- Member Since 15th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
OrphiusOlyandra
Hello!So people have bugged me about a FimFiction account for a while now and I've finally decided to get one. Anyways, I suck at these bio things so... yeah.
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Okay, since this a repost from my other two accounts on dA and fanfiction.net, I'll probably post up a new chapter every day or two until I catch up. Also, critiques are always welcome and highly encouraged.
About damn time you brought this here :L
Now I can finish reading this without going through the pain of fanfiction.net
753917
YES!!!!! IT'S HERE!!! and yeah, im the same guy from Fanfiction.net! Thanks for taking the suggestion!
I have exactly two thoughts about this.
1) This seems eerily similar to Dusk and Dawn, not that that's a problem, I love this plot line.
2) You could probably use an editor. Her name is "Twilight Sparkle" (no 's' at the end). Also: "I am only going to ask this once, where are the bears of the Elements of Harmony?" bearers
754535
Everyone comments that it's similar to Dusk and Dawn. As for the editting, I've got a couple of people in mind that I'll be asking to look over future chapters so hopefully that'll cut down on the errors.
754495
You would not believe the number of people (just one) who harass me on a daily basis to post it up here. So yeah, I caved to peer pressure.
754430
Well it's here now so that's all that really matters right?
754492
Yeah, I figured some of my readers may not use dA for fanfiction.net and so for convenience I decided to post it up here as well.
I love these kinds of stories, even if they're a bit or more than a bit dark.
756657
Just wait till you see the later chapters then.
So, second chapter and hopefully with less mistakes than previously. An important thing to note is that this chapter is as gory as it will get, though it will get darker (in my opinion). As always, feel free to critique as harshly as you desire.
Finally, thanks for all the fav's and stuff!
Ah... the infamous urine bit. Well not infamous because this story isn't very popular but still.
Made my stomach churn the second time too. Oh, I forgot that she licks the bowl. Charming.
Good job.
758677
You're never going to let me live this down are you?
758693
Nope.
and think, this isn't even the worst this series gets in terms of "What the hell is wrong with this author?"-ness.
758703
The sad part is that I agree with you
Urine isn't healthy at all. It has very little nutrients and filled with waste. There's a reason the body gets rid of it.
And having a lot of salt is reason enough to not drink it. Its the same reason you don't drink seawater; it will dehydrate you.
Normally I wouldn't really care because you can't expect people who have been tortured and are dieing of thirst to make the most rational decisions and it could have easily been just a thing NMM did to torture her some more, but Twilight started talking about how it was ok to drink and how social conventions were the only reason not to.
But all that aside, it seems like an ok story so I'll keep an eye on it.
758716
yeah, and it's not just that you hate Twilight either, but the other characters all experience a bit of the old personal suffering and what not too. Oh just thinking of those Fluttershy sections makes me shudder a little bit.
To anyone browsing the comments before reading the story take this as a warning: This stuff gets dark, if you haven't figured it out yet, and it's not for everybody. But for those of you who can live with seeing these characters go through some real heavy stuff, then you're in for a treat.
758727
My bad, I remembered my biology wrong, it's only sterile until it reaches the urethra so you are entirely correct. Can I chalk this up as a deliberate mistake on the part of Twilight? No? Damn. But thanks for pointing that out, I'll make sure to double check any facts like that in the future rather than going straight from memory.
758749
Hush you, stop giving away stuff. No warnings you hear?
Mother of god that is vile.
758785
Thank you! (Yes I am taking that as a compliment) And I'm assuming you're refering to the urine drinking?
758798 That and the torture parts as well. and although an odd one it was meant as a compliment seeing as that's what you're aiming for anyway.
758758
There's a lot of stuff I could give away isn't there?
But yeah, you're right, I'll avoid spoilers.
I guess you could say Twilight's really...eating her words.
...welp, I'm going to Pony Hell.
764616
... I cannot believe I did not think of that myself. That is an awesome pun, you deserve a cookie or two
Fluttershy OOC that shall be explained next chapter. Other than that, critiques please.
Seeing how I found this on DeviantArt back at chapter 3... and lost it, I've started watching you and faving this on here and Fanfiction, why? Because this is easily one of the better dark fics that I've read. I can honestly say this without any self-regret, that you are far better at Show vs. Tell than I am. I've tried to do it as Tolkien does, I failed at that.
I don't want to spoil anything that happens in future chapters for anypony else that may not have read this anywhere else, but I easily saw the fight in Everfree between you-know-who. It was enough to where I fell asleep after reading it and saw it in my dreams. That is not easy for me, the only other time that happened was when I started reading the Warriors series by Erin Hunter.
You sir, you don't give yourself enough credit. Can't wait for 21 on, hopefully, Friday.
