- Member Since 13th May, 2013
- offline last seen March 18th
Llyander
Just this Scottish Gryphon, y'know?
Llyander
Joined 13th May, 2013 ·
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Finally!!
Please tell me Big Mac and Luna will have a foal
So has BB and Red started their little plan by using the CDAA?
It looks like the gears are already turning but will it be worth the pay off?
4787259 If the CDAA is a part of their game I assure you it is also the weakest link in their game. Though they do not yet realize it. If they are trying to screw the Apples over with paper work, it will soon backfire due to one key fact. A lot of those papers are handled by numerous subordinates, not all of whom (most of whom most likely given the habits of Blueblood and his allies) are not treated fairly, it would take only one disgruntled staffer who had access to some of the paper work to start a chain reaction that will bring the whole plan down.
So while their might be major short term problems that could be catastrophic if the plot isn't unraveled quickly, the plot will be unraveled in the long run.
Interns the unionized red shirts, we may have to do the bottom tier jobs but we can make your lives miserable if you push us!
4787258
Serious question or sarcasm?
4787743
Think he was being sarcastic...
Seriously though, Pregnant Luna would make her a walking target for the Nobles and any paparazzi...
But ponies like Apple Bloom and Applejack would be over the moon (pun intended)
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Keep up the good work hon. Don't sweat the down-thumbs; the feature box makes you a target and the mute idiots will take their swings.
A small addition to Magthere's post
Advice offered to some young officers in the military if they are lucky.
1 That old Bosinsmate has more time in the chow line than you have in the service. He can make your career or he can do just what you tell him and no more and sink it.
2 Never, never! Mistreat the yeomen or company clerks. A lieutenant who did something like that found himself at a loran station in Alaska and his pay records in the Mediterranean. It took six months to find the records and by that time he owed everyone on base money from the old man on down.
Those of you who do not know what Loran is, look it up, you will then realize why it took so long to find the records. At the time this happened it was the navigation aid going.
4788496
... Okay, basically. Black and red alicorns are so dearly and viciously hated because every ten year old under the sun makes one or five as an OC. Everything about them, rather than being any sort of recognizable character, is just thrown together to be as 'cool' as possible to its owner, who also believes everyone else who sees it will think the same of it.
Then they start adding in things like demon blood, how much stronger they are than Celestia and Luna, super-magic, usually unbeatable. That's to say nothing of the 'stories' such people start writing, which is pure self-insert based garbage. The conception of each one of those begins with 'Boy if I was a pony I sure wish I could...' and then black and red alicorn OC who is either completely overpowered and 'awesome' and probably Rainbow Dash's big brother will save Equestria five times in two minutes and have the entire Mane Six pregnant in under an hour. Yes, that includes Dash. OR their character is the 'everyone hates me' Reverse Gary-Stu which is just as bad but with a theme change.
Essentially, with the exception of people who are already mature and sane and have developed their writing making a red and black alicorn for irony's sake, or satirical jests at the expense of the normal creators of such ugly and appropriately-hated monstrosities, or the extremely rare few (I can count on one hand) who can actually pull off an OC alicorn well, then frankly the reputation is deserved because it always, always seems to come attached to poor writing ability, oblivious attitude, defensiveness, and a lot of cringe-worthy arguments. Just boils down to "Hyuk, look what I could do if I was a pony superhero-demon-god!" Plus red and black is just a terrible color scheme for a pony (if anyone tries to prove me wrong on that last part, you know damn well I mean with the stark total-black and neon red that you'll find in pony creator).
4789387
Alicorn OCs in general are looked down upon. Same as in all fandoms.
If you have something in canon that is noted to be 'the strongest', or has obviously better qualities than every other kind of character - then going around making OCs who are part of that elite cadre is practically asinine. It takes some epic-level ability or maneuvering to prevent falling into this huge vat of stupidity with it. So many people do it, and so many of them share the common downfalls of stupidly unbalanced characters, unimaginative minds, poor typing, and lack of social grace that even the extremely few people who might be able to do it well usually get buried in all of the ones who are clamoring that everyone like their Super-Saiyan Demon Ninja Alicorn OC.
