• Member Since 13th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen May 19th

SanityLost



E

Sweetie Belle wants to become a fashionista like her older sister Rarity. Will Rarity's reaction to Sweetie's...art cause an inseperable rift between the two sisters? Or, will it help them learn more about each other and grow?

This story is a little different to the stories that I have done in the past, and I wanted to see how it went over. Whether good or bad, please tell me what you think! This is a big learning experience for me!

A big thank you goes out to Taranosaurus0.0, Stars Guide, Word-Sight, Criticul94, Vivex and Techogre for prereading and editing this piece!

The cover picture was drawn by Frankier77 on deviant art. Check this guy out he's got some pretty cool artwork! http://frankier77.deviantart.com/

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 69 )

Sweetie Belle! My one and only sister! What have I done? :raritydespair:

All the time I could have spent with you was wasted - complaining, and wishing you were gone! :unsuresweetie:

Woe is me! :raritycry:

No, I must get her back! I must! :raritystarry: As Celestia is my witness, I'll never be sisterless again! :raritywink:



p.s. cute poem!

Quite wonderful, Sanity. I wouldn't have thought that you also wrote Sweetie's poem and I'm glad you did. :twilightsmile:

Good luck on any further stories and I'll be looking forward to reviewing them,

StarsGuide

Very nostalgic and pleasant to read. Yet another great story Sanity. I would say keep it up, but you don't show any signs of stopping anytime soon. :rainbowlaugh:

Aww, such a sweet story. And quite a unique way to tell it. It is wonderful.

Beautiful...just...just...:raritydespair::fluttershbad::applecry:

Not bad! Can get a little monotonous, but I still enjoyed it. :pinkiesmile:

I like poems . . .
. . . but not story poems.
However, excluding the last comment . . .

So sad . . . So amazingly sad . . .:raritycry:
THUMBS UP!:pinkiehappy:

270915 That is indeed partly what inspired this story Ponydora! Thank you so much for reading it!

270954 Thank you so much Lord Fedme, I am glad you enjoyed it!

271009 Thank you Stars! As always, I am really happy you enjoyed this work!

271034 Well I'll do my best magic, I am honestly surprised so many people read my work. I'm beyond honored that they do though and hope they are able to bring something away with them when they do.

271120 This was something new that I wanted to try Celestia. I was really not sure how well something like this would go over. I'll say I'm not the greatest poet who ever lived. I was just hoping that, if I was lucky, to maybe coming close to capturing the magic of Dr. Suess.

271176 Thank you so much Cloudchaser! It's always thrilling to hear when people think my writing is beautiful!

271219 Despite that Valkyrie I am really happy you enjoyed reading it! Thank you so much.

271268 I'm really glad you were able to give this story poem a chance Random, it means a lot to me and I hope I can create more stuff you'll enjoy!

271394
Speaking of you creating things I enjoy . . .
I'm going to try out the rest of your stories right now!
Now which one did I favorite . . .

Wow! This poem was amazing. I loved it! :D Sweetie Bell's song was beautiful. The poem, song, and whole thing was awesome! :raritywink:

Sir, this is beautiful...

You sir, just made the world go 'round.

aww, its a cute story

now, I am glad you decided to exclude sweetie's poem from the main body since it would have only interrupted the flow of the story, the way it was described was fantastic enough to make a song that you don't actually hear but with its description you get the information you needed

this was a little bit deep for a seuss, but the couplets are still fun are they not?

That was wonderful, written entirely in heroic couplets, very Chaucer of you sir.:twilightsmile:

271394

I'm the youngest one, out of four brothers
Not even the favourite son, atleast not for mother

Now I find this poem, It drives me to tears
I realize now, I lost all those years

I sat here for a while, counting years of sorrow
I cried here for a while, until I felt hollow

--

This touched me in ways I cannot begin to describe.

:fluttercry: There's not enough crying Fluttershy's in the world to express this, so I was compelled to try and make use of my horrible poetry skills, even if it isn't really good.

Daawwwwww--

HHHNNNNNGGGG!!!

...Meh, who needs a heart anyway?

271423 Thank you for reading my other works! I hope you like them as much as this one.

271687 I appreciate your kind words Clare! Maybe one day, if I work really hard, I can maybe reach half of the awesomeness level of Rainbow Dash, though in the categories of Radicalness and Coolness I still fall a little shy...

271936 Thank you so much Lorenzo, that means a whole lot!

272053 Cool! Did I make the Earth go around faster! If I did it qualifies as causing time travel. Maybe I can send in my application to become a Time Lord!!

