• Published 27th May 2016
  • 2,942 Views, 115 Comments

Good Girl - Super Trampoline



Twilight Sparkle thinks herself a "good girl". But good girls don't have casual sex, do they?

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I Wasn't Prepared For This! (Original Formatting)

Author's Note:

"Oh dear."

"Mrrph. Good morning, Sparklebutt."

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."

"Ugh, it's too early for worrying."

"We did the thing."

"The thing?"

"The thing."

"The thing?"

The thing."

The thing?

"The thing!"

"What thing?!"

"Glibbford, we had SEX!"

"Oh, wow! You're right, we did!"

"Yes, yes we did."

"I uh--well, am surprised."

"I know, I wasn't prepared for this! This is horrible!"

"Wait, horrible?!"

"Yes, horrible! I am greatly regretting my--our--actions last night."

"What! You said you had a good time! You said, and I quote: 'Wow, I didn't know you could do that with spoons and--'"

"Ah, geez, don't remind me! I'm never going to look at stir-fry the same way. I know what I said. I did have a good time. Though the details are a bit foggy."

"Well good, I pride myself on coital pleasure for the other party."

"That's not what's horrible."

"Well what is then?"

"I I I... F-f-"

"Go on, say it!"

"It's not princessly."

"fuck princesslyness."

"Is that even a word?"

"Who cares if it's a word. Just say what you wanted to say!"

"I had sex. At a party. I got drunk and had sex at a party. With you. Which was enjoyable, I want to reiterate that. But I got drunk and had sex. at a party."

"Not just any party, your highness."

"I know I know I know I know; shut up."

"This is a Grand Galloping Gala that will go down for the ages!"

"Yeah, the 'One where Twilight Sparkle got drunk and fucked a random stranger'."

"Hey, we talked for hours. Am I a stranger to you?!"

"Well, no, but I mean you were. Now you're not; I uh, know your body rather intimately now."

"I know, right?"

"This isn't funny. Ponies are going to think I'm a-a-a-"

"A slut?"

"Yes! How can my subjects respect me when I can't keep my tail down?!"

"Twilight, you are overreacting. You are allowed to have fun. Do you see anypony else in here?"

"Uh, no. I guess not. Where are we, anyway?"

"One of the palace guest rooms probably. The point is, it's not like you initiated a heart's desire-fueled orgy on the ballroom floor. That would have been cause for concern. Epic, but cause for concern."

"But I mean, I still am a princess. Ponies look up to me. I have to be a good example! I have to set a good example."

"it was consensual and we used protection. I'd say you're doing fine!"

"No I'm not! Ponies shouldn't just fuck random ponies they meet at parties. I'm a bad pony!"

"Twilight Sparkle, look at me. You are not a bad pony. There is nothing wrong or shameful about last night's activities. Everyone lets loose from time to time."

"Not Princess Celestia! She's like, always prim and proper and full of decorum and even when she pranks you or-or-or messes with you or lightens up or whatever she still does it with style. And class. Class and style."

"You don't think she gets drunk and fucks ponies at parties?"

"No!"

"Oh, you have no idea!"

"Are you saying that Princess Celestia, paragon of tact and restraint, has casual sex?"

"Oh my sweet Twilight. my poor sweet innocent Twilight, how naive are you?"

"I've known Celestia for decades! She is NOT promiscuous!"

"She only shows you the side of her she wants you to see. How would you know what she's like in bed?"

"How would YOU know!?"

"Let's just say i have personal experience."

"What do you... oh. Oh gross. Gross gross gross gross gross!!"

"Hey, don't make taboo the natural."

"But you a-a-a-and her. You... she... and then me! You..."

"What can I say; I'm attracted to royalty."

"You you you princess chaser!"

"No, it's not like that!"

"Have you fucked Luna too?!"

"No! No I haven't!"

"What about Cadance, huh?"

"Well, yeah. Who hasn't?"

"I haven't! Are you calling my sister-in-law a whore?"

"No, she's the princess of love, for horse sake! Twilight, stop!"

"And what about my niece? Are you just waiting until she turns sixteen? Ready to pounce on some fresh princess meat?!"

"Twilight Sparkle, stop! I am not a predator, and I am honestly hurt that you would insinuate that."

"But, but, but..."

"Twilight, how old are you?"

"I-I had sex with a cock who doesn't even know my age."

"Just answer the question."

"I am twenty eight."

"You... oh heaven's you weren't a virgin, were you?"

"Goodness no! I love sex!"

"Aha! The truth comes out."

"But, but I mean, I've always had it while in a relationship. I always waited, and dated at least a few months. This--this feels dirty; it feels wrong. It feels cheap."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Just, well, it feels like I'm giving something away to somepony--err, some...hippogryph? Is that a thing?"

"You can just say 'Someone'."

"Thank you. To someone I hardly know. That's not special."

"I think last night was very special."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. But the truth is, sex is what you make of it. If you want it to be special, make it special."

"I'm not sure if that makes any sense."

"Probably not. I'm probably trying to justify something that you don't want justified."

