• Member Since 6th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2019

CORACK


Nanolathing stories, one letter at a time.

T

Nightmare Moon had finally broken free of her prison. It was time to get her revenge on Celestia and bring about night eternal. Six mortal ponies rose up to stop her, using the power of the Elements of Harmony.

When the dust had cleared Nightmare Moon was gone, but so was Luna.

Be warned, there may be spoilers in the comments.

Chapters (23)
Comments ( 91 )

This is simply amazing! I love the story so far, and it all built up to an amazing climax of the first chapter. I'd never be able to write something as good as thism

6886122

Thanks for the compliment, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

Is that an advanced construction k-bot? Wow its been a long time

6887614

Indeed it is :pinkiehappy:

Owww my heart.
The feels bunker was not strong enough

I give it a good 747/1000

You could have avoided the overly long explanation of Celestia, I don't care about her or her history now. Instead you should focus more on Luna from now on, with some story breaks on what is going on in Equestia.

I thought you would send Luna on Earth, but your choice of fauna told me otherwise. Where did you send her? Is this some kind of a Crossover?

6898550

Thanks for the input, I did want to get a bit of backstory in, but I probably could have shortened it.

It is not a crossover, more be revealed in the next chapter, but you are right, it does not take place on Earth

6898590
Cool. Don't keep me waiting :yay:

6898608

You won't have to wait too long, a good chunk of the story is already written, new chapters will go up as I have time to polish and edit them, but I'm spending most of my free time trying to finish it. Once it's done, I expect to release chapters fairly quickly.

Ending was adorable! :pinkiehappy:

Finally, we get to the heart of the story. I'm actually fairly interested now to see how this will develop, and if Luna will be rescued (and by extension, Selene). What is Luna and Selene's ultimate fate? How will Luna do surrounding by this very advanced equipment, far beyond what Modern Equestria has, let alone the world she left.

I do admit the thought put into this, of how Nightmare Moon was banished in one instance and cleansed in the other, is very interesting headcanon. It's also a nice way to describe why Celestia is weak for later scenes from the show as well.

6907899

That's pretty much why I started writing, a bunch of headcanon jangling around in my brain that I spent way too much time thinking about.

I am really loving the direction this story is going so far.

I can't help but wonder about future scenarios, if Luna will try to improve their situation with magic and technology, or if they will be rescued.

(or if Discord will, when he gets free, pop over to taunt Luna and stay awhile, possibly improving their situation just by being there).

And if that, will she insist on salvaging the ship in either scenario of returning to Equestria? Unless her memory is perfect—which it might be, considering...—she will want references, among other things.

Something to consider touching on would be why unicorns and pegasi exist in human mythology. That could be an interesting conversation.
I'm also curious about what they're going to do with Luna's food situation.

Looking forward to more chapters.

Awww! :pinkiesad2: thought that was a good chapter.

6923663

Thanks, I hope you enjoy the rest :twilightsmile:

first time ive seen something like this here.
it seems pretty interesting so far although im not a fan of the celestia/luna are goddess thing.

So, Selene finally gets some of the story, and is introduced to the 'utopia' of Equestria. Though truthfully anything is preferred to their current situation.

I wonder if the comment on the mirror portal last chapter is a hint that Selene , if she enters Equestria ( and truthfully why would she even hesitate?), will "catch the pony".

I look forward to how this develops, though I'm curious what the implications of the decay effect are, and the potential rescue.

6929116

I hope you enjoy it, I will admit that I particularly enjoy stories where Celestia and Luna are portrayed as extremely powerful and it has influenced how I like to portray them. Hopefully this will not dissuade you from continuing.

Dark crystal... Is this relates to Sombre somehow? Otherwise, I think they are going to finally get some answers.

Will there be long term consequences from what Luna did to heal Selene? Or was it basically a free, if extremely painful, lunch?

So, Luna thinks she can supplement the (broken) Dimensional Drive to get it working again? Will it merely open a portal or take the entire ship (and probably part of the landscape) with it?

