• Member Since 2nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Ralfil


T
Source

I had a great life. No problems. Good friends. Good family. Good life. I even got to enjoy a bit of adventure on my vacations. Just about all of that went down the tubes when I got zapped into a land of cartoon ponies. I didn't even like cartoons. That's not too bad, but the worst part was that when I apparently got shape shifted I lost my sight. It took a while for me to figure it out, but on the whole, my good life was gone entirely.

Set in the universe created by Rust in his fic The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog. Used with permission.
Now set in its own universe.
First four chapters changed a little so they're no longer in the Chessverse. Nothing really significant though.
Additional tags and characters will be added as the story progresses.

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 63 )

Pretty good story so far. I haven't noticed any grammatical errors, but I'm not exactly great with that. I'm going out on a limb and saying your character is a dragon based on the description.

This is quite interesting.
we'll have to call a board meeting
Get it board? Like chess is a board game...
Ah screw you guys...
Good story:pinkiecrazy:

Its fun story what are you thoug:rainbowhuh:

Well.. I find nothing in terms of spelling and such. At least, not right now. Good start, so far one of the better intros into the game. Since you know, he wasn't in any sort of trouble and/or pain when he woke up. At least so far..:pinkiecrazy:

Well, your style and composition is good, but I can't give you note after one rather standard introduction chapter. I'll just wait for next 1-2

I just really, really, really want to know what happens next. This story is relevant to my interests.

I like where this is going.

Welcome to the game, and what an excellent start it is. I am liking this guy so far, despite him not being a brony. :coolphoto:

760123
And you would be right my friend.
760475 762062 762775 763162 763171
Thank you.
761794
Thank you, and the answer is dragon. Haven't decided on a color yet though.
762091
Fine by me.

sounds cool, i'm following. BTW, is your guy gonna cross paths with Echo or Griffin at all, since this is the same world as theirs? Cuz that would be awesome :pinkiehappy:!

I like the concept of blind characters. I don't know why, I just enjoy seeing a blind character.

764316
I haven't talked with Rust or Blackwing about it yet, but I sure hope so. :pinkiehappy:
789880
Writing a blind character is definitely interesting. I have to focus a lot on description through the other senses in order to give the reader a proper picture.

I read this and was like, "Man this isn't the same dragon I blinded in my introduction is it?" I was about to have a giddy fit of happiness if so, but it's not, and it's better!

Keep up good work.

800456
Thanks for the compliment. :twilightsmile:

Me gusta, get him those eyes before Griffin finds him stumbling around like a blind dragon... oh wait... also I like the fact that your character has a MAJOR weakness, it makes you not OP like the other... like seriously you're going to need someone to get eyes for you because if your supposed to go somewhere then there is no way in hell you're logically going to make it.

Yes! I like this one a whole lot better than most of the other chess game stories! I MUST HAVE MOAR!:flutterrage:

Oh, I can't wait for your next chapter. I can tell already that this is gonna be a good one. Please good sir. Might I have another? :pinkiehappy:

805620
Unless he could figure out echolocation. Wait, that wouldn't help him read maps or compasses either.
Is he the only game piece to tell others that they're in a game?

Hmm,so he has to find some sort of food that will give him 360 vision? That actually sound pretty interesting. Keep up the good work!

All tension I had for tomorrow's exam is gone now. Thank you kindly :twilightsmile:
-Glassed

I totally know what he needs to do but won't spoil it for those that want to figure it out alone!

(Hint: What do Dragons eat that has, in this world, magical qualities?)

This is fantastic. The premise alone of having a blind character is incredibly well-thought-out and well-done.

No real grammatical issues though I was a bit confused on the poem, it didn't flow correctly and sounded kind of chopped. Other than that, fantastic work!

805620
Thank you. I really didn't want a boring character that can do anything. Turns out that while this is a lot harder to write, it's also a lot more enjoyable.
806182
I appreciate your enthusiasm.
807433
Glad you think so. I'm working on the next chapter.
808952
Heheh. Yeah, Navigation is going to be interesting. I'm not sure on the letting others know about the game thing though. I haven't read all the other stories.
809776
You'll see...
And thank you.
809921
That makes me feel good inside. Always happy to help. :twilightsmile:
809944
You're a smart one, aren't you? However, you don't know exactly how it will be used and what side effects there will be.
828175
Thank you. On the poem: to be honest I made it up on the spot. I thought about working it over a bit more, but decided against it since the guy who says it is clearly insane anyways. He doesn't care about doing it quite right. Mostly I just didn't want to worry about it too much. Feel free to give me a different poem to replace it. If it works with the planed story I might just use it instead. Or I might fix it later on. Thank you for pointing out something I can improve on.
To quote someone's shirt I saw the other day:
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

828306

Lets see... Food that gives 360 vision... Dragons eat gems.... The older G1 Twinkle Eyed ponies have gems for eyes.... I think I see where you are going good sir... keep it up!

I need to stop following so many other stories. It really hampers my ability to write my own.

GIVE HIM DAREDEVIL VISION :derpytongue2:

Indeed, it is.
Anyway, good chapter, blind hero idea is pretty refreshing, after so many similar stories.

Saw that one coming :ajbemused:

You fool, never leave the wenches unattended!

Can't wait for the next chapter.

i have the strange urge to eat salsa and its 3 am here...

We have know idea who----- Well that was a uncommon fault (No)

921347
Thank-you for pointing that out. It's fixed now.

921470
No worries.
If I find more things I will let you know.

I think there was something more on chapter 2 but I didn't bother it then.

Max

We need update on this :pinkiesad2:

sooo.... how are things doing?

Max

same question of revilo

Max

Update, Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

finally, I really like this story. Could you please write the description of Sikral, I tend to forget some descriptions.
edit*
Damn, that was sad. I feel bad for Sikral
:applecry:

Max

:pinkiesad2: sad chapter saaaaaaaaaaaaaaad :raritydespair:

Man...that's gonna haunt him.

He updated finally? :pinkiehappy:!! ..............:pinkiesad2: Why? Why would you do that?

Ahh, character death. The source of infinite drama.

Want more! :flutterrage:

Max

Okay now that i remember, this shouldnt be rated for everyone, in fact not even teen...

1238663
I'll admit that the 4th chapter merited a teen rating, but I deliberately avoided the details that would lead to a mature rating (at least in my opinion). It's changed now.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!