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Told mostly in "fourteeners," iambic heptameter couplets broken into quatrains, this mini-epic poem follows Princess Luna and Pinkie Pie, drawn together by circumstance and ancient prophecy, as they confront a menace from Equestria's past. Many thanks to Aquillo and Casca for pre-reading, to Illya Leonov for the fine audio version, and to presentperfect for metrical notes above and beyond the call of duty!
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Narrative pony poetry? Epic!
Exes. They linger for far too long.
2812051
Well:
Epyllion, if one wants to get pedantic. And when do I not want to get pedantic??
2812368
That's why she hasta go see Pinkie. 'Cause if any of these characters can say, "I been there, sister" to just about any situation, it's Pinkie Pie.
Mike
This is really excellent, but I must admit, though I am a member of the poetry group I do feel a bit hoplessly out of place at times.
I read poems that interest me, I listen to the words and deduce meanings and emotions, but as for the basic construction of a poem like this, I'm not entirely sure how it's done. I mean, if I put my mind to it I may be able to create a poem like this some day, but first I need to understand it a litttle more, suffice to say I can offer little more than praise for such a well written mini-epic, but no advice. For example, I can recognize iambic heptameter, but I don't know what makes it iambic heptameter, nor do know what a quatrain is. Basically what I'm trying to get at is personally, I really liked this, I thought it was great, and I thought it was creative, but I couldn't deduce any errors in the flow or offer advice as how to make it sound better, I like it the way it is. I really need to do some studying, and I need to research some epics and other poems, a good writer can't work in a vaccum can he?
After holiday (next week) I'll be able to give a full review with quotes but for now I'll say: it's very well written, the grammar seems to be all there and it doesn't fail to hold onto continuous characterisation of both Luna and Celestia throughout. The only thing I picked up on is a couple of lines that didn't appear to work to the beat and some rhymes that appeared a bit forced. Also be aware of enjambment-- although a useful tool on occasion (and especially in Shakespearian time) it can sometimes just leave too big a gap between a subject. Imagine enjambment being like taking a large breath-- whatever you were thinking about before can just disappear out of your head.
Overall I can't doubt your abilities as a good poet, and honestly I can't pretend that I know everything about poetry so can't judge too much on the style (though I do know a little bit
). When I get back I'll go through it properly and in detail but for now I can say that this is good-- continue...
And I hope you had fun writing it; that's what counts as a writer.
See you soon and thanks for putting this on, it was great to read
.
Your friendly neighbourhood DreamWings.
2819777
Well:
If Twilight's taught us anything, it's that research makes the whole world a better place.
2823969
Yes, I tend to slather together gigantic peanut-butter-and-enjambment sandwiches, then get my mouth all gummed up with them till I can no longer speak in coherent sentences. I'll take a look at 'em, in other words.
And thanks, both of you, for your comments!
Mike
2832112 Thats why I love Twilight!
Actually, I learned that I knew a bit more about your poem than I anticipated, I write in quatrains! And I bet I could write in iambic heptameter too!
2834198
I think it was Kipling:
Who said that writing "fourteeners" like this came to him as naturally as breathing.
Mike
2835272 ...That's pretty perfect.
I'm still following this. * bows graciously * maestro...
I'm looking to get:
Book III, the conclusion, up in less than two months--two weeks, in fact. But we'll all find out together, I s'ppose!
Mike
Some people are just jerks and you're better off cutting ties with them.
3121672
Here's hoping:
Pinkie can help Luna do just that!
Mike
And once again:
They all lived happily ever after.
Mike
A part of me has decided that Pinkie nicked that thing from one of her exes on the way out the door, and the rest of me can't really bring itself to contradict.
3157367
Things do turn up:
In the oddest of places, don't they?
Mike
Awww...I was hoping that there would be more! (I kinda like the combo of Pinkie and Luna.)
But congrats for getting me to read a poetry story! If anything, I kinda feel like the ending was rushed, but I'll take it. A quick but super cute read!
3160118
I was seriously considering:
Trying to squeeze another book out of it, but I couldn't make it work structurally--another 10 strophes woulda thrown the story out of alignment, and I couldn't figure out a way of expanding the first two books to, say, twelve strophes each without knocking the whole thing over sideways. Still, "quick and cute" is kind of the definition of "epyllion," so thanks!
Mike
I'm digging the heptameter, flows really well, reminds me of the songs in Lord of the Rings.
