Well isn't it obvious?
You receive an incoming call on your phone from your boss telling you he knows that it's your day off, but that a target of the utmost importance must be tortured for his sins.
The Target, Shia Labeouf.
Materials needed for execution:
Skinning Knives,
Salt,
Lemonade,
Electric Eels,
A speaker system playing all the worst pop songs of the last five years AT THE SAME TIME!!!!
Gasoline
A Mariachi Band
A car battery
Electric Cables
a Tomigachi
BUTTERFLYS!!!
JELLO!!!!
Liam Neeson and Mr Blonde for support
An HD Video Camera
And Stephen Spielberg to Film It.Use your Imagination Rose
Also at your most inconvenient time, you all of a sudden feel constipated and diarrheatic at the same time. Get to a bathroom where you all of a sudden feel really horny for some reason as you crap your life away, and where are all those pretty colors coming from? Ask the catooney hallucinations what they think. But don't trust them, you're certain they are all salesmen.
As for the What do? Bit, I'd say find the nearest bathroom. And a vibrator. And ask why there is a dragon guarding your fridge.
Go have a walk.
Lament about all the insanity that had became your life in Ponyville. The friends you've come to know, the assignments given to you, the vigorous training that you've been put through, the screams of your targets, including the melodramatic Lily, Ponyville for it's false descriptions of promised calm, and most of all Daedaltheus and how you met him.
When had the universe became so weird? Was there ever a thought when you wished things were normal? Why are you starting to have cheesy thoughts now all of a sudden?
But by goodness you need to relax. Well, time to go to the SPA! ...with your fabled flower friends, of course.
I think you answered your own question Roseluck, go buy your groceries and enjoy the morning... while it lasts. Dun dun dun! Nah but seriously go get some groceries and enjoy the morning air!
Rosie, sweetie, you're gonna get yerself down to the local spa for some alone time.
Go find the dildo under your bed, have about 10 seconds of fun, then go downstairs to prepare breakfast. Also do it in a dungeoncrawler like fashion cause why not?
As "fuck up DXIV's plans" is probablly not an option just do whatever the last 8 people said or just fuck Line Draft until one of has something better to do.
I, Roseluck (insert last name here if it exists), now have decided to go down from my room, fix myself a cup of tea. Why? Because I'm in a f*cking tea mood. Don't question me! And then, I'm gonna hug Line Draft. Why? Because I'm in a hugging mood. Don't question me! And then I'm gonna snuggle with him!
Back to author mode:
I don't think I'll ever do female perspective again… it felt weird… Find your happy place, find your happy place, find your happy place...
Roseluck, darling, I am going to be busy for a while so, you might want to consider this a mini vacation, have fun and the lot.
Also, go to the spa with Lily and Daisy.
It's a beautiful morning~
And the sun is shining~
Roseluck: You just can't help but sing to yourself on this pretty good day. It's practically your day off, and that hasn't happened in a long time. You'll probably be hearing about the recent turn of events from other ponies you say hello to. On that note, you might as well see how Lily and Daisy are doing, maybe take a spa trip or something to unwind.
Although...
Derpy did die recently... That can't be good for the mood of Ponyville. Might want to be careful with your own mood, as it might incite a fight against you, and that wouldn't be good in your situation as an author's assistant, now would it?
At last, I have found the gold...again...for some reason...i don't know...magic?
Roseluck...good luck with your sheets. (judging from the fact that she woke up already after the previous day, either she was awake for the strike of the colon blow ex-machina, or it hit her at some point in the night. The final, and from her perspective preferable, option is that it appeared to her as a dream sequence that is now being over analysed by the readers to try and...that sentence ends somehow, figure it out for yourselves. Please don't tell me, I don't need another reason to go to therapy...
Anyway, if it was an elaborate dream sequence, go fuck Line Draft
If it wasn't...
...
...
...
God help you.
*RazortheAwesome reads all the comments you guys posted*
Da f***?
*Rereads the end of the last chapter*
DAMMIT DAEDALTHEUS!!!!!!!!
-Somewhere that's not here-
"Hehehe..."
-Back to here-
*SIGH!* ANYWAY....
Since it's your first real day off in a long time (and by that you mean day off from both your job here in Ponyville and working for your other boss), you decide to treat yourself and head on over to the spa. You contemplate inviting Lily and Daisy for a moment, but after you think about it for a little bit, you decide that you don't really want them around this time. Nothing against them, its just that Daisy was acting kind of weird the last time she talked to you and Lily..... well you honest to Celestia don't know whats up with Lily. So you decide to give yourself some well deserved alone time and start heading to the spa by yourself. After you're done there maybe you'll grab some groceries or go see Line Draft. You don't exactly know where he lives, but it can't be that hard to figure out. Celestia you feel all flushed just thinking about him. But yes. Spa first.
Okay, now that thats done.
Perspective Shift:
Jason Morgan
By the way... Did Jason get kidnapped or horribly injured? The cliffhanger kinda implies that...
You open your eyes to see..... green. Your vision is blurry as all hell so you can really make out anything to save your life, but the only thing you see is a really bright green color. Suddenly, from the corner of your eye you see this purplish blog come into view, but the moment it does, it disappears again, as if it saw you and ran the hell out of there. You think you can hear someone.... somepony, shouting something, but it sounds really far away, too fear for you to hear anything. Your vision nor your hearing doesn't get time to adjust as you quickly close your eyes again and everything goes black.
When you open your eyes again you see.... orange. The bright green that you saw before is still there, but now it's just in the corners of your vision while the orangeness is taking up most of what you see. Your vision is still blurry as all hell, but after a few moments, you think you can see a bit of yellow as well, as well as a bit of white and brown, and some green. Instinctively you blink a few times, and when your vision clears, the orange blob takes shape and turns out to be Applejack.
She's looking right at you, you're almost eye level with her. From what you can tell, you seem to be lying down. You look past her for a moment at the green walls behind her. It doesn't take long at all for you to figure out where you are.
All you can do is groan loudly and try to sit up. God it seems like you only just got out of the hospital yesterday. If you didn't know any better you'd say that you were quickly making a habit of this. The moment you try to sit up though, Applejack quickly puts a hoof on your chest.
"Easy there," she says to you as she pushes you back into the bed. "Ya'll took quite a beatin, don't go pushin yourself too hard." You don't say anything at that. You know that what she just said is essentially true. Still, you let out another groan and roll over in your hospital bed, only to come face to face with Spike. You then lift your head up a little bit to see Rarity standing next to him, and then Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and then Fluttershy. They all were here for you.
At the foot of your bed however, was another pony. A purple unicorn. A purple unicorn with purple eyes and a magenta streak running through her mane. Twilight Sparkle.
As much as it kind of pissed you off to see her here right now, you can't really bring yourself to be that mad about it, especially after what happened.
Against Applejack's wishes, you try to sit back up again. She tries to push you down again, but you gently push her hoof out of the way. She seems to get the message as you, with some effort, push yourself up. You almost fall over, but you steady yourself a bit and rub your face with your right hand.
"What time is it?" you ask them. None of them respond though. When you take your hand off of your eyes, you look back at all of them see them all looking around at each other. It seems like they're all silently debating whether to tell you or not, or to be more accurate, like theres something they all know that they're not sure if they want to tell you.
"Jesus Christ, how long was I out?" is the only thing you can ask them.
-Two Weeks Ago-
-Ponyville-
The events of earlier pay back through your head again as you replay the moment that Risen Flagg shot Derpy. With that in your head, you run towards the stage as fast as you can, jump up into the air, land on one of the guard ponies in front of the stage, and then jump off of him out of the cloud of tear gas as you fly several feet into the air again and fall towards the center of the stage, right in where Risen Flagg is.
