And now some recurring jokes return
Give Spike another hug. The poor boy looks traumatized! Ask him what happened, then find your friends. You'll need them for this.
Nothing has changed since the end of the last chapter. Though why you're only calling a few seconds ago a chapter is beyond you, you're still hugging Spike, hugging him for dear life. You're just so glad that he's all right, you even feel a tear roll down your cheek as you feel him squeeze you back. By Celestia, you don't know what you'd do if anything happened to him. Your friends are important to you, sure, nopony is any different, but Spike... Spike's been with you longer than any of them have. You honestly don't know what you'd do with yourself if anything happened to him. Anything at all.
But that is not important now, because he is okay. He is okay and you are hugging him. You are hugging him tightly and you are not going to let him go. Absolutely nothing can ruin this-
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where everypony is drunk all the time-
"H..... He.... Hey Jappleack..." Rainbow Dash slurred as she hoofed the bottle she was holding in her direction.
"Yah..." Applejack responded as she leaned against the wall of her barn while the music kept blasting and Pinkie Pie was doing..... whatever it was she was doing.
"You know I.... I... I gotta say....." Rainbow Dash kept slurring. "I... I bucking lo-"
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where RazortheAwesome is stupid-
And so um..... um.... Twilight did that thing.... that thing she was suposed to do....... and um.... then jason.... um.... jason saved the world...
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where SNOWFLAME is in Equestria-
Wait... If Browndog sent Zant to the Snowflame in Equestria universe than why does he think that Blueblood turned him into a unicorn? And no, "because he's insane" isn't a valid answer.
Because he is insane. And yes that is a valid answer.
Because he doesn't remember me anymore, I told him that as I sent him away, just like how the Winchesters don't remember me
All he knows is that he wound up in Equestria and before he knew it was thrown into a mental institution
Also this.
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where everything is blue-
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where dinosaurs are still alive, but are also invisible-
Lyra and Bon Bon are sitting on the porch of their new, bigger house in Ponyville with a white picket fence, an actual, proper ceiling, and a garden. In the garden, the most adorable little filly that either of them had ever seen was running around playing with their pet dog. Turned out Lyra really liked dogs. Who knew.
Anyway, the two of them just sat there on their porch watching the little filly, their filly, run around happy to her hearts content. Everything was all right now. It had been a few years since the two of them had stopped the invisible dinosaur apocalypse and became heroes, and now they were doing what they always wanted, just settling down, and leading a good, peaceful, normal life, with a family. Everything was perfect for them.
Then, suddenly, Bon Bon's eyes went as wide as her lover Lyra's whole body as she sat up from her couch and pulled out from behind her chair a crossbow that shoots chainsaws.
"Is that a dinosaur behind our little filly!?" she asked, her voice heavy with concern for their daughter.
"I don't know," Lyra responded as she pulled out a minigun with her magic that was by all rights, larger than she was. "But it's entirely possible."
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where everything is in Russian-
О, мой бог, никто из вас не может на самом деле читать это не так ли? Если, конечно, вы не на самом деле русский ... Но да, поскольку я предполагаю, что большинство из вас не может читать по-русски, я могу в значительной степени просто положить все, что захочу здесь и вы, ребята, просто будет полностью потерял не так ли.
"Ах, да! АХ, ДА ОН ДА ОН ДА ОН ДА!" Сумерки кричала в ночь, как Селестия стучал в и из нее с ее гигантской, пульсирующая, Фута пениса. "Ах, да Селестия бац меня, как барабан!!"
-В остальной части этой сцены далеко до дерзкий даже для русско-
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where this story is written by George Orwell-
Twilight stood in the main square of Ponyville with Spike on her back looking up at one of the many posters of her mentor and this nation's most glorious leader.
"Why is war peace?" Another voice suddenly asked. Both Twilight and Spike turned to a cream colored pony with a red mane looking up at the same poster as them. The two of them just stared at her for a moment before looking back at each other. Then, without even saying anything, the two walked away, leaving the cream colored, red maned pony there with the poster.
As Twilight walked away from the strange pony down the main street of Ponyville, she caught a member of the thought police walking in the opposite direction.
"Excuse me, excuse me sir!" Twilight shouted the moment she saw him as she gingerly galloped in his direction.
"You have something to report Ms?" the thought police asked her. Twilight just smiled.
