Twilight Sparkle deals with her new ugly castle.
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- Member Since 28th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 9th, 2022
Crowne Prince
Rogue animator and antagonist. Exactly what you needed.
Crowne Prince
Joined 28th Feb, 2012 ·
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They could have waited until the next Dragon migration. Let a dragon eat the big, shiny crystal castle.
Preach it!
This was fun, and actually didn't feel all that silly. Twilight had a legitimate problem (which pretty much everyone agrees is a problem, no one likes her new castle) and she was legitimately depressed about it. And all the issues felt believable, even the bit about the library being called racist (that made me laugh btw). I could totally see the library growing like that, too. It was a cool concept.
In fact, probably the "silliest" thing was Aj's amazing ability to grow a new library tree, and how I wish that were true. But alas, we're most likely stuck with the castle forever now. But if I can live this long without them changing Celestia's 3/4 view face, then I can live with this. Probably. Though I must admit that this story has made her castle seem even worse than it was before. I don't think I can imagine it now without all the problems you described; the shadows, the vast emptiness of it, Twilight not having nearly enough to fill it.
Too bad you didn't get to submit this--it would have made it past the prelim voting round. Ah well.
5579769 Oh yes. Turns out the castle is a delicacy for dragons. I don't imagine it will last past the next migration! Heh heh.
5579967 I like to "exaggerate" earth pony powers. If they're able to grow food and whatnot, they should be able to do so with a stupidly ridiculous level of competence.
Every time I see or think of a 3/4 Celestia, I think of you. Haha.
5579998
Good! The more people know how much I really hate it, the better; maybe news will reach the studio and they'll actually change it. One can only dream.
I like your view on earth ponies there
and it certainly fits with AJ and her love of trees. She probably even named it.
TL:DR - Good story, but has some pacing issues. And I at least thought it could be a bit funnier.
Full Review - I do really hate to play devil's advocate (kind of), especially in this case, because I'm not a fan of that castle in the least, but this story could be executed a little bit better. I will now attempt to explain my thoughts in a lengthy and intrusive fashion!
Harrharr.
Now this story, it is a little short, but that's fine. The issue comes from all of the 'problems' that the crystal castle gives the townsponies of Ponyville. Crowne Prince invents quite a few, and that isn't bad, it offers variety and flavor, but given the story's shortness it felt like it was moving quickly between these different examples, and that was hard to follow. The addition and subtraction of characters along the whole way was also disorienting. Why the scene with the Hayburger joint and the flowers? Yes it established that Twilight solves friendship problems, but the story's short to the point it feels out of place. (That at least could maybe have been Twilight's castle causing the shade issues, but that's neither here nor there.)
I gotta admit, as much as I like the concept, and even thought about writing this same premise at one point—though with differences admittedly—this does just feel like a cheesy 'undo' story, similar to the stories in which Twilight gives up her wings. There is nothing wrong with those stories, I'm not saying that, I actually enjoy them. I'm not a big fan of a lot of what goes on in the show these days. This one, at least, did not make me laugh like I feel those stories should. I'm not saying they have to poke fun at what Hasbro sometimes does, but I'd argue that it helps.
But anyway, I digress, my final conclusion on this well intended story is that other than getting rid of the Crystal Eye-sore Castle, it didn't do much for me. The dialogue was good, and some of the details in the narrative were creative, but I think that it needed to be a bit stronger in those same areas, as well. Discord popping in at the end, for instance, as if from no-where (yes I know that's what he does) felt particularly deus ex machinae. It was entirely unexpected as the resolution for me. The narrative, in classic 'told about' fashion even introduced him that way rather than—for example—Discord popping out of nowhere with a sly grin to cheerfully say he knows how to help. (Maybe putting on a construction hat and pulling a dynamite plunger out of thin air, too.) I do like the idea of simply regrowing the library, as well, though that part also felt rushed, though I suppose it can't be helped with only 2k words. >.>
I didn't mean to write so much, but I really only do it when I care about a story. And seeing a story that I would otherwise enjoy miss its potential certainly is a drag to me.
Still, that is certainly not to say I did not get some enjoyment out of it! I wish you luck with your next story, sir.
