• Published 7th Mar 2014
  • 25,112 Views, 2,533 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Setting Things Right - kildeez



When a portal to another world appears outside Canterlot, the ponies' initial reaction is of enthusiasm, hoping to greet these strange aliens with open hooves. Too bad this world was already visited by another Equestria...

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PreviousChapters
Chapter LI: Final Escape

Back in the first chamber, Lisa sighed, keeping her combat knife balanced by its handle on the end of her finger. Around her, the others busied themselves however they could: checking and rechecking mags, twirling their few unspent rounds between fingers, trying (and failing) to teach themselves how to juggle using ammo casings, and in Francis and Andre’s case, holding each other. After so long in the dim light, survival now just meant staving off boredom. Of course, it didn’t help that nobody had thought to bring a book.

“Blimey, just like bein’ with the service,” she sighed. “Two percent action, ninty-eight percent being so bored you’ll wanna run headfirst into a bloody bulkhead just to ease it.”

“Indeed,” Akshat chimed in next to her, having successfully balanced a spent casing on the tip of a bullet and now looking to build a crude ammo teepee out of their unspent rounds. “Except the stakes were never this high during my time, I don’t know how much world-saving you did.”

“Aye, not much, I’ll give ya that,” she giggled.

“Hey everyone, I just had a thought.” All eyes turned to Felipe, who’s activity of choice had apparently been staring up into space to contemplate the meaning of existence. After everything with David, nobody had seen fit to question him on that. “How will we know if things went alright in there?”

That made everyone stop their activities dead. The only sound that followed came from the tinkling of falling ammo, Chen’s latest attempt at juggling ending at the three he’d had going. That had been a very good question. They had watched Shining Armor and...David vanish in a puff of unified magic. That was all. Who’s to say they weren’t instantly shredded by the Tachyon Inhibitors the moment they winked out of existence? Or hadn’t overshot and found themselves in the cold, dark waters beneath the Illustrious? Or that David hadn’t just gone psycho Newfoal and stabbed Shining in the throat the moment they were away?

All this and more buzzed through their heads, but the only concern that got a voice was;

“Did anyone think to bring snacks?” Andre piped up, still holding tight to Francis as they sat, leaning against the bulkhead.

“If you did, I hope you saved some for the rest of us.”

There was a voice to make everyone freeze in their tracks, as if the room itself had just sucked in a breath. Lisa leapt to her feet as a familiar, white unicorn revealed himself with a gentle glow of his horn, the light illuminating two other muzzles flanking him: one beaming, pale and white, the other a light tan. Shining smiled, his eyes holding a mirthful light that all who knew him would have found strange on his face.

“David!” Lisa rushed past him to the unconscious Newfoal, not even acknowledging Celestia as she gazed him over. She pressed a finger to his throat, and sighed to feel a pulse there. “Thank you...” she whimpered, holding his body to her.

“I’m...sorry to say I cannot do anything for him alone.” Celestia sighed. “Whatever magic humanity has to suppress my power, it is easy pickings compared to the wretched curse left by my counterpart.”

“Ah...explains how we were never able to overwhelm it by ourselves.” Akshat nodded sagely, his dark eyes rolling over to David’s body.

“But there is hope. My counterpart and I can defeat yon curse easily, and there are others back home.”

“Others?” Chen breathed. “How...how many are you?”

“Quite a few more than my counterpart would have ever imagined, I’m sure.” She giggled. “Speaking of, I think it was about time we executed the next phase of your plans.”

This was followed by a very long, awkward silence that told her all she needed to know. “Frankly, your highness,” Akshat said sheepishly. “We never imagined we would make it this far.”

“Oh good.” She giggled, her horn glowing. “So, I won’t be stepping on any hooves when I tell you my plan. Just making sure.”


M was past furious. Past mere anger. He was ready to call in high-explosives to open that damned vault door. He was ready to crack the Illustrious in half if only for the knowledge that every one of those traitorous bastards would have a slow, agonizing death by drowning.

