P.P.O.V. (Pony Point of View)
“So let me get this straight,” said Merry May. “You brought Braeburn’s wife back from the dead? Not that ethics has ever mattered to you, but that strikes me as being even more deplorable than putting me in a helicopter body against my will.”
“But Cherry’s alive again,” said Braeburn. “Ethics aside, how can you call that deplorable?”
“Ethics aside is pretty much how we all got here,” said Sunset. “Isn’t that right, Twilight?”
Twilight had come out of the library. “What are you talking about? I would never do anything unethical.”
“Are you suuuure...?” said Sunset. “Are you reeeeeally suuuure...?”
Twilight chose to ignore her and turned to the other three. “So, what are you going to do?”
“It’s... a lot to take in,” said Braeburn.
“I’m back, dear. We can be together again,” said Cherry.
“N-no offense, but how do I know you’re really you?” Braeburn gave Sunset a hard look.
“You really think I would go to all this trouble and not give you the real thing?” said Sunset. “I spent months exhuming her body, pumping it full of spells to get out the stench, summoning her soul, stuffing it back in, doing more spells to hold it there, and then performing enough mental magic to actually restore her to some level of functionality after such a traumatic experience.”
“Mental magic?” said Twilight. “Sunset, you know how bad that is.”
“Are you suuuure...? Are you reeeeeally suuuure...?” said Sunset. “I know how bad it is from firsthand experience - you using it on me.”
Twilight again chose to change the subject. This time, she addressed Cherry. “What will you do now?”
“That depends on Braeburn,” she said. “I left all my assets to him in my will.”
Braeburn nodded. “After...uh, all that, I moved to Ponyville to stay with the Apples here. I haven’t thought about Dodge Junction for a while.”
“I’m just glad to see you again,” said Cherry, touching him lightly on the shoulder.
“Me too,” he said.
Cordoba arrived just then. “Hey Merry, I think I’ve gotten Twi-minator’s location figured out in the Everfree Forest. Let’s go gank her.”
“I’m kind of in the middle of something,” Merry replied.
“No, no, don’t let me hold you here,” said Cherry.
“I’m here for Braeburn,” said Merry. “Just in case you actually turn out to be a zombie or something.”
“You can’t just call ponies zombies,” said Braeburn. “It’s not polite, if nothing else.”
“I don’t know if she could get her teeth through his metal plating, either,” said Sunset.
“I’m just trying to look out for you, like you did for me,” said Merry to Braeburn.
“Wait, what did you do with this machine?” asked Cherry.
“At one point, he said he loved her,” said Cordoba.
“Are you sure your special talent isn’t opening cans of worms?” muttered Twilight.
“He kissed her, too,” added Cordoba.
“I was trying to harness the power of love to save our friends from a bad guy who had them trapped,” Braeburn hastily explained
“That bad guy was fictional, invented by you, specifically to con Tin Mare’s programming into letting you change it so you could have her,” said Cordoba.
“Wait, you created the mythos of the Love Meister?” said Twilight.
Braeburn stuttered. Cherry said, “Who?”
Sunset said, “Well, it looks like you all have a lot to talk about.”
“Totally,” said Cordoba.
Both of them started to walk away. Twilight cut her eyes side to side. “Um, yes, I suppose you three do.” She quickly excused herself.
“Well, that happened,” said Cordoba. “I still need to go to the Everfree Forest. We could make it a camping trip and get a cabin or something. Except for Twi-minator. Then it would be a stabbin’ cabin.”
Rarity came walking down the street and Twilight intercepted her. “You don’t want to go over there. Cherry Jubilee came back to life, and Braeburn is trying to deconflict her relationship with Merry may.”
Rarity did an abrupt about-face and walked with Twilight. “All right. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know, what can we do?” said Twilight. “This is such a complicated situation.”
“No, I mean, what are we going to do since we have so much free time because we aren’t getting involved?” said Rarity.
Twilight considered that and decided Rarity was onto something. “I don’t know, what did you have in mind?”
“Why darling, how about a cruise? I’ve been dying to take one for ages. I know a perfect little boat in Vanhoover.”
“Sounds great,” Twilight acknowledged. “I’ll get the others.”
After a brief meeting, Applejack, Coloratura, Cracker, Pinkie, Sunset, and Cordoba were in.
“So why are we going on this cruise?” said Pinkie.
“To avoid having anything to do with the Cherry Jubilee-Merry May-Braeburn love triangle,” said Rarity.
Pinkie nodded. “That’s one three-way I do not want to get involved in.”
Fluttershy and Rainbow declined the cruise, as they had a class reunion in Cloudsdale to attend.
“But there’s a little problem with getting to Cloudsdale,” said Rainbow. She glared. “You know, because somepony took my wings.”
“If you vote for me for President, I’ll give you a ride to Cloudsdale,” said Columbia, appearing just then.
“Wow, I don’t know if a cunt like Rainbow could take that,” said Pinkie.
“That wasn’t the kind of ride I was talking about,” said Columbia. “I’m not into girls.”