272083 The couplets were fun Admiral Stoic, but they were tough to do. It took me an entire day-and-a-half off and on to write this poem and get it right, and it still probably needs a little work. I gained a whole new appreciation for Suess as I wrote this story/poem. I guess it is deeper than Suess, though I thought some of Suess' stuff was kind of deep (or at least it was to me when I read it as a little kid). Initially I didn't intend for it to be, but I watched Sisterhooves Social before I wrote this and I put more depth into it than I realized because of that episode. Thank you so much for reading!



272169 Hey RainbowHelm! I do really love the work of Chaucer, and he did cross my mind as I wrote this. I wish he would have finished all of his proposed Canterbury Tales

272174 Kriegor I really enjoyed reading your poem, thank you so much for writing it in the comments. I am really sorry that things did not work out as well for you and your family as it should have. I am so happy my work touched you, that is one reason I write. I want to make people's lives better with my work and create a few smiles. I'm kinda like Pinkie in that way. :pinkiehappy: I hope that you have a wonderful day and if you need someone to talk to you can always send me a message!

272202 Hearts are so overrated!!! All they do is beat around and attack you! (Yes. my sense of humor is terrible).

That... was beautiful. All though when I first heard her talking about the letters eh wrote, I thought she as gonna commit suicide :raritycry:

When I saw this was a poem, I thought to myself, This is going to suck. Fanfiction poems ALWAYS suck.

But this didn't suck, at all. I think this is a great story. I say "story" and not "poem" because it's a story — a heartbreaking one, at that. It's well-written, well-devised, and well-rhymed (and the meter isn't too bad, either). I think that the repetition of "She wrote about x, that she could never y" combined with the rhyming makes for a great effect. And I almost shed a tear at Rarity's heartfelt apology.

I really liked this story and glad in the end the two sisters made up. But Rarity was a bit harsh to Sweetie Belle even for her, telling her to burn it in a fire. D: Loved the Luna part when the moonlight directed her to the quill. I couldn't really find a place to put you poem in but it's find at the end. That's what I would usually do when I wrote one in my stories. Great job on this story and really looking forward to more from you. :raritywink:

272301Well.... It think you definetly have potential to be even cooler than Dashie. Judging by this story.... I think so. :D thanks!

Amazing. I loved it.

The entire time I kept on thinking of Dr. Suess, Then I read your explanation and it all made sense. Also, someone needs to sing the song and post it.

*stomps hooves in applause of approval* VERY well done - I absolutely LOVE how you wove this story together in a poem and how well you were able to rhyme everything! You have quite a gift! Tears were shed at the end. :raritycry:

I'm not normally a fan of poetry normally, but this really hit me right here in the heart. I could almost hear Sweetie singing the song you wrote. :unsuresweetie:

Words?
Nah,
*reallyreallyverylongfreakingloudbreathin*
:yay:

I thought your poem had a Dr.Suess feel to it,and when you stated that you were inspired by Dr.Suess and that you hoped to capture his essence in this poem,well you did.This poem is breath of fresh air from all of the WTF fanfics that I've been reading on this site.

This was really good. Definately favouriting. Or tracking. Whichever one works.

Strangely, I didn't find it all that sad... But that's probably because i had Smile Smile Smile going through my head at the time.:twilightblush:

So many fucking comments.:moustache:

There was once a young man from Heston.
Who decided to travel to Preston.

The sign didn't rhyme and he plowed into the back of a Juggernaught.

truly an amazing story/poem :raritystarry:

I don't usually like poems or story poems, but this....this is a huge exception. So wonderfully done and majestic.

i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn105/walkseva/ManlyTearsHaveBeenShed.jpg

:fluttercry: this was best fanfiction i've ever read :fluttercry:

... *Slow clapping* Congratulations. That was absolutely amazing... I have no words to describe it. I loved Dr. Suess as a kid, and this was like nostalgia land for me.

I-the tears that have been shed here.
i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa204/LordZero666/Kaiji.jpg
SPLENDED! SPLENDED!
YOU EARNED YOURSELF A WATCH AND FAVORITE!

Wow. This is really good. The rhymes are stronger than I could make them (And I've been writing poems for some time now). Like you said, the rhymes weren't exactly "Seussish," but they were really good. The song was the best though. That's what made me cry. :fluttercry:

And here I was expecting a cutie mark to come of this. But I do very much enjoy how you chose to end it, since it actually defied my expectations. Gives me a bit of an after-the-end idea that writing that song put Sweetie on the right path. If she can just gain the confidence to EMBRACE it...

The Sweetest Belle

I heard the most enchanting sounds
Whilst I made my morning rounds
Such sweet music, words can't tell
Or describe this sweetest bell

Ringing, pealing, chiming tones
Resonating to my bones
What did my ears entrance so well?
Where was this bold and noble bell?

