And There Was Nothing Left To See
“Well, goodnight, Spike!” Twilight called out to her number one assistant, yawning. The day had been long and tiresome, yet it had been a day well worked. It was a day she was sad to see end, honestly.
Nighttime was always the worst for Princess Twilight Sparkle.
She stood at the edge of her bed, all four hooves planted on the ground, staring at the sheets. She had made the bed just perfect, so perfect, the sheets stretched over the mattress perfectly, and the pillows were plumped just perfectly. Everything... perfect.
Twilight sighed, and slowly set a hoof on the wooden frame of the bed. Staring into the carefully made bed, she sighed, knowing that she could not put sleep off any longer. Already, she had postponed drifting away for three nights, and she could no longer think straight. She was frazzled, frayed, and tired.
Oh, she was so tired...
Twilight swallowed hard, and barely heard Spike respond to her. “Goodnight, Twilight! Glad to see you’re finally getting some sleep, I thought you’d never go to bed!”
Twilight turned her head to see Spike laying a blanket over his little bed that was stationed at the foot of her bed. The dragon was humming to himself, and though he was blurry in Twilight’s fatigued gaze, she could still see the contented smile on his face. Poor, poor naive Spike... he did not know what horrors weighed down his princess.
Twilight crawled slowly into her bed, using her magic to levitate the blanket ever so slightly out of alignment with the sheets and pillows, so that she could crawl under and nestle in. She lay there, staring at the ceiling, her lantern still flickering with light, casting creepy shadows over the room.
They didn’t scare her though; nothing scared her much after her dreams started.
It had been months, at least; or had it simply been days, ones that dragged on forever, seeming as though they were months due to a mixed lack of sleep and increasing paranoia. She was a princess, though; she couldn’t let on what was happening. Twilight considered writing to Celestia, but... every time she tried to write about them, her body shook and her magic faltered.
So she had to live like this; wishing every night would never pass, wishing that she never had to sleep. Her tired eyes began to droop, and she cast a wary glance at Spike, curled up and happy in his little bed.
“Spike?” she said softly. Spike opened an eye and looked at Twilight.
“Yeah, Twilight?”
“Do you want to sleep up here with me tonight?”
Spike opened both his eyes, and raised his head slightly. “What? Why do you ask that, Twilight?”
Twilight did her best to smile, but it felt painful and forced under the layers and layers of tired and scared skin that clung to her. “No reason, Spike. Just... come up over here and snuggle with me.”
Spike slowly got out of his little bed, and crawled up onto Twilight’s. Twilight lifted her blanket, and the little dragon squeezed down next to her. His scales were cold, but Twilight cared little. She slide a hoof under Spike’s head, and brought him closer to her. Spike gave Twilight a confused look as she hugged him.
“Twilight... what’s going on? Is something wrong?”
There is no way he could know.
“No,” Twilight lied, the words butter sliding down a piece of toast. “Not at all Spike. I just guess that I needed someone besides me tonight.”
Spike shrugged, and sank into the covers a bit more. “Well, your bed is really warm, Twilight...” He yawned loudly. “Thanks for inviting me up here tonight.”
“Not a problem, Spike,” Twilight said. The little dragon was already asleep however, and Twilight was left there in the bed, eyes heavy. Turning her head, she blew out the bedside lantern, and closed her eyes, knowing that whoever was in her bed, there would be no comfort from what was next. She could be sleeping besides the entire town, and yet, she would still end up trapped in the same dream.
She was sitting at her desk, scrolls of parchment lined before her. She was staring at her hooves blurrily, the tired feeling still following her into her dream. She was in many different locals every time she had the dream, from her bedroom to the Canterlot Royal Library, but more often than not, she was sitting at her desk.
The alicorn slowly turned around, bracing herself for when the dream would truly start. This was the calm before the storm, the introduction; the horror would truly begin in a moment.
Staring at her bookshelves, she watched as the air shimmered slightly. This was no symptom of fatigue, however; this was the first sign.
