Book One: Scoot Pilgrim's Precious Little Life: Chapter 1
Not so long ago, in the mysterious land of Ponyville, Equestria, Scootaloo was dating a high-schooler.
To be fair, she didn't know she was a high-schooler at first. Sure, she looked youthful, but Scootaloo had spent enough time around Rarity to know that many mares strived to look younger than they really were. Plus, she was only a tiny bit young. She was turning 18 in six months. Even when Scootaloo did find out her age, she figured that it wasn't her place to tell her that she shouldn't be dating. If she felt ready for dating, then who was she to tell her she was wrong?
They had met at the marketplace about two months ago. She'd bumped into Scootaloo while she was buying new strings for her bass. Perhaps she should have been clued off to her age by how manic her reaction was when Scootaloo mentioned that she was in a band, but she had been alone ever since him, and she was receptive to any hints of attraction that she could get. It also didn't hurt matters that she was a real cutie, and she had a certain exotic charm that drove Scootaloo wild.
Of course, it would have been nice for her friends and bandmates to understand where she was coming from with this. At the moment, though, it seemed like all they could concentrate on was that annoying number.
"Seventeen," Sweetie Belle said. "You're dating a seventeen year old."
"Eighteen in six months," Scootaloo replied. She watched her friends-slash-bandmates exchange glances, the kind of glances usually reserved for when they had to deal with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon back when they were younger and more prone to bullying.
"Uh-huh," Apple Bloom said. "And what are you, thirty?"
"I'm 22," Scootaloo replied flatly. "Just like you two."
"Thirty in eight years," Bloom said. Scootaloo rolled her eyes. Bloom had been like this with her ever since-
"Whatever you're thinking about, stop," Sweetie said. "This is more important. So you're dating a seventeen year old."
"Yes!" Scootaloo answered. "I only said it like fourteen times."
"Three more times and you'd be dating it," Bloom said.
"You're hilarious," Scootaloo told her as she flumped onto the couch.
"I'm aware," Bloom replied, picking her drumsticks up. "Are we gonna rehearse anymore or are we too busy talking about Scoots and her cradle robbing?"
Scootaloo decided it was best not to give her the satisfaction of a retort. If she kept going, the back-and-forth would likely never end. Bloom was still a great friend, and the three of them together made up what she hoped to eventually be Equestria's greatest rock band. At the same time, though, Bloom's snark towards her was practically unbearable. Not that she didn't understand why; she had been that way ever since-
"Yes, we're rehearsing!" Sweetie exclaimed. "Why wouldn't we be rehearsing! We need to be rehearsing if we're ever going to get our names out there. Or we could just, you know, sit here and not rehearse, and then we'll have wasted a whole bunch of time just to become failures! So if that's what you want, we can totally just not rehearse or anything!"
Scootaloo rolled her eyes once more, restraining the urge to give Sweetie a smack. Sweetie was their guitarist and lead singer, and she often referred to her as "the talent" of the band. Her special talent did lie in the musical field, after all. Scootaloo and Bloom were doing this for a good time and were good enough at their respective instruments, but Sweetie in particular was looking at the band as a potential career. Scootaloo appreciated her drive, but times it seemed like she'd picked up on a fair amount of her sister's neuroses.
"Yes, we're gonna rehearse," Scootaloo agreed. "But I'm just waiting for her to get here, alright? I promised her she could come check out a rehearsal, so please, just don't be all weird to her or anything. And that goes double for you." She pointed over to the couch where her roommate sat.
"Now what would ever give ya the idea that I'd be weird to her?" Babs asked. "To be honest, I'm insulted." Babs Seed had been living with Scootaloo ever since she moved to Ponyville after high school. Or rather, Scootaloo had been living with Babs. Babs did own the house and the majority of the things inside it, after all. For her part, Scootaloo had been trying to get a job and earn her keep, but luck just didn't seem to be on her side in that department. Babs, on the other hoof, had taken to her new hometown rather fast, and things just seemed to go her way for some reason.
