You spelled the second banquet wrong
Great job, can't wait 'til the next chapter.
7947451 yeah, it's really small, but it's the best I've got! (Just realized that can be taken out of context)
7947481 thank you! And about the spelling... yeah I've always stunk at that. I try really hard to be careful but, well... oops?
7947536 wohoo
I was right? 
and yes it can indeed be taken out of context
7949358 why must everything I say be secretly an innuendo! Sometimes even I don't realize it's in there
7949374
then you must have a size issue
how can i fall asleep with humor like this around
7949386 I have two modes, sleep is for the weak, and sleep for a week.
Ironically Pinkie is the pony I like the least out of the mane six and it's usually because she tends to cause emotional damage or severe annoyance despite her intentions otherwise.
7958938 Yeah, I just felt like a quiet, more reserved person would end up not getting along with someone as spastic and hyper as Pinkie. I actually like her as a character, but just feel like I'd probably hate her in real life.
Why would people complain about dirty jokes and/or euphemisms?
7959236 You'd be surprised, some people just want something to complain about.
Trust me, I've read much worse. This is actually quite good, albeit sometimes a bit poorly paced.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
21:24_2/20/2017
7964588 Yeah... been trying to work on that, sometimes I just get ahead of myself.
Do "pepperoni cooked until crispy" and "pork rinds" fit into the "chip or pretzel" category? If so maybe I'll have to try and calculate the nutrition info for that recipe sometime, see what it comes out to... I might try replacing the taco seasoning with something like this, I haven't tried it but I hear it's a good substitute when making taco meat and has a LOT less carbs than most prepackaged taco seasonings have.
7971737 go for it! I just consider trying new stuff to put in it and dip in it as food science! So knock yourself out, go wild!
7971806
) Or maybe just make tiny bits out of the bacon and mix it into the recipe before dipping other things in, that sounds like it could be good too...
Nice. :-) I may also try using crispy bacon, I've seen people suggesting using that for dipping in things also. (Usually I just stuff bacon into my face as-is though...
7971852 It does though! I'm glad someone is trying my recipe! I just really love cooking and baking and will probably share easy snack recipes from time to time. Just for kicks and sniggles (sniggle=a snigger and giggle hybrid, giggling for men.)
Shit's gon' go down.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
23:58_2/25/2017
Somehow I suspect that the term you're looking for there is "bigamy". (Though I suppose bigotry probably is technically legal there too, although I would imagine quite frowned upon. However, even if still an accurate statement, it's probably not the statement you were aiming for given context.)
7985678 yeah... my computer keeps doing that. I type in a word, it thinks it's wrong, it changes it. Thanks for pointing that out btw
Pony xenophobia at it's height of influence. Was expecting something like this eventually just not quite this way. Nor quite as bloody.
7998118 yep, where will you be when pony racism strikes. I also hadn't planned on it being that bloody but then I watched a documentary on a scenario like this so I decided,"What the heck, shock and awe it is." Just wait until the aftermath though.
All aboard the mental train wreck; whoo, whoot!
Fuck your loneliness, grab a shotgun and we'll go kill some Nazi zombies together! I'll even share mah whiskey!
Pandora, you better swear revenge for your bi coltfriend. You hear me, bug! Revenge!
"Sir, massive clusterfuck, dead ahead! If we slow down we might be able to-"
"Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! Cast the lifeboats off and don't forget to throw away the life jackets! I want all hands going down with me!"
Wait, how did Pandora know about jury duty?! She's been there two weeks or so, why and how did the subject of pony judicial system come up!
Sex in the tub, nice!
Fucking bug-blood addict! That's it, the next drug counseling commercial I see I'm dragging you to them! I don't care if it's an old Nazi deathcamp!
That predator/prey kinky sex scene was almost as kinky as the WildeHopps smut I find! Almost!