• Published 7th Mar 2014
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The Conversion Bureau: Setting Things Right - kildeez



When a portal to another world appears outside Canterlot, the ponies' initial reaction is of enthusiasm, hoping to greet these strange aliens with open hooves. Too bad this world was already visited by another Equestria...

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Chapter L: A Final Meeting In A Cell

Celestia was used to being held prisoner. She was used to being beaten and tortured, perhaps more than most would assume of a globally-respected sovereign. But she wasn’t used to being hated. Not to being used as a tool and bargaining chip. Not to the horrors she had lived through these past few weeks.

Not to feeling so alone.

She sighed, pacing to the other end of the cell, her head aching from the strain she’d had it under. No matter how she looked at it, there was no way out of here. Despite all her best efforts, she was still this world’s villain, and the real villain was literally riding the apocalypse her way.

She let out a breath. The buzzing of the electrical lighting above seemed to rise up in her ears. “What do I do?” She asked aloud, if only to have a sound besides that damned buzzing. “What can I do?”

“Join me.”

Celestia sucked in a breath and whipped around, nearly bumping muzzles with another ivory snout. The mare before her could have been her twin sister, down to the ethereal, waving mane. There were only two differences she could see: the doppelganger was at least a couple hooves taller than her, and those eyes…her eyes were easily the coldest she’d ever seen on anypony. Sombra himself had held more warmth and love in his gaze than this mare’s cold, dark lavender pools.

Celestia paused for only a second, then her expression eased back into a cool neutral. Both mares regarded each other, heads tilting in evaluation, almost in sync. She spoke first: “We are…eerily alike.”

“What’s so eerie about it?” Her double shrugged. “We knew we were but two sides of the same coin.”

She paused, keeping her voice steady and even. “I only say eerie because I had made certain assumptions about the appearance of one so monstrous. I had hoped not to stare into the heart of evil and find a mirror.”

The dispassionate, cold glare that met her own sent shivers down her spine. “Evil? Was it evil to want Equestria to be strong? To gather so much power as to never be harmed again? To become a kingdom that no other nation would ever dare challenge?”

“You mean to become a cold, uncaring tyrant who subjugates her world with fear?” A puff of breath left Celestia’s nostrils. “Yes, it was.”

“I suppose one who chose weakness would think so, would make the mistake of conflating power with evil.” She tilted her head. “Celestia, since I acquired this much power, do you know how many successful attacks have taken place against Equestria or her little ponies? Zero. Not a one. Few villains have lasted long enough to ever pose a threat to my ponies.”

“If you are so powerful, then why do you fear the humans?” Celestia’s teeth clenched.

“Fear them!? I do not fear them!” For the first time, the thin veneer of cold calculation cracked, as the doppelganger whirled on Celestia with a burning fire that ignited in reddening eyes. Then she caught herself, cleared her throat, took a step back. “I didn’t fear humanity, I pitied them. Celestia, you’ve been among them, surely you’ve seen their self-destructive capabilities. I mean, look around you!” The double spread a hoof around the tiny cell. “You’re the best asset they could have right now, and look where you are! Locked in a cage, all from the sheer terror of you joining me! They are ruled by their fear, and it has inspired them to do terrible things.”

Despite herself, Celestia rolled her eyes. “Oh yes, please, go on.”

That rage threatened to boil over again. “You mock me!?”

“Of course I mock you,” Celestia scowled. “The evil villain monologue? You couldn’t be more cliché if you tried. Have you a single original thought in your head!? Are you really so dense that even now you can’t see you’ve become the villain, even in your own story!?”

The double reared on her, towering over her, their eyes meeting. “Ignore me at your own peril, whelp. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Or did you not notice the small memorials throughout Germany around the Dusseldorf camp? Did you ignore any article to do with human history from before my great crusade?”

For the first time, Celestia faltered. Her eyes darted away for a moment. “No. I did not…”

A smile crept onto the other’s lips. “Horrifying, isn’t it? I bet your world, despite your lack of ability to protect it, never saw anything close to the Rape of Nanking, or the Tulsa Riots, or the Katyn massacres. Just a few of their thousands of atrocities, innocents butchered for the crime of being different. Tell me, do you honestly think your ponies would be any different? You’ve seen mankind’s power. Do you, in your weakened state, think you can protect every single mare, stallion, and foal?”