Time almost literally seems to slow to a crawl for you as you look directly into his eyes again and see that he is still smiling at you. It was almost like he expected this. As you look into his eyes, the moment he shot Derpy replays in your head again as you raise your lightning enchanted spear, the lightning in it growing in ferocity as sparks fly out from it.
Out of the corner of your eye you notice Trixie watching you with a look of horror on her face, but you don't care about her. You don't care about what anyone things of this motherf*cker. HE WILL PAY FOR WHAT HE DID TO DERPY!!!
Then, right as you reach Risen Flagg, you bring the spear down, right on him.
The moment the blade of your spear gets within an inch of his face though, it suddenly stops. No, really, it just stops. It wasn't like a magical barrier kind of stop where something blocked it, it literally just stopped.
You look at Risen Flagg, he's not moving, but then you notice another hoof holding the spear, a white hoof. You follow the hoof and find yourself staring into the eyes of Joseph Curwen, Risen Flagg's butler.
The deadpan, emotionless expression on his face is still there, and he doesn't even seem to flinch despite the fact that there are now several thousand volts of lightning traveling through him. In fact, the lightning doesn't even seem to be affecting him at all.
Before your mind can even processes that any further than it already has though, you don't even see him move, but the next thing you know, you suddenly feel yourself get hit in the chest by something as you go flying backwards.
After that, everything went black.
-The Starship Enterprise-
In the transporter room of the Starship Enterprise, the machines flared to life as Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Gordon Freebrony all appeared in the room. The still conscious members of the party looked around for a moment to get a handle on where they actually were, but it didn't take them more than a moment to get it.
"Dammit Scotty!" Kirk practically shouted as he stepped out of the transporter and removed his perception filter, effectively making him appear as his regular, human self again. "What's going on!?"
"Jim," McCoy said, but Kirk ignored him.
"Sir," Scotty said as he walked around the controls right up to him. "Thank god you're all right."
"I'm grateful for your concern Scotty but why did you pull us out!?" Kirk angrily asked.
"Captain," Spock said as he raised his hoof, as neither he nor McCoy had removed their perception filters yet.
"Not now Spock!" Kirk shouted without turning around before he returned his attention to Scotty. "We were this close to our target! We could see him. We were just about to get what we needed from him. So why did you have to pull us up now without contacting us!?"
"Jim!" McCoy shouted at him one last time.
"What!?" Kirk shouted as he spun around to look at McCoy, only to see him pointing down at Gordon Freebrony. When both Kirk and Scotty turned their attention to him, their eyes widened with absolute horror as they realized what he and Spock were talking about. Yes, Gordon Freebrony was unconscious, but more importantly, Zecora was standing right on top of him.
Quickly and franticly, she looked all around the room like a child who had just been taken from its home. She looked around at all the silver, grey, and white wall and saw all the lights, buttons, but more importantly, she saw the crew, she saw them. As all of this flooded her vision, she started breathing faster, which quickly went from simple breathing to hyperventilating as her mind struggled to comprehend let alone understand where she was and who she was with. Then, with one last turn, she saw Kirk. She saw him as he was, not as a pony, but as the human that he really was.
At that, like a light suddenly going out, Kirk watched as he saw Zecora's eyes roll into the back of her head and she collapsed right on top of Gordon Freebrony, dropping the spear she was holding to the floor as well.
"Dammit!" Kirk shouted as he rushed over to her and tried to pick her up off of Gordon, which considering that she was about as large as an actual pony from earth, was kind of difficult. After a moment of trying though, Spock rushed over, tore off his perception filter and easily picked her up with his Vulcan strength. At that, Kirk just nodded at him as he grabbed Gordon, who was much easier to carry. "Get them to the med bay!" Kirk shouted as McCoy came over to help him with Gordon. "Bones, about Zecora-"
"Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a veterinarian!" Bones said to Kirk before he could even finish that statement.
"From what I understand veterinarians are a type of doctor," Spock said to them before he headed out the door.
"Shut up Spock!" McCoy shouted back as he, Kirk, and a few other crew members got them to the med bay.
Current status of all of the side story characters:
Key:
Author name
Character name
SwimingDalek98
Swimming Dalek - Still locked inside his custom Dalek shell, which is currently chained, locked, and well... basically bolted to the wall of a specially made cell designed by both Dalek Aldebaran and Regulus somewhere on The Caesar. Progress of recovery from his Slenderpony induced insanity unknown.
All the other Dalek's under his command - With The Caesar back online, all other Daleks have returned to their pre appointed duties with Dalek Antares in charge due to Swimming Dalek's..... condition.
Registered Anonymous
Registered Anonymous - Last seen carrying BRP in the med bay of The Enterprise. Current whereabouts unknown.
Steve - Last seen with Registered Anonymous in the transporter room of The Enterprise. Current whereabouts unknown.
Slim - Currently in Captain Kirk's private quarters making sweet, furious love to Jim.
Jim - Currently in Captain Kirk's private quarters making sweet, furious love to Slim.
Ramirez - Unknown
Calvin - Unknown
Tommy - Unknown
Reginald/Dave - Unknown
Janitor - Unknown
Doc - Last seen stealing all of the porn off of The Enterprise's mainframes while nobody was paying attention to him (seriously, no one even acknowledged him while he was The Enterprise). Current whereabouts unknown.
Gordon Freebrony
Gordon Freebrony - Suffered a pretty vicious blow to the back of the head during the riot. Currently unconscious in The Enterprise's med bay.
Kirk - Last seen talking with Scotty and Spock.
Spock - Last seen with Kirk.
McCoy - Currently in the Enterprise's med bay tending to BRP, Gordon Freebrony, and Zecora.
Zecora - Passed out from shock due to suddenly being teleported onto a space ship with a bunch of aliens (Okay they're all humans but come on, they're aliens to her). Currently in The Enterprise's med bay. Presumably she'll be the first one to wake up.
Rest of the Enterprise crew - Now that Kirk has returned, they are waiting on his orders. Otherwise they are just performing their normal duties.
Grey Rebl
Grey Rebl - Still in his office. Has yet to informed that The Caesar has been reactivated.
Nana - Still in BRP's wrist computer with Hugh, which is currently on Bronze Statue's wrist (see Hugh's current status).
Braeburn - Unknown, presumably dispersed with the rest of the ponies when Jason threw down the tear gas and ran off back to Sweet Apple Acres with Applejack.
Little Strongheart - Unknown, presumably same as Braeburn and she met up with him again back at Sweet Apple Acres.
All other ponies that work for the AIA - Still going about their daily duties.
Broniesrponies2
BRP - Unconscious in The Enterprise's med bay. Out of the three characters there, he's probably the worst off, so it might take a little longer for him to fully heal.
Hugh Jackman - Still in BRP's wrist computer, which was removed from him and put on Bronze Statue so that he could reactivate the ship. Is currently still on Bronze Statue's wrist while BRP is unconscious.
Bronze Statue
Bronze Statue - In the med bay sitting patiently while he waits for BRP to wake up. Is still wearing BRP's wrist computer while he's unconscious.
-The Following Day-
(Day 1)
-Canterlot Palace-
Perspective Shift:
Princess Celestia
You are princess Celestia, one half of the diarchy of the proud nation of Equestria and to many, a real live goddess. You have just heard about the.... horrible...... awful..... no words that you know can truly say just how bad it is, atrocity that has just occurred in the town of Ponyville just one day ago. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, ran off as soon as she heard about it to see if her friends were okay, and you weren't about to stop her. In her position you would have done the same thing.
