• Member Since 2nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen March 7th

Ralfil


E

After the events of the Royal wedding and the changeling defeat, there are many changelings blasted to all portions of the country. They all regroup and retreat to where they came from, except for one apparently. One hides from the others, knowing that he is different. He wasn't involved in the invasion at all. He isn't even really a changeling, just a unicorn who somehow has the same abilities and then some. How will he hide when everypony is still wary of a possible second attack? Oh, and his name is Shifting Sands.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 13 )

AHH man this was awesome!
I loved the build up at the very end to "crud" haha!
Can't wait to read more!!!!:pinkiehappy:

Let me know if you find any spelling errors and such. Tell me what you like and what I can improve on please. This is my first real fanfic.

All I can say is it has a very interesting narrative and carries at a decent pace.:twilightsmile:

The one thing I have wrog with it is it feels too short...but that's just me nit-picking.

Interesting. Very interesting.

I'd like to see where you'll take this. :pinkiesmile:
There's nothing inherently wrong that I can easily point out.
I can only comment about possibly the walls of text I'm looking at. Normally, I'd suggest breaking paragraphs up to make it easier on the readers' eyes, but I can't see any good places for you to do that. :applejackunsure:
So... yeah. Good start. Hope to see more from this.

Huh.
Protagonist Shift is disguised as Dusk Shine.
Alternate universe Shift is disguised as Twilight Sparkle.
Due to the minutes apart that the two dimensions are, the real Dusk Shine activated the dimension spell first.
I wonder where this is going. :pinkiesmile:

Any though to continue it?

What... they're really changelings?

1386527
If you were referring to Shift and Sandy, the answer is only while they choose to be. They have all the physical characteristics of one when in that form. It makes them vulnerable to the same things as changelings are.
If you were referring to the green orbs, take a look at spike's eyes. Those are green.

Did Yami/Atem just perform a mind crush on me? Because I seem to be totally blown by this turn of events. :rainbowderp:


Hey Ralfil,
It's going to be kind of hard to write Shift into the story with this little detail, when I get to his chapter i'll shoot you a message, maybe use docs or something. Great story BTW, hope you continue it.
~Shadow_Dude33/Arche

Interesting concept but it feels like I'm reading a sequel to some other story I can't find.

When the heck did Twilight first meet Dusk? I don't remember him showing up in any canon materials so it's your responsibility to tell the reader.

What story defines the version of Dusk and his world that you're using? (Twilight's first meeting with a gender-swapped AU counterpart is a significant enough event to inherently require its own story arc. You can't just say "Oh, yeah. That happened at some point." Reading fanfiction requires that the reader start from a known point. Otherwise, it feels like you're writing bad original fiction where you're too lazy to cook up your own characters.)

Did Shift's dream encounter with Discord actually happen or was it just a nightmare and, if it didn't happen, what did Discord do to traumatize him?

(Or, as the Cinema Snob would say "I feel like I should know what's going on, but the movie isn't explaining jack s#!t to me!")

...not to mention that the first couple of chapters felt like they need to be boiled down a bit. Too much time spent talking about unimportant details and no coverage (outside the comments and the story summary) of important ones like "This is a unicorn who can turn into a changeling, not a changeling who doesn't need to be looking at the pony he copies.")

(You need to win the reader's interest first... then you can get more flowery.)

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