• Member Since 15th Jan, 2015
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CalmAndInsane


Calm enough to know I'm insane. Insane enough to be calm about it.

Comments ( 80 )

This is hilarious :rainbowlaugh: well done :pinkiesmile: I loved the last line Brilliant

“Nope, sorry. I don’t think you could ever get your main to curl like mine.”

That should be "mane".

5708920 Yes, yes it should have been. Fixed now. Thanks for pointing that out.

The puns just hit right on cue with the comedy, hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:

“Mother, Father. Why is Maud out in the fields doing a really weird dance with a rock?” Pinkamena asked.

Igneous Rock and Cloudy Quartz looked at each other before bolting out the door, “Maud Pie! You get in the house this instant!”

Of course she would! :rainbowlaugh:

dear good , this whole thing was great but that last line, i actually cried from laughter...

I'm afraid I got everything but that last line. XC

5715321 I'll give you a hint; what does the "popcorn" setting on a microwave do?

Instructions unclear, accidentally summoned Satan for cheese cake.

5715530 Dont worry, this is a surprisingly common problem. If you have not already, please turn off the device and restart it. If that does not work, follow these three simple steps. 1. Acquire a donkey. 2. Begin the chant. 3. Throw donkey off cliff. As a valued customer, we aprieate your feed back and hope you continue utalizing our services. -Calm

Pray your ass off. -Insane

Came for clop, stayed for comedy, and left with a goofy smile.

So now I'm wondering: Does Maud Pie prefer Stalactites or Stalagmites? :trollestia:

This makes vastly more sense than some interpretations of Pinkie. Of course, given that it's Pinkie we're talking about, I'm not sure if that's actually a good thing...

In any case, very nice bit of commentary on a dubious bit of logic. Thank you for it.

SHINING: So, let me get this straight, you're giving Pinkie Pie... Innuendo Lessons?!
CADENCE: Pretty much, yeah.
SHINING:... And here I thought Friendship Lessons sounded stupid!

That...that was hilarious and not at all what I expected.

5739851 We could use it to replace this background pony one :ajbemused:

yes, Cadance. rock farms SUCK at learning about sex. very clever and
well done. a most enjoyable read.

i dont Think this story needs mature rating. its only talking about sex and not a story depicting sexual action so i think a teen rating is ok. i might be wrong i havent look up what a story needs to classefy for a specifik rating

Cadance rolled her eyes and set Pinkie down, a blush showing through her coat, “I was hoping to get some advice on... I can’t believe I’m saying this. Advice on bedroom activities.”

U Wot M8? :applejackconfused:

“Love, not lust, not even passion. Just love,” Cadance hung her head, hoofing at the floorboards,

Let me get this straight: she's the Princess of the generic concept of emotional connection between two people. Huh. That's completely useless! I'll shelve my concerns about contrivances for the time being. Do go on! :rainbowkiss:

Cadance raised an eyebrow in confusion. Then her mouth slowly dropped to form an ‘O’, “You’ve never had sex have you.”

Her blush finally showed through her coat, and Pinkie covered her face, “Please don’t use that word. It makes me uncomfortable. In fact can we get off the subject?”

You got my attention. This is a cool and unique angle on Pinkie Pie. We just assume as readers that since she's so extroverted, she'd naturally be able to handle sex without any hiccups, but that isn't necessarily true.

“Hello! Rock farm, remember. There wasn’t another pony around for kilometers besides my family! And I was not going to do anything with my dad!” Pinkie shouted defensively.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: I'd also add the idea of Pinkie interrupting her dad mid-coitus to ask him about sex without any context whatsoever just makes it even funnier in my head. Bravo sir!

“Mother, Father. Why is Maud out in the fields doing a really weird dance with a rock?” Pinkamena asked.

Igneous Rock and Cloudy Quartz looked at each other before bolting out the door, “Maud Pie! You get in the house this instant!”

Headcanon reluctantly accepted...

I honestly wish you'd taken the concept and gone a bit further with it. This is a pretty cute little story. It doesn't need the M tag though.

Liked.