Ah and this is my favorite line.
Simply delightful. Hehe.
5579967
Well, I tend to think that the Magic of Harmony would know better than to give her a castle she'd be dissatisfied with. But, maybe that's just starry-eyed optimism.
5580207
Hello Nemryn! I would certainly agree that Harmony would. But would Hasbro?
To be honest, I don't mind Twilight's castle too much...but I can see why other people do!
5580207
Huh, that's an interesting idea. And I don't think it's starry-eyed; after all, we don't know how Twilight feels about the castle in-canon yet. In your headcanon she can love it or hate it.
'No Spike no' removed the castle of doom in a different way,
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2014/343/c/e/cutie_mark_crusaders_demolition_team_by_hillbe-d89add8.jpg
5580470 I like the tree idea, but the execution of the design - as an artist - it's terrible. On the other hand, I like this remake quite a bit:
3.bp.blogspot.com/-sQNoonHYl7w/U2_i-fRx4EI/AAAAAAABxYM/ZwhEXC2cQoM/s1600/tumblr_n5evs5yPl01r25bfeo1_400.png
5580200 Oh, come on, playing devil's advocate is fun!
Originally I wrote it to enter in a contest and I only had a few hours with which to work during the timeframe, but yes, I would say you captured the problems the story has to a tee. Short stories are difficult for me, since I feel I could have told this in less than 500 words with more wit. On the other hand, I could have made it a considerably longer tale that draws out trials and tribulations, especially if the conclusion is "let's remove the castle completely," which is pretty silly considering it will be key in the next season.
I appreciate the thought-out comment. I'll apply your points to the next thing I write.
5580879
I actually really like that design.
5580879 interesting but remember. this thing came from the tree of harmony so it has to show that root and face it the TOH is a crystal tree and in of itself wouldn't blend in. In all honesty they should have gone with what they hinted at. Twilight claiming Two Sisters.
5580879
Ooo, that would be a nice design. Maybe we'll get lucky and find out that the tree simply hadn't grown in its leaves yet?
Amusing story. Written for a contest, did I hear?
Lol. I like.
skims comments before posting my own
Wait. Holy crap! Crowne Prince wrote this? I didn't even know you wrote fanfics.
I was expecting the castle to focus beams of light into deathrays
5582497 Another funny idea. It works like a magnifying glass works against ants, except on ponies.
5584857 Oh, that's another interesting one! A connection to life. I hadn't thought of it that way, though yes, I had come to the conclusion that they could manipulate plants, like vines and such. In my mind they are also extremely good inventors, particularly when it comes to the mechanical field. It varies from earth pony to earth pony, though.
I'm going to co-opt your connection to life idea.
Yes! That horrid thing is gone! Woohoo! The Golden Oaks Library was so much better anyway. Oh how I wish this was canon!
5580879 Please, get that to Hasbro ASAP. It's a perfect wizard tower! Which means perfect for the Princess of Magic!
5585069
For some reason, all I think of when I read this is that swampbender from Avatar.
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/avatar/images/c/c1/Swamp_monster.png/revision/latest?cb=20130630222434
I really enjoyed this story. I would imagine that the castle would have many problems such as poor air circulation (It would likely be cold and drafty ALL THE TIME) and the blinding glare caused by the sun. It would send beams of light throughout the castle and all over Ponyville. RIP all flying pegasai who get blinded by this.
Oh crap, you write stories too? That's it, game over.
~packs up my writing material and story ideas~ Looks like I'm just gonna be a reader, no way I can compete with you. (PS loved the story)
5585689 Too bad, that stupid old tree is gone FOREVER!
Overall, this was entertaining. I'd consider this more "Slice of Life" than "Comedy."
If I'm being entirely honest, (Please don't crucify me, FiMfic community...) I felt a little underwhelmed. I expected more humor, unless I'm missing something here and there. Still, Crowne once again proves to be multi-talented. The horse can youtube, the horse can draw, the horse can write.
Kudos.
Great. That was pretty neat.
Actually, since most of the castle is in the branches above, like a huge treehouse, I sorta imagine the trunk being mostly just the throne room plus like a huge staircase going up to the living quarters.