This..... what happened...... Nothing like this has happened in Equestria for a long time, and as long as you have been ruler of this proud nation, you have done your absolute best to make sure that it has never happened. Despite that though.... you couldn't save her. Derpy Hooves. You've met her once before. You've never really spoken to her personally, but you've seen her on your occasional trips to Ponyville to visit Twilight Sparkle and her friends. She was somewhat famous around the town for her eyes, her cheerfulness, and her love of muffins. She wouldn't even know how to harm a fly, not unlike Fluttershy, she loved everything too much. However, despite that, she was branded a terrorist and executed publicly without a trial.
You.... all of the pent up rage inside you right now..... It makes you..... just want to.... Raze the entire city to the ground and punish all those responsible by banishing them for several millennia into the sun. Not a lot of ponies know this, but what you did to Luna 1,000 years ago was kind. It's so far from what you are truly capable of that you are glad that nopony, not even Twilight Sparkle, knows what you and Luna are truly capable if you so wished, and how you wish to be right now. You could turn this whole world upside down, burn everything to cinders until the only things left to burn are cinders, but you are not like that.
No, you are a fair goddess, and as wrathful as you can be, you know in your heart that it isn't the right thing to do. It would make you no better than the pony that did this to poor Derpy. No, you have to be better than them, like you know you are.
And now, because you know that you are better than they are, here you sit, in your throne room, waiting for them. You summoned the pony you know who is responsible for this as soon as you heard that he got back, and you and him are going to have quite a lovely little..... INCINERATING.... chat.....
Suddenly, your thoughts get pushed out of your head when the door to your throne room opens. You spaced out for a moment, so you weren't paying attention. It seems that he has arrived. The guards let him in, and right now he is walking down the red carpet right to your throne, where you are currently sitting.
It doesn't take him long at all to reach you, and when he does, with all the grace and respect a pony in position should have, he bows before you.
"You summoned me, your majesty," he says to you with..... is that pride in his voice?
In front of you, is Risen Flagg. Recently elected senator of Canterlot, and the one who shot Derpy Hooves in the head.
By you you have so much you want to say to him.
What do you say to him?
What do you ask him?
What do you do?
Bonus Story
DaedaltheusXIV vs Browndog77 - A Game of Twits
Authors note: This is just something that my good friends Daedaltheus and Browndog77 (the one who poisoned everyone in the last chapter) came up with, and when the proposed the idea to me I was like "Why the hell not" and let them do it. This isn't part of the story in any way, just something extra just for fun. So, for your entertainment, I present to you, A Game of Twits. Enjoy (Oh, and I only allowed this because I actually am good friends with both of these people, so don't go asking me if I will let you all do anything similar. So yeah...)
Meanwhile in the Bunker that may or may not be apart of your imagination but is totally real...
DXIV: (clutching his stomach) Medic, somebody call for a fucking medic.
Red Medic: (walks into his office) Und vat can I do for you, commander?
DXIV: You see, I have horrible cramps and my stomach feels as though it is on fire while I am simultaneously possessing a failing erection while I am horny and I consistently seeing a dancing green leprechaun.
RM: What?
DXIV: I've been drugged you ass-hat and need a cure.
RM: Well (withdraws needle and takes a blood sample) it could some time to figure out an actual honest to goodness cure for this.
DXIV: Just give me a fucking panacea.
RM: Vhatever, commmander. (withdraws a pill bottle containing white pills)
DXIV: (greedily swallows one and begins to feel some immediate relief from all of the symptoms - yes all of them. The panacea is a cure-all named so after the Greek goddess of health and is the rumored to be cure for all diseases and ailments. It is often associated as the byproduct produced by the philosopher's stone )
RM: Better?
DXIV: Much. You are dismissed now.
RM: Very well (leaves while leaving the vile of drawn blood on the desk)
DXIV: Glados.
Glados: Yes?
DXIV: I want a full analysis of this concoction that I was drugged with at the diner.
Glados: How do you know that it was there?
DXIV: It is a public place and the local paper stated that there was an outbreak of food poisoning. Two and two makes four.
Glados: So, that's it, analyze this and get back to you on the full details.
DXIV: Show me the security tapes from the diner.
Glados: What?
DXIV: I know that you hacked into them because THIS FUCKING ORGANIZATION LIKES TO KEEP ME ON A TIGHT-ASS LEASH!
Glados: You're mad about the summons.
DXIV: Of fucking course!
Glados: Fine.
DXIV: (watches the tapes until he notices a dog shaped object pouring something from a thermos into the drinks and food for all patrons at the restaurant) So, it was him, that Brown-Dog.
Glados: What should we do about him?
DXIV: Figure out where he is and then... (smiles, just smiles) we're going to send him a little present.
(Door thrusts open with Raindrops standing in the doorway as a woman enters the room)
Raindrops: I tried to stop her but...
Female figure: Daedaltheus you bloody asshole, what the hell is this news about you being called before the Council for crimes against RED.
DXIV: Good to see you too. You know that at least one of those is made up (waves a hand dismissing Raindrops and Glados) and besides, I did it all in the name of the company.
FF: You seem to figure that you work for them.
DXIV: Please, without me, there would be no RED.
FF: They'll hang you for this you crazy (slowly blushes as he embraces her) sadistic (DXIV leans in) heartless (DXIV kisses said woman and afterwards she just stands there blushing in silence)
DXIV: Magnificent bastard.
FF: You took the words right out of my mouth.
DXIV: It must have been when I was kissing you. (leans back) You know, in the unlikely event that I could be dead after tomorrow's meeting, how about one last night of love.
FF: Please if they try to kill you, I might have to make an exception and kill Bateman for you.
DXIV: Why Miss Integra Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing I do believe that I am in love.
Integra: (presses a switch that causes all of the office windows to go pitch black) Show me.
The Brown Dog materializes in the house he slept in the night before. It’s not his place, but he stayed there since the owners were out. And now there house is a wreck with In N Out wrappers and garbage everywhere.
BD: Well that was fun, what say you we go to In N Out?
Cortana: You’ve eaten nothing but In N Out for god knows how long, why don’t you eat something healthy?
BD: You’re right, What-A-Burger it is!
Cortana: (sighs and facepalms) one day your heart is gonna give out on you
BD: It won’t if it knows what’s good for it. (Grabs his Laptop) OK, let’s go.
Cortana: Wait
BD: What?
Cortana: You’re not going to set the place on fire?
BD: (Rolls his eyes) I don’t burn everything you know, besides the owners of this place unknowingly housed me so I owe them.
Cortana: Oh, so trashing their place, raiding their food supply and selling all their stuff on craigslist is OK, but burning the house down is goig too far?
BD: Ya, that would be just plain rude
Teleport to nearest What-A-Burger. They are open 24 hours, and it is the late night shift. The Brown Dog orders his food to the clearly stoned cashier
BD: Yeah, I’ll take a number two with everything, add cheese and ketchup, and a Dr. Pepper to drink please.
Cashier: ….(stares at the Brown Dog with Blood shot eyes in awe and confusion)
BD: …
Cashier: …Dude…are…are you a talking dog?
BD: No
Cashier: …
BD: …
Cashier: Oh…OK then man. That will be $7.53
The Brown Dog pays, gets his food and goes to a corner booth.
He starts chowing down messily like the dog he is.Cortana: You’re a pig
BD: Hey now, that’s just offensive to pigs
Cortana: Whatever
BD: Anyway, I’ve been thinking
Cortana: You have?
BD: Shut up, I’ve been thinking that even though that Diner burnt down under mysterious circumstances, which could’ve have really been anyone’s fault
Cortana: (Rolls her eyes)
BD: I really think we should cover our tracks
Cortana: You think?