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where all the ponies use pokemon to fight their battles instead of- -
At the sound of that, both you and Spike break off from your hug and turn to see..... that Colonel pony standing in your library. He's not even looking directly at you two, or anypony for that matter. He's just staring at the wall, or off into space. Sure he does look back and glance at the two of you when he feels other pairs of eyes on him, but then he just goes back to staring at the wall.
"It's silly," the colonel pony continues in his usual British accent. "The chapter started out nice with Twilight's tearful reunion with Spike, but now it's just gotten silly. There are enough parallel universes now to make several, much more interesting stories, and now you're just reusing several of them like you're running out of ideas, which I'd wager you are."
:l
:I
:I
:I
Seriously, that's the only reaction that the three....... two, of you have to this pony right now. Why is he even here? When did he walk in the library? Who is he even talking to? Why are your only reactions a colon and a line, WHY!? WH-
Then set sail for the little island port of Indieland, to kill and steal and fornicate and pillage at their leisure."
The sound of another pony with an English accent spouting poetry immediately drove you from your train of though. Immediately the four..... three, of you turned to see two other ponies sitting at a nearby table, both earth ponies. One had a lightish brown mane and facial scruff, wore glasses, and wore a rather nice looking fedora, and the other one was a bit larger than the first, had a nicely combed, darker mane, and wore a nice black suit with a red tie. The suit wearing pony just sat there patiently while the fedora hat pony kept spouting rhymes.
"And you!" The colonel pony shouted as he pointed the riding crop that he had for no explicable reason at them. Immediately, the two of them stopped talking and looked at the colonel with looks of what you could only describe as... Zero bucks.... on their faces. In fact, if it was possible for them to give a negative buck, they probably would have.
The colonel pony just stared at them with his look of seriousness against their looks of zero bucks in an epic battle of wills, with neither side faltering. None of them said anything. Spike just looked up at you confused, but you shrugged your shoulders.
"You two are all right," the colonel eventually said as he dropped his riding crop back to his side. Confused as all hell, you and Spike looked at each other, then back to the colonel pony. Neither of the two poetry ponies took their looks of zero bucks or their eyes off of their faces as they just continued to stare.
After a moment, the colonel turned around to look at you and Spike.
"What?" he said. "There is absolutely nothing wrong, or silly, with two literary individuals of noteworthy intelligence, engaging each other in an epic battle of slam poetry. The rest of you would do well to take a lesson from these two." And with that, the colonel unceremoniously walked out the door. Neither your eyes, nor spikes, nor Som........ Nor the two poetry ponies, left him as you watched him walk out of the library and shut the door behind him.
Sombra:
1. Kill the pony that is preventing any silliness.
2. Silliness.
"When I get my body back," Ghost Sombra didn't say in a deep, almost growl like voice. "I'm going to kill that pony.... slowly... and with the hoof I use to clop." You just ignore Sombra because he didn't say anything because he isn't there.
"The AAA weighed anchor in Indieland's main port, and the islanders looked up with eyes fearful and unblinking," the poetry pony with the fedora continued now that the colonel pony had left the colonel pony had left the room. Both you and Spike looked back at each other for a moment, then headed up the stairs away from the two ponies... or any other ponies that might happen to barge in and ruin the moment like that.
Twilight:
1. Hug Spike
2. Ask Spike what actually happened.
3. Find Jason.
Find out what happened from Spike. Timidly. He's only a baby dragon after all~
Then, after a while of comforting and being with Spike, find Jason. I reiterate what I said last chapter.
What you should do next should be to rut Spike like the dirty little dragon he is- ... wait a moment this is the wrong fanfiction..... right retract my previous statement and replace is with: Make yourself a daisy and daffodil sandwich with EXTRA mayonnaise cause you have a terrible case of the munchies right now! Also you'll need the energy to attempt to find Jason.
Eventually, when the two of you got to the top of the stairs, you... you just can't hold it in. You run forward and grab Spike in another BIG hug, which he returns to you, which he gratefully accepts.
"Oh Spike," you say to him as another tear almost comes to your eye, almost. "I am so so so so so sososososososososo glad you're okay."
"It's good to see you too, Twilight," Spike replies as the two of you let go of the hug. If only your big one downstairs hadn't been ruined. "When did you get back?"
"Just now," you reply.
