Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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As per usual, critiques would be nice. I'm trying to keep my ramblings to a minimal
In the discription you wrote 'Sacrafice' instead of Sacrifice.
Else i love the story, i have followed it on Fanfiction since chapter 3 i believe.
786999
Yeah... my editting skills fail so much and welcome to my Fimfiction account then! Now for this account to catch up to the others and then people can use their prefered site without any hassle
Oh Pinkie breaking the fourth wall here. I forgot about that happening. A little out of place in this story, given what this story is (really, really messed up). But I suppose a little humor never hurt so whatever right?
787075
I was thinking of editting it out, but then I'd have to edit it out in the other posts on the other sites and so forth and bleah. I just got lazy.
This isn't as good as the earlier chapters. The long, drawn out fourth wall section totally shatters immersion and there are a lot of errors in this chapter, way more than any of the previous ones. The Pinkie Pie scene is established as Manehattan in the first paragraph, and then always referred to as Fillydelphia after that, a few sentences are missing words, lots of missing punctuation, especially commas, and incorrect word usage (my personal favorite is: 'Thinking relatively clearer when I should have nothing, but pain filling me mind?' that should be my)
I didn't really like that fourth wall thing. It was just unnecessary.
But I do love reading the torture sessions in this story. I just can't help it! Something's definitely wrong with me!
787195
You aren't the first person to mention the fourth wall shattering bit and from the looks of things, not the last either. Bleah. Thanks for being so honest though, I'll reread it when I'm not dead tired and fix everything up.
787420
From the looks of things, I'll probably be editting it out along with all the other mistakes that I missed. Thanks for being so honest though.
The torture sections are interesting to write, but they won't be around forever sadly enough.
please no pinkemena diane pie i will have to stop reading and i dont want to do that
pegasuses
....Pegasi
Otherwise, I love this story. This is currently the only mature rated story on the site I'm considering favoriting. 99% of the other mature fics are dumb clop.
Please no Parasite for Nightmare. I hate that idea.
I believe you meant 'in store for you'.