BD: Hell ya, I don’t want to pay someone reparations for something that I may or may not have done.
Cortana: Which you totally did
BD: Shut up, and see if there was any surveillance footage.
Cortana looks like she’s concentrating and pulls up some files.
Cortana: Well it looks like the surveillance data survived your little pyro-mania, oh and look incriminating evidence.
(Video of Brown Dog pouring Colon Blow Ex Machina into food)BD: I only see a handsome as hell dog, Who could be any dog, poisoning the air and food. I see no fire.
(Video Shows Brown Dog laughing and throwing Molotov cocktails)Cortana: You were saying?
BD: This still proves nothing
Cortana: (Sarcastically) Of course it doesn’t.
BD: (Drinks Dr. Pepper then belches loudly) Besides, I know just what to do (smiles)
Cortana: Oh lord, there goes your scheming face again, and it’s covered in ketchup.
BD: (Licks his face clean)
Cortana: Still not better…so what’s your brilliant plan?
BD: Cortana my dear, alter the footage to where that sexy beast on camera is instead replaced with someone I despise.
Cortana: Michael Bay?
BD: No he’s still imprisoned in my basement, but close…(smiles)
Video Footage is altered to show Shia Labeouf poisoning the food and setting fires.
Cortana: Done and done.
BD: You sound proud
Cortana: Hey I hate that little shit too.
BD: Good girl
Cortana: Now what?
BD: We find some new lodgings.
Cortana: (sigh) looking up houses in the area with tenants on vacation.
BD: Don’t bother, there’s a nice little motel right there
(Points to Motel across the street with a Black 1967 Chevy Impala in the parking lot)
Cortana: Does that car belong to who I think it does?
BD: Eyup, my favorite brother duo, let’s get a room right next them then go say hi
Cortana: They might try to kill you
BD: I know, it’ll be fun!
Cortana: (Face Palm)
BD: You keep doing that and you’re gonna short circuit.
Meanwhile in the one bedroom apartment of a former major celebrity turned hack…
Rip Van Winkle stands with her back to Shia LeBouf, who is presently sitting in a chair tied with industrial strength rope in intricate knots as Asuka Langley holds a baseball bat covered in blood.
Asuka: You know, I’ve been practicing my tennis swing lately and doing a real simple exercise, Mr. Le-Bitch. Backhand! (smacks him with the bat) Forehand! (smacks him again) BACKHAND! FOREHAND! BACKHAND! FOREHAND!
SB: I told you, I don’t know anything! Please stop hitting me!
Rip: Look, ve have knowledge on gute authority zat you are ze one who burned down ze café.
SB: It wasn’t me!
Asuka: Show him the vial, Rip. (Rip van Winkle pulls out a vial filled with a bizarrely colored liquid) You poured this into the food at the Crossroads Café and poisoned our employer, the head of RED Division 42 and then proceeded to burn down the establishment!
SB: Wait, did you say yesterday?
Asuka: Yes.
Rip: Yah.
SB: I spent the entire day lamenting my life choices and marathoning Girls Gone Wild videos until I passed out in a pile of Cheetos.
Asuka: (looks around the apartment and sees a large orange smudge on the carpet from Cheetos and a stack of DVDs sitting on the coffee table). Well, shit.
Rip: Looks like ve have ze wrong person.
Asuka: Hmm, but if it wasn’t him, then who?
SB: Does that mean I am free to go?
Rip: No. You are still a vile, horrid human being and should be punished.
Asuka: Agreed.
SB: WHAT?!
Rip: Was sollten wir tun, um ihn? (what should we do to him)
Asuka: Stellen Sie die Wohnung in Brand und beobachten aus dem Bürgersteig, wie es brennt auf den Boden. (Set the apartment on fire and watch from the sidewalk as it burns to the ground.)
Rip: Das ist zu gut für ihn. (That's too good for him.)
Asuka: (gets a sparkle in her eye) Ich habe eine Idee. ( I have an idea) turns him towards his flat screen TV and pulls up the YouTube application) And set it so that it marathons for about the next week and done. Congrats, you live but now you watch this instead of barely legal girls getting naked.
Rip: Auf Wiedersehen!
Asuka: Bye, fuckhead.
SB: (screams like a little girl)
Asuka: Well that was a bust.
Rip: Yah, a total vaste of time.
Asuka: I’m feeling rather hungry, want to catch a bite to eat.
Rip: Sure. (gets into a 1960 Cadillac Coupe de Ville) There’s a new burger place down the street zat ve passed on ze vay in.
Asuka: (gets into the convertible next to Rip, who is driving) Oh, you mean the Big Kahuna Burger about ten minutes back. Sounds good to me.
- Five minutes later-
Asuka and Rip sit down at a table, each one with a burger, fries and Seven Up sitting at a table underneath a small TV playing the local news but for now a commercial plays. A group of men and women wearing blue overalls carrying various tools turn to face the approaching camera.
Group: We are Omni International.
An elderly man cleaning him car: I am Omni International.
A group of Japanese business men: Watashitachiha, omuniintānashonarudesu.
A group of school children: We are Omni International!
The commercial comes to an end as the screen goes black to reveal an actor sitting in a chair on the set of a television show.
JA: Hi, I’m Jensen Ackles, you know me from the hit show Supernatural. Nearly twenty years ago, when the world’s economy collapsed, we faced utter destruction of our way of life. That was until Omni International Corporation’s CEO saved our hides. OIC is still hiring so do your part and continue to help repair the world.
Announcer: Omni International Corporation – Building a better tomorrow through perseverance today.
Asuka: That is the fifth time I have seen that damned thing today.
Rip: (chewing on her burger) RED gave Daedaltheus a million dollars so he made a commercial for his company.
Asuka: But they play OIC commercials all the damned time.
Rip: Zey are ze 96 percent shareholder for the entire planet.
Asuka: Don’t remind me. (finishing her meal)
Rip: Und ve are no closer to finding our target.
Asuka: Again, don’t remind me. We’ve been looking all damned day long.
Rip: Ve might get a break.
Asuka: Yeah like the news is going to do a story about a mad arsonist with an affinity for mixing chemical poisons.
Announcer: Our top story: The search still continues for the mysterious arsonist who last week set fire to three apartment complexes, two schools, a statue of Cecil Baldwin, three cars and poisoned an entire supply of caramel ice scream.
Asuka: Well fuck me.
Rip: See, a break.
Announcer: The only photo we have of the suspect is a dog wearing sunglasses though we believe that this woman wearing blue with bluish purple skin is the one actually perpetrating the crimes because as we all know, dogs have no thumbs.
Rip: Ya but neither do ze ponies who wrap up ze vinter but ze still make it happen.
Asuka: Damn straight.
Announcer: We reached out to his only known associate, a man who lives in a cardboard box and claims to have been a spy during the Cold War for any leads on his whereabouts.
Snake: I ain’t seen the dude since last June when we went to the In-and-Out Burger.
Reporter: You mean the woman.
Snake: Nah, that’s his chick, some lady called Cortana or some (bleep). He’s the dog, man, talking (bleep) dog.
Reporter: And now onto the weather.
Asuka: You thinking what I’m thinking, Rip?
Rip: Time to go spy hunting.
The two exit the restaurant and walk to the car, Rip starts it and turns on her MP3 player.
Rip (singing along): Zhree months of vinter coolness und awesome holidays. Ve kept our hoofsies varm at home, time off from vork and play.
Asuka: (hits next)
Rip: Hey!