Celestia gazed off into a far corner of the cell.

“I can give you power.” The double whispered. “The avenues I used to attain this much magical ability are still open. Just think what the two of us could do together. We could reshape this world from the ashes.”

“The ashes?” Celestia turned on her. “You preach protecting your ponies, yet still wish to annihilate them?”

The double waved a hoof. “Collateral damage, nothing more. You know, even with the evacuees in Equestria, that this will weaken humanity. With our power, we could return to your Equestria and rebuild anew. We could create a world forged in our image. Earth will not be uninhabitable for long. We could build a paradise of any sort that you’d want.”

Finally, the double took a step back, tilting her head, looking into Celestia’s eyes, like a teacher waiting for their student to arrive at the correct answer on their own.

“It’s all up to you what the world looks like after this, Celestia. You just have to say yes.”

Celestia drew in a long breath, let it leak slowly from her muzzle. “You speak about a new world for our ponies, yet you stand up there with the full intention of letting yours die. You could shield them, but instead you’re going to kill them with the rest.”

The double said nothing, a dark look taking over her features.

“You are nothing but a liar.” Celestia met those cold vermillion pools with a steely gaze of her own. “You never cared for your little ponies except for how they could serve you! You’re going to kill them with the humans!”

“Even if I do, you know I’m right!” The double screamed, wings spreading to their impressive span. “If we leave things as they are now, it’s only a matter of time! Humanity will overrun us like cockroaches in the burnt-out ruins of this world! When they’re done destroying each other, they will drag us into the abyss with them! We either crush them now, or wait to be subsumed in a mass of hands clutching spears and rifles!”

“No!” Celestia shouted defiantly.

The double stopped, gazing down at her, wings folding back against her body.

“Yes, humanity has made plenty of missteps in the past, and their power is frightening…but where does that power come from?” Celestia waved a hoof around. “Look around you! Yes, this was all built out of their fear, but look past that! We are on a ship made of steel, the size of a city. Did you miss that magnificence!? Haven’t you seen their cities!? Listened to their music, read their books!? Yes, I’ve seen them at their worst, but at their best, they outshine us.”

The double’s wings flared. “Is this some joke!? Outshine us!?

“I met a little old lady who had spent the past few years visiting the husk that was once her husband every single day, and the joy I saw when he had returned to her was far greater and more powerful than anything you’ve ever done in your miserable existence. During my journey around the world, I saw the scars you left behind, and I saw people living within those scars, eking out an existence, forging new lives amidst the ruins of what you left them. Destroy humanity, you say?”

Celestia’s wing’s spread, and though they weren’t as wide as the other’s they still possessed a radiance beyond them. A smile crossed her face.

“Neither you nor I possess the power.”

The double glared down her nose at this smaller, smiling version of herself, who’s eyes danced with a mirth she had never known. “This is what you believe?”

“With all my heart. They shouldn’t be destroyed, simply because they are. They exist, they live, they love, and just like all sapient life, that means they should be preserved. If you need a reason to not murder billions, then perhaps it is you who should be destroyed. Me? I believe in friendship and harmony. They will serve us well in the new world, the one that I will forge.” She tilted her head. “Why, what do you believe in?”

“Nothing but myself.”

“Ah.” Celestia folded her wings calmly and coolly. “Then when the inevitable comes, you shall die for nothing.”

The double stared into her eyes, her head slowly shaking. “You are…hopeless.”

“I will take that as a compliment.”

“I should have known,” the doppelganger sighed, gazed upwards, up through the endless corridors of steel and plastic to where Celestia assumed her body stood, poised on Ceres’ surface as it rocketed towards doomsday. When those eyes regarded her again, they weren’t filled with that old rage, just…a certain sense of exhaustion. “We really are nothing alike.”

Celestia let out a breath. “You’ve no idea the relief it gives me to hear that from you.”

