• Published 7th Mar 2014
  • 25,018 Views, 2,533 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Setting Things Right - kildeez



When a portal to another world appears outside Canterlot, the ponies' initial reaction is of enthusiasm, hoping to greet these strange aliens with open hooves. Too bad this world was already visited by another Equestria...

  • ...
187
 2,533
 25,018

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter XLIV: Guaranteed Survival

As far as captures went, Thompson figured he was doing alright. Of course, considering the last round of the Collision Wars, anything above being tortured for the entertainment of hordes of fanatical guardstallions was “doing alright.” So, low bar to clear, and compared to that shit he’d rocketed right over it anyway.

For one, Flutterheart was back. Apparently, she had unleashed an unholy screaming fit as soon as she had recovered from her stint within the Emergence Zone, and refused to stop until she ‘found out what happened to Skywalker and Den Kenahbi.’ So she was now on her way, escorted under heavy guard for a daily mandated “storytime.” However, this also meant she needed an escort, as there was no way anyone would approve of a filly sitting with a literal prisoner of war unsupervised. So now, he had a small orange pony curled up at the end of his bed. He didn’t know what she was supposed to do if he did do something untoward, but he did know she made the best damned apple cobbler he’d ever had in his life.

From what he’d gathered, this orange pony was one of the “Elements of Harmony,” one of the ponies who could use some ancient artifacts to defend Equestria when needed. Sounded like a rejected draft for a fantasy writer’s half-baked story to him, but in a world that apparently needed multiple princesses of the horns-and-wings variety, maybe that wasn’t so crazy to them. Ugh...now he was really regretting not pirating the old MLP show, odds were this world was closer to it than the one he knew, but damn if the show didn’t become almost impossible to find after the end of the Collision Wars…

“Somethin’ buggin’ ya, sugarcube?”

Thompson sighed. Ahh, that damned accent, her one flaw. “Nothin’, just lookin’ forward to storytime, s’all.”

The mare turned, her brilliant green eyes shining at him as a little smile met her freckled face. “Y’know, you could have all the storytellin’ you want. We could even get that shackle offa yer, uh…”

“Wrist.”

“Right, that. Letcha walk around a li’l, y’know all you’d need t’do fer it.”

That little smile still played on her cheeks, but Thompson just shook his head. “Until I got the okay from a superior officer, all y’can have is my name, my rank, and my identity number. We’ve been over this.”

“I know, just thought I’d try again.” She shrugged, curling up in her spot again with a sigh.

“Mr. Thompson!”

Thompson’s eyes lit up as the filly bounded in, hopping up to his hospital gurney from between a pair of guards. “Flutterheart! Aintcha a sight for sore eyes!”

She giggled, sliding in beside him as the guards took position near the doorway.

“So, where’d we leave off, love?”

“Umm…” her adorable little muzzle scrunched up as the filly put actual thought into this. “I think Dark Vader was telling Lando about altering the deal?”

Thompson chuckled. He thought about correcting her pronunciation of “Darth” for a moment. Only a moment. “Right,” he said, clearing his throat and looking up.

Though the orange pony remained curled up, he noticed one ear perked from under her hat. He also noticed the guards hunching over a little closer to the door, their heads angled slightly so one ear could face the room. Thompson smiled. He always thought he’d had a knack for this storytelling thing. Nice to have confirmation.

“I have altered the deal,” he intoned, cupping a hand around his mouth to add to the effect. “Pray I don’t alter it…again…”

He trailed off as the guards’ backs suddenly went ramrod-straight, foretelling the arrival of the night-blue Princess. Luna was her name, and her existence confirmed that Alicorns weren’t nearly as rare as she had tried to make them out to be. It did ground him a little, knowing that. Suddenly, the creature hidden beneath the Siberian tundra couldn’t be from some other plane outside of the Equestria they knew, but could actually be just another pony, albeit a rare breed considering the power she obviously held. Still, the Solar Tyrant’s rants about the dangers of imprisoning a goddess lost that much more potency once he sat and thought about the blue mare’s existence for awhile.

And he had a lot of time to sit and think about it. Outside of bathroom breaks and the occasional jog in the hallway outside, he hadn’t been allowed to leave the hospital gurney. Amazing what even a grunt like him could come up with given enough time to themselves.

“H-howdy, Princess!” The orange mare at the foot of his bed said, having darted from curled up like a little pony-cat to standing straight, her head inclined respectfully.

“At ease, fair Applejack,” Luna said.

Thompson watched as said mare’s chest deflated an inch and her chin rose to at least allow her to see some small part of Luna’s face. Thompson’s stomach gave a minor twist at the sight: so eerily similar to the posture he’d assumed automatically during the few times the Queen had made it somewhere nearby. Still, when those cold, blue eyes scanned over the gurney to him, he just inclined his head.

“Princess,” he said casually.