"Yeah, maybe. But... i don't know. I have a lot of emotions swimming through my brain right now. Maybe you're right."

"Oh?"

"Last night's romp was very... uh, carnal."

"I'll say. I've never felt a mare's horn in--"

"Ah jeez, Glibbford, don't remind me."

"Oi, lighten up; you are seriously wound too tight. Last night you unwound. Last night you had fun."

"Hey, I have lots of fun."

"Last night you had sexual fun. When's the last time that happened?"

"Last night."

"Twilight."

"Excuse me for cracking a joke. Okay, um, like probably a year... no, actually, fourteen months ago. But like, by the end we were always mad at each other, and the sex was pretty subpar, so i don't know if that counts really. Does that count?"

"See, you take yourself too seriously. You just gotta relax. I know you can."

"I can't relax!"

"Woah, you illustrate your point. But I know you can. Your body--you told a very different story last night. I'd like to see more of that Twilight Sparkle. You deserve to be more of that Twilight Sparkle."

"I... you're right. I... enjoyed the time I spent with you last night. But... I-I don't really know how to relax. I always have a million things on my mind, and I-I-I I just... I'm bad at relaxing, okay."

"Well, my charming--nay--seductive presence and alcohol seem to do the trick. Maybe you should try mixing those ingredients more often."

"I...think I'm good for a few months."

"That's a shame. Soooo, see you at some Hearths Warming party then?"

"Wait, what?! You're leaving?"

"Hardly. Though I do need to get going pretty soon. I've got a presentation this afternoon for the Tourism Board, and right now I suspect I look like shit."

"You certainly smell like shit. Heh heh sorry I kind of just blurted that out."

"I shall chose to consider it a badge of honor. But no, I don't have to leave yet. I just want to know when I shall next have the pleasure of your presence, Princess."

"Well I mean, not to brag, but I'm probably busier than you. I have quarterly reports due tomorrow, and I'm mentoring somepony on Tuesday, and I have delegates from Prance coming , and there are some books that need filing, and..."

"?"

"I, um, think I could clear some time next week."

"I think I'd like that."

"Yeah. I think I would too. Thank you, Glibbford."

"For what?"

"For... for... for you. For being you. I needed you.

"I...uh, think you're pretty alright yourself."

"Thanks."

"..."

"..."

"So, round two?"

"NO!"

Introducing Glibbford the Hippogryph. I didn't even decide he should be a hippogryph until yesterday, but low and behold he already had a name that starts with "G"!

Comments ( 110 )

>That name of story

Are... you... even... TRYING... MADAME

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7250161 he's trying incredibly hard

7250199
well

He needs to post the whole story on the title.

IT'LL DO WONDERS OH YEAH.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7250204 I think Chuckward tried something like that by posting a significant amount of pi.

The title extended past the popular box and you had to open directly to the chapter to read it.

7250211
Jesus, pretty terrifying to consider.

Karrakaz #7 · May 27th, 2016 · · 11 ·

Downvoted immediately because screw that title.

By Celestia's beard, this is marvelous.

7250230 Well fuck you too I guess? :applejackunsure:

This story doesn't deserve this many downvotes. It was great.

Boring. Sorry darling. The title made me check the story, but the story made me toss a downvote. Your 'i's need capitalization. It was kind of a funny idea. You could do a great deal with the set up, but it comes off bland and unentertaining. The underline used to dictate Glibbford's speech is....creative in a sense, but you might have done better if you actually put some effort into writing out the conversation. If you need to set up a specific way for a character to speak so the audience knows who is speaking, you might be doing something wrong. Why is there a picture in the story?

I mean, it has no build up. The punchline falls flat. It is completely out of place, especially since this doesn't seem to have a comedy tag. Twilight has passable dialog, for what it is, but none of this follows a three act structure. This is a comedy of sorts right? You can write moments of comedy into slices of life to make a story entertaining, but as it stands now, I don't care that Twilight had sex with some random dude. It doesn't impact her life. It doesn't really call for a sequel, it's a moment that happened and not a terribly interesting one. We don't even get a creative description for your character? You could have had Twilight comment on his beak, his brown hair, his bright yellows eyes...

Wait, he doesn't have bright yellow eyes? How are we supposed to know, you didn't bother to give us a description. Really, Twilight is talking to a voice in her room. We don't know what this voice looks like, we don't know why he's there, we don't know how this happened, other than she got drunk and slept with some random stranger we don't get to learn anything about. Not even what he looks like. It reeks of lazy writing, darling! See to it you try to avoid skimping on your own characters in the future. He might be very interesting, with a backstory I'd love to read more on, but as it stands...

In addition, pairing your OC with a main character (THE mane character) Is cliche and overly done. I dare say it's tasteless Mary-suing. Something you shall want to avoid, dear. It was tentatively swallowable that this happened to Twilight. But to find her lover has pounced Celestia too, takes creative fiction to sad wish fulfillment. If you want to live vicariously through your characters, thats quite alright. But don't expect a warm reception for your 'creativity'

And then theres this:

"I...think I'm good for a few months."