The double shook her head again, almost pitifully. “Fine. You can die with the rest. It really is for the best you’re here. I won’t be bothered with finding your corpse if its under miles of ocean water.”

“What would you even want it for?” Celestia snorted. “Sentimentality?”

“More…posterity.” The double sighed, shaking her head before her eyes started to close.

“One last thing before you go.”

The doppelganger paused, not even turning to look at her.

“As far as villain monologues go, I give you a seven out of ten,” Celestia smirked. “And just so you know, I gave Tirek an eight.”

The doppelganger remained in place for a few extra minutes, then sighed, her swan-like neck craning back as she looked to the sky. Then that cold gaze leveled on Celestia again. “I’m going to enjoy peeling the skin off your face.”

And then, just like that, she was gone. Celestia sighed. That…wasn’t particularly illuminating. Her doppelganger was simply too far gone, too hurt inside to possibly be reasoned with, though considering they thought their best option for the world was turning a race capable of sapience, love, and compassion into a mindless horde of worshipful zombies, that was pretty obvious from the beginning.

The way forward was clear. She had to break out of here and stop her doppelganger from destroying three worlds in a single fell swoop. But the only way to do that was…

“M!?” She shouted, her hooves pounding on the massive, steel door. “M!? Please, you have to listen to me! The world doesn’t have to end now! I can help!”

Nothing but silence replied.

“M! For the sake of all that is holy, please! She’s a madmare! I’m…I…”

She slowly sank to her haunches, a long breath heaving out of her body that rose and fell with her withers. Her head sank. “I just wanted to help…please…I know you’re afraid, and it’s okay to be afraid, but just let me help.”

Minutes passed in that awful, grating silence, with nothing but the buzzing of the lights as her companions. Despite knowing she couldn’t sink into despair, her head only hovered lower and lower until it rested against the impenetrable metal of the door. Her chin quivered.

And that was when something reverberated throughout her skull. A hum, a familiar shift in the air…

Celestia picked her head up, blinking in surprise, then pressed it against the steel again, this time with an ear perked to it. Her brow hunched. Was that just her mind playing tricks on her, hoping against hope? Or…

No! No, it wasn’t! There it was again! A smile crossed her muzzle as hope bloomed in her heart. Another hum! Like…like…

“Like a teleport,” she whispered breathlessly, hopeful tears standing in her eyes.

Then, there was a flash, a sudden flux of magic, accompanied with an arc of familiar, light blue electricity. “Shining!” She gasped, standing up from the floor. Yes! It was Shining Armor, her royal guard captain, her beloved nephew-in-law, and…who was that?

She tilted her head, watching this other newcomer: another unicorn, with a sandy mane, a well-built frame, and a bullseye for a cutie mark? The newcomer bolted to his hooves, and she gasped in surprise. Instead of the warm, loving eyes of a pony, she found the blank stare of a Newfoal, which instantly transformed from hope to a rage-filled glare upon seeing her.

“Y-you’re not her!” The Newfoal gasped, its horn already charging up for an attack. “He’s a liar! You’re not her! You’re…”

That was all he got out before a hoof slammed into the back of his head and he dropped, Shining Armor standing over him with a piteous stare. “Oh, David…” he sighed with a heavy accent.

Celestia knew that accent as well. “Oh,” she said, letting out a breath as Shining Armor gazed at her from behind a deep, burnt-in scar. “I see, you’re not…my Shining Armor.”

Shining shook his head slowly, carefully. “I…think we got off on the wrong hoof?” He said with a small, sheepish smile.

At that, she rose from her spot on the floor. “Does that mean this is…”

“A rescue mission, princess.” He finished with a thin, shaky smile.

It appeared to her like it burned with the radiance of her own star.

“Before we go, however,” he gestured to the unconscious stallion on the ground. “Could we...help him?”

“Oh,” Celestia said with a sad smile. “I’m sorry, but it requires the power of two alicorns to override that curse. Was he…”

“David.” Shining sighed, his gaze sliding over the unconscious stallion with a long, slow sigh. “The American. He risked everything to get me here.”

Celestia raised a hoof, resting it on his shoulder. Her horn glowed as she dipped it to his. “Then let’s make sure to end this quickly.”

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