"Just don't be weird," Scootaloo said. "And if you have to be weird, please be weird somewhere else."
"Ah, c'mon, Scoots," Babs said, getting up to give her roommate a playful noogie. "You're forgetting that I pay the bills. When ya pay the bills for the house, you can be weird aaaaaanywhere ya want within its walls." Babs chuckled as she sat back down.
Scootaloo just shook her head. Babs had everything. Ownership of the deed to a decent house. A well-paying job with family connections at Sweet Apple Acres. A rotating cast of bedroom partners. Scootaloo would have likely spent more time being secretly jealous of Babs, had it not been for the sudden knocking at the door.
"I got it!" Scootaloo shouted, placing her bass on the couch and vaulting over anything and anypony that got between her and her destination. In her haste, she slipped over a spare drumstick, sending her tumbling and slamming into a roll and a door, respectively. She quickly popped back to her hooves, too eager to even notice the slight nosebleed as she opened the door. She smiled casually at the bespectacled beige pegasus hovering in front of the door.
"Hey," Scootaloo said.
"Hey," her marefriend said, with the accent that drove her wild. "You have a bit of red on you." Scootaloo followed her hoof, crossing her eyes to look at her nose. A quick, yet casual swipe of her hoof wiped the offending blood from her nostril.
"What was with the bang?" the pegasus asked, pretty sure she already knew the answer.
"Just battle-testing the door," Scootaloo explained. "I'm glad to say it's totally headbutt-proof."
"You're so cool," her marefriend said with a giggle. Scootaloo nodded in agreement, stepping aside to let her in. She turned to face her friends, who were all already staring at the exchange.
"Everypony, this is Zippoorwhill," Scootaloo said. "Zip, this is everypony." Scootaloo suddenly felt a nudge as Babs popped up between the two.
"Well hey there!" Babs said with a smile. "Aren't you just precious. I'm Babs, Scoots's roommate. Scoots has told us so much about you, but I guess she hasn't told you much about her, considering you're still dating her." She let out a big belly laugh, the one she always saved for moments where she was playfully embarrassing Scootaloo or the others.
"And this," Scootaloo said, pushing herself between Zip and Babs, "is the band."
Any interest Zip had in anything else ever was instantly forgotten as soon as she set her eyes on the instruments, and by extension, the ponies associated with them.
"Oh my gosh, you're totally a real band with instruments and everything!" Zip swooned, flying excitedly about the room. "That is sooooo awesome..."
"Totally," Scootaloo agreed, grinning like an idiot. She waved a hoof to the others. "So this is Sweetie Belle. She's the talent. And that there is Apple Bloom."
"Oh my goodness," Zip said, turning her attention to Bloom. "Do you play the drums?"
Bloom stared back at Zip from behind her drum set.
"...Yes,". Bloom replied.
"And that's Young Pip," Scootaloo said, pointing to Pipsqueak, who had been sitting virtually unnoticed all this time.
"Oh, what do you play?" Zip asked, turning her attention to Pip.
"Oh! Uh, mostly Call of Cutie, Haylo..." Pip answered. "That's kind of a big question." The two stared at each other for a few moments before the actual meaning of the question made it into Pip's head. "Oh, I'm not in the band. I just hang out."
Zip nodded with a smile. Then her wings started buzzing excitedly.
"I can't believe I'm actually dating a rock star!" Zip gushed. "You guys must be the coolest, rockingest, most awesome amazing-"
Scootaloo, who had enough experience with Zip in these past two months to know when she was getting too excited for her own good, quickly put a foreleg on her back, braving the brief buffet of feathers to the face before Zip realized that she was there and slowed down.
"You said you'd be good," Scootaloo whispered to her.
"I will be good," Zip whispered back.
"Please be good," Scootaloo reiterated.
"...Am I normally not?" Zip asked, dropping a bit. Scootaloo smiled and gave her cheek a little nuzzle, eliciting an eye roll from Bloom.