"That's a shame. Soooo, see you at some Hearths Warming party then?"

"Wait, what?! You're leaving?"

"Hardly. Though I do need to get going pretty soon. I've got a presentation this afternoon for the Tourism Board, and right now I suspect I look like shit."

"You certainly smell like shit. Heh heh sorry I kind of just blurted that out."

"I shall chose to consider it a badge of honor. But no, I don't have to leave yet. I just want to know when I shall next have the pleasure of your presence, Princess."

"Well I mean, not to brag, but I'm probably busier than you. I have quarterly reports due tomorrow, and I'm mentoring somepony on Tuesday, and I have delegates from Prance coming , and there are some books that need filing, and..."

"?"

"I, um, think I could clear some time next week."

So...what happened between that first sentence, where Twilight tells him she's good for a few months, and then she's ready to date him by next week? It doesn't make any sense, considering you spent all this time building up how flustered this all made Twilight. And then she shrugs and she's ready to jump right back in with him. Are you paying attention to your own story, darling?

7250199 AND GETTING SO FAR
BUT IN THE END IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER

7250263 Fuck, the keyboard I wrote most of this on a has a broken shift key and apparently I missed a few "i"s when I went back and corrected it. But I'm all ears on how you feel this concept could have been better executed.

I read all of his lines in Silver Quill's voice

At first, I wasn't going to give it a shot, but then I noticed Lord Admiral Biscuit liked it in the comments. He's got good stories and apparently good taste, so there had to be something to it.

Then I gave it a read and was like: :pinkiegasp: and then :pinkiehappy:

Vote run at the time I found this looked bad, but it turns out this is well worth the read. It's a fun little dialogue-only idea.

7250304 :rainbowlaugh: This fandom needs more hippogryph OCs

My 'someone wrote an in your bed story' senses are tingling...

Aw, heck. It's about time I made a group for that.

7250321 I think a lot of people gave me shit for the title. I feel this is a decent story, while The Cabbage Way is uninspired crap but tied for my 4th highest rated story!

7250304 When I heard 'hippogryp', that image popped into my head too. And if helps it along when it seems like something he'd say. I wonder what Silver Quill thinks about this fic.

7250263 thank you for all the constructive criticism. This is the stuff author's dig. Now the question is whether I have it in me to take it to heart and improve myself.

Also I'm addicted to dialogue-only stories.

7250282 Well for a cheap throw away story, it's fine, but if you were trying to introduce your O.C I would rate this as horrid. I'm sorry dear. Look over my previous opinions on the matter in my previous comment below

Not a big fan of the style, but you make excellent use of dialogue to convey their characters. As I'm sure you've heard, your title truly is a mouthful (how'd that get approved?) A few missed capitalizations here and there, but nothing too grevious.

7250350 Dialog only stories are fine, dear, but they must be done well with something for your readers to invest in. It might have been interesting to hear Twilight jabbering away while drunk. It might have been funny to listen in on them while they were making out. It is boring, for her to have an existential crisis, that fades into nothing. Dialog only stories need a certain sense of pose and a strong idea behind the speech. You'll also have to establish a way to distinguish who is talking, where they are, what is going on, and make me, the reader, care to continue.

7250333

Probably nothing. I don't think he hangs around here.

Sweet Luna! that title...

Spacecowboy
Moderator

Fucking seriously, Tramp?

7250378 He has one story posted here called Dodgy Business. It's a good read, but I get it, he most likely doesn't hang around Fimfiction like you or I.

Downvoted because that title wasn't long enough.

This was just kind of... meh.

7250457
is it sarcasm?
do i like propane?

Dull. Tries to combine ham-fisted encouragement of sexual openness with crackfic funny-fun jokes, thus failing spectacularly at both endeavors. Also, underlining, bolding, entirely dialogue and random image insert.

0.

7250327 link plz if you do Ocl!! (^^)

downvoted

7250255 Pretty sure that's where the majority of the downvotes are coming from. If this were derpibooro, your story would be tagged with "op wants downvotes." So... yeah...

That title is by far the most annoying thing about this all. I thought my title was long, but NOPE. At least mine wasn't the summary of the whole thing!

I took the time to read it and it felt flat. Sorry, it got meh-zoned.

7250510 it's just a little odd because I've written stories with titles like this before, generally without issue. In fact the one story of mine that reached the feature box had an equally long title.

7250540 Guessing you've misjudged your audience then. A fair number of people find the 'ponies in your bed' stories groan inducing, whereas changeling stories do have a fanbase. Then add kneejerk downvoters who dislike silly titles, and people who just follow the impetus of the story votes, and you get the perfect storm.

7250561 Not to mention that the story doesn't really make any efforts to overcome said hurdles.

7250561 meh, it's not like I have a reputation for quality or anything. I can tell myself that bad publicity is better than no Publis city.

"You can just say 'Someone'."

No! No you can't! :flutterrage:

Also, geeze, people, lighten up a little.

7250321

Lord Admiral Biscuit liked it in the comments. He's got good stories and apparently good taste,

I wouldn't be so sure about the good taste.:trollestia:

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