Have You Considered My Friend, Princess Luna?
There was a mare in Ponyville named Twilight. She lived in a palace, and knew her neighbors, and loved her friends. She was steadfast and faithful, no longer a student but a mare in her own right and a princess beside.
And she slept soundly most nights.
One night, she wrote a letter and sent it to Canterlot by Spike’s fire. It was a short letter, formal and written with care.
That night, she had the most beautiful dreams. Ones that a pony almost would not wish to wake from, but she did. And she was happy, because something felt whole about them.
Something felt mended about the one who made them as well, she thought. She hoped. She hoped many things, and had faith in many things.
One of the things that Twilight put her hope in was a princess named Luna, and she was not disappointed.
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7588620 I won't debate the rest of the points, except for this because it stood out to me
The problem with such is that she only felt repentant after a few days into this, and received no real punishment for such. Would this still be a righteous judgement had she actually broken Twilight? Or would it just be a simple slap on the wrist for what could've been something truly horrific to someone who truly didn't deserve Luna's paranoid visions and delusions of her own judgements?
One can feel sorry all they want, but this was what amounted to a premeditated torture of an individual, and 'feelings' after does not reduce the sentence after, what most cases check to see is the original intent, there is a difference between manslaughter and first degree murder after-all and the intent is whether or not you planned it, and Luna planned it from beginning to end.
7592858 Agreed. Luna essentially planned to torture Twilight Sparkle to test her loyalty, and had to be coerced on oath to only do so in her dreams.
Yea, another happy end from Cynewolf!
7592974 Happy for all involved. Luna got off lightly, to be frank, though because it was from Twilight's choice and wasn't basically Twilight just blindly accepting things, I can take it alright.
Luna is a sick 'lil blueberry in this story.
7592983
Getting off lightly might actually be a very bad outcome for Luna in the long run.
Seems like Twilight and Celestia are in such a hurry to show Luna love and forgiveness that they're not going to get her the professional help she is crying out for.
7592993 It could be, yes, but at least they know. Celestia should have known and been taking action already, but Twilight knows now, and if we know one thing about Twinkle Butt, it's that she is very thorough. Luna will get the help she needs.
Twilight also now enjoys a very special distinction. Not even Celestia is immune from Luna entering her dreams without permission.
7582579 Things got a little steamy, so he bumped it up to be safe.
7593271 I was told the description of Celestia mid-coitus, while not as explicit as they could be, were skirting the line pretty hard. On the whole I am reluctant to tag it sex or make it mature. What would you suggest actually?
You made Luna just the right amount of twisted for this. I would honestly like to see more of this.
Bravo good sir.
I don't know that I've ever been as conflicted about a fimfic story as I am about this one.
I am very glad you continued writing this, and that we were able to see the hole journey. Thank you Cynewulf.
7598133 they aren't. In trying to convey weight I went quite too far. So it goes, I suppose. They are closer here than I've ever done either of them. Aimed for Valar and missed.
7598255 Interesting trivia: When replying to comments in a multichapter story, you need to write your response on the same chapter as that comment. Just replying on the story index page will associate your comment with the last chapter in the table of contents, and the person you're replying to likely won't see it unless they suspect you don't know this is a thing.
The constant comparisons and references to the Book of Job are, in my opinion, to the detriment of this story. It quite blatantly wants to use the device of Twilight's testing as a character study of Luna, but that's not what the Book of Job was ever about. The Book of Job is a long, overdrawn affair that attempts to find the breaking point of faith through tediously over-extended torture, and concludes when God and Satan get bored.
Telling us that the story is based on the Book of Job gives away pretty much everything about the story, and probably caused most to dismiss it out of hand because they know the story and can just substitute the different faces. And in order to match the expectations of those people who read it exactly for that reason, the story has to try as hard as it can to approach the horror of Job, which not only takes time away from Luna's personal struggle but also makes her harder to empathize with because of how very Biblical all of the tests are.
In the end, parts of this were well-written on a technical level, and I can definitely say it was a more interesting read than the Book of Job itself. But that's about all I can say is good about it.