I hate the castle too. Cheers for you!
You know, I actually like the bigass castle.
Twilight can hoof her nose and go NEENER NEENER NEENER to the other Princesses cos her's is the biggest.
It's also originally way outside the town's limits until Rainbow Rocks. It's not the castle's fault that Ponyville's urban planning ponies suck at their job worse than the safety inspectors.
5587120 It wasn't as humorous as I wanted it to be, but I had to write this quick and I'm really dang rusty! I've been drawing so much the writing part of my brain is a ball of cobwebs.
5580879 Woah...That actually looks amazing! I always pinned the horrible design on the shape of the castle, but that actually. Looks. Amazing! Why didn't Hasbro just do that! They could've still made a cash-in toy with that! It would sell just as well as the Crap Crystal Palace is now, but it'd still work!
...Hasbro, you bunch a trolls...
5579998
1. 3/4 Celestia?
2. I can imagine Twilight sitting in some random corner of some random empty room just banging her head against the wall to the monotone chant of-
*bonk* Hate this castle.
*thunk* Hate this castle.
*whack* Hate this castle.
*clonk* Hate this castle.
it really is an ugly castle
Apple Bloom
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mylittleponyccg/images/8/85/CrystalGames_019.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20141122070049
__________
To
___________
5592170 Fixed. Thanks.
Is the 'racist library' joke a reference to The Racist Tree, or just a happy coincidence?
5592793
You're welcome
.
5594258 Coincidence. But wow, what a biting commentary on racism! I like it.
The cover art is just screaming "BUY OUR TOYS."
Hasbro really likes to bud in. Just look at the design for the girl's 'Rainbow Power' form... Equally horrible.
5580879 I could go for that.
Anyway, great story. It's funny, something I agree with concerning the castle too. So... welcome to the Club.
i.imgur.com/BF6x9JM.png
The only part I didn't like was when you didn't make Twilight say "angry words inappropriate for a princess". Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5589565 Eh, I wouldn't worry too much, it was still pretty funny, also the first thing I've come across 'really' showing the problems that would come from huge gaudy spire of 'BUY OUR TOYS' jumping up out of the ground in the midst of a
quietlittle rural village... Besides, writing skills are like riding a bike, they'll come back, and you'll probably learn a few new tricks of your own now that you're rebuilding them!5580879 I also prefer the more 'actual tree-looking' redesign... I saw a story once where they took one look at it, said 'NOPE!' did some magic seed stuff and grew a tree around it. That same story had Tirek getting beat to shit by an angry over-sized Spike.
5579998 I adore the 'earth pony powers' I see in some stories :D some of them have it function more like earthy/planty focused unicorn magic, with the obvious part where things related to your specialty just come naturally.
Another got awesome and kinda philosophical about it, less 'crazy magic' and more unseen manipulation of physical and earth based properties, like making one self unmovable and extra durable, or 'sensing' the precise way to strike a tree with just enough of that un-seen manipulation so that all the apples drop like squishy stones that don't splatter on impact with wooden buckets XD ... that same story also had Rarity learn to make a Drill/shield with fabric >3>
Also, is 3/4 celestia basically a reference to the fact we pretty much never see 'all' of her face?
5602880
5591186
3/4 describes the perspective of an animation puppet. It's the pose where it's not a pure front or pure side view. Axis doesn't like the way they draw her nose on a 3/4 head. fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/121/7/f/celestia_is_surprised_by_this_revelation_by_mattyhex-d4y7z3a.png
5602989 ohhhhh... I don't see the problem with it :D then again, I'm not much of a visual critic, heheh.
Yeah Hasbros dissastrophe tower is definitely not something I'm looking forward to seeing this upcoming season.
Nice story though
Also, Twilight, if you don't like the castle, just send it back to Hasbro with suggestions, and demand a new one.
You have all that space, start renting out! Host events! Maybe if you start letting the public use the castle, they'll shut up a bit.
About the school...that place was tiny! They didn't even have a library! Turn the castle into a school, and become the Dean! YOU'LL LOVE IT! You could even teach!