Rainbow wiped sweat off her brow. “Okay, good.” She turned to Rarity and started sweating again. “To hide the lack of wings, I, um, need to ask you for a dress.”
Rarity gave her a vindictive smile. “Why darling, all you needed to do was ask.”
“This is going to be a learning experience for Rainbow,” muttered Applejack.
Unfortunately, it was not as intense for Rainbow as it could have been. Rarity had an emergency “make Rainbow Dash frou-frou” kit ready and rapidly deployed it. Rainbow still came out looking like a fashion doll that had fallen into a vat of sparkle at the industrial glitter factory.
Everyone else packed for their trip and left for Vanhoover. That evening, Columbia and the Flim Flam Brothers set up their traveling road show to head for Cloudsdale. Rainbow and Fluttershy rode with them in their steampunk flying machine. At the last moment, Trixie and Daring also jumped aboard. The primitive airship groaned under the added weight.
“The Amulet of Culiacan might be in Cloudsdale,” said Daring.
“Wait, does that mean Quibble Pants is also there?” said Fluttershy.
“What’s wrong with that?” said Trixie. “How many badasses does it take to gank one guy?”
“That depends, do I count?” asked Columbia.
“Saving the world would really make you look good in the polls,” said Daring.
“Then I’m in!”
They flew on to Cloudsdale. Flim and Flam stayed aboard their mobile campaign float and extolled the virtues of Columbia while she smiled and waved.
“Well, at least it takes attention away from me,” Rainbow sulked under her fancy dress.
“Things I never thought you would say,” said Fluttershy.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
They headed for the flight school class reunion, but unexpectedly ran into Gilda. To be fair, she was a fellow alum, but at the moment she was cutting the ribbon on a new scone shop.
Fluttershy quickly made herself scarce, but Rainbow stopped to talk to Gilda. “I didn’t know you were in the scone business.”
“That’s what you get for not writing, dweeb.” Gilda smiled, though. “Yeah, I have a chain.”
“And if you vote for me for President, your business will continue to grow and expand!” interjected Columbia.
“Not that I mind, but I’ve done all this myself,” said Gilda. “Why do I care about you?”
“Because I bring the magic of capitalism,” said Columbia. “Something I see a successful businessperson like yourself is already well versed in. Together, we can make all the planet a shining example of do-it-yourselfism.”
“I don’t need to do anything together,” said Gilda. “I made myself successful.”
“That’s the spirit!” said Columbia. “We can be individuals together!”
“Yeah, whatever.” Gilda walked with Rainbow towards the reunion.
Daring and Trixie wandered up. Trixie had done a cloudwalking spell on herself. “Hey, is that one of Gilda’s scone shops?” said Daring.
“Looks like it,” Trixie replied. “Do we still have that 10% off coupon she gave us for helping out with the Idol of Boreas in Griffonstone?”
“Sure do,” said Daring.
They went inside. The griffon at the counter flatly refused them. “That has to be fake. Do you honestly think Gilda of all griffons would give out discounts?”
They were about to argue the point when they were interrupted.
“Oh, look at you, trying to be special again,” said an electronic voice behind them. It was Quibble Pants.
“I knew the Amulet of Culiacan was here,” said Daring.
Quibble sighed theatrically. “Why are you still looking for that old thing? I got into the Temple of Chicomoztoc, solved the puzzle using the amulet, and claimed the treasure ages ago. The temple’s empty, so the amulet is now useless. If you really want it, though, I’ll sell it to you. Thousand bits.”
Daring’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t trust you.”
“Come on, I’m not the bad guy here. Just because I’m better than you doesn’t mean I’m your mortal enemy.”
“You’re not better than her,” said Trixie.
“Oh please. Daring’s books have always been so unrealistic. I’ve been going on quests and solving the same mysteries without any of the unnecessary drama. Because I’m simply better and smarter.” Quibble chuckled. “You know honestly? I’m thinking about writing my own books.”
Trixie laughed. “Pff, nopony wants to read about some guy who is smarter than everyone, better at something than a world-recognized expert, and has a robot companion. That has unrealistic written all over it.”
“Yeah, haven’t you ever heard of a Mary Sue?” Daring added. “Look at you, masturbating to your own wish-fulfilment.”
Quibble snarled. “Look at you, Daring! You’re a stereotype of a bushwhacking archeologist who never fails, right down to the signature hat. And you, Trixie. The defeated foe cast into redemption as the God of the Universe’s adopted daughter with unique radiation-based magic and an all-conquering machine gun that you can pull out of nowhere. Talk about engineered characters and unreality.”
“Well, it’s pretty clear we’re not going to get anything done here now,” said Daring, turning away from Trixie. “Since we’re in Cloudsdale, want to have HLS on a cloud?”
“I’d love to,” said Trixie. They walked for the door.
“Hey!” called Quibble. “You can’t just walk away like I’m not telling you the truth about how the world works!”
“We can ignore you,” said Trixie. “And won’t that deprive you of the attention you crave?”
