• Member Since 20th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen February 26th

winzaur


T
Source

It all started as a normal day for Spike, panicking about Rarity, check, annoying Twilight with said feelings for Rarity, check. Rainbow creating a crater in front of the library, check?
Contains SpikeDash (obviously) and accidental background (Twarity)

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 82 )

I like it!:pinkiehappy:
*smashes large bottle of Jack Danial's*
ANOTHER!:flutterrage:

Seriously though you need some comas. Try reading your sentences out loud, and add them at natural breaks.

Thanks for the tip! I'm working on the next chapter right now so I'll try that :pinkiehappy:

Of all the ponies to ask for, he would go to the rainbow tomcolt?

When there's Pinkie then there's Cake Twins.

3568903 I'm just fond of this pairing. :rainbowkiss: I think it's kinda funny but your ones are cool to! I tried to start with something I'm most comfortable with based on what I've read

Your diligence pleases me. :moustache:

3569078 the mighty Vexy comments upon my story, this is a most humbling occurrence. Sir I am honored (Legit no sarcasm :D):pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Welcome to Heartbreakville - Population: Spike.

This is my very first Fic and would love any criticism or suggestions that will hopefully make me a better writer. :D

Well, really I'd advise you not to put stuff like that in the description of your story. It might put some people off, as your description should only describe the story, not you.

Other than that, not the most original concept, but I can't be upset about Spike fluff, even if it is with Dash :twilightblush:

Such is the harsh, cruel world of love..........................
Luckily........Someone is always there to mend the heart and make it stronger than ever.........................................
:pinkiesad2:
:raritydespair:

“Pinkie! We are not on a date, we just spent too much time getting blown into each other. I mean… we spent too much time in the dirt together… err.. We just need some food okay?” Rainbow said, her blush intensifying with each word she said. Pinkie just kept smiling wider and wider.

Lol! Just digging her grave deeper huh.

You have my attention, now don't screw up. If you do, I will teach you the definition of insanity.

3570333 Nah, those who TRY to comfort you make it worse.

3570212 Thanks for the tip! I'll move it to the authors notes

3571325
Sometimes.............................................
Sometimes,
Depends on their intentions

Don't interfere with other couples unless one of them says otherwise. It never ends well.

I completely agree :trollestia:

Oh boy, this won't end well. If Rainbow catches them she's probably going to punch Rarity for hurting Spike. Then punch both of them for spying. Incidentally how is Spike going to be in Rainbows cloud home without a cloudwalking spell?

Spike totally gonna tap kiss that.:trollestia::rainbowderp::moustache:

This wont end well at all..........................................
But it'll be hilarious, and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3572820

A. since griffins can walk on clouds as well as pegusi, one could argue that many winged creatures can do so,

B. Dragons, as far as we've seen, eventually grow wings

Combining those two points, we can hypothesize that dragons can walk on clouds, as we have seen no evidence to the contrary

...:rainbowderp:
I utterly loath both coffee and energy drinks, and I get my caffeine from tea, but if this is what they do to you I might need to try them again.

RainbowSpike with a side order of Twiarity huh? As long as Spike is shipped with a female and isn't Rarity I'm game.:pinkiehappy:

More...more...MORE! I NEED MORE!

This story and trama are AMAZING!!!:moustache::rainbowkiss: :raritycry::facehoof:

Haha, they got flamed!:rainbowlaugh:
Still looking forward to the part where Dash gets pissed off with Rarity, that should be intense.

Mogss: Hmm. Criticism? Short but already famous!
Curiosity: Does that even count?

3576853 Well it's not done yet :pinkiehappy:

Spike needs wings!!!

So what was :raritywink:'s plan again? Just sneak those two to see some love scene?

Oh yeah, it's about to get violent. Karma is approaching Rarity.

box...huh.....hehe...yup.,..

da box...DA BOX!!!:flutterrage:

Oh goodness.......................
MOAR SOLID SNAKE REFERENCES ON DA WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:raritywink:

Hmm...a bit unrefined but that sort of thing comes with practice and experience so don't worry too much about it for now. I have to admit that while the premise isn't one of my favorites, I'm still here, aren't I? I see potential here and will continue to read this to find out just how much. :twilightsmile:

3582346 Thank you kind sir! If you have any suggestions feel free to inbox me or comment on here. :pinkiehappy:

“Yeah if you don’t mind I’ll probably crash here for the night, Spike said, hopping on Rainbow’s back as she flew up to her cloud house.

Missed a quotation mark.

We gotta a four way coming on!

Yay! it finally happened, sort of. I'm looking forward to seeing Rarity and Spike have a long talk and sort things out. Once that happens, we could have two very lovely couples. :twilightsmile:

You have extra words, both unneeded and unwanted, they actually take away from the story because they make the characters sound unlike themselves.

It was so good to hear from you 10 minutes ago!

This is one such line, spike writes a letter to the princess of all of equestria and bothers her for tickets. Celestial would of course send him the tickets but spike would never ask, if this is for rarity he would try to get the tickets himself. Things like this (character persona) are what you should look into to help make your story more believable. Such as, twilight would probably not run out of the library like a mad mare with a pot on her head shouting about zomponies. Those lines made me roll my eyes, and almost stop reading.
If you plan on using an already made universe to set your stories, then you should try following how those characters act with each other in that plane of existence.

I'm finding it really hard to imagine this happening rainbow sounds like she's seven, and twilight having a 'pomf' moment because of rarity. I really hope you work on their attitudes in future works, to make them actually sound like themselves.
Also the long, loud laughing sessions kinda make me cringe. 10 mins is way too long to laugh at something that is really only a chuckle, 5 mins is a bit much for something only slightly humorous.
I really do want this story to do well, I love rainbowspike fics, but unfortunately the negatives have been too great to over look.

3612567 Thanks for your feedback! I'm still working on the whole writing thing and one of the problems I'm having is seriousness

3606588

Yes,YES,YESYESYESYESYES.To the four way

3630257 Dude...thats creepy

Interesting, will keep an eye on this one. :twilightsmile:

Hmm, It's been a minute amigo, I hope you're not wrapping up on this one just yet.

this is good..... very good :twilightsmile:

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