6948495

You'll have to wait and see :twilightsmile:

Luna is getting REAL tired of selenes crud.:ajbemused:

6951668

To be fair, teleportation from something else is kind of out of left field for her.

If I observed correctly, the structure they are in is some hybrid of magic and technology... Really, each chapter brings more questions than answers.

Well, there was probably something of interest in that control room once. No longer though. Curious where Luna be in all this, and where this is going, as it's a plot point from out of left field.

Finally, some answers. They do raise a few additional questions... The biggest being: won't Luna figuring out how to escape also potentially release the doomed constructs to wreck havok on her home Universe too? Same with Selene, as humanity has no defense at all against magic.

Also, what of the remaining AI? Will they take it with them? If the goal is to collapse the singularity, what 'other functions' is the AI referring to? Don't they want it to collapse? Is the AI she is speaking to the enemy?

I almost missed this chapter posted. I can't help but wonder if we are nearing the end of the story of merely the end of an arc.

Oh dear, reading this chapter was painful. Still, we got a little more backstory, and a hint that all is not well with Selene from whatever Luna did. A bit of the issue is that Selene has no idea that Luna could be considered a goddess at all, or is immortal, I believe, so this is all a surprise for her.

I noticed you had scarified when I think you meant sacrificed. Now that that's out of the way; I've really been enjoying this fic, but I couldn't help but feel the latest chapter was waaaaay too heavy on exposition, and I think you might be reaching just a little too hard in trying to connect this to MLP.
What I mean is, I feel like making Malice related to Discord, and part of some greater "Harmony" cosmology just feels kind of... Cheesy I guess? Granted, this is all my opinion, and you know ultimately it's your story, but I really think it'd work better without those bits. I think having him as some sort of being similar to Discord is fine, and even having him as some sort of antithesis of Harmony is fine too, but having them so closely intertwined, especially when this is all relayed via one chapter plot dump just doesn't feel like the same caliber writing as the rest of the fic.
I think the bit with Sombra works fine because it's something that you laid the groundwork for in a previous chapter; the rest of it really feels like it came out of left field.

Anyway, that's just my disjointed 2am ramblings on the matter. I've been enjoying the story so far, and hope my two cents at least gives you some food for thought.

7052651

I have corrected scarified to sacrificed, thanks for pointing that out.

Now onto the rest of your comment.

First off, I really appreciate the feedback. I'm still very new to writing and that kind of comment is extremely helpful at me figuring out what works and what doesn't.

Next bit is in spoiler text as I'm going to talk about my viewpoints on the story, and I don't want to influence anyone else's view. It isn't going give away the ending or anything but it could affect how you view the world I'm trying to build.

I think you are mostly right, part of it is my fault for not doing a better job conveying what I wanted to.

Harmony (and Pandemonium) were poor choices on my part for the good and evil forces from Malice's universe. The gods of Malice's universe are in no way connected to MLPverse, each universe (or dimension) is independent, the only real rule is where there are gods, they are immortal (and powerful) but even their power doesn't work in the same way

This chapter (and the previous well) were a big struggle for me, I had set out with a good idea of what I wanted to write about, but when I got close to the end I had trouble making it work in a believable way so a lot as changed from my original plan. I think this threw me off and without the planned guideline that I've had up to now, my quality has slipped.

The next chapter is going to take a while because I want to put more time into it and try to get back on track, hopefully when I finally release it, it will show an improvement.

I'm glad to see this story continuing, if not glad to see evil seemingly getting its way. I wonder if we'll have a friendship moment, here. In Equestria, Friendship is a magical force that can banish evil, among many other things. It's not to be taken lightly.

Not a bad chapter, but you might want to find a prereader; I noticed quite a few (minor) typos in this chapter.

7145999

Probably a good idea, are you volunteering? :derpytongue2:

Thanks for the heads up though, I just went back through the chapter and fixed a bunch of errors. It occurs to me that I completely forgot to give it a final pass before I published that chapter.

