Rainbow Dash and Applejack have been married for four years, they adopted a foal, a red pegasus named Reddawn, and settled down on the farm. However, all is not well. Rainbow Dash's demanding career as a Wonderbolt is threatening to tear the family asunder. Will Rainbow Dash choose to continue her career as a Wonderbolt, or choose to give up her career to stay in Ponyville with her family?
A very special thanks goes out to Vivex, Taranasaurus0.0, Word-Sight, and Sour Grapes who helped out with prereading, editing, character analysis, and plot ideas. Without them, this story would not have turned out half as good as it is. The wonderful cover picture for this story was done by DaVca from DeviantArt.
Please feel free to leave any comments or criticisms! If you see something wrong with the story, go ahead and tell me in the comments, I can use all of the help I can get as a writer!
Excellent. The way that this conversation was so realistic, like a fight between real people, was astounding. Bias is almost always present in these sorts of fights, where one side is obviously right and the other is only delivering fallacious arguments, but I feel that they both made legitimate points. I got the idea that these are both two good characters that love each other, but life and their dreams could pull them apart.
Really, really, really, really, really good.
This needs to be featured. NOW.
I really dislike shipping fics. I really do. I'd rather read a HiE, or something, than read ship fics.
But when I saw this story, I was like 'What the heck, why not?'
Best choice I made in the last day.
The way you present the characters, how you can FEEL for them, is really amazing.
You say this is your first normal fic?
Bravo sir. Bravo.
*gives 5 stars*
Edit- Now with 100% more featuredness.
Congrats.
i really liked this i myself like any kind of fic but this is one of the most down to "equstria" stories ive ever read
i must say i agree with Mister Fluttershy, and Bashfluff, so a round of "Bravos from me as well
wow, this was truly amazing.
im not even a fan of lesbian pony shipping either
I HAVE THE POWER!*clicks on chapter 2, hard*
191931 Thank you so much Bashfluff! I really love to write dialogue, because when I write it, I feel it lets me bring across, and give the reader a look into a character's soul without having to blatantly tell someone what they are thinking. It was so hard to avoid bias in this story. I wanted to create a story where you could feel sympathetic toward both characters, because in many relationships in real life, both peopel in an argument like this usually have good points. Even though I didn't mean to, in my first draft, the argument did end up getting slanted one way. One of the people that proofread this story, Vivex, pointed that out. I'm really glad that you think this turned out to be realistic, that is something I always strive for in my work. I'm really happy you enjoyed the story! I hope I can create more that you enjoy!
191980 Hey Mr. Fluttershy! I'm really honored that you feel this story should be featured. Whether it gets featured or not, what really makes me happy is that YOU liked the story. I'm really happy that you chose to read this story, and that you can feel the characters. That is something I really strive for, and can be hard to do many times. One of my biggest weaknesses as a writer is that I use a lot of simple words like one of my favorite writers, Ernest Hemingway. I was told by a "high quality writer" that this stinted my stories. I'm really happy the emotion got through, thank you for reading! Oh and you dislike shipping fics eh, have I perhaps converted you
*Evil grins* (lol jk!)
192036 I am really happy you thought this fic was down to "Equestria," again that is really what I strive for when I write, and as I said it can be hard to pull off. Thank you for reading this story Big Mac!
192192 Thank you so much BronyRave24! You aren't a fan of lesbian shipping? Have I converted you too?
Hehe, just kidding. But I'm really happy you liked the story! As far as type of story goes, I was never one to worry about what the characters were, as long as the author used them to tell a good story. I am really happy that you felt the story was good, that makes me feel warm inside. Oh and you have power...is it the power to breathe fire?! I have always wanted to learn how to breathe fire, or fly, either one would be awesome! Jk! Thank you for enjoying the story!
Beautiful.
I have nothing more to say.
192268 Thank you so much TAFYFSI. That means a whole lot every time I hear it. By the way, I can relate to your account name every single day!
I actually teared up a little. I just love a happy ending
192297
Just remember; TAFYFSI = IS TAFFY.
Wow, really good. I'm so relieved that Dash stayed. If she left, I wouldn't sleep well tonight. My parents have been divorced a while and this story is essentially the issues that come up. Please continue doing these!
