Spike endures a growth spurt in both body and mind.
Others begin to take an interest in him.
The spectacular editing work is done by socialdeviance
Chapters (2)
B_25
Joined 18th Apr, 2013 ·
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Looks like this is going to be a fun read.
Yea you did a great job, I am enjoying it with each word. It is interesting to see a Spike story where he is not "hating" his greed. At least not right off the back.I can't wait to see how his relationship with Dash grows into something more lol. He seems like the flirty tease type that can't handle it when you flirt back with lol.
. Anyway keep up the great work and I am dying for the next chapter.
two main things:
1) you've got a lot of errors here and there, like "concusince", "what did happened", and "six different types of ponies" [Earth, Pegasus, Unicorn, Alicorn, ?, ?]
2) I know the narrator's intentions are good, but why do I still want to punch him in the face? and I don't mean that I hate Spike or whoever you're writing as the narrator, but I just LOATH the stories that are 3rd person commentaries...
other than that, all I can really say is that I can't stand Spikeabuse but love Spikeshipping
4048006 Yeah, I would've figured some mistakes still would've been made. But don't worry, I'll end up editing them all out today.
Are you're talking about the intro part, then that's the only time that happens. I wanted to try opening a story in a different kind of way. However, if you're hating the 'greed' voice, I suppose I can cut his lines down. By re-reading this, I've noticed that his supposed comedy is quite forced.
Well, I'll notify you when this is all fixed.
4048081 about the voice, it just took me a while to tell it was something in Spike's head, rather than something like a person sitting in front of you in a movie theater that's shouting at the screen "don't go in there... What did I just tell you!" to a movie you're wanting to watch...
4048096 Ah, I see. I guess I never really gave him a good introduction in this story. But besides that fact, do you think I should cut down his lines a bit more?
4048103 well it is your story, not mine, but I would try to keep them contained like your other story "Spike's Temporary Stay"... here it seems like the greed is talking whenever he has a thought, not just when it's an important point... you know what I mean?
4048120 Exactly like how a guy at a movie would. Yeah,I'm going to rid of him, and replace him with the old voice Spike had in the older version of this story.
I want to thank you man (or woman) for helping me out here. I need this story to be at least decent until the deadline, and I've realize how abysmal I've written this voice.
4048131 I'm not saying take him out entierly, but alright, I'm glad to help you out
PS I am a guy
For me it's a great chapter! Old on with your
great work!
I expected him to say something like:
You've got to be kidding me...
Yep, that's it, i'm outta here, way too much to handle!
Nice "i have no mouth and i must scream" reference. Must have been terrifying for spike to be a soft jelly-like blob.
4061689 I love you man, I seriously thought no one would get that.
4064043
This is one big brolove, man. Harlan Ellison is a genius. I suppose you played the videogame too, besides reading the short story?
4064064 I've done everything that has to do with the book. And not let us forget his audio reading of his own book, the way he is able to portray his own character is far beyond words, especially when he get's into the crazy voice.
Man, it pains me that my writing will always be a 2/10, and his being 9/10, maybe even a full ten. His writing of dark is just so unique.
How did you enjoy the game?
4064144
Ah yes, the audiobooks! It is specially deep when he talks about Ben, it sounds so pitiful, so hopeless.
I noticed that he leaves quite a few things ambiguous, so the reader fills the rest with his/her own imagination.
The game was quite satisfying, giving the player the option to redeem humanity through the character's actions, and turn the tides against AM, making him the fool trapped in a mechanical body, with no capacity to escape it's own metal shell. It gives a new meaning to the words "i have no mouth and i must scream". Its a plus that Harlan himself made the voice of AM for the videogame.
Good, man. Very good. Please, continue.
4064279 He did a fantastic job voicing AM, no one even compares to him. I still don't know why they were so reluctant to give him the part.
But seriously, this book is good in every way. I'm mean even look at the title. "I have no mouth and I must scream."
Also, I'm quite surprised you yourself haven't written any stories, quite the shame.
4065420
That encounter Spike had in his mind with the jelly like blob reminded of Bleach.
The Being inside his mind , Greed could be the dragon's version of a inner hollow.
All wanting something to grow stronger and feel the void in themselves.
Not to mention he was brought back to life & noticeable physical changes.
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I just love Bleach.
4065420
No one is far more perfect than the creator itself to make the voice for one of his characters. Glad they chose him in the end.
The title settles the background, the theme, the environment, it's simple and right to the point, while also being ambiguous.
Aww, i am flattered. To be honest, i have been "fermenting" a story for quite some time, but i never found the time (nor the patience) to sit down and write it. I have the introduction of the first chapter done, set at 4k words more or less.
This was a interesting chapter, To be honest i feel that Dash was asking for that. He was harsh but she hit way bellow the belt. Once again Twi repeat the same mistake he did before. Now I am not taking Spike side in everything he was going "alittle" to far and did act kinda like a ass. But some of those things were asking to be said, I feel this whole thing could have been avoided if he just would have finish his dance with Dash. Ether way can't wait to see the fallout from this. There is a good chance non of the girls will talk to him, well at least till Dash tells them what she said to him during the dance. ( But even so lets see if they try to see if from his side or will just just "once again" take their friend side before listening to him) Can't wait for next chapter.