“I said I’m fine, goddamn you!” He shouted, sitting up in bed and pushing the probing nurse away as he whirled on his guards, cradling his bandaged hand. “Where are we with entering that damned vault!?”

“The damage to the operating mechanisms was...extensive, sir.” A guard who’s name he’d already forgotten sighed. His face spoke of the knowledge that this would be his life right up until the bitter end, and he was only still here on the distant hope that the ship might get within doggy-paddling distance of a port crammed full of booze and hookers before the comet hit. “The engineers say it’ll be at least another hour.”

That got M to settle down. “Another hour...good...good…” he chuckled. “And here, I was worried the end of the world would come before I could slap them all in chains.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Alright, someone get me the Security Council,” M said, sitting up and wavering a little as his head swam. “We can still spin this right, show the UN there’s still people over here worth savin’...hell, if we say they never made it to the door, who’s to say otherwise? We’ve enough phone chatter to put Armor away, and if we delete the security footage it’s his word against ours.”

The grunt, who clearly thought the little time left before the end of the world would probably be better spent on hookers and booze, only gave a silent nod of agreement.

If M knew where his subordinate’s mind really was, he didn’t show it. His mind was already working on the case he was about to present to the UN. Why yes, Mister Secretary-General, we were a little suspicious of King Armor...I’m sorry, former King Armor when he showed up, but we just couldn’t turn down the leader of the Equestrian Administrative Zone, could we? Why yes, we did try to round up the terrorists, but wouldn’t you know it they all went down fighting, what could we do? Why yes, Secretary, I am aware of how well we contained this, all things considered, and while we’re talking, wouldn’t ya mind...

At that point, a powerful boom rumbled through the Illustrious. The grunt looked over to M as he paled. “Tell me that was the reactor melting down,” he moaned.

A few minutes later, the answer arrived in the form of a navy sailor, who didn’t even bother to salute. “Mister M, sir!” He gasped. “The prisoners have just escaped! What do we do!?”

M stared up at the ceiling, falling back on his cot. He blinked a few times. After some quiet contemplation, interrupted by the occasional shout begging for orders, he let in a long, slow breath. “The Lord hates me…” he sighed. “That’s what this is, right? Proof that God hates me?”

“God damn, I need a drink,” the man beside him moaned.


“How’s everyone doing?!” Celestia sang back.

“Desperately trying not to wet ourselves, your highness!”

With another musical giggle, Celestia swooped through the air, wings spread as alarms blared through the fleet around them. Water fanned out around her as her wings glided just above its surface, splashing against the hulls of ships.

“When we are clear of the fleet, we’ll take off for the sky!” Shining Armor shouted from just behind her, his hooves spread as he fought to maintain the small bubble holding himself and the small group of humans/former humans. Speaking of whom...

“C-can we make that soon?” Akshat moaned, looking over at the Newfoal. Even unconscious, the queasy, green pallor entering his fuzzy cheeks was becoming obvious.

“You’re kidding!” Lisa giggled. “The big, tough Marine is getting seasick!?”

“Apparently so...” Akshat closed a large hand over David’s too-large eyes. His gaze slid from pony to human. “What if he wakes up?”

“That won’t happen.” Shining butt in. “I already got the drop on him, now it’s just maintaining the spell.”

Akshat sucked in his lips, looking a bit uncertain, but he knew there was no retort for that. He wasn’t a unicorn, or anybody who had studied up on Equestrian magic. He was a soldier. He could only lay back and trust the magic-users knew what they were doing. He was already relying on one of them, after all. Besides, the way Lisa held David’s body to her, it was clear she understood what would have to happen if things went to hell with keeping him restrained. She knew what she might have to do. No reason to bring any of it up.

An eerie silence fell over the group, only masked by the ongoing hum of the bubble of magic around them, plus an occasional hum from Shining as his horn renewed the spell keeping David unconscious. The fleet vanished behind them, giving way to open water. Celestia swooped, and finally, they descended upon a small archipelago.