192304 I love happy endings too, Ezio! Not all of my stories have happy endings, but my favorite stories are those that do!
192305 And as well all know Awkward Feeling, Taffy gives us LOTS of nervous energy!!!!!
192308 Hi Jahalus! I think I remember seeing you before! Well I wouldn't want to keep you up all night, I'd feel really bad. I never had to go through parents that had a divorce, but I have seen friends go through it and it was very hard on them. They were in my mind as I wrote this story, and were part of what inspired it. I am really happy you liked the story, and don't worry, I will keep writing, it's kind of my addiction.
As a shipfic writer/sadfic writer that has enjoyed moderate success, I can, with gusto, say that you're going places. Keep this up.
I'm glad you chose this route- you could have, conceivably, taken the drawn out path and made her go on tour until she realized what she had left behind, and then come home begging AJ to take her back. That could have made it longer, but yeaaaaaaaaaaah.
192379 Hi John! I'm really honored a fellow shipfic/sadfic writer feels I'm going to go far! That was a possibility, but I felt that the choice she made at the end would be what Rainbow Dash would have done in that situation. I might do a long shipfic one day, I don't really have an idea for one, but I'll let me convoluted mind mull over ideas. Now that I know you write, I'll have to visit your page and check out some of your stuff!
Thank you very much for reading this story!
More!
Wow.....just.....this is a very profound piece of work you have written here my friend, and someday I hope to be able to write dialogue half as good as you can. You have also given me more ammunition to fuel the fight in my mind of who to ship Dashie with in my story that I am writing. Thank you.
Wow this is really good and very beliveable! Unlike other fics I have read, I can really connect with it and the story overall is very well written. I can't wait for more!
i enjoyed
good story
keep up the good work
kthanxbai
YAY FOR MUSIC
My mum loves the CD with this song on it
I DON'T WANNA PLAY HOUSE (different song I know, but they always remind me of each other)
Manly tears
They have been shed
Wonderful. A different take on shipping stories. While most tend to show the forming of the relationship, this one shows the gradual separation some couples feel. If I was to complain about anything, it would be that the argument felt very circular. AJ constantly returned to the "you're been selfish" while Dash returned to the "I'm doing this for my family", which is fine, but they did it over and over again for the entire scene. Still, your knowledge of storycraft was enough to counterweight that so it didn't seem overbearing.
Ending was nicely done. Very solid emotional appeal. Overall, deserving of a 4:5+ star rating, to say the least.
192609 I shall most certainly give you more in the future Appleloosa! Thank you for reading the story!
192614 Thank you so much Hundashter! But I bet you are a better writer than you think you are. Many people are good writers, they just don't realize it. I am happy that I was able to provide the cannon balls and gunpowder for your creative cannon! If you ever feel you need writing help and don't have anyone to turn to, let me know. I would be happy to help you in any way I can.
192732 I was hoping that I made the characters believable enough so that you could connect with them! Thank you very much and I will most certainly create more!
192815 Thank you sargeantmoonbeam, I hope I am able to create more stories that you will enjoy!
192820 Clonetrooperkev, all I have to say to that is...WOLVERINES! Thank you sir, you have helped make my day.
192837 clap2times! WOW! I didn't know there was anyone else out there that knew of that song! Funny story, the only reason I know of this song is because my mother used to play it all of the time, along with "Sitting on the Front Porch Swing," and "I don't Wanna Play House." She played many others, but those songs stuck with me because of their deep messages. Even though I am not a huge fan of country, the messages in those songs are so strong they kind of grabbed me and wouldn't let me go. Thank you so much for reading the story!
192861 I have made manly tears? I am very honored. Remember, it takes a real man to cry! Thank you I am happy you enjoyed the story!