A small little patch of black, like someone had poked a hole through existence itself, was on the very corner of her vision. Her perception could not pick up exactly where it was, as it was clever, fooling her weak, mortal eyes. It was simply there in the corner of her vision, a little pin prick that had been stabbed through the fabric of being.
Except it was no longer a pin prick. Tiny little tendrils of the non-existence were spreading from it, and the pin prick was growing into a swirling black vortex. More and more pin pricks were appearing around her, first in the corners of her eyes, but slowly they were spread across her vision.
She didn’t scream though. There was no reason to scream anymore.
The black had almost completely filled her vision, with simple shreds of reality left dancing inside the void that was growing around Princess Twilight Sparkle. In the instant before the black became everything, there was a burst of horrible, eardrum-rending noises: metal being scraped against bricks, bones being crushed, sinew snapping, and books spines tearing.
This was the sound of dying.
Everything became black as the last shred of reality flickered away, consumed by the void.
Twilight Sparkle was dead.
And everything was gone.
It was all gone.
This was the part after.
Princess Twilight Sparkle was in the void. The empty, dark expanse in which there was nothing. Nothing except her, and The Next.
She floated softly through the void, drifting towards The Next. She was impossible, all ragged muscle and bones, thousands of teeth and eyes that hungered for anything that it could get. Princess Twilight Sparkle drifted ever closer to her, and she felt nothing, for she was dead.
As The Next brought her closer and closer, Twilight could still feel the dream, even though she had long since died. She felt as The Next began to rend her flesh away from her bones; her bones were the only thing of use to The Next. Everything else was tainted, mortal; from her useless skin to her frivolous organs, right down to the worthless sinew. Only the bones could remain.
Twilight was dead, but she could feel everything. This was a dream, but she could feel everything.
And The Next was pleased.
Yet it wanted more.
Twilight Sparkle’s head shot up from her pillow. Her entire brow was covered in sweat, and indeed, it had left a mark on her pillow. She looked to her side, and Spike was not there. She slowly put a hoof to the place he had once been, and came up with nothing.
She felt just as tired as she had when she had fallen asleep.
Slowly sitting up, she could hear noises coming from downstairs. The clanking and clattering of dishes, the sound of Spike’s voice singing to himself. She smiled; even though her dreams were haunted, the real world was still as peaceful as she had remembered it.
She blinked.
And her heart stopped.
For in the corner of her eye, there was a black pin prick. One that was slowly getting bigger and bigger.
It wanted more.
For the first time in weeks, Princess Twilight Sparkle screamed.
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There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt
praise her
pretty straight forward description their regidar....
You magnificent bastard.
Your writing is so bipolar... One moment you're writing a ridiculous comedy with random morals, and then you write something like this...
...I luv it.
Maybe her dreams are influenced by all those books she reads. I think that they are basically acid for her.
This reminds me of how little Twilight and her friends scream...of fear
Is there a horrified "Goddamnit Regidar!" GIF instead of a mad one?
Neat story. I like the ending.
3778034 If there isn't, there should be.
Ew gay
Goddamit Regidar.
Final destination that shit.
oh god yes
3777954 *there
3778204 thanks man
I like this, but I felt the psychological horror within the dream could have been a bit stretched out more.
Wow, Regi, you've come a long way. This was actually pretty darn good, especially considering how short it is.
img.photobucket.com/albums/v624/fenchurch/smiliemacros/neo_whoa_1.png
Despite distractions, me like.
Now write.
Goddamn, dude.
~Skeeter The Lurker
That was amazing, really well written. It gave me goosebumps!
3778356 thank you!
3778016 that's why I never read books
This event recollection (which I am not calling a story) is pointless in the sense that it doesn't actually carry a theme, convey a message, expand on a character or really do anything in particular, yet it still carries a "complete" tag. Why is this?
Yes, Twilight has nightmares. Your writing style isn't bad, but these nightmares are entirely unexplained, leaving the reader to wonder what exactly he or she just read. Throughout the fic (which is so short I could have missed it if I blinked) she's just talking to Spike while your narrator goes on a little tangent about how she's having nightmares. The first half of this has a chronic case of tell-don't-show which is horribly unsatisfying.
