Awkward
Starlight Glimmer was whistling happily as she dusted the end table in her living room. She smiled at the framed picture on the table. Her and her new friends were cheering excitedly in the picture, with the princess’s assistant playing the drums beside them.
“It sure was nice of Princess Twilight to find me a home in Ponyville,” she said to herself as she put down the picture. “Now I can be close to my new friends!” She frowned a little as she looked at the calendar. “They said they’d be going to the Crystal Empire for a few days, though. I hope they come back soon…”
As if on cue, someone knocked on her front door.
“Coming!” called Starlight, leaving her dust rag on the table. She walked to the front door and opened it with her magic. “What can I do for...” She paused as she gazed at the two ponies on her porch. “…Princess?”
Twilight Sparkled smiled awkwardly at her. At her side was an angry looking stallion who was glaring daggers at Starlight. His eyes were bloodshot and he had a handkerchief floating by his head.
“Hi Starlight,” said Twilight with obviously fake cheer. “Can we, um, come in?”
“O…k?” replied Starlight, still looking at the unknown stallion with uncertainty. She looked at Twilight and smiled. “Of course you can!” she said more sincerely. She moved aside to let her guests into her home, trying not to pay attention to the fact that the stallion refused to take his eyes off her as he walked inside. Once the two were in, she shut the door behind them.
“So…” said Twilight, as Starlight led them into the living room. “How have you been?”
“Fine,” said Starlight, silently wondering if the angry stallion was ever going to blink. “I’ve been just fine.”
“I bet you have…you hussy,” growled the stallion.
“Um…ok?” said Starlight, unsure if she heard him correctly. She turned back to Twilight and smiled. “So, how was your trip to the Crystal Empire?”
“It was…fine,” said Twilight hesitantly.
“It’s just peachy!” said the stallion sarcastically. His voice lowered as he growled, “If you count finding out you were getting lied to peachy, you homewrecker.”
Starlight frowned at the stallion. “I’m sorry, but who are you exactly?”
“Oh, I’m no one special,” said the stallion, “Just the stallion whose life you ruined, you little bi-”
“Shining, I will handle this,” said Twilight, cutting the stallion off. She sighed and looked back to Starlight. “The truth is, Starlight, we came here for a reason.”
“Ok…?” said Starlight hesitantly. “What is it?”
“Well, you know the other girls and I were going to the Crystal Empire for a few days, right?” asked Twilight. When Starlight nodded, she continued, “We went up there because my sister-in-law was having her baby.” She pointed at the stallion by her side. “This is my brother, Shining Armor, by the way.”
“Oh!” said Starlight. She turned and smiled at Shining. “Congratulations!”
“Thanks,” spat Shining, looking violent.
Twilight cleared her throat and said, “Well…there’s a bit of a…problem.”
Starlight gasped slightly and said, “Is your sister-in-law alright? Is her baby ok?”
“Everything’s fine!” said Twilight, attempted to calm the other mare down. “It went fine. Flurry Heart was born completely healthy. They’re both fine.”
“Good,” said Starlight, feeling relieved. She frowned and said, “Then…what’s the problem?”
Twilight opened her mouth. And then closed it. And then opened it again. “Well…” she began, sounding unsure on how to continue, “The thing is…Flurry Heart doesn’t really…look like Shining.”
“Oh,” said Starlight. She giggled a little and said, “Well, sometimes babies tend to look more like one parent than the other. It’s nothing to be worried about.”
“I know that, Starlight,” said Twilight. She coughed awkwardly and said, “The thing is…Flurry Heart does look like her mother…and…one other pony.”
“…Who's the other pony?” asked Starlight, confused.
“Hmm…” said Shining Armor, “Let me think…she’s got light pink fur, double-chins, a stupid mane-style…”
“Shining!” hissed Twilight, nudging her brother. She sighed and looked at Starlight. “Well...” she began slowly, “Flurry Heart kind of looks like…well, you.”
There was a long stretch of silence.
“…Me?” asked Starlight. “How does she look like me?”
“That’s what we’re here to find out you stupid-!” yelled Shining.
“Shining Armor, please!” begged Twilight. She looked at Starlight and said, “Flurry has light pink fur and a pink and purple mane with a blue streak in it.”
“Ok?” said Starlight. “Light pink fur and a different color streak in a mane aren’t exactly uncommon. Why come to me?”
“Well…” said Twilight carefully, “When I pointed out that Flurry kind of looked like you, Shining thought-”
“You slept with my wife and got her pregnant!” hollered Shining.
Starlight choked on air. “E-excuse me?!” she coughed. “I don’t even know who your wife is! And even if I did, I’m a mare! How could I possibly get your wife pregnant?”
“Well…” began Twilight slowly. “I’m not saying you did get her pregnant, but there are spells out there that can…um…give you the equipment to conceive a foal with another mare.”