"Oh," Spike says, as if he just realized something he almost forgot. "Well um... do you want anything? Maybe a daisy and daffodil sandwich with extra mayo or-"
"No thanks, I'm kinda full," you reply to Spike before he can finish. As flattered as you are that Spike is offering to make you lunch right now, you really aren't hungry.
"Full?" Spike asks, confused. "What'd you eat?"
"Raptors," Ghost Sombra doesn't whisper to you like a secret.
"Raptors," you say to Spike with the biggest smile you can possibly put on. In response, he just gives you the biggest look of confusion you've ever seen, even more so than when that Colonel pony suddenly walked into the library.
"Uhh.... Twilight," he says. "What's a raptor?" And only now does it occur to you what you just said.
I forgot rule 2.
Twi, relevance is the key to removing comedy. Call sombra "ghost sombrero". This can only work out well. Then talk to spike about food because you are hungry.
"Damnit, Sombrero," you whisper to yourself as quietly as you can, only for Ghost Sombra to NOT start laughing his nonexistent lungs out with what you just said, and only after you said it do you even realize it. If you were alone, you would smack yourself in the head... repeatedly.
"Uhh.... Twilight..." Spike says to you, looking kind of concerned.
Well Twilight, ask Spike exactly what happened and not to hold back. If he starts crying, comfort him. Ask him where Jason is now, and that you and the girls should go pay him a visit. And put back on your Raiden suit, or at least the sword, shit's dangerous, in fact, give Spike a sword.
Also Sombra spoils the surprise about Jason's powers to you, but you don't believe him, until Spike confirms it. Maybe everything he says isn't totally wrong, and even as you think that he starts saying other facts like:
"Rainbow Dash is gay, Fluttershy has military training, Rarity is a whore, Applejack is part of a secret organization, Pinkie Pie knows the creator of this universe, and Zecora was kidnapped by aliens.Obviously none of those are true right?
Oh and Sombra, if it wasn't obvious enough about Risen Flagg being evil, tell her that he is Nyralothep just so she's clear.
Also,make sure to massage her back when she gets all wound up.
"Look, that's not important right now!" you say, hopefully saving yourself from embarrassment as you transition to serious mode. Yes, the time for a heartwarming reunion with your favorite dragon little brother is over, now is time for SERIOUS!!! So serious that you run right back up to him and put both your forehooves on his shoulders. "I heard about what happened! Are you hurt!? Did anypony hit you!? How bad is it!? Is anything broken!? Do you need to go to the hospital!?" You would ask about your friends, but first thing is first. The one who is right in front of you.
"Woah woah woah..." Spike says as he gently nudges your hooves off of you. "Relax Twi, I'm fine. Maybe a few bruises here and there, but nothing major."
"Are you sure!?" You ask, still concerned.
"Yeah," he responds. "Yeah I'm fine. I mean I feel fine."
"Spiiiiiiiiiiike," you say in a more serious tone now. "Are you sure you're not-"
"Twilight," Spike says before you can finish. "After something like this if I really was hurt I'd tell you." And that makes you stop talking.
"You sure?" You ask, which makes him roll his eyes and groan.
"Yes Twi, I'm sure," he says. "And I'm sure again cause I know you're going to ask again anyway. I am definitely, totally, 100%, all right." And with that, you don't think you need to pry him anymore.
"Phew," you say as you let out a breath. "I'm glad to hear that."
"No problem," he says with a shrug as he turns back to his normal self. Okay, now that that's done, on to more pressing issues.
"What about my friends?" you ask. "Are they all right?"
"You know..." Ghost Sombra doesn't say to you while you're saying this. "You know your friends are all right right? Also Applejack is part of a secret organization, Rainbow Dash is hopelessly in love with her, Fluttershy has military training and is a drug lord, Rarity is a whore and Pinkie Pie knows the creator of the universe. Oh, and Zecora got kidnapped by aliens. Can't forget that too."
"Celestia damnit Som-" you whisper again.
"Call me Sombrero again-" Sombra doesn't yell at you before you say another word. "Please, please please call me Sombrero again! PLEASE!!!!" You just ignore him... actually, you don't ignore him because he isn't there.
"Oh yeah," Spike replies, thankfully he didn't hear you whispering to.... actually, he didn't hear it cause you weren't whispering. What whispering, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? "They're all fine. I heard that Rainbow Dash got a pretty nasty concussion, but that's the worst of it, other than that, everypony else is fine. We're all fine thanks to Jason."
