• Member Since 10th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen May 30th, 2014

The Harvester

Life is like a crop. Beings grow and spread like wheat on a field and it's my job to make sure that those wheat get harvested.


When the ponies came, they tried to convert humanity with words and kindness, saying that they were misguided beings and the princesses would help them on the path to Harmony. When that failed, the ponies tried the potion, only for it's magic to be countered by humanity's science. Then they tried force and failed completely at that.
Finally they decided to let the Barrier defeat humanity and it seemed to work! Nearly 50% of the planet was covered with humanity doing it's best to find a solution.
Unfortunately, the ponies of Equestria are about to learn a harsh lesson that humanity learnt long ago. The Earth can be paradise for those who tame it, but to others it is hell.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 247 )

Hey you! You stole my avatar!

I love this I just love seeing them losing these kind of stories maybe I should make my own


Wish there was more added. Like a scene when they finally give up and retreat only to see that hell still followed them.

The conervsion bureau, the only series that I want nothing more than to end with ponies getting their asses kicked.

I bloody love these endings where humanity wins.

Amen. Wish there were more of them.

I hope Mother Earth threw a nice package of this into Equestria before it was closed off.

Yet another clumsy and poorly conceived story that exists only to dump on TCB. Why do people keep writing these? :facehoof:

Just stop. Write something else. Reinvent the wheel. Find something better than sliced bread. I don't care, just stop making these anti-TCB fics where "da ebul poneez!" get what's coming to them. If you dislike TCB or what's happening in it so much, write a story about the real ponies and the real characters instead of promoting and prolonging the existance of these mockeries of the show.

So, Celestia fucking slaved Equestria. Bitch.

I'm starting to think nobody actually knows what the Conversion Bureau was about. Everyone's confusing the strawman 'humans suck ponies rule' version with the real thing.

For starters, the Barrier doesn't convert humans, and it's not some equine superweapon. The Barrier is the line between Earth and Equestria, and the two planets are being forcibly merged together by a dimensional convergence or whatever. The Barrier matters because the background magic of Equestria is invariably poisonous to humans.
That's why the humans and ponies collaborate to create the Potion; the ponies don't want to see billions of intelligent lives get snuffed out because of unavoidable circumstance, and a significant number of humans agree.

So this can't really be called a TCB story in the first place, because you've pitched almost every key element of the setting out the window.
This is just 'evil ponies attacking humans for no reason'.

And speaking of no reason, the Earth's voice makes no attempt to explain itself. It just yells and shouts like a misbehaving child while throwing lightning bolts around. And why does it get to just pull the Elements out of thin air so it can blow them up? How can the Earth just reach into Equestria, grab several powerful artifacts, and teleport them out completely unopposed?

This is just nonsense. I can't think of a better word for it.
It's like beating a straw replica of a dead horse.

Let's see how many downvotes I get! I'm thinking 30.

Let it be known that while I do enjoy reading Conversion Bureaus, I was forced to write one like this due to my friend's bet. I do have something else planned, another Conversion Bureau that is, but far more different any Conversion Bureau.
Lets just say that I'm going to bring a whole different light to Conversion Bureau.
Also it was either write this, or streak naked at the Super Bowl and I much rather be known as the another writer of an over done thing than the guy who was tackled butt naked at the Super Bowl.
One last thing, trying to outdrink a bartender isn't a good idea.

Chatoyance is who you have to thank for that. The original idea behind the TCB is fine but the reason all these ACB fics exist is because the sole purpose is to poke holes in the TCB idea. Many people take issue with the TCB simply due to the way it makes it seem like everyone wants to become a pony. This would NEVER happen, unless of course you're forced. So, people wrote thing to challenge the TCB and it escalated to this.

3838698 Well, the barrier being a pony superweapon is it's one purpose in like all TCB. The Earth voice gets to do that in this fic because it is still more logical than Pegasi jumping on planes to destroy them. I mean seriously wtf.

3838661 You say that like TCBs are a legitimate portrayal of the ponies from the show.

? I don't get it, Since when the earth can talk?! I find that impossible and now I'm confused.

the planet Earth always has been a bit of a bitch, especially when shit is forced:pinkiecrazy:

Planet earth fuck yeah! Don't fuck with mother nature's kids.

3838852 I'm not sure if you understand what the word fiction means.

I only read this because it had an unusually good rating, and it was a short one-shot.

It was okay, except for when the Earth spoke. That seemed a bit weird, but otherwise, the story was... different.

It turns out that even magic had cells if it was intended to be used against the body and using nanotechnology, they made the body able to recognize and destroy the magic cells.



3838631 Why not use one of her children's more dangerous 'toys' as the package :P?

3839198 Because getting hit by all those diseases at the same time is more dangerous than any weapon we've created.
Remember, most of those diseases are dangerous because they spread rapidly and a lot of them are deadly.

Of course, a nuke would have a larger instant death count and shock effect, but a lot of earths most dangerous diseases spread throughout the world would leave a lot more corpses in the long run.

3839259 Nothing says it can't be variety basket sorta of gift. :pinkiecrazy:

Remind me not to fool with her. With her we could go to there world and get them I think.

3839266 I can assure you that detonating a bomb near any disease would kill it, thus rendering the rest of it useless.
Soo yeah, no nukes, bombs or other kinds of weapons. Just diseases please.