I really enjoyed reading this story. Emotionally, I was very invested, and that's one of the primary elements I look for in Twilight-Celestia-Luna stories. There was lots I thought was clever, and plenty of very interesting headcanon ideas (in particular the natures of Celestia and Luna). That's another element I really look for--how magic is used to explore the relationships of these three. Like many others here though (as far as I can tell), the ending did falter a bit. Now I sometimes hesitate to critique a finished story because, well, what's the point--it's finished, and I certainly wouldn't condone the author going in and editing anything. I believe that, barring publication elsewhere, stories ought to remain as is, because they reflect the author at a point in time and that, to me, is important. Because authors are important, and so are their experiences and expressions.
Given that, all I will say is: I think the issue is the emotional high point was after Twilight's last dream. It was clear that a line had been crossed which could not be uncrossed. When it turned out that Twilight had not been very much harmed after all, it lessened the dramatic weight of Luna's actions, and so deflated our emotional investment. This made the emotional payoff of the end--where Luna confronts all she's done, and Twilight forgives her--less powerful, because there was less to be forgiven.
I think had you established major consequences for Luna's actions (Twilight is seriously affected), but then amended those consequences through forgiveness, so that they both find healing, instead of lessening the consequences beforehand, the ending would have been more emotionally satisfying. The emotional highpoint would have been at the point of forgiveness and the happier change in the direction of Luna's life, as opposed to peaking a few chapters beforehand.
But none of this is to say there isn't a lot to love about this fic. In my opinion, you created a wonderfully structured story, and that's crucial. It's also very difficult, even for skilled writers (sometimes especially for skilled writers). It would be foolish to only focus on the leaky roof and fail to admire the rest of the architecture beneath it.
So nicely done, Cynewulf ^.^
Excellent Luna exploration. I wish more Luna fans know about and read this.
7599727
By your logic, you must hate Wicked. We disagree irreconcilably, because I love Wicked.
7715089
I'm sorry, what? What part of anything I said implies I would hate Wicked?
7715096
I actually don't know your opinion regarding Wicked; I was using it as an analogy to show how the above reasons do not make a story good or bad.
7715104
7715096
Hey, guess, could you take this out of the comments if you continue? My notifications are flooded with vitriol and it's a bit unpleasant. Sorry.
7715107 No need to apologize. You're entirely within your rights here. I, for one, will not be continuing this conversation in a public setting.
I say, this is absolute top hole, old bean. Absolutely spiffing. I should be very remiss were I not to recognize such a labour of love. This is, in short, a magnificent story.
Gotta say that this is one of my very favorite things you've ever written. I find some of the criticisms of it in the comments actually slightly bizarre, and it feels like a lot of people are trying to make this either be the book of Job or be an episode in the show. It is neither, it is its own story, and that's just as it should be.
Thank you once again. I have not read the book of Job but i felt rewarded by this telling. I look forward to your future work
This one...... this is the one out of the three (finished) Monophysite stories that, I just didn't really like. Mostly because for most of it, I had no idea what was going on. I mean, I knew the actions, I got what Luna was doing, but I couldn't follow why she was doing it. So, she's scared Twilight might pull a NMM? Okay, but, how would she ever prove of disprove that with a single dream? And the goal of the dreams was more focused on making her call out Celestia and make her renounce Tia, not actually seeing what would push Twi into going NMM, just into calling out Tia. And even then relied on trying to make her believe Celestia was the complete opposite of everything she was. A Cold, uncaring bitch who didn't give a buck about Twilight.
Then, she showed up to explain herself to Twilight but, did this whole song and dance about showing up as Nightmare Moon and a lot of talk about things that I really didn't get...
That's even ignoring the issues of Luna doing something like this in the first place.
Just, this whole thing... nothing felt like the characters they were meant to be.. aside from mostly Twilight. And, yeah it just, kind of got lost trying to hard too hard to bring in aspect of Job that, it didn't really make those fit MLP at all. Like just how far it had to stretch just to get that title into the story, as something Luna made up and was never actually said by Celestia.
I get what the story was trying to do but... I was just lost about what was actually going on and why the whole time. Sorry.
This was very nice, and among my favorite things you've written.
It was the title that got my attention -- I'm a sucker for Book of Job inspired stories*.
Was it your intent to give us clues that Luna's rational in Ch1 was not quite forthright to her sister or herself? It was driving me crazy (almost gave up on story)) how unsteady her arguments were.
Anyway it was an intense experience reading it, i found the implied history and theogeny very interesting. (If the historical references of the Sisters' backstory are not something you created de novo, they were new to me.)
