My pen hoof is somewhere on the left.
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Twilight just wants to read, preferably without any third-pony interruptions. But Trixie clearly has her own idea about what Twilight really wants, and it doesn’t seem to include reading.
Note: No romance novels are harmed in the telling of this story, though maybe they should be.
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Hi folks! I've written a lot of pony words elsewhere on FimFic, but this is my first real published story here.
!
Any critique and thoughtful criticism would be very welcome, good or bad. So please let me know what you think. Thank you!
~Southpaw
This was a perfect example of a perfect Twixie fic. Personally I didn't mind this ship, but now, because of this fic, I really like this ship!
4227453 Hey, thank you so much! I'm very happy that you enjoyed this.
Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
Enticing, playful, romantic. It felt very in-character; that is, their behavior felt like a natural response to them being attracted to each other given their established/extrapolated personalities. For instance, Trixie would definitely tease and play her lover, while Twilight is much more straight-forward. The situation was simple but sensible, with no needless plot devices or complications to distract.
The writing was very high quality, too. Descriptive and elaborate without being too much.
If you do make this a multi-part story, that would be great. It would be fun to see the lead-up to this situation. Though it does stand well on its own as is.
Excellent work. You, sir or madam, have earned yourself a Follower, because I very much want to see more of your work in the future.
This was cute! I was in the mood for some fluffy shipping, and this hit the spot. I have to admit I found it sort of hard to follow, to be honest. :/ I'm still kinda lost at whether they were already in a relationship at the start, or what the specific point of either of their acts were? Still, it's a nice little fic, especially for a first try, and I hope to see you keep writing!
Extremely well played, sir.
Oh ja, Twixie at its finest.
Really well done there. The teasing and cunning Trixie felt really natural and so did the annoyed and unusual forward Twilight.
good job with this fic!
hey, you made it to the popular stories box.
4228131 4228005 4227796 4227658 4227650 Thank you all so much for your comments and compliments! I'm really pleased that you all enjoyed this story.
And thanks for letting me know about the pop box, Mike. That's a very nice surprise.
4227658 Thanks! I tried hard to keep this story kinda fluffy without getting too lyrical and purple (something I do a bit too easily). I am sorry that it was hard to follow - there are some things that I should probably make more clear, and I'll see if I can make some subtle changes to improve that without altering the structure of the story.
The answers you want are pretty much at the end of the story, though I think I may have made them a bit too subtle. This is pretty much about communication styles in a new relationship and working through differences, making the time to be together instead of sticking to old habits. This image is hilarious and pretty much says it all.
4227650 Thank you again for your thoughtful comments! Twixie is kind of a compelling mix for me since the two ponies have so much in common and yet their differences in personality and skill make it easy to create tension between them. There's a lot of room for growth in any story for either of them. It doesn't hurt that I like them both, too.
I think based on the comments so far, it would make the story more complete and make more sense if I did go ahead and write the other chapters. I really need to flesh those out before I make a final decision, but I'm pretty sure now that I'll go ahead and do that.
Thanks also for the follow: I have a number of stories in the works, some small and one somewhat more epic which I am immersed in right now. Once I have a few solid chapters of that ready, I'll start posting it.
I really like this story, much more than I thought I would!! It wasn't too rushed, it moved at a pretty good pace. I would LOVE to see this made into a 3 part series! You have my favorite and follow
4229274 Thank you for all of that - the fave, follow, and your comment and compliments! I'm very pleasantly surprised at the response this story is getting, to be honest, and people like yourself have really made my effort on it feel worthwhile.
I do plan to follow through with my idea and write the other chapters, but it may take me a little while. When I'm done, you will definitely know.
This story impressed me. I usually hate lesbian ships (not that i have anything against lesbians) but because theyre usually too rushed. I also like the idea of tiger twilight. (Rawr)<
4230211 Thanks! I'm glad you liked this. I'm kind of partial to Sparkle-Tigress, too, though I really had Trixie wind her up for a while before that happened. That part was fun to write!
Glad that Spike and the rest of the pony gang didn't see this or it's a field day.
4230736 Yep, Spike and the gang were conveniently out on a field trip to the Everfree for
narrative conveniencethe day, collecting the ingredients for Zecora's time-travel memory potion for, you know... reasons.I love a good Twixie fic, and this one ranks right up there with the best of them. Very nicely done!
I have three things to say. First, I loved it! Second, you better get one more like because that 99 is bothering the hell out of me! Third, I would really like those sequels.
4239664 I have three things to say. First, I loved it!
~ I'm truly pleased that you enjoyed this story! Thank you so much for letting me know.
Second, you better get one more like because that 99 is bothering the hell out of me!
~ I know, right? I tried mashing F5 to ramp up the view counter, but I think the admins saw that coming. Fortunately some kind soul saved us both.