Well one problem with being a teen is anger issues. Spike went a bit far in this and it looks like he had let his temper get the best of him. This will cause problems later.
4121126 True, but Rainbow pulled out the ol' "No mare would ever like you." card and Twilight made the same mistake twice after saying she wouldn't do it again. Spike definitely went a little far, but he isn't the only one that needs to say sorry.
4121178 You are right on all accounts. Some lines are crossed by both sides and some sorrys are need to be given by both of them. However it probably won't be that simple.
4121126
Nope. That anger didn't come from being a teen...
4121096
4121126 Teenage hormones and rebelliousness tend to kick in at the worst of times.
4121178 She did bring it on herself. Once again Twilight made the same mistake.
4121791 That bottled up anger has been there for 4 whole seasons.
Just waiting to explode!
4122020 lol i've gotten to the point only big mac can answer me.... cool lol
4122262 Same here.
Ow, poor spike. After coming back from the dead just to get the same indifference and lack of good will from others.
On a side note, this really needs an editor. I am up to the task.
4122719 Yes, it really dose need one, and I can't think of a better person then you my friend.
But are you a hundred percent sure you're up for the task? It can become very daunting at times.
4123376
I also did editor work with another story called "The Crooked Pony", by a young writer. It didn't last much tho, the author disappeared from the face of earth.
And yes, i am in.
Two quick things about the "the party's for you" talk between RD and Spike:
1) it should've been broken up into paragraphs for each person talking (along with other paragraphs, now that I read further)
2) I would've responded to RD's question, "who else?" with something like, "well, I haven't had any form of party thrown for me in years, so I just thought it was yet another one meant for someone else." Even if it's more depressing, it's still more accurate in that they'll probably forget about him not long after... what'd I tell you!
other than that, I really see Spike leaving ponyville (maybe for Canterlot [but he'll probably just send a letter to Celestia like nobody else] , the dragon lands or just wander the wilderness) after cleaning up his blood and Twi coming back to yell at him some more... thus, perhaps, having RD come back to apologize after reflecting on what was said, only to find he was thrown out/left and went after him while the others are still miffed... at least that's my guess
Ive just read this...and when spike made that comeback to RD...all I could say was ouch! But I love the story cant wait till next update.
4124939 Ah, it's good to see you again!
1) I shall take your advice, good sir. I've been trying a new writing style, so I'm not a hundred percent good with it as of yet.
2) Again, nice job. Mind if I steal that line?
4125335 Nice to see you too, and take all you want, glad to be of help
What the fuck did this duck just read?
While I feel there's a lot of ponies in the wrong here, Spike is far out there! I feel things will become really complicated now.
Great chapter, it was littered with some grammar mistakes here and there in the beginning, but straightened out towards the end of the chapter.
I could have done without all the anti-religion propaganda though. Spike could've easily gotten his point across without that jab, and Whooves could've marveled at time and space without making fun of 59% of the earth's population. Just saying.
I find myself getting less and less interested in this story. Perhaps largely because I came here anticipating SpikeDash, but all I really got was excessive profanity, an irritating second narrator, the butchering of Spike's character and nails being hammered into the SpikeDash coffin.
While Twilight is in the wrong when she doesn't listen to Spike, the wrongdoing is dwarfed by Spike's completely inexcusable behaviour. He went above and beyond reason and logic; his actions were completely over the top. What he said was absolutely senseless and venemous, and to begin with, Dash just shrugged it off. I literally couldn't believe that Dash put up with Spike being a total fucking dick until he'd brought her to tears—tears which I don't understand. I mean, this is Rainbow Dash we're talking about here. I'm sure she's probably been called a lesbian before. If she was upset by Spike's insults that nobody liked her, honestly I would be more shocked and horrified that someone would say such a thing versus being offended because it's such an outrageous and hyperbolic comment to make.
Back to my original point, this started out as a Slice of Life Romance SpikeDash story, but now it has become a Dark fic about how much you can make Spike into a total bellend, and justify doing so with his Greed. That doesn't really appeal to me at all. Spike's a pretty nice character in the show, albeit underappreciated by other characters and viewers alike. To see him twisted into something completely different here is most disconcerting.
That's my two cents.
Great job, dude.
The chapter is full of energy and emotions that needed to be put out. After that Spike went take out he really needed and that is what this chapter comes.
I only regret not having another chapter so I could continue to read, but look, you're a writer, so we need the time to develop their ideas.
I like.
Stop that almost swearing shit.
So much drama. I need more.
Bravo, you've managed to make everyone seem like an asshole.
I like it.
wow you just made spike a total jack-ass way to go
I clicked for SpikeDash and is very close to leave for the way spike is acting to everyone
besides that not that bad of a story
Very good, very good I like the way spike is acting and finally geting back at all his "friends"
There must ne more
4125335 update please
I wrote this?