“Thompson.” She replied, leaning against his bedside. “How fare ye today?”

He gave a miniscule shrug. “Leg’s still a bit stiff, still get headaches sometimes.”

“Ah, yes, good…” she trailed off. Her massive eyes darted from him. There was something bothering her, but she wasn’t quite sure how she wanted to broach it.

“So…” he started, figuring he might take a stab at what it could be. “How goes talks with my people?”

She let in a breath for half a second, obviously caught off-guard by that. “It’s…fine. Just ironing out the details.”

Liar, he thought with a little frown. He knew they weren’t talking to his people, no way would something like that be in the “ironing out the details” phase already. But if that wasn’t what was bugging the horse princess, what was?

“Umm…P-Princess Luna?” Flutterheart spoke up, raising a little hoofsie. “Izzat all you needed Mr. Tomson for? I wan’ him to get back to the story.”

The Princess stared, obviously needing a moment to register being told to buzz off by a toddler. Thompson couldn’t blame her, he needed a few moments himself. Finally, she cleared her throat. “No, actually, I did need to ask him something.”

Sighing, Flutterheart picked herself up off the bed and started for the door. “Okay, but hurry up already! Storytime’s s’posed to end when the big hand on the clock reaches 12…” she said, pointing to the wall clock to make sure everyone knew what she was talking about.

Luna giggled. “Yes, madam.” She said with a theatrical bow, which seemed to gain Flutterheart’s approval as she strolled out, Applejack following swiftly behind her.

“Oi! You heard ‘er.” Thompson grinned. “We’re on a serious timetable now.”

“Well, now that I know, I’ll try not to take up all of your time, Private.” She replied, stepping over to the gurney’s side. “I just...wanted to talk a little bit more, really.”

Thompson sighed. “This again…”

“I just want to know what your people are like,” she insisted. “Your weapons are astounding, your methods of communication and gear confounding, anything you could give us…”

“Princess…”

“Have we not proven ourselves worthy?” She asked, leaning forward. “Have we not shown we are not the tyrant you dealt with?”

His gaze darted away. “Princess, I get you’re probably a lot more fair and just than I’m givin’ ya credit for. Hell, what I’ve seen, you’re more approachable than half the talkin’ heads back home. But my training is very clear. If we’re captured, we aren’t to give away any information besides…”

“…name, rank, and identification number,” Luna sighed, rolling her eyes. “Trust us, we know.”

“Oh, you’ve heard this song already?” He chuckled. “Push comes to shove you can try the pink one again.”

“If your body wasn’t already accustomed to fighting it off, we would.” She sighed despondently, laying her head on the gurney’s railing.

At that moment, it took everything in Thompson’s willpower not to lean over to give ear scritchies. Fortunately, another guard in full armor galloped in just as his hand started to really twitch, their hoof already rising to their brow in salute. “Princess! There’s been another development in the forbidden zone!”

Luna bolted up as Thompson’s heart sank. If his people were coming for him, then things might be about to get a whole lot shootier in this city.

“What’s that?” Luna gasped, immediately turning to the newcomer.

“They…” he swallowed. “The creatures on the other side. They want to make contact!”

Luna’s eyebrows rose, her gaze drifting from him back to Thompson. Then, she smiled. “Well, mayhap it took them awhile, but it appears as through thine superiors wish for thy return.” She said before her horn lit up and she vanished from view, leaving the soldiers sitting there to stare at one another awkwardly.

“Ummm…” Thompson trailed off, staring at the soldier, who just stared back, wide-eyed. After awhile, he finally spoke: “There’s a li’l filly out there, if you wouldn’t mind sendin’ her back in.”

“...right…” the guard sighed, turning back to the hallway, apparently already used to shifting from “deliverer of dire news” to “errand boy” at a moment’s notice.

Thompson mused on that little observation. “Huh...good company there, mate,” he muttered as the sound of armor shifted out in the hall.


This...isn’t what I envisioned for a human invasion...

Despite herself, Luna remained as she was. The guards at her side consisted of the entire garrison that had been watching the swirling mass of fog since Day One. They numbered in the lower hundreds, their training and skill unmatched in the world, their devotion to Harmony and the Crown unquestionable. And yet, as a set of shimmering lights approached in the fog, she couldn’t blame them for the rattling, fearful tremble of armor, for the telltale sound of hooves grinding as they nervously tightened around spearshafts. The enemy was as dangerous as it was mysterious, even to her, and most of the ponies around her didn’t even know they had one of them in custody. She could only imagine what they felt as the lights coalesced into beams shining from head-mounted gadgets. More tiny demonstrations of human technology, more reasons for that sinking feeling of being way over their heads.

