• Member Since 23rd May, 2014
  • offline last seen July 2nd

Geoice


T

Why do I love him? Because, he's cool, knows what a mare want to hear and he's awesome. But I like mares, and yet, I have strong feelings for him. The only male who was able to steal my heart. Hell and here I thought males were no good slobs. He proved me wrong, oh so wrong. I want to be with him, to hold him, and stay with him. I'll even cut off my wings.....for my love, for him. Wow that sounded real sappy, but you know.....if that what it takes to be with him, then I'd proudly clip them off myself.

With new author...... Geoice

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 83 )

I liked the first one but I have to say this one is much better!
Great job!:pinkiehappy:

val

since Spine made me horny
so she renames him

I think you messed it up. You should've kept it the way it was. The original chapter was perfect.

I like this version more, less Twibashing and more focus on getting Spike from Rarity.:twilightsmile::moustache::heart::rainbowwild::raritydespair:

I won't push the matter about your spelling. You should still consider improving that anyway, since you'll attract more readers with better spelling.

If I look past all the technical stuff, I think this version is better because it doesn't involve unnecessary bashing of Twilight or Rarity.

Overall though, I prefer the previous version. The grammar weighs this version down too much for me I'm afraid :twilightblush:

If I had to give a single advice that would improve this chapter immensely it would be this:
Use one exclamation mark.

Aw.. I loved this telling from Rainbow's point of view. :rainbowkiss: It was comedic :rainbowlaugh:, kind of naughty for her personal thoughts of Spike while he massaged her wing :unsuresweetie:, but all in all real sweet and cute of how at the end of the flashback Spike cuddled up to RD and she kissed him on his forehead. :heart: Now I just hope she'll have the guts to admit her feelings to him, because she or any mare would be better for him than Rarity I think.

3423031 I agree, frankly I don't understand why you changed it at all as I thought the original was perfectly fine, but this :pinkiesick:

There are 285 exclamation marks in this chapter. Just thought I would get that out of the way first.

Anyway, there are grammar errors everywhere, dialogue is annoying to read due to lack of line spacing, there is frighteningly excessive use of exclamation marks, and little typos here and there.

In short; get an editor. Soon.

Besides all of that, I like the premise and I think this could be very good if taken in the right direction... and properly edited. Please continue.

Well, i like it, i like it a lot!!:pinkiehappy::rainbowwild::moustache:

I really don't care about spelling unless it's absolutely terrible. Yours just needs to be moderated.

Both versions of your chpater have their strong points, so just try to incorparate both elements. Detail from this and ominous from the other.

Overall, I'm just looking foward to more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.s. Don't do what I just did.

val

just drop rarity from a thousand feet in the sky

our problems will be fixed well at least till discord tries to take over........ well he can rule a kingdom pretty well so I'd be fine with discord ruling equestria as long as spike and rainbow have their relationship

3434127
How the author handles this story reminds me of how Google handles Youtube: They're trying to fix something that's not broken, and as a result, makes it worse.

Kufufufufu~ Sorry Crisis, been tied up with family matters, but im back to help. Just ask for help when im on and i shall be at you beck and call. Ciao until then. Kufufufufu~

F1utt3rShI~

(Daemon Spade)

Comment posted by Katnips deleted Dec 10th, 2013

this story is awesome but their seems to be a few chapters missing

Dude I have to say I love how you wrote this story. They tone you gave Dash I find it interesting and I want to get to know this conflicted Dash more with every word she says. :rainbowderp:

It's fine everyone has writer's block sometime. I think it would be interesting if the next chap (or next few) had Dash trying to come to terms with "Thinking" Spike and Rar are dating. Where then Spike goes to see his "mare" as Dash is watching over him. But then he walks in and see Rar with a someone else getting hot and heavy. She then breaks his heart telling him all the "wrong" things lol. As he runs out crying Dash burst in and beat her ass:rainbowdetermined2: for hurting him lol:raritydespair:. How does that sound. Can't wait to see your next work Dude.:moustache:

I know you canceled this storie but I was wondering if you could finish this storie please

I know this is a very stupid question and you probably get this question for this story but why did you cancel?

That is if you dont mind me ask...

So do you want me to continue after these two, or remake the chapters with the same kind of setup?

4635787
ill keep it as is and continue it. Never done Dark. It'll be a new experience. Can you give me the idea you had for it and anything extra that you thought of?

4978885 You know your the first person to say that about me...

4979160 Thats actualy a good thing, its more of a compliment then anything else.

Before I was Big Macintosh one moment then King Sombra the next... Those were intresting times.

4979350 Cool how's my Spike impresin
"Green with envie or in this case pink with envie"
The grifun brush off episode

Sorry spell isn't so good

Lance blazer

4979727 I remember that scene that, it was funny...

That was actualy really good empression though

4980244 thank he is my favorite dragon alwase great with one liners

4980321 That Spike is, he is the only Dragon who has not tried to attack, bully, or cause harm to pony kind in anyway shape or form...

Except for that one instant when he became large do to a greed growth spurt but he did turn back and feel gulty about ever sense

4981628 thanks to rarity I'm not a Spike x rarity fan no evens bronys but there cute and I like there kids Kailala's Art work have you seen her work it pretty Cool and she has a fanfic group that right great storys

Lance blazer

4981881 That is true, even if you are not a fan of their pairing, they do have fan base that has made some really good fan fics for those 2.

I will go check her out in the future and see what she has made, thats for telling me

Go Yonder Rainbow Dash! (I think I spell that wrong.) I make sure to have my sleep darts sniper ready incase she really go crazy.

pretty long chapter you got here, and a pretty good at that, as long as you can overlook the grammar problems... other than that, it reminded me of my "Changeling's Dragon" story, and that I'm still trying to think of how to make a sequel, if I ever get that far...

Nice to see an update. Good chapter and nice length, but it could be better with an editor. At least copy and paste in MS word to clean it up a bit.

5538367 RD's thoughts and feelings for Spike. It is endearing and sweet, but you can't help but feel it might be slightly veering to madness and a dark place. At least that is my opinion.

5538399 No, more her insulting and thinking about hurting Rarity, one of her best friends.

5537856 isn't that with spike crying then chrysalis shows up tries to trick him fails....sex...then love....then leaves(to sum it up) I definitely want a sequel :raritystarry:

5542737 to make a long story short, yep... but that wasn't what was happening here

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