5715378 I never used it so I don't know.
This story just wasn't funny to me. I can actually picture Pinkie Pie being like this. Then again, this isn't the first time Cadance had to deal with awkward situations.

Not bad. My only critic here?

but we’re all adults here.

I thought these are students, unless they were aged up...

“Love, not lust, not even passion. Just love,” Cadance hung her head, hoofing at the floorboards,

Let me get this straight: she's the Princess of the generic concept of emotional connection between two people. Huh. That's completely useless! I'll shelve my concerns about contrivances for the time being. Do go on!

Actually that was kind of always my interpretation. It's kind of like the power of "Heart": it sounds lame but it's actually overpowered in the hands of someone with some imagination and few morals... stupid morals. XP

So, the Pies never really taught their daughters much about sex?

And yet, they produced four kids. Sounds like they were hogging all the fun. How in the world is Pinkie supposed to get together with Cheese to create the Ultimate Party Pony if she hardly knows a thing about it?

How inconsiderate!

I died laughing so hard at this. I needed this in my life. Thank you.

I rather like this; I felt sure Pinkie's parents wouldn't have discussed sex with their daughters. The Christian leader Elaine Mumford apparently got this talk from her mother;

"I gave birth to you, and your sister. I've no idea how, so don't ask me anything!"

Igneous seemed weirdly unbothered being caught on the job; feel sorry for Maud, ouch. Pinkie had a convincingly manic start, an awkward middle, and a funny conclusion.

7304439 I'm not sure who I'm more disappointed with. Me for writing that mistake in the first place, my proofreader for not noticing it, or the over 2,000 people who read this and didn't say anything! :trollestia:

Thank you for pointing it out though.

swaying back a forth

and

to comprehend was was happening.

what was happening.

Pinkie speed out of the room to change.

sped

we’ll be starting out sexual education unit.

our

Cheerilee’s gaise

gaze

suggestively suggested Shining Armor

Painful redundancy in word choice.

You’re faithful student

Your

7304459 Interesting tidbit: If you reply to someone on a different chapter than the one they commented on, it doesn't pop up in their notifications. I only spotted this comment because I just got done proofreading your second chapter.

Seriously though, why are 200 people tracking this story? It was marked as completed!

Whatever! I do what I want!

7304515 I had no idea that's how it worked. I've just always responded from the main page of the story, so this is good to know. Also for the "suggestively suggested" wording: it was supposed to be painful. Thank you for the proofreads and sorry that you had to do so.
-Calm


7304669 This is my story you will follow my rules here! Good thing what you're doing is within the rules.
-Insane

Then I remembered how outgoing you were and how Twilight always talks about how you throw the best parties. I sort of put two and two together…”

Really Cadence? I'm not sorry for you now, whatever you get from Pinkie now it's what you deserve for being presumptuous.

“It’s ok, everypony thinks I’m like that,” Pinkie sighed, slouching down behind the counter, “They think because I’m so carefree and know so many ponies that I do those things all the time.

So everypony just assumes?

I expected better from pony kind. :ajbemused:

~Leonzilla

This was hysterical, I want more! :rainbowlaugh:

Grammar,

Cheerilee buried her face into her hooves as as Pinkie skipped over to her desk and pulled the oversized lollipop out of her mouth.

One "as".

It took until Pinkie Pie had removed her rear stockings and was turning around to present herself to the class for Cheerilee’s brain to comprehend was was happening

I have a feeling auto-correct turned a "what" into a "was" here.

~Leonzilla

So maud basically doing the "funny dance with The Rock" in the field reminded me from when I studied Hinduism that in Hinduism there is a thing called a Shiva linga it is a rock that is naturally shaped in the form of a penis. Like as long as it's elongated and ovalish that's the shape of the Shiva linga also there is another rock that is called a yoni it represents the female vagina and is of the Goddess Shakti.

O geez we need to have a Cheerilee/Pinkie chapter and Cadence and Shining need to interrupt it. How was it going before the interruption? Who knows but it would be funny to find out.

Who gave Pinkie 'The Talk', her sisters?

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