“You’ll be safe here until my return,” she intoned, the bubble popping and dropping the humans and unicorns onto the sand.

Lisa slowly pressed herself up to her feet, dusting off her fatigues as she met the princess’s eyes. “And if you don’t?”

Celestia sighed, looked up at the dim light slowly growing more visible in the sky. “Then if I could borrow some of your humans’ trademarked cynicism: it won’t be your problem for terribly long, now, will it?”

“Eh, fair.”

“Wait...” Shining Armor pulled himself from the pile of limbs and galloped through the sand to face her. “That’s it? You’re...just gonna fight her?”

She sighed, looking up. “Either I do, or she murders billions. But the longer I wait, the more likely it is I won’t be able to divert Ceres after the battle. This is what I must do.”

“Princess...”

She turned, finding Lisa standing there, fatigues already covered in sand. Her legs trembled, so used to the gentle sway of the carrier already, but she met Celestia’s gaze with a steely resolve. “I...don’t think there’s any words to express how sorry we are for not believing in you, and how grateful we are...that you’re here after all the fuck-ups and bollocks, just to fix yet another fuck-up, it really speaks to you. To who you are.”

She raised a hand to her brow in a salute, her steely gaze never wavering.

“Thank you. From all of us.”

She blinked down in surprise, finding the rest of the group standing in salute, even Shining Armor. “If you had been our princess...a lot of pain would have been avoided.” The King announced.

She smiled at the group. It was a thin, wan thing, starved for any reason to be, but there nonetheless. “Thank you all. For your faith. Your determination.”

“Is there anything you needed before you...go?”

She pondered a second, her neck craning back up to the light, eyes glazed in thought. “Actually...” she said. “There might be one thing...do any of you have one of those phones?”


Twilight blinked as she entered the light. Just a moment ago, she’d been languishing in her cell, the incessant buzzing of human lighting her only company. Now, she was being rushed along, her hooves barely able to touch the metal floor as a pair of guards hurried with her through narrow hallways, past vault doors and cell doors and the other various portals that had been built to contain her. It all ended – quite anticlimactically, she thought – with a plain, wooden door that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the back of Sugarcube Corner.

“Listen, you need to tell me what this is about,” she insisted. “I don’t...”

She trailed off to a familiar voice: “...again, on all channels, in the hopes that this reaches the appropriate ears...”

Twilight gasped, galloping from her captors’ grips. “Princess!?”

As she rounded a corner, she found a large control room, filled with consoles and doodads and many important-looking humans in uniform all staring gape-jawed at the big screen in the middle of the room.

And there was Celestia.

Not the fake one who’s influence they had fought this entire time, but the real one. There was the proof that she was alive, finally! Finally!

Twilight stumbled forward. “Princess, I...”

“...I’m heading off now, I’m going to do my best. In the case that this isn’t enough, I’m urging all my fellow Equestrians: open your homes, open your hooves, humanity is not what you think it is. They need us, more than the Crystal Ponies needed us, more than the changedlings, this is a people in their most desperate hour of need. We have not failed with such charity before, and we will not now. I have faith in you, my little ponies.”

Twilight’s ears folded down, her mind blanking after being cut off. Of course, she couldn’t hear her, this was a one-way stream. Silly...

“To my little ponies should I fail: fight on. Friendship and Harmony will always win in the end, even if it all looks hopeless, even if it seems impossible, resist no matter the outcome. To my nobles, it has been a pleasure working with you, should I fall here, my sister, Luna, will take the throne as a Monarch. I have the upmost faith in her abilities. She will lead in my stead. To humanity: I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that we failed, but know that we tried. We will build a new world at the end of it. Together, if you’ll have us.”

Twilight’s ears perked. Wait, if she fell? She gazed up into those vermilion eyes, blinking harshly. Was this...it wasn’t, right? This wasn’t a last will and testament...

Was it?

“And most of all, to my dearest friends and family. To my niece, Cadence, to my sister, Luna. And yes, to you, Twilight Sparkle...”