The second part, the dream itself and her waking up, equally conveys nothing. She just gets her organs ripped off her and this entity apparently wants more of it. For no psychological or emotional reason whatsoever. These dreams just so happen to target her because it would be cool to do that.
I like what you could have done here—that is, write a story about Twilight's psychological issues that led to these dreams and propose (and you would even have to follow through with) a solution—but the problem is, you didn't. What you did was make 1.3k words of an excerpt that makes no sense.
Not your best, Regidar.
3778380 your fault here was expecting something good from me
I had a feeling I'd get a few comments like this, and you are absolutely right— but when I was trying to do here was write something short and horror-based, seeing how little I could take of an idea and make a story from. If you felt like it was pointless, it's because it was, in a sense. Still, it was something I enjoyed writing, and others enjoyed.
What I guess was attempted here was that sort of "nothing is scarier" vibe. The sort of feeling you get from knowing nothing, and being terrified as a response.
I'm sorry you didn't like it.
3778397
If it's any consolation, you succeeded in what you were trying to do. It's the lack of all other elements that I don't like. But as I said, it is at least written mostly well for what it is.
It's good you enjoyed writing it. You should always like your own work. If you don't like it, don't write it.
3778408 I might expand on this later, but the thing is, I never intended this to be a "twilight is losing her mind" fic. I had tried to make this a "bad shit is going down and no one can stop it" (along with "nothing is scarier"). So the elements you may have been searching for were most likely never intended to be entered here.
Regi, do you have split personality disorder, or do you just juggle the Andrew WK and William Shakespeare halves of your brain?
3778501 I like to think I can turn on and off certain idea flows.
Those are the kind of dreams you learn to accept. You have to or you'll go mad.
You embrace the chill of your spine, the erratic beating of your heart, and vertigo as you fall, even as your toss and turn under the sheets and sweat bullets into your pillow.
There's nothing you can do. Dreaming of your demise is like a seizure. You aren't in control and you have to wait it out.
You know you won't die so you learn to accept it, even as it happens every night. You learn to calm down and what was once a big deal becomes the norm. It comes to the point where you can simply shrug it off like water off a duck. You're own death becomes a mundane thing.
So when the real thing comes for you when you're awake, does the adrenaline rush through your veins, setting your body ablaze with the desire to survive? Or are you numb to it and stand there awkwardly and gawk as you get rended limb from limb?
Were you foolishly thinking you were dreaming, sleeping awake?
Maybe you've gone mad despite your efforts.
Or did you even give a damn about your own life in the first place? Did you care to live anymore?
You've embraced your killer like a beloved lover you never had and it's the greatest feeling in the world.
3777996
It's obvious that Regidar is biwinning. They're the true winners.
Why do you feels me so
I'm glad I got to read this. Short, simple, and thoughtful. A good break from crack comedy.
Nice, man. I enjoyed it. Good work with something so short.
My heart is pounding. Whatever you hoped to achieve, you've earned it. Nice work. If a pony had thumbs, they'd be up.
Whoa. Holy shit, man. That went from bad dreams to cosmic horror in an instant. I don't see nearly enough good "nothing is scarier" stuff around here, nor do I see enough good cosmic horror. This story is weird in a good way, and just confusing enough to be intriguing. What's up with The Next? Why is Twilight having this problem? Are others having these dreams? This story raises so many questions, but I have to wonder if one might lose their mind if they were to find the answers.
Wait, I think this might count as Weird Fiction, which I also don't see nearly enough of around here. Nice. The only problem I would have with this is that it's so short. Then again, I don't really know where one could go with this story from here. And, exploring what all of this means could be detrimental to the horror. In other words, I guess it's pretty great the way it is. Well done.