They exited the shop. Twi-minator stood there, hovering just off the clouds. She wore a cloak, being in public, but her eyes glowed with LEDs. She said, “Halt.”
“Make us, bucket of bolts,” said Daring.
Trixie gave her a look.
“Sorry, best insult I could come up with on the spot,” said Daring.
Twi-minator began to charge her horn, but the Flim Flam brothers went by in their campaign vehicle, playing some ridiculous oompa music to appeal to the minorities. That was enough of a distraction for Trixie to gain the upper hand.
Twi-minator either hadn’t bothered to perform the cloudwalking spell, didn’t know it, or it didn’t work on robots. Either way, Trixie shifted to eight legs, braced, and put as much force behind swinging the stock of her M60 as she could. Twi-minator, being midair, caught the full force of the attack and went flying. Trixie followed up with a blast of magic for extra momentum.
They both wanted to rub it in Quibble’s face, but they knew that simply ignoring him drove the figurative knife deeper.
And you know that’s saying something. This is a narrative that often requires differentiation between figurative and literal knives.
So, anyway, Trixie and Daring went to have HLS. Down below, the others were getting ready to board the cruise at the Vanhoover docks. The ship was rather nice and piloted by a veteran captain who had expert knowledge of the water. That captain was me, by the way.
Cordoba came over to my station before we departed the docks. “As per our previous agreement, you hang onto the tape recorder and I’ll dictate recent events for the record.”
“But first, my fee,” I said.
She nodded and paid me. She started off with the day and walked through the drama with Cherry, Merry, and Braeburn. I don’t know how she knew about the brief spat in Cloudsdale, but she told me about that, too. Maybe because we could see the HLS from here. Most of us studiously ignored it.
The purple pony known as Twilight Sparkle came over. “Cordoba, we’re just about to get going. Would you like to stand over by the railing and see the sea?”
“Nice pun,” I said.
It was about that time that Twilight noticed I was an eight-story tall crustacean from the paleozoic era.
“Why did you give a tri-horned bunyip the tape recorder?” Twilight asked.
“I figured the captain of the ship would be as reasonable of an authenticating authority as any,” said Cordoba.
“I’m just here for the catered cucumber sandwiches,” I admitted.
Twilight shook her head and turned away. “I suppose I should go prepare for departure.”
Just then, a group of amphibious raiders mounted the sides of the ship. It was a group of seaponies, but they switched to legs as soon as they landed on the deck.
“The Sororal Order of Sorrel is here!” one of them shouted.
“What are we going to do!?” panicked Twilight.
As if in answer, Cordoba yanked the cutlass that hung at her side and charged into battle. The others displayed varying levels of engagement.
I’m a pacifist. I’m also pretty clumsy, so trying to help out might actually cause more trouble. So I sat and waited, trying to look cool and experienced like the salty sailor most saw me as.
Speaking of salty, these SOS ponies sure were mad about something. They had some anti-government slogans. I, for one, was planning to vote for Princess Columbia in the next election. It helped that she was the only choice.
To further add to the salt, the one named Rarity was nearly knocked overboard. She had turned into some sort of crystal, perhaps salt, so that might have been bad. Unless of course that allowed her to become one with the whole ocean. I’m not really an expert on things like that.
Suddenly, a robot that kind of looked like a purple pony came falling out of the sky and slammed right through the ship. As in, in the deck, down a couple more decks, and out the bottom.
“The ship’s sinking!” shouted Twilight.
“Are you suuuure...?” snarked Sunset Shimmer. “Are you reeeeeally suuuure...?”
The ship began to take on water, and it hadn’t even untied from the pier to start the cruise.
I decided that perhaps it was time to go, and slipped into the water. Honestly, land-dwellers have so much drama.
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If true, that would be the most awesome way to turn a blessed with suck superpower into a god-tier one ever.
But really though. I ended up feeling useless as all hell. Despite TNaB telling me that I provided plenty of ideas. Still, the chapter turned out well, so I guess I have that going for me.
So was his fee about tree fiddy?
What happened to Rainbow Dash's wings?
7625698 In 28 Pranks Later her friends held her down and took them away for being a bitch.
7624703
Some of the stuff I suggested when helping with the Dungeons and Discords chapter didn't show up until later. The ideas he thanked you for might be waiting to get worked in another chapter.
7625813
That isn't what I'm referring to. I just don't feel like I did a good job helping out. Mostly because we didn't get out a 10k chapter which is what I usually try to press for when editing for Tonto and a few others.
That, and TNaB honestly seemed to be doing fine without much guidance on my part.
Trolling Sunset Shimmer is a funny Sunset Shimmer.
7625777
They really have to give them back eventually... or Fluttershy does. Wasn't it Fluttershy that knew the reversed Give-Wings spell? Wait, it was Twilight who cast it for the magic "oomph".
And Rarity needs to learn more than one trick, seriously, only turning to salt hasn't gone well for her every time. Heh. Tho turning to stone might get Maud too hot-n-bothered to keep her sweaty hooves off her.