“This is ridiculous!” yelled Starlight. “Are you suggesting that I gave myself a di-”
There was a knock on the door, cutting Starlight off. Twilight used her magic to open it and a pink Alicorn walked into the house, a small foal fast asleep on her back.
“There you two are!” said the Alicorn. “I’ve been trying to find you all over town!”
“Oh, hello Cadance,” said Shining Armor dismissively. “I’m surprised you bothered getting out of bed for us. You didn’t try and go with us when we left the hospital.”
“…Shining, I had just given birth,” said Cadance. “I wasn’t going to go anywhere for a few days.”
“How’s Flurry?” asked Twilight.
“She’s fine,” said Cadance, smiling at the foal on her back. “She fell asleep on the train ride from the Crystal Empire.” She turned her head and saw Starlight. Her eyes widened and she said, “You?”
Starlight’s jaw dropped. “You?” she muttered.
“I knew it!” yelled Shining.
“You two know each other?” asked Twilight, looking from Starlight to Cadance.
“Kind of…” muttered Starlight, her face going red.
“It was only one night…” muttered Cadance.
“You did cheat on me!” accused Shining.
“Shining, I can explain!” said Cadance quickly. She sighed and said, “It all started a few weeks after the whole Tirek incident…”
9 months ago:
Starlight groaned as she rested her head on the counter, an empty glass beside her. “I can’t believe that purple loser ruined everything I started…” She sat up and glared blearily at the bartender, her eyes bloodshot and unfocused. “Another drink over here!” she called.
As the bartender put another drink in front of her, a voice to her left said, “Having a bad night too?”
Starlight looked to her right. After a few moments, she blinked and turned her head to the left. Cadance was sitting next to her, a fancy, fruity-looking drink in front of her. “What’s it to you?” muttered Starlight.
Cadance took a sip of her pink drink and said, “Nothing. I’m just having a bad night too.”
Starlight snorted and attempted to drink from her own glass, only to miss as she tried to grab the glass. “Try a bad week,” she muttered, trying to focus on grabbing her drink. “I had to run away from my home all because of some dumb mare and her friends.”
“At least you didn’t have to leave your kingdom just to visit a bar,” muttered Cadance. “I can’t get a drink anywhere in the Crystal Empire without ponies wondering why their princess is drinking.”
“Uh huh, ‘princess’,” said Starlight skeptically. Like this prissy-looking mare was a princess, she thought. She was probably just drunk and making up stories. Starlight idly wondered about the wings on the mare’s sides, but passed it off as being an accessory of some kind. “Why are you really here, huh?”
Cadance sighed and said, “Stallion troubles.” She took another drink and said, “Sometimes my husband drives me crazy. Did you know he couldn’t tell me apart from a Changeling?”
Starlight snorted and said, “Really? He didn’t notice ‘you’ acting strange?”
“Not at all!” said Cadance, scoffing. “He tried passing it off as mind-control or telekinesis or something…” She gestured for the bartender to give her another drink. “Not only that, but I’ve been trying to convince him that we should spice things up, you know?”
“Uh-huh…” muttered Starlight. She finally grabbed onto her glass and took a long draught from it.
“It’s not like he’s bad or anything…” muttered Cadance. “But sometimes a girl just wants to try something different. Something dangerous.”
“Uh-huh,” muttered Starlight, only somewhat paying attention.
“I mean…he even uses two condoms! Who does that?!” yelled Cadance.
Starlight choked on her drink as she laughed uproariously. “Seriously?” she coughed. “And I thought my problems were bad…”
“Your relationship problems sound just as bad,” said Cadance. “Having to leave your home because of what your marefriend did.”
“Yeah…” muttered Starlight. She blinked. “Wait…” She shook her head and said, “That’s not what I was talking about! I’m not even into mares…”
“Shame…” muttered Cadance, raising her hoof to rest it on Starlight’s. “That’s a shame…”
Starlight blushed at the contact and muttered, “Wha…what do you mean?”
Cadance smiled at her and said, “Maybe it’s just the booze talking…but I think tonight’s the night I try something different. Something…dangerous…”
Starlight gulped. “B-but…I’m not a stallion…”
Cadance licked her lips as her horn started to glow. “I can change that for a night…” She leaned towards Starlight, her lips mere centimeters away from the other mare’s…
Now:
“NO!” yelled Shining Armor, cutting off the story.
“I’m so sorry, Shining!” cried Cadance. “I didn’t want you to find out this way! It was a mistake!”
“Wait…” said Twilight. “So…is Flurry Heart the child of you and Star-”
There was a tiny yawn coming from Cadance’s back. Everyone watched as Flurry Heart opened her big eyes and looked around the room. When her gaze landed on Starlight, she smiled happily and flapped her wings.
“Dada!” she squealed happily.
Starlight’s jaw dropped and tears came to her eyes. “She’s…my daughter?” she whispered, a small smile coming to her face.