As usual, the humans approached in their bulky, yet silent, gear: the shining lanterns the only hint of their approach. Heavy boots tapped on the ground, their weapons carried across their chests. Yet, they numbered only five. Luna’s teeth clenched. Someone was only this self-sure strutting into enemy territory when they already had the upper hand. The next few minutes were going to be decisive for her people, and probably not in the best way.

Taking a final breath, she approached the masked men. “Equestria welcomes you, visitors from--”

“We’re keeping this short.” The man in the middle, the apparent leader, interrupted as he reached into a zippered pocket on his chest pack. One of her soldiers stepped forward protectively, but Luna waved him back while the leader produced a small, rectangular object. With a tap, the object lit up, and after a moment of staring at a blank, white frame, Celestia appeared onscreen.

“C-Celestia!” Luna gasped, then instantly cursed herself for showing so little restraint with her emotions.

The solar alicorn had seen better days. She sat behind a pane of glass, her hooves restrained to the floor in heavy shackles. A metal collar sat latched around her slender neck, and as she picked up her head, Luna realized her ethereal mane was tangled and tattered in places. “Luna,” she rasped, and a smile crossed her chapped lips.

Realizing this was the real deal, not just some image, Luna leant forward. “Are you hurt!? Are they treating you well!? What do they want!?”

Celestia shook her head sadly. “There’s no time. Just give them what they want, please, Luna. It’s…it’s only right.”

Despite the rage flaring in her chest, Luna glared up into the red lenses of the soldiers’ masks. “What are your demands?” She hissed, only barely-suppressing the urge to add ‘foul cretins’.

“We have people coming.” The man replied, pocketing the tiny device again. “You will provide for them.”

The impudence…” her wings flared. “You would have us supply the forces invading our lands!?”

“The alternative is the summary execution of your sister.” The soldier rasped back. “If we cannot get what we want from you, then she has no use to us.”

Luna glared into the little, red lens. A trembling breath left her powerful frame. Still, her heart beat in her frame, so hard she was surprised her wings didn’t tremble with each beat. “How do we know what you just showed us was not some form of trickery? That our sister isn’t already dead?”

Even as she swallowed the lump formed by that last sentence, the man replied: “You don’t. But this is the only chance you will ever have of seeing her alive.”

Luna’s hooves trembling in their silver slippers. Her mind raced. Saying no was…unthinkable. The very thought of never seeing her sister again…she would likely collapse into tears the moment this meeting was over. Celestia was irreplaceable for her people, her nation: a symbol of hope and harmony that had gently guided Equestria for millenia. But could she really hand her nation over on a silver platter? Seriously agree to roll over and allow the enemy to hold a knife to her people’s throats? No, she couldn’t…

“Princess, we’re with ya.”

She turned in surprise to see Rainbow Dash standing at her side, her head lowering, her eyes narrowed upon the imposing figures before them. Behind her, as always, the four remaining friends, backed her up: Pinkie glaring from behind a party cannon, Applejack flexing her legs with a few practice kicks, Rarity wielding her sewing scissors threateningly, and Fluttershy hiding behind Rainbow and shivering, but still very much present.

“We’re all with ya!” A call sounded up from the ranks of stallions surrounding them, along with cheers that rose from their lines. Spears rattled, shields rose. The pair beside Luna formed up before her, and in doing so, came slightly closer to the menacing figures.

“Back the fuck up!” The newcomers shouted, their weapons rising. Luna’s heart stopped. They kept shouting, as did the faithful ponies around her…all trusting in her, knowing they stood for harmony and Equestria. They stood ready to take on the unknowable and exceedingly dangerous.

Her gaze slid over the stallions and mares around her, all cheering, all rallying. Before them, the five mares, the five heroines chosen by harmony itself, spat out their own bitter curses, their voices all a cacophony.

And then she turned back to the humans. Their weapons rose. Their cold, steady eyes watched through red lenses.

Her ponies were ready. And they would die. Yes, they might win in the end, but the enemy was fierce, mysterious, and unbelievably powerful. How many of her ponies would die if things started here? How many ponies just today? How many more in the days, weeks, months, years to follow?

Her wings flared as she strode out in front of her soldiers, wings flaring to form a barrier of feathers between the two sides. The cheers and rabble-rousing around them died as all eyes locked on the Lunar alicorn. “Alright,” she said, staring into those red lenses.

Silence reigned for a few seconds. Around her, the ponies stared in shock, mouths hanging open. The humans remained with their weapons at the ready. For a second, she thought the shooting might start anyway. But then, the leader reached up to his ear, pressing a button. “Central? This is Six-Talon,” he announced. “We’re clear down here.”

She heaved a sigh of relief as Rainbow nudged her. “Hey, Princess,” she said. “I don’t mean t’question your decisions or nothin’, but uhhhh…”

“What the heck are you doing!?” Pinkie put in, still straddling her cannon.

“What Tia would want us to do,” Luna replied, smiling to the mares. “No matter what, she would wish for us to choose the option that preserves the most lives. We are certain of it.”