Third, I would really like those sequels.
~ Oh I definitely will write them, now. I can't make any promises on when, but it will happen.
4237845 I love a good Twixie fic, and this one ranks right up there with the best of them. Very nicely done!
~ Thank you very much for your kind words. I really appreciate that!
4240549
Wow, now that's teasing. The way Trixie puts on a show and Twilight figuring out the intention is perfect.
Surprisingly well-done. It was rushed, but it didn't seem rushed. This isn't exactly my favorite shipping, but I still enjoyed reading it.
>Dashie's face wheni.imgur.com/kCGlc.jpg
4244761 Okay, time to lock the library windows!
(and... Thank you!)
4243301 Thanks very much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I know what you mean about the rushed/not rushed. I tried pretty hard to maintain a good balance in this story, but it's a little hard to be objective when you've read through it 30 or 40 times. It's great to hear that I was more or less on track, but even more so that you enjoyed it.
4243059 Thank you! I actually felt just a little bad winding Twilight up like that, but letting her go after that was a lot of fun. Besides, frustrated Trixie was frustrated! 'Sparkle' deserved what she got in the end. Er... yeah.
4245545 I felt it appropriate.
Pitch-perfect Twixie. You got them both down great. :D
4317519 Thanks, I appreciate that! Writing Trixie can be fun, and pairing Trixie and Twilight was a blast.
This... I'd love to see more of!
4346700 I'm glad you enjoyed this! Thanks for your fave and especially for commenting.
I'm doing some serious thinking about how to approach adding more to this, but it will probably take some time...
First favorite of the year, well deserved in my opinion. Though I am biased concerning this shipping but that's a good thing. If it had been horrible I would have said so indefinitely... well, not indefinitely but enough to where you could most likely lose count.
An entertaining read, I did notice two punctuation errors but they aren't so blunt that they take from the story. The imagery made up for the small bits of portrayed action that seemed at tad queer. For example: began to giggle "musically" beneath her. Odd, as well as laughter being throaty...
All and all a lovely, and endearing fable, clever as well. And again deserving of its praise. Mind you this is all just my opinion, honest and open. Best of luck to you sir or madame. ~
4424488 Thank you very much for your thoughtful compliments and critique! I appreciate your taking the time for both, and of course I'm pleased that you enjoyed the story.
I think I should probably go through the story again with a fresh eye and touch up a few things, including some iffy punctuation (usually around ellipses and M-dashes).
I was also thinking about describing my intentions with the descriptions you mentioned, but I don't want to seem like I'm defending them (and I would also end up using spoiler tags) rather than listening to what you have to say. Your opinion is valid, and honestly it's great to see different viewpoints on how people perceive things.
In any case, thanks again for the high praise and for your comments.
And it's sir, by the way, for what that's worth...
4428885
I have no intention of going back and forth but you're welcome to defend /any/ and all words you portray, they were typed/written for a reason. Mind you I'm very patient and open-minded, blunt as well, but I don't wish to have you feel you can't speak freely of your own work that you took time and heart to create.
Also, you're quite welcome. I know the feelings of not wanting spoilers to be set free. I had someone /apologize/ to me because they couldn't comprehend certain events in a fable of mine, strangest thing ever. I told them it was my responsibility to convey what I mean to say in a more coherent manner.
My point and ramblings aside, my point is that I'm quite difficult to offend with words alone.
*whistles*
Aggressive Twilight is awesome.
4586270 She's my favorite kind of Twilight.
!
Thank you for the follow, and for your comment. I really appreciate them both.
This story was completely pointless, and I don't care. Twixie is a great ship and I'm all in for this one.
4991171 Ha! 'Tis true that this is entirely fluffy, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.
FWIW, I do have plans in the works for a couple more chapters that will add some depth to this, but it will take time because I am slow.
Welp.
I can certainly appreciate senseless fluff and spontaneous makeout sessions. I haven't ever really read anything Twixie before, but I think I might go search for some more.
6345365 Thank you - I appreciate the read and the comment.
By the way, I very highly recommend Eyes On You by UnlicensedBrony. As a Twilight/Trixie romance, it's fun and funny and tense, thoughtful and sweet and introspective, and an all-around well-written story. It's still one of my absolute favorites on this site, and perhaps my favorite romance of all.
Fuller review here, but in brief: probably mostly for Twixie fans, which I'm not, but the romance-novel-style prose is an interesting touch. (It goes too OTT for me at times, but I'd imagine that was deliberate.)
8993874 Hey thanks, Loganberry, I appreciate the comment and review. And true, it is a bit OTT, and mostly that's intentional and some of it is just my long-winded style. But either way, guilty as charged! I did plan to write more to this story, and actually did outline and write a bit, but this was story written 4 years ago, and the show has really moved on a bit too much to make that work, now. I feel bad about that, but there it is...