7146355

I can give no assurances to the quality of my work, but sure if you need someone to preread, I can do that.

Hmm... trying to trap an evil god of suffering, and yet at the same time Celestia is looking to open a way to Luna. This has all the potential to be a terrible, BAD END outcome.

Then again, it could also be the last second save of Luna and Selene.

Does this story have evil/opposite versions of the main six? If so, then when will they appear?

I know I should have seen it coming, but I wish Selene stayed human.

So Luna's the cause of the shipwreck, I'm guessing.

7181380

No it does not.

7181380

Why do you assume this is relevant for this story?

7181736

I wish Selene stayed human.

I want to give a comment to the other direction, that I like that she was transformed. In fact, I get the impression the only reason Luna and Selene (as a human) were unchanged was because that dimension they met in was half in one place, half in another, and had Luna travelled to Selene's home dimension, she would have transformed too.

7185699

In fact, I get the impression the only reason Luna and Selene (as a human) were unchanged was because that dimension they met in was half in one place, half in another, and had Luna travelled to Selene's home dimension, she would have transformed too.

Kinda close, the standard pony spell to open a gateway to another dimension will shift the form of the traveler (if needed) to survive in the dimension they are going to. For example, Twilight turning human when she goes through the Equestria Girls mirror. Think of it as a kind of safety built in by the magical laws of the Equestria universe. Luna and Celestia are immune to this due to their immortal nature and divine attributes.

Human tech works a bit differently, while the way it opens the actual rift is similar to the pony's spell, the D-Drive tech doesn't have a magical safety because there is no magic in the human world. That's why humans aren't transforming every time their ships travel, that and the dimensions they are hitting are all fairly similar to their own so there is no need for a form change.

Celestia opened the portals using Equestrian magic so the safeties applied, hence the transformation. Under normal circumstances Malice would have been immune but his true body, and the bulk of his powers were still trapped in the prison. The artificial body he was possessing lacked the divine protection to stop the transformation magic.

I see the story isn't marked as complete, so either there is an epilogue coming, or it isn't the end of the story, and a new arc will begin.

I felt Selene's giving in was a bit to sudden, I expected her to be more shell-shocked and uncertain. Not to say she isn't willing to give it a try or that her situation isn't much better than before sans humanity, but she's in an unknown place in an unknown body, without anything of hers having followed through. I'd expect uncertainty and reservations.

I also thought that her seeing a world that isn't dying would have more of an effect on her, too.

7199956

I see the story isn't marked as complete, so either there is an epilogue coming, or it isn't the end of the story, and a new arc will begin.

Whoops! :facehoof: I meant to publish the epilogue last night, it is up now.

I felt Selene's giving in was a bit to sudden, I expected her to be more shell-shocked and uncertain.

Don't think of it as giving in, she knows that the Princesses are going to try to find her a way home, it will just take time. For now she's stuck in a different body but she's also been reunited with Luna, Malice has been stopped and she's no longer stuck on a dying world.

Huh. That was kinda... abrupt. Still, nice story! Congratulations on completing it!

7200392

Can you expand on why you think it was abrupt? I could always use the feedback to help improve future stories :twilightsmile:

Luna got home, she saved Selene and Malice was defeated. I'm not saying that there isn't more for the characters to do (Integrating Luna back into Equestria's society, Selene learning more about being a pony, Celestia and Luna looking for Selene's home dimension), but I would consider it a separate story (I haven't planned any sequels yet but it isn't out of realm of possibility)

7200443 Well, it seemed to me that you were building up the conflict, building it up hard, and then suddenly everything comes together in just two chapters and an epilogue. There was hardly any winding down after the climax, so I didn't really think things were done yet. Honestly, I was kinda expecting Malice to somehow get loose since you saw fit to bring him into Equestria instead of just letting him perish in the Dying World.

I dunno, to me it felt like you were getting done with the first arc and the moving on to the second rather than finishing the story. Could just be me, though. Other folks would need to weigh in.

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