• Member Since 15th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen June 19th

Obselescence


[center]Bye guys[/center]


E
Source

A young filly writes to the newly-crowned Princess Twilight, asking for advice.

She's made one small mistake, though, in assuming Twilight feels qualified to give it...

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 294 )
Comment posted by Leechador deleted Dec 28th, 2013
Comment posted by Mr Ignorable deleted Dec 28th, 2013
Comment posted by DayDrifter75 deleted Dec 28th, 2013

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How wounded I am by your barbed remarks.

Also, Incomplete story. The rest coming to a store near you someday.

Comment posted by La Barata deleted Dec 28th, 2013

Nice exchange of letters here.

It was quite, well, relaxing to read, really.

~Skeeter The Lurker

pls2godie kthxbai

sarcasm and joke fonts needed

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I feel like you two are being insulting to this man-person's story. It is a short and sweet one-shot; I say one shot because it can't really be continued after this chapter

Obselescence writes an incomplete story?:twilightoops: Well this is surprising:twilightsheepish:

Very nice. Somehow you manage to write something that reads like something that would happen in the show. Good work.

Comment posted by DayDrifter75 deleted Dec 28th, 2013

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It does happen sometimes. After a lot of angst, prodding, and tears.

The best way to learn is to teach, and the best way to get experience is to actually do something. A lovely exchange of letters between adorkable nerds. I look forward to more. :twilightsmile:

Also, Loudypants is best princess.

It's great, Obs. Favorited and liked!

New from Hasbro! Princess Loudypants! With dual speakers hidden in her flanks, she's the loudest toy you will ever own. (That is, until Vinyl Scratch gets her own flank-speaker doll.) Now with ten different phrases.
I like this, so it gets an upvote. (Note: I hit the upvote button once and the number went from eight to twenty-four. How in blue blazes did that happen?)

That's ONE way to stop a bully. :trollestia:

This is so cute. It takes a skilled writer to write below his level.

As well, did you mean to se this story as incomplete?

3692014

I did. There's a second half to this planned, which ideally I'll be able to get on soon.

3691803 let's be nice and offer constructive criticism instead, yes?
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Princess Loudypants

:rainbowlaugh:

I assume picking on Luna this way is what got you your downvotes.

Dear Aurora,

What? She actually said that?

Well then, listen here, and listen good. You go up to that snooty little brat and you tell her

I'm dying!!!!!! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Really good stuff here, eager for more.

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I don't understand what was so terrible about the story. It seemed sweet, in-character, and was a fun and simple read that made me smile. I'm assuming he's borrowing the names of some OCs from a terrible story or something, and that's the problem, but honestly I can't find anything insult-worthy in this whole story.
(EDIT: Except for the grammar, i suppose. Also, I decided to see what some of you people wrote, and foun out that some of you who commented are open about going around insulting stories to test authors ability to handle negative criticism, and I can kind of see logic in that, but this is an author who wrote many stories before this, and this story is a fairly good story, so I don't think you guys are really justified here.)

As for an actual comment on the story; it was sweet, fun, and made me smile. Giving it a like and a favorite.

3691811 LISTEN HERE, BUCKO

I'LL WRECK YOU

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Woah woah I never saw this side of you:trollestia:

3692130 shhh you'll ruin my fun

Comment posted by DayDrifter75 deleted Dec 28th, 2013
Comment posted by MidnightDancer deleted Dec 28th, 2013

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You naughty girl :raritywink:

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Folks, please. I'm all for good fun, but can we try not to derail the comments too badly? :(

3692144 okay FINE

I liked the story, but you already knew that. Good show, and so on.

*claps*

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Aw, thanks. :3

*Rewards with treat*

3692168 being naughty is its own reward

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Okay, I've had my fun. 'Twas a very good story, in all honesty, so I'd really like to see more.

I like this, but I feel twilight is a bit out of character. It feels here almost like she has high functioning Asbergers What with how she has to calculate out To an obsessive amount how to do simple social interactions. Still, a cute story.

3692119 well for OC names borrowed I only saw aurora from rainbow factory

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I think it's partly natural Twilightness in wanting to calculate and categorize, and partly due to the stress of being in the position of a princess giving advice. In my mind, Twilight'd be less confident in her own wisdom, but a bit more comfortable relaying advice derived from research and careful calculation.

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The names were taken pretty much entirely from thin air, so if anything lines up with a name in another fic, it's totally by accident. :V

It was pretty nice.
One way to keep me from falling asleep at 11:30... Wait... it's 11:30? :

Whatever! Nice job, Obs!

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I find her to be the same old Twilight. She's humble enough to think that she's not deserving of the princess title and obsessed with trying to apply statistics to a friendship report, forgetting that she didn't gain her friends by forcing them to like her, but quite the opposite: by being herself.

Until she got to Ponyville (and even after), she probably also avoided ponies with bullying tendencies like Ruby Red. Twilight hasn't had to deal with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in the show, or even most fanfiction, so it doesn't surprise me that she isn't handling this as well as she'd like.

That said, the friendship blossoming between Twilight and Aurora is adorkable, and I look forward to more.

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I think the reason why people dislike this is because, while accurate and quite charming to those with a more refined literary pallet, to the average reader, this story can seem somewhat bland and dry. It is most likely the non-descriptive, factual, letter like format. While I commend you for truly capturing the essence of letter correspondence, reading such a format is like eating a plain slice of bread simply for the sake of consuming the bread. Call me French, but I like bread (translate this to "Call me dry and overly analytic [no offense to the French, this simply makes the metaphor work], but I enjoy this letter format)! I suggest having the next sender write in a very descriptive type of language and possibly throw in some popular literary devices like irony and sarcasm for comedic effect. The contrast for such vibrant, attractive writing against Twilight's heartfelt, but rather orderly, strict, dry, and factual writing will create an even bigger appeal for your story. That is all. Please note that this work was excellent. It simply didn't go over well with the masses. Continue writing well and excellence will eventually draw SOME fans to your doorstep. In fact, at this point in time, it already has. Congratulations on your spot on the featured list. I look forward to your next work.

Aurora is the cutest filly I've ever not seen.

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Um. Right then. Carry on.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Maybe it's just me, but I found the entire exchange rather charming, and Twi's "solution" at the end has BACKFIRE written all over it, so there's Chapter Two et seq.

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Damn good bread, though...

69nth like here, now to find out what is going on with those two... never mind I'll let them keep making noise in the closet. also Good story.:twilightsmile:

One second I'm finishing the chapter, the next I see a wave of hate comments. I just don't know what went wrong.

that people took me seriously makes me laugh.

seriously, though. good story, obs :heart:

I... Wow, that was really good! Kinda shocked that it's incomplete with how it ended, but that just makes me even more eager to read more! Letter format is hard to pull off, but it read quite smoothly, so props for that!

This was all very cute and whatnot, and I thought it was a great story. But, and it is a big but; i thought the whole point of season 1,2 and 3 was for twilight to learn that life and friendship was more than just calculations and study.
All in all though, you have done quite well to keep the flow of the story intact, despite the difficulty presented by correspondence narratives. I had difficulty finding much evidence of world building however, but this is inevitable sometimes with this writing style.
overall: 7.5/10 :twilightsmile:

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