MrDenim
P.S. I said on DeviantArt and I'll say it here: Country Rarity and Frou Frou Applejack... FLAWLESS WIN!
768753
I wasn't originally going to post it up here, but got convinced by a friend. Considering there are probably a few people like you who may not have accounts on other sites or whatnot, I figured it would be a good idea.
Wow. That is... You just tripled my ego, I hope you know that. And trust me, that's not a good thing.
Chapter 21 is currently about halfway written so a little behind where I'd like to be, but still on track. Considering I wrote over half Chapter 19 in one night, there's a tiny chance of me not making it.
=laughs= Lots of people seem to love that scene for some (weird) reason.
768799
HAH! I told you so.
That scene was funny! He thinks so and I agree with him. How did you not intend for that to be funny?
769681
I don't know, but when I wrote it, funny was not what I was going for?
Okay, I consider myself relatively well versed in physics, but I just can't put my finger on the unit "mpb".
774090
I made it up based on ppb since it's what biology uses when talking about toxin concentrations in water or whatnot (and I do biology). I wrote it a while ago so I can't recall what it stands for, but if I had to make an educated guess, it'd probably revolve around the word "Magic" or some form of it. I'm a biologist and I fail at physics so I probably altered the wrong unit.
Not much to say about this chapter. You've got Dash being Dash and then a slight explanation for Fluttershy. Finally, we see Twilight and some of her logic as well as another side of Nightmare Moon. As per usual, critiques would be awesome.
I've noticed this on the other sites, Nightmare Moon says, If you wish, we can begin today if you wish. The wording is awkward because she says 'if you wish' twice.
774840
=facepalm= I just reread it this morning. Serves me right for editting while still half asleep. I shall fix that up immediately
You're so right when you talk about the characters being so... different at the start. Seeing Dash gush over Spitfire like that was just... wierd after having read the rest of the story.
What the hell have you done to these ponies Orphius? I hope you're proud of yourself. And Dash is the LEAST extreme example of you butchering the characters.
775737
I am proud of myself thank you very much.
Writing the interaction between the Wonderbolt's is a lot of fun in my opinion and I wanted to show public perception of Twilight in this chapter. Other than that, critiques please.
Huh, stroking the spine of the book and apologising to it? This is one of those moments where you forshadowed something without intending to isn't it?
781297
Semi-intended. It was more to show her frustration than anything else, but yes.
781309
Come on though, without spoiling it to anyone else reading the comments, you have to admit that it perfectly matches Twilights later character development.
Me gusta! More plz
So is the full thing on a different site, I find it hard to believe you are able to write this well and produce a new chapter daily. 'cause this story is awesome.
(also where can I read the full thing? The wait is killin me)
781333
Yep! I know, which is rather insane/awesome if you ask me.
783177
It's up on both my dA and Fanfiction site. Just check my profile and links to my profile page on both sites are there. It's currently not finished on either site, but it is up to Chapter 20. I'm updating here daily until I get caught up, and once I do it'll be weekly updates.
As per usual, critiques would be nice. I'm trying to keep my ramblings to a minimal
In the discription you wrote 'Sacrafice' instead of Sacrifice.
Else i love the story, i have followed it on Fanfiction since chapter 3 i believe.
786999
Yeah... my editting skills fail so much and welcome to my Fimfiction account then! Now for this account to catch up to the others and then people can use their prefered site without any hassle
Oh Pinkie breaking the fourth wall here. I forgot about that happening. A little out of place in this story, given what this story is (really, really messed up). But I suppose a little humor never hurt so whatever right?
787075
I was thinking of editting it out, but then I'd have to edit it out in the other posts on the other sites and so forth and bleah. I just got lazy.
This isn't as good as the earlier chapters. The long, drawn out fourth wall section totally shatters immersion and there are a lot of errors in this chapter, way more than any of the previous ones. The Pinkie Pie scene is established as Manehattan in the first paragraph, and then always referred to as Fillydelphia after that, a few sentences are missing words, lots of missing punctuation, especially commas, and incorrect word usage (my personal favorite is: 'Thinking relatively clearer when I should have nothing, but pain filling me mind?' that should be my)
I didn't really like that fourth wall thing. It was just unnecessary.
But I do love reading the torture sessions in this story. I just can't help it! Something's definitely wrong with me!
787195
You aren't the first person to mention the fourth wall shattering bit and from the looks of things, not the last either. Bleah. Thanks for being so honest though, I'll reread it when I'm not dead tired and fix everything up.
787420
From the looks of things, I'll probably be editting it out along with all the other mistakes that I missed. Thanks for being so honest though.
The torture sections are interesting to write, but they won't be around forever sadly enough.