"We should really get back to practicing," Sweetie said, floating Scootaloo's bass over to her. "We've really gotta be good now that we have an audience."
"Right," Scootaloo responded, catching the musical projectile. She turned back to speak to Zip, only to find that she had already plunked herself obediently onto the couch, forcing Pip to scootch over in order to not be assaulted by her rapidly-buzzing wings.
"Alright," Scootaloo said after checking the tuning on her strings. "Let's start with 'The Revenge of Captain Hoof,' and then we'll move on to-"
"We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Bloom screamed at the top of her lungs. "And we're here to rock your brains out!" She slammed her drumsticks together. "One, two, three, four!!" As if they had expected Bloom to interrupt so abruptly (which they totally had), Scootaloo and Sweetie leapt right into the song,
Zippoorwhill stared, entranced, at the three fillies as they made their finest attempts at rocking her brain out. While no amount of their rocking could dislodge her brain from the safety of her skull, it was clear from her unwavering gaze that an impression was being made. She was pretty sure Young Pip had attempted to say something to her during the song, but whatever it was was completely lost. The only sound that was worth any of her attention at this moment was the pure aural sex she was receiving from Scootaloo and the band.
After a few minutes that felt like a matter of seconds to the astounded mare, the song ended. The feedback from the amps buzzed at the cessation of rock, fading until the room was left in complete silence. Scootaloo's eyes darted between Sweetie and Bloom first. They both seemed to be somewhat accepting of how the song had gone, but neither was particularly ecstatic. Sweetie in particular looked a bit peeved, likely due to a few flat notes that she'd hit. Scootaloo's attention then turned to Zip.
"So...?" Scootaloo asked.
"You guys...are so...amaaaaaaazing," Zippoorwhill responded, almost dreamily. Scootaloo smirked, giving Sweetie a nudge,
"Amazing," Scootaloo said pointedly. It was obvious from Sweetie's initial reaction that she disagreed, but she gave a relieved smile nonetheless. Scootaloo nodded, then glanced up at the clock.
"Oh shoot, it's 5:00," she said, looking back to Zip. "You gotta get home for dinner, right?"
Zippoorwhill just nodded wordlessly.
"Cause your dad's real strict, right?" Scootaloo asked.
Zippoorwhill nodded wordlessly again.
"Alright, come on," Scootaloo chuckled, offering a hoof to pull her up. Zippoorwhill took the hoof, still in a daze.
"I'll be back in a few minutes, alright?" Scootaloo said to the others. "I'm just gonna walk her to the bus stop." She then gave Zip a little wink. "Say goodbye to the others, alright?"
"Amazing..." Zippoorwhill droned. Scootaloo just chuckled and led her out the door.
"So we've got our first superfan," Sweetie said, giving Bloom a look. Bloom gave a noncommittal nod in response.
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Uh...
R63 right? Then Rumble's name is wrong, Rumble's female name is Tumble
4119333
Oh no, it's not R63. Rumble will be a stallion.
I really liked this! Can't wait for more!
I can't wait to see the seven evil exs. Scott Pilgram v.s. The World had to be the most hillarious teenage movie ever made.
4119486
It's going to follow the movie a little more, since I'm more familiar with that, but I have read the books too, and I'm hoping to mix in a few extras from there that didn't make the movie. As for the cast, it's going to be all canon characters who were in the CMC's age group from the show, but all aged-up. I'd considered mixing in an OC or two (and I still might; there's one ex who I'm still kinda debating over who should play 'em), but decided to go all (or possibly almost all) canon.
4119335
WTF? Scott was a man! Scoot is a GIRL!
4119679
I'm aware!
Most (not all, but most) roles from the movie/book will have their genders flipped for this story, but the ponies themselves will be the same gender that they are in the show. So Scott's role will be played by a female (Scootaloo), while Ramona's will be played by a male (Rumble).
A couple of roles, though, will be the same gender as they were in the movie/books. Most noticeably Knives (Zippoorwhill) and Kim (Apple Bloom).