Lilac eyes met vermilion. It was as if Celestia knew exactly where to look to see her most precious student: her colleague, hero, and best friend. As their eyes met, Twilight could finally see the tiny tears gathering in the corners of Celestia’s gaze as she whispered:

“I love you. I love you all.”

Two trails appeared on Twilight’s cheeks. “I love you, too.”

Then the image of Celestia swallowed once. “Wish me luck, everyone.” She gave a thin smile, and then she was gone.

Twilight stepped forward, placing a hoof on the screen. “She...wanted me to see that, didn’t she?” She said with a trembling voice.

“It was one of the requests she made when the transmission began.” One of the soldiers said, and she heard his voice trembling too. After a moment, she heard him shuffle in beside her. “Miss Sparkle? Can she do it? Can she stop her?”

Twilight gave a tiny smile that felt alien on her cheeks, but looked just fine in her reflection on the black screen. “You heard what she said,” she whispered. “Friendship and Harmony always win in the end.”

PreviousChapters
Comments ( 30 )

this is probably the only conversion bureau story ive ever really liked and its so satisfying to see everything coming to a head. thank you for taking the time to write this, its honestly one of my favorites <3

OMG the final battle is coming! Im so hyped!

Twilight gave a tiny smile that felt alien on her cheeks, but looked just fine in her reflection on the black screen. “You heard what she said,” she whispered. “Friendship and Harmony always win in the end.”

AWWW YEAH!

All I can say is I hope for the best in the end here

Twilight gave a tiny smile that felt alien on her cheeks, but looked just fine in her reflection on the black screen. “You heard what she said,” she whispered. “Friendship and Harmony always win in the end.”

:rainbowdetermined2:

We are reaching the big battle.

Comment posted by MatTheBook deleted Jun 12th, 2023

If Faux-lestia tried to attack regular Equestria I think the variety of resistance fighters and number of powerful magic uses she found would confuse and frighten her. Fighting 4 Alicorns plus Discord, Starlight Glimmer and Starswril the Bearded? Seeing ponies, dragons, griffins, yaks, hippogriffs and changlings fighting together? And 3 sets of elements. Yea she's dangerous on Earth, in Equestria she'd be in Tartarus or petrified in less than 15 minutes.

But I still look forward to Celestia putting her evil alternate in the ground!

11607576
What is that suppose to mean?

11612710
Tell me in what culture the diplomats get drunk to a extremely important meeting with a foreign power.

11614721
>Astolfo
If you weren't a larping smelly hair troll I'd demolish your hole so fast irl you'd become the mother of my children

11612784
Maybe because it's fun your the brainless person here you dumb

11612919
difference between drinking and getting drunk

11615357
oh yeah. remember its the second attempt at what Woodrow Wilson wanted. that tell you everything

11617549
Im fockin everywhere dude. Watching. Waiting.

11607349
I eagerly await for you to update your stories as well. 😏😎👍

“You’re kidding!” Lisa giggled. “The big, tough Marine is getting seasick!?”

EY! BITCH! It's a new body for 'im! SO CLEARLY HE HASN'T ADJUSTED YET! It wouldnt be funny if it was at YOUR expense! 😡

11622743
Good lord! 😂🤣 She do her baby sister proud. And the Marines

11618499
No matter what you are Celly, a mortal with nigh-omnipotent abilities, if you bleed, that just means you are capable of dying. And if you sleep and eat, you're mortal. Just like the rest of us. And plus if you feel; that just means you're not fearless, NOR HEARTLESS. Just the same emotions as everybody else, No matter the years of experience or the knowledge you obtain... There's always something new and always going to be challenging you, And something that you can't always win. 😔 or beat

11617564
Can’t argue with that. XD

11634319
Yeah exactly! FOR HOW LONG!? AND HOW FUCKING LONG ARE YOU GONNA TAKE WITH THE NEXG CHAPTER!? 🤓

all caught up yet again :pinkiehappy:

New chapter coming soon?

Lets see how this end up ending

Will you update soon eventually?

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