The ground rumbled. Luna’s head whipped around, turning to the deep, swirling mist to see what appeared to be a set of massive glowing eyes. She blinked back in surprise as the rumbling grew closer.

“Yeah? Well, here’s hopin’…” Dash trailed off, starting to back away as the massive eyes drew closer, accompanied with a low growl. The ground under their hooves trembled, the eyes approached, and then a hulking metal beast emerged from the mist, growling and squealing as its wheels crunched along the packed dirt.

“Is that a…cart?” Rainbow asked.

“What kinda cart don’t need nopony pullin’ it?” Applejack put in.

The machine continued along, belching foul smoke that tickled the ponies’ throats, making some of the soldiers cough. “Weapons down,” one of the human soldiers barked.

A pegasus landed, helmet up, spear leveled. “You don’t tell us what to d—”

“Corporal Skywrite!” Luna barked. The pegasus turned on her, ears twitching, head lowering. Luna met his gaze with an even glare. “You will stand down and obey.”

“But, Princess…”

“Now, Corporal!”

Trembling, ears folding down, the pegasus heaved a shaky breath before finally laying down his weapon. Around him, his fellow guardsponies offered a similar display of surrender. Luna felt something cling to her leg and looked back to find Fluttershy holding herself there. She wished badly to pull her into a hug, but knew they needed to give off a display of utmost dignity. Now, in this darkest of hours, she needed to show herself unbowed. Equestria would not see her belly turned up and exposed for mercy.

If the humans noticed this display, they didn’t show it. Their eyes remained on the great metal cart as it slowed, idling along into the field, before coming to a stop just behind the squad of human soldiers. A couple more soldiers, still half-hidden in the fog, climbed out and pulled down the rear gate, offering hands up into the behemoth’s dark belly. Luna wondered what new, terrifying wonder would be introduced here and now. What tool was about to be shown to keep them all subjugated?

And then, a little girl carrying a stuffed bunny in her arms stepped out, helped down by the soldiers as she splashed into the mud with bright yellow boots and a neon-pink poncho. She was followed by a younger couple and a very small, little, old lady in a sunhat.

“What…is that?” One of the pegasi gasped.

Another guard watched, gapemouthed, stepping over his discarded spear as the little girl ran past, ushered along by the urging of her parents. “Oh my gosh, it’s adorable,” he gasped as she sped by, pausing to gape right back at him before her parents caught up and forced her past. Her eyes remained on the line of guardsponies, beaming a gap-toothed smile all along their ranks before the small group disappeared over a hill, the little old lady being escorted by one of the soldiers.

“I’m sorry, but what was…” the Corporal started, but was interrupted by a column of the inexplicable creatures. An entire column of adorable bipeds built like the inexplicable soldiers they’d known, young and old, fat and skinny, darker and lighter, all dressed in unknown clothing as they funneled from the truck.

“They have fashions outside of that drab camo!” Rarity cooed, watching the line. “Ooh, I do hope we can study their clothes at some point…”

“Pets.” Fluttershy gasped, watching the small animals hauled along in cages and on leashes with the group. “They have pets too!”

The soldiers cleared their throats. When the small group of mares turned, their eyes widened to see more headlights approaching from the fog, dozens more, backed up by hundreds behind that. A cacophonous roar rumbled in the air, accompanied with the sounds of thousands of wheels thundering towards them.

After a moment, Fluttershy stammered again. “B-blankets!” She lifted into the air. “W-we’ll need lots of blankets!”

“And candy! And noisemakers!” Pinkie gasped, her cannon suddenly disappearing.

“Apples!” Applejack gasped. The Element-Bearers took off in all different directions, leaving a stunned princess to watch the waves of incoming refugees.

“This…is what you need?” She asked, looking up into the red, opaque lenses, finally noticing the faintest traces of small, shimmering eyes behind them.

“Things got…complicated at home.” The leader sighed.

A knot clenched in Luna’s stomach. Her hidden Ace, her Guard Captain, appeared in her mind. “Complicated?”

A moment of silence. “You will house our people,” the demand repeated.

With growing dread, the princess nodded. “That we will,” she replied while wondering just what was going on on the other side of that swirling bank of fog. “That we will.”


Celestia let out a breath. “There…” she sighed as the laptop shut before her. “Equestria will save as many as we can.”

“Oh, we know they will.” Mr. M replied, standing to leave the small cell.

Celestia let in a shivering breath, watching the human leave so quickly. “Please, you must let me…”

“All I must do, Princess, is guarantee the continuation of the human race.” M replied, not even breaking stride for the door, shutting the new portal behind him with a loud, final thump.

Author's Note:

Again, my apologies for the lateness on these updates. I actually have some pulled ahead now, so hopefully the next updates won't be nearly as delayed

PreviousChapters Next