I was kinda of hoping for some development with mourne, I know he was a prick last time but I kinda like the pony and
I'm a big fan of redemption stories, especially after big screw ups like mourne made. Still to being reading this story again and off to a great start, cant wait to see what happens.
4789442
Unless handled by an expert, they're a Reverse Mary Sue/Gary-Stu. Same thing as above, but instead of everyone loving them and saving the day they're usually treated poorly by everyone and try their best but consistently fail. Blah blah they either stay hated forever or everyone eventually comes to love them because of such and such. Same thing, different pair of shoes.
4789531
I think you get the idea by now.
...Methinks that there is going to be bloodshed.
4789442
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me that you are least considering the creation of one such character. If that is the case, then allow me to dispense some advice:
1. Figure out what you want - if what you want is a mortal pony with the traits of all three tribes, or perhaps just two, then an alicorn probably isn't the choice for you. In that case you could make a hybrid, sometimes called a pegacorn, to some degree they're even canon.
2. Figure out what kind of story you want to tell - perhaps what you want is to write about a different kingdom altogether. Either an AU of Equestria with a different leader (or leaders) or maybe even a different country altogether situated far away from the demesne of the Celestial Sisters. Of course, those are far from your only options.
3. Figure out your timeline - do you want to begin the story with them as an alicorn, or do you want the story to be about their eventual ascension? Perhaps have scenes from both?
4. Figure out what being an alicorn means to you and stick to it - gods, demigods, forces of nature incarnate, trans-equine immortals... the list goes on; there are a million different explanations for what an alicorn actually is, and just as many ways to go about it. Even if your character is ignorant of their own nature, even if it never comes up in your writing, know what they are, it does wonders for internal consistency.
5. There is a stark distinction between unique and ridiculous - making an alicorn of winter is at least somewhat unique, making that alicorn part windigo and giving him a whole bunch of 'cool' features like sharp teeth and bat wings is just plain ridiculous. It's actually surprisingly easy to distinguish your character from Celestia and Luna... don't make them either Celestia or Luna.
6. Remember, this is a person/pony - unless you're giving them a truly alien mindset or 'blue and orange morality,' you need to internalize the fact that beneath all the power and glory lies a living being, a being that is fallible, imperfect, has hopes and dreams, and even fears. You want a character that your audience can relate to and understand, not some impossibly perfect organic machine with no real purpose beyond the fulfillment of it's own inscrutable goals.
7. Be reasonable - exactly what it says on the tin, Celestia and Luna got where they are today after eons of experience, chances are your character won't have any where near that much experience. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't expect to become a major player right away, not without some serious min-maxing (which has it's own drawbacks), cheating, or otherwise taking some very questionable actions more fitting for an antagonist than a protagonist.
8. Equestria wasn't built in a day - and neither were it's rulers, Twilight still doesn't look all that different from when she was a unicorn, and even Cadence quite obviously has some growing left to do. Keep that in mind when figuring said character's appearance and age.
9. Your silver cloud has a dark lining - being an alicorn, or becoming one for that matter, isn't all sunshine and daisies, there is a downside to it. Whether it's people/ponies treating you differently, massive peer pressure arising from unrealistic expectations, or even a diminishing of your own feats and talents in the eyes of others, you can bet that there are going to be times for your character when being an alicorn sucks. These moments help give a narrative depth and flavor, just because you suddenly grew wings, a horn, or both doesn't mean that you stop having shitty days.
10. Remember that other characters also exist - this is probably the biggest, most damning literary sin; it is arguably this, more than anything else, that makes a Mary Sue. Just like a person is not an island, you cannot build a solid narrative around a single character. Beyond that remember that ponies are not your mouthpieces, they are not there to talk about how 'awesome' or 'cool' your character is; they have their own views and opinions, their own interests, and hopes, and lives. The universe does not, will not, and cannot revolve around your character, no ifs, ands, or buts. People whose only use for other characters is to prop up their own character are some of worst writers out there.
Sorry if I went off topic a bit, I just started typing and I guess I got a little carried away.
Moving on, I read your previous story and found it a rather interesting take on a Luna/Mac relationship. I have to admit that I am curious to see where you'll go from here.