-------
Find out every possible inch of this incident. Have testimonies of somepony who was a part of the riot or someone who also knew what's going on as well. If there are contradictions, pry the truth out of him! Summon somepony whose preferably a neutral voice, and one who knew all the details.
Ask "Why?"
And if you want to allow yourself to be a troll, ask, "Do you like banana's?"
Question the legitimacy of the execution. Was the evidence even legit? What's up with the riot? Those guards who were a part of it weren't real guards either.
Most of all, what is Risen's motive? What was his deal with him and the government?
Ok, before you ask your questions, calm yourself. And don't tell me you're calm; I saw that barely contained rage inside your mind. Breathe in, breathe out.
Amongst other things, this'll probably come up, so you might wanna ask "Were you truly certain that mare was her?" when the picture will be brought up. I'm pretty sure you're aware of Changelings, at least.
Other than that, I got nothing. Just stay calm
First inquire what kind if acts he accused derpy of. Then ask him about the riot. Then find out how he wants to mend the damage he did. THEN INCINERATE THE FLYING FUCK OUT OF HIM CAUSE YOU ARE CELESTIA, GODDESS OF THE SUN AND.... I watched too much Ponies reanact Yu-Gi-Oh (awesome vid. Go check it out if you haven't yet).
Point is, ask him out about everything that is related to Derpy's death.
-----------------------------------------------
Or you could just take out you personal copy of the Necromonicon and resurrect her for all you care.
Celestia find Risen Flag and do the banishment to the sun thing.
Seriously you probably could solve everything right now, or at least have it cut down by at least 70 chapters.
Scold the mofo for taking the law into his own hands and causing so much misery. You have to keep calm however since this asshat probably would love to see you blow up with that shit eating grin of his.
Grill him with reasonable questions:
How do you know she was the one who did the crime?
Why was I not informed?
What made you think this was a good idea?
If he shows Video or other "Evidence" of Derpy's involvement, ask him if he's ever heard of friggen Changelings before. The dumbass. Review the footage and see if her eyes flash like changelings do. If not, still tell him he couldn't have known for sure.
Tell him that whether he feels justified or not, he still publicly executed someone without sanction, and that that is grounds for his status as Senator being Terminated and being put on trial himself.
This is your country Damnit, not his.
Oh this is back! Yay
Ok, Tia, enough silliness, it's time to get serious with this motherb***er.
This is the bastard who murdered an innocent subject from your favorite disciple's hometown in cold blood, so look at him in the eyes, and while you stare at his soul with a fury of a thousand suns, smirk as you ask him...
Do you like bananas?
Celestia don't destroy him right off the bat you have to remain calm and collect about this first ask him about the events that took place down in Ponyville while he was down there. Then ask him why he shot Derpy Hooves in the head which then lead to a mass riot in Ponyville. If anything that really isn't keeping the peace in politics. And finally the most important question you should ask him is why he didn't run this by you and the senate first. Sure he may have killed a traitor, but the situation got out of hand pretty fucking fast and more ponies got hurt in the process if anything he should be impeached from the senate for his actions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway as for the side story this is where everyone is currently located
R.A.: Currently inside one of the side rooms of the med bay mixing chemicals together to help BRP heal better. This is going to end badly at best.
Steve: Currently in the transporter room tinkering around with the computer aspects of it making certain it is not easy to hack.
Ramirez, Calvin, Tommy: In the Control room of the Enterprise keeping an eye on the systems.
Reginald/Dave, Janitor: Shooting the shit with some of the red shirts in a break room conveniently located on the Enterprise's second deck.
Slim. Jim: Again making hot lesbian love to one another in Captain Kirk's room.
Doc: Currently copying footage of Slim and Jim's sexual escapades so as to make millions off the video if he gets out of this whole situation alive.
Saw all the missing in action so might as well remedy that, doesn't have to be canon to the side story, but it's something to work off of.
Well... Celestia, you are clearly not incompetent. More than 1000 years of rule attests to that. ROLL DIPLOMACY AND SENSE MOTIVE!!! Also, what sort of creature could forge surveillance footage? Possibly a certain species with a proclivity for changing? Remember to keep all of this close to the chest, so to speak. That Risen Flagg has gotten where he is and violated the law so casually speaks volumes about what his so-called "evidence" must be. Also, a bit of a TRUTH spell may be in order if things get out of hand. Specifically look for anything that registers as too true. Flagg may have something up his sleeve.
Me: Sarble… Gragablagubuh… zooooooolium...
Enterprise crew-member: Uh… what the hell is he saying?
Dalek unit: The master is talking in his slumber!
Redshirt: Uh… I can see that… but what's he saying?
Dalek unit: Initiating translation of Kalporian! Translating… Translating… Translation acquired! Relaying translation:
Redshirt: Kalporian?
Dalek: The language of the people upon planet Kalporos, in the Polaris Nebula, known to Earth as the… Ant Nebula!
Redshirt: Why's he speaking it?
Dalek: It was the language he was raised upon. Master SD lived there in his youth, long, long ago!
Redshirt: Ohh... I see.
Me: Oraoraoraoraoraoraoraoraora
Redshirt: What'd he say then?
Dalek: That was not Kalporian. That was from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure!
Redshirt: Say what?
Dalek: Initiate communications barrier!
Dalek: It was a manga written by Hirohiko Araki starting in 1987 AD, Earth time! The master loves the story of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! He views it at any possible convenience!
Redshirt: So… he's a geek?
Dalek: ARE YOU INSULTING THE MASTER?
Redshirt: OH GOD NO! CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN! I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BAD!
Dalek: WHAT DOES THIS TERM 'GEEK' MEAN? EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN!
Redshirt: IT MEANS HE LIKES VIDEO GAMES AND COMIC BOOKS AND STUFF! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!
Dalek: … *turns around and moves away* Very well. This conversation is over.
Redshirt: …
Me: Booozabalaka...
Redshirt: You said it…
What I said, for reference:
That's all for now!
Celestia, he is so obviously evil because of this most recent act that he should be removed from office, locked up, banished, assassinated, turned insane and then hung drawn and quartered. But you are a fair ruler. You extend a precise 30cm and always give a straight line. As such, you will listen to his side, calmly explain his mistake, then crush him into atoms and spread him like jam upon the universe.
Side story...
Hugh: Remove his suit and give it to the daleks to fix. Then give him a shot of adrenaline and morphene.
Medic redahirt follows the instructions, carefully removing BRP's suit, then giving him the shot of adrenaline. BRP's eyes snap open.
BRP: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
Hugh: you could have given him the morphene first.
BRP: FUUIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!
MR sticks a syringe into BRP's arm.
4340172
R.A.: *busts out of the medical room he was in making bootleg medicine* BRP are you all right!? *punches the medical redshirt out of the way* Don't worry i got just the thing for ya! *pulls out a syringe filled with an explainable mixture of medical ingredients* This'll get ya back on your feet in no time, I learned how to make this from some science dude who made adrenaline shots. I think he was from a group called CEDA or something... *pauses to think about that time*
Dear Celly,
First send all the guards into the hall, then activate the rune beneath Risen Flagg's hooves, sealing him in an anti-every damned thing barrier. Next summon Death, a giant black unicorn clothed in shadows, and give him/her/it/Death Risen in exchange for Derpy, which he'll be more than happy to do as Derpy babysits his son every 2nd Wednesday of the month when he plays cards with Lucifer and Chuck Norris. Finally, as Risen is dragged screaming into the depths of Hell smile and wave him good-bye while mouthing 'You'll be pony Hitler's bitch.' and give Derpy a ticket to Ponyville. Note: Risen can't escape the dome because he would have to use his god powers and then you could burn him with the burning intensity of a thousand supernova suns!