I like it, but it's not scary. It has an ominous feel, but not a scary one. But it has a good premise. That you can never go to sleep. While it has been done before, I feel that it is done well here, but it falls too short. If you're aiming for a short horror story, a good word cap would be around 2-4k words. (I wouldn't know anything larger, since I've never done anything larger). This is a wonderful idea that is brilliantly executed, but it falls short in length and in depth. I would love to see it expanded more, but if not, I understand.
To be honest, I usually don't read short short horror stories like this one because of the fact that they're either badly written, or they fall short of being amazing due to length. I'm still happy I gave this a read though.
That was a very interesting thrill ride.
I smell a sequeal!!!!
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/004/4/3/don__t_close_your_eyes___forty_winks_by_catwhitney-d5qf49i.jpg Well. Guess I'm not sleeping tonight.
3778725
3778792 hehe, thank you!
3778838 The briefness was supposed to extend the feeling of "Nothing Is Scarier". Along with my recent reading of "The Thing On the Doorstep and Other Weird Tales", I had been hankering to write a sort of cosmic Lovecraftian story. I'm glad I've whetted your appetite with questions, however...
3778868 Well, as stated above, I just wanted to see if I could make a very short horror.
3778951 no u
3778986 nope, sorry. Just a fart.
3779488 I'm sorry
let her into your dreams
praise her
3779459 We all went to heaven in a little rowboat...
It's like eating a rich, dark chocolate cake made of evil and despair. You write these like no one else, even when they aren't technically finished. Makes me wanna go make a survival-horror game.
3779921 great now I'm hungry
3779519
for me). It was about a girl I used to go to school with, though, and it wasn't exactly PG-13. If only it had been Twilight Sparkle letting the world end, I would feel much better today. 
Actually, oddly enough, I did dream last night (a
I also slept far less hours than I usually do, leading to my inadverdently being a little late to work. Thanks, Regidar.
3779921
There is one of those. It's called My Little Foundation: Containment is Magic. Youtube's got a few good videos of it.
EDIT: Like this one!
I don't know what to think about this.
I feel empty inside.
E͘͢͢҉̡M̸͏P̧̨̀͠T̕͢Y͢͡.̸̸̨͞
Damn... between you and IceboxFroggie, you two have creeped me the fuck out!
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/arch/src/130810403241.gif
3785494 she dreams of neither
I have no idea how you reached this conclusion
3778587
Holy that was creepy. Yet I've done it. *sighs*
So, what was this story? She dreamt of dying the first part, that I got, but what's the second? Dying again?
Excellent! I always enjoy your more outlandish, less serious stories, but as I've mentioned before, I truly appreciate your ability to write in a range of genre; Hospice, for example, is turning out wonderfully. You're well on your way to being a superb horror writer, as you seem already quite adept in psychological horror. What I'm saying is, you've got potential, and plenty of it. Keep up the great work!
I must also add, however, that in this case, I agree with LunaUsesCaps a bit; explanation and background information would pull the reader further into the story. Perhaps explaining events leading up to the story setting, such as when the nightmares began. Perhaps an overview of Twilight's psychological state, or further detail following her increasing fatigue and psychological decay (just examples, ideas that could have been used). These things would have pulled the reader further in, made them truly comprehend the horror at the end when her nightmares and torment suddenly began to shift into reality, and I surmise it would have had a rather chilling effect. There's still work to be done, but you and this story have plenty of potential, as I've said. I'm hoping to see more and more of it over time as you grow further as an author.
Comment editing on mobile sucks... one more thing. Now, since your point was to make a short horror with as little story as possible (or something like that, excuse me if the wording of that statement sounded off), you've accomplished your job. The story was chilling and terrifying, and certainly not pointless in my opinion. I simply wanted to state though, that this story does have plenty of potential to become a truly terrifying cosmic horror - which happens to be one of my faves. You accomplished what you set out to do quite well, but I think you might have slightly (and this is just my constructive (I hope) opinion) underestimated the amount of detail minimally needed to make this story truly shine. I also want to mention that I usually wouldn't bother with such a critique, and that I say all of this because you really are one of my favorite authors on the site. I'm looking forward to your further growth as an author.