192864 Hi Mazzy! I'm not sure if the other story I did "Letters to the Princess" is a traditional shipping story either. I try to do a normal shipping story, but something will happen and it will turn out different. I wanted to do a story about problems that some couples face in their relationships, and overcoming these problems. To me, this makes the love between two people grow stronger, and I love stories like that. I am really happy you liked the ending, I was hoping that came out okay! Your argument is very valid. While I was writing this, I kind of pictured AJ and RD hammering at each other with their points, just doing it in a different way each time. However, I did agonize over the point you brought up, and tried to fix it as well as I could. Although, RD did bring up that flying was a huge part of who she was, and I tried to use that to show the sacrifice she had to make if she wanted to stay with her family. Thank you so much for your feedback! Critiques like that really help me take a deeper look at what I do, and do better the next time. I am very happy you liked the story, thank you so much!
A very awesome shipfic. It is definantly the most relatable shipfic I have ever read. Many familys have to go through his issue everyday, you just pray it doesn't happen to yours. The way you portray their side of the arguement matchs almost spoton with the show. AJ honest the entire ime telling RD what is best for RedDawn. On the other hand RD in her mind thinks that being on thw wonderbolts, her dream, is the best thing so she lets her pride get the best of her. 5/5 from me good sir!
this was honestly,one of the most well-written of all the fics ive ever read(& ive read well over 500)
this was so good im actually gonna encourage people over who watch my playthrough of DS2 to go check this out
no words for this... only! ON TO CHAPTER 2!
WOW! this was just... WOW! I really liked this story and ill give it a 5 star.. comon.. i mean... it even made me cry a bit!
Seriously, I would love some more stories and gonna check out the rest of the stories that you wrote.
again: Well done!
this shipfic is amazing, i could imagine this situation happening after a majority of AppleDash fan fics. It was so emotional that it made me tear up at the end
nice job :)
I buy their anger at eachother for the reasons presented, but their argument seems really expositionary. I think at that stage in a divorce, people would tend to be much more isolated and cagey. It got me thinking 'if they are so willing to share their feelings, how did they get to this stage in the first place'.
But hats off to you for trying a story which involves REALISTIC emotion and conflict. So many writers just get caught up in the sense of the dramatic and symbolic, and don't stop to think if real people would act the same as the characters in their story.
**sniffle**
you sir have stolen all my tears with your story. You may keep them.
P.S. Take all my stars
cool shit bro
Dialogue was 10/10 and everything else looked like something out of the original show
Good job.
i,m truely amazed.... you got me a tiiny bit worried when i started to read the intro for your fic
but allready after 5 lines of reading, i was inthralled. i loved the dialoge, i loved the setting, i loved the atsmophere i love everything abourt this fic.
my biggest praise to you will how damn realistic you made it all. that i takes skill and a lot of effort to do.
tough.... if i have to make some nitpicking here it would be...i wanted to learn more abort red dawn, or just seen more of her in your story.
but its nitpicking, something i wont hold agienst you.
so when all is said and done
5 stars for you and a big brohoof from denmark
Very nicely written. A little... Emotional for those of us who have been in little Red-Dawn's position, especially those of us whose parents didn't reconnect, but if it's emotional for a reader, that means you have done a good job. Both their points were, as everypony before me has stated, very good, and made sense, and the fact that Rainbow was shallowly disguising her own desires with the desire to care for her filly is at once apparent without being shoved in our faces, characteristic of how she would probably handle it, and relatable to many readers. It was tense and emotionally charged. Five stars!
I can't describe with all the words in the English Language how relieved I am that you decided to have Rainbow Dash stay... I'm certain that a part of all of us would have died inside if this story had gone down the other road, and broken little Reddawn's heart in such a way.
Feelings aside, you did absolutely great work with this fic, the conversations and emotions going around were uncannily realistic.
192192
Agreeing with you here, bro. Agreeing with you here.
amazing !
After reading some sick and twisted fics makes many enjoy these other stories that bring sentimental value to there minds. The way that heartache was so real that I wanted to reach out to both ponies to see reason. You are a genius and deserves to be recognized. Thank you for making my day.
It's my life's dream to become a rockstar. This story hurt me. Alot. When the time came, would I have to give up the career I always wanted for my family. Looks like I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.
10/10 This was a very good story. I hope to see you do more.
I can't recall the last time I read something that made me cry this much. My Little Dashie came close, but it didn't make me start bawling my eyes out like a baby.