“No!” said Shining. He walked up to Flurry and said, “Hey! Who am I, Flurry?”
Flurry giggled and bopped Shining on the nose. “Fake Dada!” she squealed happily.
“NOOOOO!” yelled Shining Armor. He pointed at Cadance dramatically. “I can’t believe you! How could you do this to-”
There was another knock on the door.
“Who could that be?” asked Twilight, opening the door with magic.
The door swung open to reveal a very haggard-looking Queen Chrysalis. Around her were three crying baby Changelings.
“Is Shining Armor here?” she asked desperately. “It’s his weekend with the kids.”
Everyone, including Flurry Heart, turned to look at Shining Armor.
“…I can explain,” said Shining quickly.
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that ending so great
This was awesome.
Shining's such a hypocritical douchbag...
Dat ending doh
This is one of my all-time favorites! I shall recommend this to everyone I know!
Hehehe Thanks! This was funny.
That was...certainly different. I'm not sure how to process this. Also, when did Hasbro show the little baby filly? I haven't heard anything yet.
Huh. This actually had something that made me smile and chuckle a bit.
Well, while it certainly wasn't the funniest or best thing ever, it-
Okay, take it back. That was hilarious. Odd, but hilarious.
6883490 I saw news about her on Equestria Daily and images and gifs on Derpibooru.
6883532
I suppose I'm a little out of the loop currently. I only just watched the last two episodes of season five. They already announced six?
6883671 Yeah, they even had a little clip of Shining and Cadance's kid.
6883831
Awe yeah! I'm so stoked! Maybe season six will get me out of my writing slump.
6883831 Ooh, really? Do you have a link?
6883945
OUCH. Might as well say "I'm not your sperm".
6884083 Thanks!
Hah!
You know, maybe I can tolerate Flurry Heart in comedic fan fiction form!
...I'm sorry, I'm still having a hard time getting used to the way she looks. XD
This story should have a continuation, I would like to see Starlight being a mother.
6883532 Now just make a sequel where they have to get into polygamy to stop all of the nice little paparazzi from giving themselves mini orgasms from this juicy piece of gossip.
6884412 Not a fan of the huge wings and horn? Just imagine her growing up and not being able to get through doors because she gets stuck.
6884807: Scootaloo, eat your heart out.
6883490
Here's a clip.
6884755 Shush! I need some surprises for you guys.
6884842 WAIT! IT"S COMIN!?
6885067 Nah, just messin' with you. If I did the orgy, then I'd have to do Starlight and Cadance going at it and Shining and Chrysalis going at it and Twilight reading a book alone like the sad lonely person she is...
It's too much work is what I'm getting at.
6885081 No. Just a four way marriage and the reactions.
Shining, you are such a hypocrite!
I would love to see a sequel/continuation of this.
At least Shining has an excuse. Sort of. If he DID know she wasn't Cadance, then he is a hypocrite. If he didn't, well, not his fault his "fiancee" wanted to have a little fun before the wedding. Just his luck that Chrysalis had 3 babies.
Starlight/Cadance...so funny. Flurry DOES look like Starlight.
Was I the only one who expected Chrysalis to appear in this?
Well Doc how do we fix this?
First we need an extra tall ladder and a pry bar
I literally just noticed that one bit, and it makes the scene more hilarious.
Words cannot express how hard I laughed during that scene.
Hilarious but ya gotta remember--neither Twilight nor Shining look like either of their parents!
Oh my fucking god! I couldn't stop laughing!
Oh, man, that was pure gold. Loved it!
Ha ha classic. Made me think of this definitely.
Shining: "Wait, what?"
6890553 XD He better get turned into Gleaming Shield then XD Oh this is so awkward.
There totally needs to be a sequel to this explaining the Chrysalis part. Starlight does have a point about the coat and mane colors though. Genetics in the series is weird given Pumpkin and Pound Cake, not to mention Pinkie Pie compared to her sisters and Twilight and Shining compared to their parents.
6891001
Shiny: "But I'm not a mare! How am I supposed to have a foal!"
6891015 XD she changed his gender didn't she?
6888368 Frickin' hliarious. Especially the Spike x Rarity lovies at the bottom. XD
I can totally imagine Spike grinning and winking at Rarity if she ever says something like that.
um i hate to be a stickler for details but the gestation period for a horse is 11 months not 9. but thats just a nitpick, this was hilarious
Gah, I wasn't intending to like this, but I did. Crap.
Have a like, good sir.
6893372 Darn it, I knew I should have taken Horse Biology in high school...
UH OH!
Nice story.
First off, this entire fic is a hot mess.
...
I love it.
6890553 This idea needs to be chapter 2. XD
The ending joke is really dumb, yet somehow it's the perfect punchline for this story. :3
YOU ARE A MAD INSANE GENIUS