Thx for writing this!
*can you remember a Job inspired short story probably by Asimov or Bradbury? I wanna read it again now and I can't find it! I am not mixed up with the novel by Heinlein.
10831253
yes, it was my intent for the reader to seriously question Luna's motivations from the beginning. It sounds like a shaky, hastily constructed rationalization largely because it is a shaky, hastily constructed rationalization.
Another story that I am coming across nearly six years. I’ll try not to be so long winded as some of the others. (Though from all the controversy I have to wonder if there was some post-editing done?)
I didn’t have such a severe reaction, but maybe that’s the benefit of having the whole story while in the past people waited months between chapters.
I think I mentioned before my joy at seeing how you write the sisters and your setting of more deific alicorns. (And what better than a story that puts them in a very biblical way). Interestingly enough the story is more of a test of Luna than of Twilight. And how much it reveals about her though her own emotional flailing. It’s a good inversion of the expectation of the premise. The actual book of Job isn’t an introspective of the godly motivations after all.
I absolutely adored the conversations in this. With a special standout moment for the rare introduction of Cadance and Twilight’s utterly heartfelt letter to Celestia. I very much liked Twilight’s mini revelation that by clinging to using the princess title she was doing to Celestia what she never wanted for herself.
I admit I had a bit of a giggle near the end. When after having a reasonable conversation with Celestia where she suggests Luna should just simply go talk to Twilight. Luna goes on to strap on the NMM armor and dream tornadoes all over the place. But I can understand the action. I can think of times in the past when in the middle of self loathing I’ve lashed out at others and broken friendships because sometimes in the middle of the hurt you bite for the other person to hit back and justify all the negative feelings. When you are emotional, no amount of logic or reason can help you, even if you might know one thing but feel quite another.
I do wonder if Luna because of her divine portfolio is fated to be ,more unstable than others? That she’s the embodiment of a moon and storm, ever mercurial while Celestia can be the paragon of calm because she’s the embodiment of law and order?
11078887
I tend to think of Luna as the unstable one here, she has the mythic resonance of the moon (waxing and waning) but also she's just been through a lot. I really liked this one, despite the fact that the reaction in comments and PMs made my life hell for a few weeks! I do think a lot of people just didn't take seriously the whole "divine geas" thing from the beginning, because without it the whole story is kinda weird and nonsensical--Luna bound herself to something which she ion the end finds distasteful and awful, but is bound to complete the task.
Ironically I found that it is common to read this story in the same way that folks misread the original. Job isn't so much about the godly motivations--you note yourself they barely factor in--but grief. It's the messiness of the human heart, the messiness of how we respond to tragedy, that I think is the real heart of Job, and its what I wanted to play with here. Luna is wrong. This is some fucked up shit! But she's messy. We're messy and we do bad, messy things and let maladaptive patterns grow in our brains and hearts and hurt each other.
(Have you ever encountered Robert Frost's A Masque of Reason? It was one of the motivating things for writing this and it's really great. It's just, so fascinatingly strange. I cannot recommend it enough.)
11079648
I think you did a fantastic job
Here were I fluster and blush, for you thinking much more well read than I actually am. (I have heard of Frost, but I am not much for poetry. It's a bit of like having a tin ear.)
But thankfully with amazon kindle it was easy enough to find the Masque and give it a read! I laugh at the idea of God just putting down a fold up lawn chair to give Job a rather roundabout apology and word of thanks for being his object lesson. I particularly like when the wife speaks up about witch's rights.
Pity this one doesn't seem to be as well known as his other works? Like I couldn't find a dramatic reading or performance done while searching. ( I couldn't find any reading other than his own for his poems come to think of it)
11081540
It is extremely obscure. Also, it was very late into his life. Frost is a poet for the average man and much more. One moment its something you could learn in school as a 12 year old for recital, and the next its something that leaves you cold and unsure.
It has been nice to return to old stories when life was a lot simpler.
Basically agree with Batling and others who are horrified by Luna's actions, Celestia's inaction and Twilight's almost lack of reaction besides "you're forgiven uWu".
I will say this though, this story is certainly memorable, to the point that I've just remembered and re-read it after first reading it about 2-3 years ago.
Good story. I do think Luna got off a bit too easy but that's probably the Twilight fangirl in my talking.