• Member Since 25th Aug, 2012
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wYvern


Make every word count.

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After being banished for casting a malignant spell on ponies in a fit of madness, Cadence returns to Equestria. Haunted by her actions and eager to redeem herself, she decides that only by serving ponykind will she be able to regain her self-respect and the trust of her loved ones. In going to Canterlot to face Celestia, she finds Equestria in a state of prosperity... but its ruler is acting strangely.


Thanks go out to Pascoite for editing, and Inquisitor M for pre-reading.

Originally written for March 2017 Writeoff Rising From the Ashes.

I'd also like to thank those who offered feedback on the contest version. In no particular order: Novel-Idea, Kritten, Fenton, Posh, Rao the Red Sun, horizon, Cold in Gardez, CoffeeMinion, AndrewRogue

The cover is a drawing by Mi-eau, used with permission.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

Spike is a pretty big loose end, both as a non-pony and a potentially immortal character.

I kind of like the idea of Twilight just trudging onwards forever; crippled but unwilling to even consider giving up, still looking to solve the problem a thousand years later.

9087126

Good catch! I did not mention Spike because the story is very close to Cadence's point of view, and I never had the feeling they had much of a relationship. At least not enough to not be preoccupied with other things given the situation. There are reasonable explanations why he's not around, they are just not part of the story, and with such things, I like to leave it up to readers to complete the puzzle in whichever way seems most appealing to them.

Thank you for your comment!

Yay, it finally got posted!

9087340
Yay! Procrastination and publishing anxiety conquered! :twilightsheepish:

Very interesting horror piece, with an easy and subtle description of what happened in the past, as well as some open implications of what's happening everywhere else. Like what was mentioned with Spike. There's a lot more than just ponies in Equestria.

I thought the ending was great--as bleak as the rest of the story, with the added impact of Cadance's ultimate failure to make up for her sins.

Great job!

9088112

Thank you for your comment and praise!

Not really related to my story, but whatever: Congratulations for your recent win with The Pain Network. I read it, but I didn't get around to commenting... sorry. Not that I would have had substantial critique to add. I really loved your voice. I've been a bit out of touch with writing as of late, but I hope we'll bump into each other's work during writeoffs soon.

First: theory time. If you think of being a baby as all emotion and no logic (hence their rather low intellect) if you removed all emotions you get nothing! Bam that’s Flurry now Luna. Luna and thus night are usually associated with emotion. Partying, intercourse, and more all occur under moon light so remove emotion BAP Luna’s in a coma! Why Twilight and Celestia? When you think about it they both are very logical ponies. Celestia as a “main” ruler (I’m sorry Luna fans don’t beat me) and Twilight as an Egghead. With that said I love all the hints throughout the story. Blows my mind how much you hinted at the fact somethings wrong but didn’t point it out. Truly a hallmark of well thought out writing to make it so obvious looking back but enticing to figure out while reading. Now, for my selfish desires. While it isn’t important I want to know WHY Cadance went mad. We got the aftermath give us some tidbits on how we got here! Also as well crafted as the story is and how sound the whole structure is there’s one issue that could take it all down. Starswirls Time Travel spell. Repeatable, canon-accepted, and easy enough for a mortal unicorn to figure out, Time Travel could just break the story. Or... time travel Twilight could be sequel material...

TL:DR I put too much effort into this. Theory: Celestia and Twilight are logic, Luna and Flurry are emotion. That’s why Luna and Flurry went vegetable. Good story, I’m going to check all your other stories because your a damn good author. If author grants it Starswirl time travel into the past and found out why Cadance went mad. That is all.

9088422

First: Thank you for your comment. Maybe you did put too much effort into this for what you're getting in return (a reply from me), but I really do appreciate it. Nothing makes me happier than people engaging with my stories. My reply will contain some blackened spoilers, because I know some users look into comments before picking up a story, and I would not want their experience spoiled, so sorry for the mouse-over inconvenience.

I like your theory. I think you're right in saying that both Celestia and Twilight are the least emotional characters involved, and thus least vulnerable to losing their purpose in life. I think Twilight would be able to carry on with just following academic pursuits and a routine. Celestia is a bit more tricky, though. I think what would be her most likely motivation to carry on would be her sense of duty towards her subjects. With ponykind going extinct, though, that's a problem. That's where the replicas come into play. I think Twilight created them almost exclusively to keep Celestia in working condition. That's why Celestia couldn't speak about what happened to ponykind: she needed to keep believing in the illusion Twilight has created for her.

With that said I love all the hints throughout the story. Blows my mind how much you hinted at the fact somethings wrong but didn’t point it out. Truly a hallmark of well thought out writing to make it so obvious looking back but enticing to figure out while reading.

Thank you so much! That was exactly the effect I was going for, and it's also what made writing this story super fun.

While it isn’t important I want to know WHY Cadance went mad. We got the aftermath give us some tidbits on how we got here!

Oooh, but I did! There's a hint in the guest chamber scene after Cadence's talk with Celestia, as well a smaller hint including a cue towards the first hint (lol) in the interaction between Cadence and Twilight before they go to Sugarcube Corner. If you just want me to tell you, or still think it's too vague (could very well be, my pre-reader didn't pick up on it at first as well, but I've tried to make it more obvious in a subsequent edit), I'll spell it out in the spoiler block below.

Cadence went mad because of jealousy. You see, with Cadence being the Princess of Love, I thought it was obvious her family would be her main purpose in life. Putting so much importance on these relationships can lead to emotional dependance, which, in turn, can lead to growing possessive. With Flurry having such a great time with aunty Twilight, and Twilight having such a great relationship with her BBBFF aka Cadence's husband, Twilight would be a major threat to Cadence's position as the most important mare in Flurry's and Shining's lives. From here, it only takes over-interpretation and increasing desperation for Cadence to get to a point where she's so possessive, Flurry and Shining start to shun her, which would lead up to a point where Cadence is so worked up, destroying the rivaling relationships (those between Flurry, Shining, and Twilight) becomes the only option she sees... hence the love inversion spell.

About the time travel: I think this concept can break ANY story contingent on a linear timeline, which is every story with something going wrong and having to fix it instead of going back and making sure it never goes wrong in the first place. The idea of writing a related story, a sort of psychological piece from Cadence's POV starting after "A Flurry of Emotions" and letting it play out up to the point of banishment, does have some appeal. I'm not making promises, though. As for time travel, this is a piece of canon I'd rather just ignore than account for to be honest. Thank you for the follow!

This completely took me off guard.

9093624
In a good way, I hope? It does have the horror tag, and I hope it delivers.

Thank you for your comment!

9093679
Pretty much. I left a like too:raritywink:

9093684
Great to hear, and thank you! :twilightsmile:

Maybe Cadance would have been better staying on the moon, or wherever she was banished to...
Good horror story.

9089249
I really like this idea of Cadance going bad with jealousy. I wish there were more fanfics with her turning evil and Twilight and co having to fight her.

Great story! It's a pity you don't write so often, i wish there were more to read from you

Did Cadance just die at the end? Or go comatose? Or... iunno. Become non-functional? I'm assuming Luna is non-functional as well.

9790121
I've read of incidents where people go completely numb due to emotional trauma, so much so that they lose track of time, and come to having sat in the same place without moving for hours. That's what I was going for.

Ah. So... Basically, all of the alicorns have gone insane from loneliness and Equestria is populated by replicas that Twilight's slowly improving on.

The problem for Twilight is that she think too orderly... She need spice, let Discord in the minds and it will be solved. This is what happen when there is too much order and not enough chaos.

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