With love,
A
P.S.
ts4.mm.bing.net/th?&id=HN.607999010826358235&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0
ALL THAT is cake. Recite the incantation below to summon.
ADDUC RUTRUM
I forgot to include these guys.
SD98: Make several appointments with your inner Hannibal Lecter.
Slim and Jim:*leaves 8 bottles of 8 hour energy, 8 energy bars, a riding crop, a stick of butter, and two corndogs in the room before walking away*
Spock: Inform GR of the Caeser's status.
Bronze Statue: Use Wake-Up slap on all those in the medbay.
Kiro self-inserts himself again just to push his luck.And denies everything because of his "editor powers."Actually, that's stupid for contextual reasons... Celestia asks Risen Flagg a question.
The Brown Dog sits in a motel room he holds a Supernatural poster with three signatures on it.
Cortana: Well that could have gone better.
BD: You kidding me? That was awesome!
Cortana: They tried to kill you!
BD: As if they could, but it’s the thought that counts.
Cortana: What?
BD: Sam and Dean Winchester tried to hunt me…I feel so honored (The Brown Dog smiles with a tear coming out of his eye)
Cortana: Because you teleported into their room you idiot!
BD: Ah yes, I remember it like it was yesterday
Cortana: It was 10 minutes ago!
10 Minutes Ago, or Maybe Yesterday? Who knows.
Sam and Dean Winchester are doing research on a string of murders in the town caused by a trickster. Then the Brown Dog teleports into the center of the motel room startling them.
BD: Hey Guys!
Dean: What the hell?! (Both he and Sam raise their pistols and aim them at the Brown Dog) A talking dog?
Sam: With sunglasses?
BD: Oh man I can’t believe it’s actually you! Big Fan! Big Fan! (Fangasms on the inside)
Sam: What are you!
BD: Excited!
He teleports in front of the Brothers with a very excited smile on his face, to them though it looks like he’s bearing his teeth
BD: Can I get your…
Sam and Dean both start shooting the Brown Dog since it looked like he was going to attack them. The bullets hit but don’t do anything. After they stop firing he finishes his sentence
BD: …Autograph? (Summons a Supernatural Poster with Sam and Dean and Castiel on it into his paw)
Dean: Autograph?
BD: Ya you guys are awesome! I got a lot of your memorabilia.
The Brown Dog Snaps his fingers….Somehow and a shit ton of Supernatural merchandise appears in the room.
Sam and Dean see this massive summons and jump to a logical solution.
Sam/Dean: Trickster!
Sam tackles the Brown Dog to the ground and starts punching him while Dean grabs a stake dipped in the blood of a recent trickster victim. Being punched though doesn’t hurt the Brown Dog as he kind of just takes it.
BD: Hey Sammy this is fun and all but I’m not actually a trickster
Dean: Bullshit! (Shoves stake into Brown Dog’s heart, which again, does nothing)
BD: See, told you.
Sam and Dean panic a bit and get up off the Brown Dog.
Dean: With the glasses, maybe it’s a demon!
They throw holy water at him, but nothing happens.
BD: Ha, just like the show, now do you want to check and see if I’m a Leviathan?
Sam: A what?
BD: (Eyes widen) Oh wait, unless this is before Season 7? Then forget I said anything.
Both Brothers are confused as all hell.
BD: Soooo….autographs? (Holds up poster again)
Dean: No, first you tell us what the hell you are poochie
Sam: Ya, if you’re not a trickster or demon then what? The only other thing that can do what you do is...
Castiel appears in the room behind the Brown Dog.
Castiel: An Angel?
The Brown Dog whips around in excitement
Castiel: He is no angel, I can tell you that much
BD: Cas! Oh Hell Ya, I Friggen love you man! You are just the best! (The Brown Dog spasms and wags his tail and jumps around like Pinkie Pie as he says this)
Castiel: That…is nice…I suppose.
Dean: Cas, what the hell is this thing?
Castiel: This is The Brown Dog
Dean: Yeah, no shit it’s a brown dog
Castiel: No, not A brown dog, THE Brown Dog
BD: OMG you know who I am (Squee)
Sam: Okay… what the hell is THE brown dog then?
Castiel: He is a cross dimensional traveler, one who can move throughout the different universes with ease. And he carries great power, as do all the travelers like him.
BD: Ain’t no one quite like me Misha (Smiles)
Dean: Okay, so what do we do about it?
Castiel: I would recommend doing as he says.
Sam: What, really?
Castiel: Travelers have the power to reshape entire universes, and The Brown Dog is said to be unpredictable and insane.
Cortana: You got that right
BD: Shut up blue Bitch!
(The Winchesters and Castiel look at his sudden outburst)
BD: Sorry, talking to the blue lady in my glasses. Please continue.
Castiel: …As you can see, it wouldn’t be wise to upset it.
Sam:…So…you want us to sign your poster?
BD: Eyup, and make it out to your biggest fan ever.
Sam picks up the poster and signs it with his pen then hands it Dean
Dean: This is so stupid. We have friggen insane gods as fans?
BD: Oh Dean, Sanity is over rated.
Dean: Whatever
Castiel then signs the poster by just waving his hand over it. The Brown Dog then shakes hands with everyone there because he wants to, and then takes a group photo since they don’t have a choice.
BD: Thanks guys, and now none of you will remember I was here. Until next time that is, Bye!
Dean: What?
The Brown Dog teleports out and the two humans and the angel look around confused
Sam: Ummm….
Dean: Cas?
Castiel: Yes?
Dean: What were we just talking about?
Castiel: I don’t know
Present time, or as present as one can get when Dimension hopping.
Cortana: And why did you mind wipe them?
BD: They got a lot on their minds right now, might as well keep them thinking in canon, for the time being that is. Besides, I got what I came for…(Holds up poster and just admires it)
Cortana: Well while you were gushing over your three man crushes, I’ve been doing work
BD: Oh, got any news on our next trollific journey? (asks excitedly)
Cortana: No, but you’ve made the news in one of the cross universes
BD: What?
Cortana displays the news report about Solid Snake knowing who he was.
Cortana: Well, there you have it, your dumbassery has made you wanted again.
BD: pfft…pfffttt…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Cortana: and what’s so damned funny about this?
BD: HA HA HA… They think…HA HA you’re the one in charge. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Cortana: Damnit this is serious!
BD: I know, you better get a good lawyer
Cortana: Brown Dog!
BD: heh heh heh…OK, sorry but that was just too rich. Besides, I only burnt down most of the things they claimed. And some of them were justified
Cortana: The two schools?
BD: The Equestria Girls school and the one from Saved By the Bell
Cortana: The apartment complexes?
BD: Crack heads, Alien Gorillas, and Mardi Gras
Cortana: and the statue of Cecil Baldwin?
BD: That was not me, someone is framing me on that one.
Cortana: Seriously?
BD: Ya, I love that guy, he’s hilarious, why would I burn down his stuff?
Cortana: Well whoever it is, they may not stop with the statue, and do you really want Night Vale angry at you?
BD: Not especially, I love my shack by the bluffs.
Cortana: So…plan?
BD: Yes, but I’ll need some investigative types to help with clues.
Cortana: And what about Snake?
BD: What about him?
Cortana: What if he gives anything away?
BD: Like what? All I ever did was talk videogames and buy the guy In and Out Burger once in awhile, that’s it. You were there you know how he was a Castlevania nut. He thought I was a hallucination half the time too, but maybe that was because of the drugs. Oh and drugs, I gave him lots of drugs.
Cortana: Why?
BD: Because I accidentally ruined his career, and drugs food and games seemed like a suitable apology.