The italicized bits throw me off, though. Decameter (?) seems sort of, I don't know, long-winded, I guess? Like partway through a line, you want to take a breath, but you can't. I just can't seem to hit a good rhythm.
I had to look up Bucephalus, and I shouldn't have had to. I've probably written half a dozen research papers on Alexander the Great, and it somehow never came up. Interesting direction, though. Most people assume that Discord had something to do with Luna's descent/transformation/madness/what-have-you.
If this is going to affect me nearly as much as Infinite Number of Pinkies, I'm definitely looking forward to it. I'll try not to post innocent comments that have to be answered in essay format this time.
I just flashed back to the three full days I played Cookie Clicker. Thanks for that.
Also, don't question Best Pony.
Free of disappointment, as usual. By this point, I'd gotten used to the odd meter in the italicized bits. Nice work, as always, Augie.
:D
3332645
Aww:
But I like writing essays now and again!
The italicized interstitial bits are supposed to be sort of breathless with that triple-time rush of dactyls-- "UMP-it-ty UMP-it-ty"--breaking up the regular flow of iambs. Glad you're enjoying it!
Mike
3332694
Luna enters a bakery:
Of course there will soon be moon pies!
Mike
3332745
3332900
Thanks, folks!
Mike
That was a fun read, a great story, but I feel it didn't take advantage of poetry form. I'm not sure how to elaborate on this.
I also have to say that you're by far my favorite writer for Pinkie Pie. Everything that I have read from you had her exactly like my headcanon for her, uncannily so. As a matter of fact, if Amy Keating Rogers is the one show writer I love the most, and whose hypothetical leave would grieve the most, if it was you to take her place I'd keep my hopes up.
Welllllllllllllll, that was a strange compliment
3403126
The stranger:
The better has always been my motto, especially when it comes to compliments. So thanks!
Mike
I had to pause in the midst of reading just to say: that's so Luna! Moody but well-meaning, and more than a little awkward.
I'm loving this so far.
3432490
Thanks!
I remember spending a fair amount of time on that quatrain, hoping to convey exactly that image of her.
Mike
This has become one of my favorite fics. The cover art is very nice too. Is that your statue, and did it serve as inspiration for the story?
3496887
Thanks!
Yes, those three at the time were the entirety of my Pony collection. The Pinkie is the Christmas Tree ornament American Greetings put out in 2011 and the big guy is the statue the artist Angry Woebots did for the My Little Pony Project art show in Los Angeles back in the summer of 2012. And looking at the three of them standing on the shelf in my room, I came to realize there wasn't just a story there but a mini-epic!
Mike
That. Was. Awesome!!!
3939159
Thanks!
Can't go wrong with Pony Epic, says I!
Mike
3944513 It also brings me back to my days in High School and Middle school when we read from the textbooks...though I considered myself on a higher reading level than that lot since I can read quickly and easily.
My point is that I read your story in the poetic verse rather than that of regular prose.
Well, that was pretty slick. I liked that.
4206860
Thanks!
I've still got a few more edits I want to make on it--presentperfect went through the thing with a fine-toothed comb a couple weeks ago and pointed out some spots that need attention. And with my work schedule changing for the better this week, I hope to have time to get in and tune it up soon!
Mike
How truly beautiful, this was;
A piece of art, indeed
And if you meant to touch my heart,
Then there, you did succeed.
This stanza oh, so deeply spoke
Of Luna's feelings toyed
It was the highlight of a poem
I thoroughly enjoyed
4524781
Thanks!
I've been kicking around some shorter fixed-form stuff lately, too, if you might be interested: Ponyville & Other Poems it's called.
Mike
4524794
It had, in fact, already piqued
My curiousity;
Though other tales may take some time,
It will be read by me!
Wonderful
5700165
Thanks!
The world needs more little pony epics. I'm firmly convinced of it.
Mike
Tbh I liked this more than BeowulfA moment please
If you will read
My simple, short review
Approved this is
For The Goodfic Bin
A gift from me to you!
camo.derpicdn.net/cfb7e7c5db77f37f7061c766059078be3c297e6a?url=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimg.org%2F5a2dthj87%2FGiz_Vyc0.png
8700867
Thank you:
Very kindly! I also see that you added my Ponyville & Other Poems collection to your Favourites, so I hope you enjoy those shorter pieces as well. I still manage to add things over there every now and again, too!
Mike
This was quite delightful!
Featured for March in The Goodfic Bin