4791548
Honestly, it wasn't even supposed to be that long, I just kept coming up with more and more ideas... I'm afraid that happens to me sometimes.
Nice to see you continuing this arc.
4788915 Thanks for the addition, I really should have included that information after having read Generation Kill the military is an equally good example of just how much power a "subordinate" can have.
Something I better remember as I plan to go to Officer Candidates School soon enough.
Gonna keep my eye on this. Really REALLY hating Blueblood and Red Tape right now...
thanks for the update!!
That's where I started, USCG. The Bosensmate story was told to us by a warrant officer who was in the same class. Good luck.
What do you say when you finde a sequel to the story that you like ... YES !!!
I will give a more thorough feedback after the a few more chapters, but ... ”The beginning is great”
4789868 I think so too, specifically BLUE blood will be shed!
4789425 There is ONE exception to non-canon alicorns: Fausticorn! XD
But otherwise yes most are just mary-sues.
Great chapter. I am so excited for this sequel. That was funny reading how Luna was teasing Mac at the table. Great job. Good luck with this story.
4793816
The alicorn created by the creator is canon as far as I'm concerned. xD Fuck what anyone else says.
Okay. So why are people having borderline forum discussions about Alicorn OCs?
Comment about the story and if you wish to have discussions then please take it elsewhere. If this had a few random posts no big deal. But the majority of the posts had nothing to do with the story.
4787449
I'll agree to that but there has to be a few who they can persuade. By that I mean bribe, blackmail or strong arm a few key characters and force them to alter any or all the documents. If you can control the key elements in a situation, you're nearly unstoppable but not invincible.
Knowing BB's influences and Red Tapes expertise in all of this, I would think they've already covered this basis.
4798675 I have no doubt they'll try, but the question is can they get ALL of them in with these kinds of tactics, it only takes one to ruin the whole thing.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Alicorn Juju. Sounds like a great name for a terrible band.
A haiku, hmm? Okay, lemme flex my poetry muscles:
Crescent moon adorns
Her midnight blue supple flank
Her full moon shines bright
Ta-da! Let me know if you want more, I need the practice.
4807862
Not sure if I can be as eloquent but here goes.
Her moon is divine,
My eyes widen at the sight.
Face not bad either.
4811116 A challenge, is it? En garde!
Shimmering ethereal
Tail that covers and conceals
Her greatest treasure
4811148
I'd consider having one syllable from the previous sentence extending to the next line cheating but whatever, I can do that too. Though poetry was never really my forte. Ahem:
Nightmare Night Sweets are
Given to sate her hunger.
The plot has thickened.
4811176 ...Touché.
To be placed beneath
Her godlike posterior
Is a dream come true
And a slightly less subtle piece:
Moonbutt induces
Oxygen deprivation
Facesitting is hot
4811214
Fair play though not my particular fetish. Try this:
Sacred Flower hides.
Blooms in the moonlit orchard
It's nectar is sweet.
I'm not sure as to the rules for conjunctions in Haikus...
And if we are to do away with subtlety...
Big Mac and his probe
Are reaching Lunar Landing
Someone tell Houston
4811283 These are totally going in Her Butt Slammed Shut.
Curvaceous and round
Twin globes entice and bewitch-
Oh God, she's futa
What globes did you think I was talking about? Anyway, I'll stop so I don't clutter up Llyander's Notifications. Unless he wants more, of course.
4811342
That's probably a good idea. Who knows how he's going to react when he sees all of these, as much fun as it is writing Haikus about Luna's ass, and *ahem* other bits.
Eh what the hell, last one.
As the moon moves tides,
When she wiggles her cute rump
Many eyes follow.
4811342
4811393
i love you both
She won't allow it
Just a note, Twilight didn't take the train to Ponyville when she first arrived. She was dropped off by chariot.
4856483 So she did. Fixed. :)
I like to listen
To the dark side of the moon
In warm stereo
4856341
Party till you die and drop.
Ponyville seems to have grown on Mourne. Still, he's in hot water but he's warmed up to Mac, somewhat.
I do wonder though how Mac will be affected by walking into Canterlot. Will he be persecuted or will they try to use him?
Great story.
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