Scott Pilgrim yes, straight shipping no.
YES! A STORY BASED OFF OF MY FAVORITE MOVIE! FAVED!
This is really really cool!
I want to know if this is going to follow the books, judging from the chapter names.
Strangely fitting, I mean name coincidence, and the fact that the gender flip thing still makes it work the same given the fandom's headcannon about gender roles.....wait a minute, does this mean Rumble had a sexy phase?
4119335
No shit, really?
4122201
Just a tiny bit hypocritical when you do the same thing he just did and criticize him for it at the same time. Just saying.
I haven't even read this yet, but just the idea of this makes me want to have babies with you.
4122621
Just a tiny bit.
4122201
Fegs are inherently better than str8s, m8.
4123311
That said, this fandom is really one place you don't want to bring sentiments like that. I personally vastly prefer same-sex shipping to straight, but when you start saying one is inherently better than the other you'll be tackled to the ground by everyone from both sides, and all the ones in between and orbiting the issue.
Then the hair-pulling begins.
4123317
It's feckin bullshit is what it is. This fandom is entirely too vulnerable to drama and trolls.
4123332
Makes sense when you think about it. Human nature, really. When you feel strongly about something, you don't like when someone shits on it. Even the trolls are the same way, that's why trolls exist. And since we're imperfect human beings the only way to get proper defensive is to punch it until it stops moving.
Years of mental health studies and societal psychology experience have taught me one thing:
We hit things we don't like.
4123369
You should probably get your money back.
That's not a very good ROI.
4123371
Should. But the insight's worth something. You think, 'Hey, that's common sense.' I look around and ask you to describe common in relation to the senseless yokels that make up any population I happen to be part of.
So, might have some value in the end.
Just take all of my yeses already.
4122621 No, the point I was making is I don't feel the need to voice my preference on a story randomly. That was an example. *Sigh*
4123311 No sexuality is better than the other, all our equal.
4123657
Fraid you're wrong there, m8. Jesus proved that fegs will inherit the earth. QED fogs are inheritly bitter thin straits.
Really, you deleted your comment? Afraid to leave a paper trail?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/4/15/299486__safe_twilight+sparkle_fluttershy_meme_rapeface_implied+rape_movie+quote_django+unchained.png
4123668 No, the initial point came out wrong so I deleted it, and clearly you're a troll so I shall no longer feed you.
4123682
I'm a troll, am I? Which of us thinks that straight ponies are a likely story, hm?
Had fun with the game (movie had it's amusing moments and I've never read the books) Let's see where this goes.
cool. I like the Scott Pilgrim
series
4120697 it's based of the books, not the movie.
I knew this would exist at some point! :D
4127852 Actually, the author has stated(multiple times[in the comments]) that it'll be based more off of the movie than the books.
4129684 oh, okay. sorry about that.
4127852
Either way, I loved the books and the movie, so it's still just as good to me. In fact, I thought the books were a bit better. That's probably just my inner and outer nerd making itself known.
4131569
I do slightly prefer the books to the movie, but the movie is what I'm most familiar with. I do hope to include elements from the books in this story as well, though, most notably some slightly-larger parts for certain characters in comparison to how they were represented in the movie.
The chapters are named like the books, which may make it misleading, but it will be skewed more towards the movie
4131569 me too. ^_^
I'm literally LOLing at every other line in this story. Astounding.
4131741 i demand my chicken hadoken also five life torches and the infinite ammo rpg oh and dew gotta have mah dew.
I laughed,
Nice one.
Favorited before I even started reading.
Then I read
No regrets
I can see it now since Scoots is Scott and Apple Bloom is the drummer, therefore Kim
Scootaloo:Me and Bloom are all good now, all right? (Looks to Bloom)
Apple Bloom: O_O
Anyone else think Trixie could be Roxxy Richter?
Hey, would Aloe and Lotus be the Katayanagi Twins?!
6087143
Yes that would be awesome