Cortana: How did you ruin him?
BD: I told him to invest in Blockbuster a few years back.
Teleports into the Multiverse.
Sidestory
~~~~~
The secretary knocked on the Director's office door.
GreyRebl: Come in.
There, the secretary saw him staring intently into his computer. He sipped on a cup of coffee, absent mindly giving her a mere glance, but only to stare back at the computer screen. In her telekinesis was a file of measureable importance.
Secretary: I see you've already moved the computer back. I take it something interesting had come to light?
GR: Yes. Actually, there were more questions. As of right now, one of the hackers have given me a typed report. The ship had been attacked apparently, and the crew members have suffered casualites during the time we were disconnected. Swimming Dalek is recovering from his insanity that resulted in the confrontation. The Ensign's captain and his medical and biological experts had returned from a recon in Ponyville, of which we weren't properly informed of. They accidently arrived with an Equestrian, a zebra no less!
The Director frowned at the last bit, and so did the Secretary, but a moment later he grinned.
GR: I'm willing to be that he met one of our agents. Their sunglasses were made to detect almost anything, they are bound to see them as suspicious. I hope to inform them both of each other's presence. Nana is aiding medical staff on healing him and BRP.
S: Almost exactly what I was briefed with the workers. The lab ponies are working on the clock to make up lost time and are trying to discuss with the aliens about ways to prevent this from happening again. The Daleks and Hackers were... eccentric with their ideas. So were our workers.
GR: Oh, and the Bomb?
S: The team is finishing up investigation. It'll be confiscated or be ready for use, depending on how the Head Research likes your idea. Anyways, sir, about why I'm here...
Grey Rebl finally looked away from the screen.
GR: Yes, what is it?
She laid the files on his desk. Curious, Grey Rebl pulled out the papers from inside.
S: There were reports of strange activity among the populous up in the surface in Appoloosa. Even the tribal buffalo had noticed. Ponies testified that the townsfolks were acting... out of nature. There were also contradictions in their habitul patterns. Family members are getting worried. One of our agents had a good eye on several of the other details.
GR: Does the pony happen to go by the name "Sunglasses"?
S: One of your eccentric students? Yes. The surface agents are waiting for your decision.
GR: Hmm... Funny, I have just received news that may or may not be related to this.
S: From whom?
GR: Agents and Operatives Braeburn and Little Strongheart via P-Mail. Their report is sent to my computer.
S: Ah, yes, their mission. How did it go?
GR: Failure, this "Doctor" didn't exist.
She frowned.
S: Oh. That's too bad...
GR: That's not it, though. Apparently, Risen Flagg had made a public execution.
If Grey noticed the secretary's bewildered face, he ignored it.
GR: Not only that, but the accused was said to be the one who helped send that huge bomb from Los Pegasus. There happened to be evidence of it. Going by the name Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves, she was simple mail mare, and it was likely that she wasn't the one who did it, given the personal accounts from third parties. She was killed on the spot by the Senator himself with a firearm with no trial whatsoever. He accused the AIA of going against Equestria. The CIA is probably gonna have a headache over this incident. A riot ensued, and the royal guards who were present did little to stop it, rather, they added to it, maliciously. It was confirmed that "sickly green glow was present around them"... And what a coincidence, we have reports of "strange behaviour" on our end.
The two locked eyes, their minds clicked in place when they connected the dots. With the symptoms present, they made a conclusion:
S: Changlings... Here? With Risen Flagg involved even... But what could this mean?
GR: More than likely, they've already infiltrated Appoloosa, maybe trying to find our base... Risen planned this. With the way it was all prepared and organized, I'd say the changlings and him are under an alliance. That bomb that was sent to us? The changlings in the surface are trying to create evidence of us having the bomb! It's practical proof that we ARE the bad guys! Perhaps he had BEEN doing this with other agencies...
It was then the two figured it out. Politcally, Risen may be trying to take control of the Equestrian government. The power that could be in his hooves... Publicly, and Nationally... In stunned silence, the two took the time to gather up their resolve. It was time to plan.
S: This is a mess... Insane... We need to get rid of that bomb.
GR: ...In an unrelated note, there's more news to be said on here.
S: What?!
GR: Applejack, the Element of Honesty, have found Braeburn out...
S: One of the famed Apple Clan. And Their daughter no less...
GR: It was time that she learned the truth of the Apples and her parents anyways. After all, we are in a national crisis. She may be an asset, and could help turn this in our favor. Not mention that other human, who was now hospitalized.
S: ...What should we do, sir?
Grey took out a piece of paper and a quill with ink, he scribbled upon on it and hoofed it over to his secretary. With a brief read on the note, her eyes widened, jaw dropping.
GR: Send this to the CIA.
S: S-sir, is this?
GR: Yes, it is. After the sudden shut downs of other agencies, there's only the AIA and the CIA. WE are what's left! There's no pony else to do this, but us and our allies up in the skies! We are going to make a full scale operation in PONYVILLE, and we are going use what we have made here in this facillity to get it done! Tell the staff and operatives to make a "surprise" for our fellow invading insects.
He grins widely.
GR: They're not the only expert infiltrators in this world. And it ain't big enough for the both of us. I'm very sure that they think the same. Otherwise, I'm making us combustible lemons.
Roseluck, when you get a chance please be a dear and contact me at the office, we have somethings to discuss. Additionally, please make sure to .....
Connection lost....
Meanwhile in New York City, 1989:
DXIV: I’m telling you, Integra, the food here is to die for.
Integra: If you say so. (looks skeptically at the large crowd swarming around the front entrance and inside of the foyer of the restaurant) I don’t think we’ll get a table here.
???: You would damned lucky if you can. (The couple turns to see a man in his mid-twenties standing next to a hardbody blonde waiting anxiously and vapidly looking around at the crowd).
Integra: Patrick Bateman, wasn’t expecting to see you until…
PB: Tomorrow at his (points to Daedaltheus) tribunal, I know. Therefore, you think that you can get a reservation here, please. I have been trying for months just to get a single seat at the bar.
DXIV: (smiles and turns to the host standing behind the counter) Hi, reservation for two.
Host: Name please.
DXIV: Daedaltheus Atriedes, party of two.
Host: (looks down the list) Ah, yes, reservation for two at nine, right this way, sir.
PB: YOU LOATHSOME SON OF A BITCH! HOW THE FUCK DID, YOU MANAGE TO…
DXIV: They always have a table for me at Dorsia. Ciao, Bateman.
PB: You’re a real asshole, you know that!
Integra: At least he’s not a serial killer.
PB: (looks nervous) Listen babe, I’ve got to go return some video tapes.
Daedaltheus and Integra sit down at the table, menus placed in front of them, Daedaltheus slipping the waitress what looks to be three hundred dollars and asks for drinks.
Integra: Managed to find your saboteur, yet?
DXIV: Not quite. The LeBouf lead proved to be a bust, and the footage was tampered with severely.
Integra: I see, so what does that mean for your investigation.
DXIV: I have top women working on it. (smiles but quickly draws to a frown as he gazes upon his lady friend) But they are not more top than you, my sweet darling of the night.
- Elsewhere just outside of a gas station –
Rip: (walking back to the car) So, I ask ze attendant if he know anything about ze man in ze box.
Asuka: And…
Rip: Says that his name is Solid Snake und he comes by ze area sometimes asking for money and ranting on about ze dog.
Asuka: And…
Rip: He says, go three blocks down und six blocks over by ze old GameStop.