Besides, have you looked at and read some of the goodies in that list?

Nice story though some of the grammar is kind of off. Still I figure there would be enough magic in the Equestrian side of the barrier to let Gaia make her anger known verbally.

3838661 You need to find humans are superior

Very original, will read again. :moustache:

A new story becomes one of the most cringe-worthy to date. The idea is already unsalvageable, but there's this actual effort put into setting it all up - not that it makes it any better or any sort of sense. Anyway, "the story" is 100% exposition, it's blunt (though intentionally), it's graceless, it's riddled with misspellings and other errors.


You say that like TCBs are a legitimate portrayal of the ponies from the show.

I know you are being sarcastic and witty, but there's no reason to write this sort of Celestia ("anymore", 'cause let's just say it had it's place once in TCB: Not Alone), and even less reason to expect this crap pass as any kind of achievement regardless of the number of views or likes it might gather.

3838698 Downvoted your comment to get it closer to 30. You're welcome. :D

Actually, I don't. The best way to be anti-TCB is not by writing anti-TCB stories, but by writing stories about the ponies as they are, like in the show, that's what I was saying. anti-TCB only further promotes TCB.

Yeah, about that, stories like this getting written really isn't going to make me start doing that.

I need to tell you something.

This is important, but you don't seem to know it.

You may want to sit down for this, because it might just blow your goddamn mind.

Are you ready for this?

Alright... Here it comes...

People do not write stories to please you. Shocking, right?

Turns out, every individual has the freedom to act in any way they please.

If a person wants to write a story about ACB Xenolestia, they fucking well should.

If you don't like reading stories about ACB Xenolestia, there is not a fucking thing that can make you.

If you do it anyway, you can only blame yourself for your displeasure.

It's not just me, man. It's the Illuminati. Those guys have standards!

The author asked for feedback, right?

Giving feedback does not mean that you have act like a discourteous, condescending little child.

3840432 No, no it's not sarcastic(witty? Why thank you). And as to whether this was an achievement is your opinion. I see it as a fanfic who's purpose was to portray the ponies in a different light than just all powerful beings. In that aspect, I believe it accomplished it's goal.

3840544 Is that really so? This antiTCB is trying to send a message. A fic with peace between humans and ponies may not be strong enough to send a message like so. It seems more like a piece that is trying to balance out the massive amount of misanthropic garbage and in doing so opening up a new side to the TCBs. Further promotes it... not really(other AntiTCBs yes, not so much the originals though). It is just a way for people to express their views on the TCBs. As you have read, this is an AntiTCB and it doesn't have many nice things to say about the genre if it's purpose is to send a sort of message.


Remember boys and girls; respect the earth and those that live on it... or it will write in all caps and fuck your shit up.

Thank you for your honest words. It's unfortunate that I seem to comment on stories I dislike with something between a "This sucks!" and a proper review. Not too long ago it actually worked and the author asked me to elaborate and I did - hopefully made a difference too. I dunno why, but for some reason I care.

I'd say these stories do a disservice to everything and everyone. They seem to encourage new authors to write the same thing (I dunno how, but the stories speak for themselves) and they give a bad reputation for TCB because they aren't actually based on any TCB-fic (meaning a fic not intended as an ACB-fic), but on TCB: Not Alone (formatting hurts the eyes, but the story's all there). Normally I wouldn't recommend it, but for the love of UNIX-based operating systems everybody should go and read it, and Ten Minutes as well, and start writing their ACB-fics AFTER and actually want to put the effort to them, and make them, if not better, at least with something more. That story has been off this site for almost a year now and there's only one or two fics that have come even close to the same level of trying as it once did. And I don't mean word count.

End mini-rant.

3840869 No, but these are based off of TCBs. There's Xenolestia, the serum, random continent in the ocean: If that doesn't say conversion bureau I don't know what does. A disservice? The original TCBs were a disservice. Those authors wanted to send messages about what's wrong with humanity and what it needs to improve on, which isn't a bad thing, but they show it by having ponies commit xenocides. Along with little to no logic it feels more like a misanthropy fest than a serious story. Like they make it clear(in their summaries) that they are trying to show a conflict between canonic ponies and real life humans, but in the actual stories it's headcannon galore and nobody can see underlying meanings when it's just throwing "Ponies are the best, Humans suck. We never say why, but it is just how it is."

bro mini rant really......i like reviews like yahtzee brutally honest i love brutal reviews it shows that they care or hate, but you my good sir or madam had a mini rant..but you do have a point i belive you in that.....please try to refrain your mini rants.


I think every fucking TCB fics should not exist. It only led us to flame war.

I read a lot of summaries about the brief history of TCB. Each of them is different. I usually just call them bullshit. I mean, I gotta stand on some kind of pedestal to feel high and mighty good about myself, right?

There's Xenolestia, the serum, random continent in the ocean: If that doesn't say conversion bureau I don't know what does. A disservice? The original TCBs were a disservice.

Not sure if... I'm not gonna answer that here. No need to inflate this comment section any further.

The rant is directed to everyone. The original comment is blunt, yes. If the author wants more feedback, I'll be glad to write some.

true....but which is a "good story" to you.....

"Mother Nature is a serial killer. No one better. More creative" Dr. Fassbach, World War Z.

This is the reason I do not piss the Earth off!

3840689 your name seems appropriate for this story

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