My stairs I climbed to trace the noise
And singing there with grace and poise
Your voice casting its magic spell
I saw my own dear Sweetie Belle

Your talent was at once laid bare
I could do naught but stop and stare
And listen, while my pride did swell
My sister was the sweetest bell

We share a gift - we both create
Bring beauty to a once-blank slate
I paint with fabric, ell by ell
You paint not with brush, but bell

I make this promise, sure and swift
'Tween us will never grow a rift
Until I bid my last farewell
To my beloved Sweetie Belle

to :unsuresweetie:
from :raritywink:

(a tribute to the author)

I really wasn't sure what to expect when I started this, but I'm glad that I found it. ^_^ The way this poem presents the story is so minimalistic, and yet it tells the the story better than a thousand more, ten thousand more words could. I got goosebumps halfway through, and I won't lie that my eyes got a little moist there at the end; you really captured something special here, and you have my admiration and respect- it was beautiful. :D

272403 Hey Golden! No, I don't think I have it in my heart to hve one of the CMC commit suicide. Thank you for reading this :pinkiehappy:

272434 Wow I was hoping that the repitition would have that effect. I'm really happy you thought so! Thank you for reading!

272478 Hi again Mayuhito! That was actually one of my favorite parts to write! I really enjoy describing things in a kind of metaphorical way (I'm sure most have noticed that by now)! I'm really glad you dropped by to read another one of my works, I hope that you enjoy more of them. Thank you!

272886 Well thank you! Don't tell RD though, she may get upset. :rainbowwild:

273059 Thank you very much nightcore!

273071 Hey Smith! Well, I would be beyond honored if someone wants to sing the song and post it somewhere. I know that I wouldn't be able to sing it, when I sing it scares people! :pinkiehappy: But if someone actually wanted to sing this song and post it they are free to. Thanks for reading.



273077 Thank you so much Rainbowshy! I really appreciate the applause and compliment. I feel that I do have a gift, but I still have a ways to go to improving it. *Hands you a tissue for your tears*

273116 Wow, I'm really happy that you read my work! You know what is funny, no matter how hard I try, I can't hear Sweetie sing this song in my head. Maybe if I read it enough the tune will come together.

273148 Thank you so much for the praise Firebolt! *Greatbigsuperduperbreath* :yay:

273183 Thank you Allieco! Hearing that makes my day. I am really happy to know someone thought I caught at least a little of one of my Heroes' magic in my work. What do you mean by WTF fanfics?

273259 That is a really nice song! I love smile smile smile, and the actress that does Pinkie's singing voice. As long as you enjoyed the poem that is all I could ask for. Thank you!

273912 Thank you so much Mardio! I appreciate hearing that!

274107 *Hands you a manly tissue to wipe your manly tears* They are just like regular tissues, except they smell of manly things like motor oil and roast beef.

274434 Wow...Acy I am really honored to make it so far up on your list. I am certain I am not the best writer, but I do try my best. I am really happy you enjoyed this piece as much as you did.

274459 Writing this was nostalgia like for me too! I had a lot of fun writing it, even though it was a sad piece. I am really happy to know there are others like myself who still like the good old doctor.

274469 Thank you so much Lambrony! I am happy that you wish to watch me, I hope you enjoy my other works!

274611 Hi RainbowDashian! I'm sure you could make strong rhymes. With a little practice I'm sure you could easily be better than I am at it (poetry isn't actually my strong suit) If you like I can look over some of you work, I actually enjoy reading poetry. I won't be able to provide a lot of help but I can help in any way I can.

274782 I am wondering why Sweetie won't embrace her talent either. I guess she is like a lot of little kids. They know they are good at it but they might be a little embarassed to share their talent publicly. Thank you for reading!

274888 Ponydora that was a very beautiful poem! I am way beyond honored that you wrote something like that in honor of something that I wrote. Are you mainly a poet or do you mainly write fiction, or both?

275021 Thank you so much! This poem was actually kind of an experiment for me when it comes to minimalist writing. I was trying to use a less is more approach. I never thought my work could produce such a reaction in people, it makes me happy to hear you say that. I am really happy you think this is special and I hope to make more works that are special to you.

YES I LOVE IT T.T I JUST LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

275303

I'm happy that you liked it! Mainly I write legal briefs, but in my free time I write anything that inspires me. I have a novel on here to which I add a chapter each week.

275303 *takes manly tissue* *sniff* thanks mate.

275317 Thank you very much Azure Ryu! That means a whole lot to me! :pinkiehappy:

275303 I read your poem after reading a fanfic called Pinkie Pie the filly molester and some weird story about Rarity having a transgendered son.

275694 Pinkie the Filly Molester?........Ewwwww that's just......ugh!

I HAD MADE UP A SONG JUST NOW, all i need is some music now can someone or somepony help me......:derpytongue2:

actually i made up the tune to the song

Login or register to comment