- Five Minutes Later –
Asuka and Rip walk down an alleyway littered with various boxes and trash, as well as posters hanging about the brick clad walls of the neighboring buildings. On one poster is the Omni International Corporation logo, a single hand composed of dozens of smaller hands holding aloft the world, and others wanted posters for enemies of the state. The pair walked past the faces various characters, ranging from memorable to forgettable declared enemies during the Salvation. The two stopped when they came across a set of boxes, one with a reddish black robot with a specifically golden disc shaped head, shaking and jittering on about presumably nothing important. The other contained an aged old man in black and gray combat gear, though considerably faded with time.
Asuka: Huh, Snake and Alpha the fucking robot of Zordon in one nice package, this day just gets easier by the second.
Alpha: What do y…y…you mean by…by…that?
Rip: (BANG) Alpha, wanted on the crimes of annoyance and shear all around incompetence as well as contributing to rebel UN forces during the Salvation by appearing from your respective dimension. Crime according to the Ordinance of 1994, death.
Snake: (jumping out and making the alert noise) What the hell are you doing here! And where are my Cheetos?
Rip: Vat the hell?
Snake: Wait, you ain’t that dog.
Asuka: Jackpot (draws her pistol) so you are the one associated with the Brown Dog.
Snake: He brings me snacks!
Asuka: All the same, old man. Tell us where he is or at the very least where his base of operations is and we will let you go.
Snake: (leaps forward snatching the gun from Asuka and immediately turns on them) Ah no. I ain’t saying nothing to government spooks, haven’t since they let me go.
Rip: Vait, ve just vant some simple information, nothing more, nothing less, soldier.
Snake: And you, you seem all too familiar, even to this tired old dog.
Asuka: Rip, we have to do something or he’ll shoot us.
Snake: Yeah, you’re looking really familiar now, Rip Van Winkle.
Rip: I have an idea. Vozmozhno, vy pomnite , chto missiya yeshche v shestidesyatyye gody , tot, gde umer Bol'shoy Boss , pravil'nyy . (Perhaps you remember, that mission back in the sixties, the one where Big Boss died, right.)
Snake: Wait…
Rip: YA nazhal na kurok. YA vzyal yeye na prikazu moyego bossa , chtoby motivirovat' vas. (I pulled the trigger. I took her down on my boss's orders in order to motivate you.)
Snake: NO! (pulls the trigger as Asuka pulls out a knife and stabs Snake in the shoulder) AGH!
Asuka: (twisting the knife) Talk, now!
Snake: You killed Big Boss! You killed her!
Rip: She was a goddamned traitor and you know it.
Snake: She, she….
Rip: She betrayed you und if I hadn’t killed her, she would have killed you and the world would have devolved into a nuclear war.
Asuka: Now talk.
- Five minutes and some crying later –
Snake: He’s got no real base, just hops from here to there, always with that same woman.
Asuka: I see, so how can we track him?
Snake: Follow the path of crazy that should get you closer to him. Oh yeah, he does like to hang out around the In and Out Burger. He’s also got that AI thing that’s hardwired into his sunglasses so you might be able to track that using a unique tracking software that pings his unique AI signature using the satellites around any given planet.
Rip: (taking notes) Anything else?
Snake: He likes that TV show Supernatural.
Rip: Thank you for all of your help, Snake und sorry about your robot friend, he was a wanted criminal.
Snake: No worries, he was just kind of there.
The pair walk to the end of the alleyway but Rip stops just short, looking back at Snake, she unslings her rifle.
Rip: Tinker, tailor, solider, sailor – My bullet punishes all vithout distinction. (the single round bursts forward and twists around the alleyway before shredding the former spy’s body) Solid Snake, vanted for crimes against the State including espionage, treason, selling of secrets and attempting to overthrow the State in 1997.
Asuka: So what do we do now?
Rip: Easy, ve go to Glados and get her to the write the program for us.
Asuka: And then the hunt begins.
- Meanwhile in Russia, August 1979 –
Daedaltheus walks into a rundown yellow house where several figures wait for him, including one rather perturbed man in a finely tailored suit. The others included a short blonde man in a white suit, a blonde tall woman in a rather militaristic looking suit, a man in a lab coat and goggles, an alligator, and a penguin.
Councilman Swan: Gentlemen, let us call to order the RED Council and commune to order this tribunal.
Councilman Doctor Billy Horrible: The date is August 9, 1979, in the Strugatsky variant of Russia, located in the Zone.
Councilman Gummy: (blinks)
Councilman Patrick Bateman: We are here to commune the tribunal of the director of Division 42, also known as the Vault, for crimes against the organization and for violating the laws of the story.
Councilman Integra Fairbrooks Wingate Hellsing: Director, step forward and state your full name for the court to convene the tribunal.
DXIV: Daedaltheus Xenophon Ichabod Vladistov (XIV) Atriedes, Director of Division 42 of Read Extract Destroy, former assistant director and student to Sutter Cane.
Councilman Gunter: Wahn, wahn, whan wahn, wahn wahn. (Let us begin the trial of Daedaltheus).
Okay, so, Celestia, here's what you do:
Immediately, a number of your Elite guards, 'Flares' they are called, teleport in. Instantly, Risen is surrounded in the most powerful wards known to ponykind, and watched from all angles, as you yourself aid in the spellcasting.
General gist:
"What have you done, Risen Flag!? I demand your proof this instant. You are not leaving my sight until solid, unquestionable evidence is given. If this was committed in cold blood, may Tartarus take pity on your soul, for I shall not."
Meanwhile, there are a number of things you must do:
Draw upon your centuries of experience in pony facial expressions. Watch for any evidence of him wanting to hide anything. (Risen should be at a disadvantage, not innately used to this form)
You heard tales of strange blood etc at the riot. Immediately cast a changeling detection (Out of character: Hopefully DISGUISE detection) spell, just in case.
Question why he was hiding this new weapon technology from you (guns)
Question the strange blood of his guards
Do not mention the fact that Risen will now be under constant surveillance. Luna had promised to both watch him, and send some skilled (warrior/spies called Shades... What? It's a cool idea I once had XD) to watch his movements, fearful that he may be plotting with the changelings (green blood)
Celestia: Summon your finest, the Solar Honour Guard, and go on a rant at Risen Flagg, after putting him under the most powerful wards you can, starting with the all important question; "Why? Why would you throw everything away? Why would you, of all ponies, avoid the proper channels? What don't you want me to find?" Summon Luna and Candenza , so they may witness what comes to those like Flagg. Strip him of all his power, cast a True Form spell upon him with the help of Luna and Cadence, banish him to Tartarus, and release what he has done to the press. Summon all of the guards he used, and repeat the process. They aided him in murder, not justice, and as such, are just as guilty as he. Should anyone involved in this turn out to be changelings, issue a state of emergency, and send your finest trackers to find Chrysalis, and bring her in for war crimes, and repeat the process you took with the guards and with Flagg. Search for his ties to the facilities that were struck by this so called "terrorist" group, he has to have some to go to such an extreme. After Flagg and his accomplices are dealt with, make an appearance in Ponyville. And, let us not forget, get it drilled into the heads of all guards that they serve the LAW, not some upstart politician. That the serve justice, not revenge. That to do anything else is illegal, and brings shame to the guard.
(OOC: Flagg is done for, no matter what he does. He got cocky, and Nyarlothotep backed himself into a corner. He can still take a new form, but the character Flagg is done. True Form might reveal him, if cast by all three alicorns, but they might not. His plans probably haven't fallen, but they will have been set back by a good few months, unless this is his endgame maneuver. I just don't see a believable way for Flagg to talk himself out of this. Not without making everyone suspicious that the Princesses have been enchanted by him into doing what he says, which would make doing anything outside of pony norms blow his cover.)