192950 Thank you very much newbrony! I try to make my stories as realistic as possible. It can be hard to do, placing yourself in a situation that you've never been in. I was very lucky to have the help of some very nice readers to help me get this story right.
193020 Not only did I see the movie, but I think I also played the board game based on the movie. It was really fun, but I can't remember what it was called. Or, at least the board game was inspired by the movie. Btw I am a big fan of war movies (They don't make enough of them anymore!)
193183 Thank you very my Geacu! I really do appreciate that, and I am very happy you liked the story. I hope my story will be able to touch one of your friends as well.
193221 Thank you very much Kladdos! I hope that you enjoy my other stories like you did this one!
193306 Thank you so much marcus! I can see this happening a lot too. Especially given how both RD and AJ are. They would work as a couple but they would both have to work at it.
193503 Hi Canterlots! You're right about that, most couples at this stage are just ready to cut each other's throats (with a few exceptions). I had to move the story to this stage of the proceedings to give the story a sense of urgency. I am really happy you liked the realism. I don't think a story would seem nearly as powerful if the characters don't act realistically. I've read stories, published by actual book companiesm, where the stories seem extremely artificial, because all the writer did was focus on the emotion and not the characters themselves. It kind of turns me off of a story. Thank you so much, I am really happy you enjoyed it.
193557 Hi Agent Brony, its really nice to see you again! I shall take your tears and stars and keep them well! Thank you so much for reading this story! Remember, it takes a real man to cry!
193761 Thank you so much Mr. Hopper, it took a lot of work to make sure the characters were true to the show! I had a lot of help from the wonderful folks that preread my story! A great big shout out goes to those guys!
193772 Hi kharnes, I wanted to do more with Reddawn here as well. However in the story, she is kind of there to help symbolize the family life that Dash and Applejack have. Thank you so much! A big brohoof to you too! I used to have a friend that lived out in denmark! He was someone that drove tanks in the army during his duty time and worked in a warehouse during his off times. I miss that guy, he was really great! I am very happy you liked this story!
193893 Thank you Inkarus, one of the things I like to do as a writer is strive to connect to the reader's emotion. Bringing tears to someone's eyes does hurt, but I often find that after the story is over, the reader feels a little better about the traumatic event that happened. I wanted to make sure that both characters were relatable, and that there was no real "bad guy." Thank you for reading the story!
193898 Thank you Unwitting Brony, I am really happy these characters seemed realistic! I have to admit I am a sucker for happy endings, however this is how I actually feel RD would respond in this situation. Thank you so much for reading the story!
193918 Nice to see you again Mobius, thank you for reading!
194032 Thank you Alex! I like you profile picture, who drew that?
194094 Well I don't know about being a genius, but I am very happy that you enjoyed the story. I am not a big fan of sick, twisted stuff either. I have never read cupcakes and I don't think I want to, from what I've heard about it. Thank you for reading!
194444 I wish you luck on your quest Frizzy, being a musician is very hard work. But it is worth it if you can make it. Those kinds of choices are really hard to make but when the time comes, I think you'll be able to make the right one.
194660 Thank you so much sniper! I look forward to doing more for you to read!
194717 Wow Sergeant, I am really, really honored you liked this story. My Little Dashie was the story that got me into this fandom, and to me it felt very emotionally powered. For it to just be mentioned in a sentance referencing my work, is a very high honor to me. Thank you so much!
A good idea, excellent presentation, raw emotion, a realistic scenario, an awesome read.
Well done!
I love sappy endings.
That was so... beautiful.
But seriously, I loved it. I could really feel like I was right there as AJ and RD were fighting, and the argument was uber realistic. 5/5
192404 You got featured. Who called it? I called it. DAMN STRAIGHT.
^What they all said!
Writers like you that keep me trapped reading until 3AM.
But I couldn't help get ejected from the action for a minute when:
"I recall tastin' the Rainbow that very night, and it fell a little short o' my expectations. You're too fast in more places than just the air, sugar cube."
That was good.
ok....my comment screwd up...i had said "people over on youtube" but it decided to cut out the on youtube part :/ meh...wierd...
This gets a D'AWWWWW. The ending made my eyes wet, not tears but wet. And for that this fic must be celebrated. Way to go parter