"Jason?" you ask, confused. Who's is Jason? You don't know a Jason.
"Oh yeah, and that human you brought back from that other universe," Ghost Sombra doesn't say to you. "He has godlike superpowers now and is totally a better fighter than you, Celestia, and pretty much everyone else in this story." ..... Not there.... didn't say.... anything...
"The human," Spike replies. "You know, the one you brought here." Then, suddenly, it dawns on you. The human you brought here, the thing that started all of this.... he was in the riot too.... Celestia yeah, you heard that he was in the riot, but the news you heard was that he was the aggressor, he attacked the guards.
"Jason...." you reply, confused.... You didn't even know he had a name. You never bothered to learn what it was.
"Oh yeah," Spike replied like he was talking abut someone awesome. "You should have seen him Twilight. He was like. Pwah pwah, YAH! Take that!" As he talks he makes hitting motions and pretends to swing around what you can only guess is some kind of invisible spear. Also he makes motions that can only be associated with magic, which is impossible because humans don't have magic. Lyra told you... "And then he was like. HYAAAA-"
"Where is he now?" you ask Spike right in the middle of his.... brilliant.... recreation of the riot. "Is he all right?" What are you even asking, of course he is, right? You mean, he helped every single one of your friends, and Rainbow Dash has gotten concussions before from crashes, so if that's the worst of it, everypony should be okay right.... If so, then why did Spike suddenly get silent?
Right in the middle of his reenactment, right as you asked that question, Spike suddenly stopped. He stopped and looked towards the floor, like he was afraid to speak.
"Spike..." you ask in concern, cause now you are. "Is..."
"He's fine," Spike quickly says before you can say anything else. "But um..........." He stops and just starts twiddling with his thumbs a bit, as if he's figuring out what to say next.
"Spike, is he okay?" you have to ask. "Please, tell me."
"He's okay," Spike replied. "But um...."
"Can I see him?" You ask quickly. Something is up, you can tell. As those words leave your mouth however, Spike just looks up at you, suddenly more worried.
"Um..... Yeah.... yeah, sure," he replies to you as he starts walking past you down the stairs again. "Its better if I show you anyway," he says as he descends the stairs back down into the library. You... you just stand there for a moment in a weird mixture of confusion and concern before you run off after him.
"But the hero he said in a tone laced with threat,
The fair common people owe you no such debt."
The second poetry pony said in a sing songy like manner as you followed Spike down the stairs towards the door. As you reached the door, Spike opened it for you and stood there in the doorway, as if waiting for you. You stood there for a moment, just staring at him, as if wherever he was taking you, you somehow didn't want to be there. But still, you kn-
"Oh just get on with it!" Ghost Sombra doesn't shout at you. You just shoot a quick glare at him, which causes Spike to bat an eye, but you quickly shrug it off and unceremoniously walk out the door back into the streets of Ponyville with Spike right behind you.
Now you're out of the library once more and back into the streets of Ponyville with Spike leading your way.
What do you do?
Authors note to the side story characters: Okay, as you all read with Clustershine, a lot is going to be happening with you guys in the upcoming chapters, and if there ever was a time that you needed to be ready for s*** to hit the fan, now is it, even more so than when I disabled your ships. So yes... You guys are going to need to collaborate with each other and start planning things out. In fact, that is the only real reason why we are doing Twilight's part in the main story right now, so I can give you guys the time you need to plan your next move, and Twilight's part will last as long as it takes for all of you guys to start cooperating and get all your acts together. You guys are going to be holding the spotlight pretty soon, and I'm giving you all the time to get ready for it.
Remember that meeting that Swimming Dalek called earlier, thats what that was for, and I'm still waiting for that to happen, the next big event that I'm planning in the story (yes with Jason), can't happen until you guys get through this part and finish discussing your next move so that I, as the author, will know where you guys stand on everything so I can write the next chapters accordingly.
But yes, that meeting is important, and it needs to happen.... preferably sooner than later, but for it to happen, you all need to be on top of your game and seriously start talking and working with each other.
Oh, and before I forget, here is a list of people who absolutely need to be at this meeting: (SwimmingDalek) Swimming Dalek, Dalek Antares, (Registered Anonymous), Registered Anonymous, Steve, (Gordon Freebrony) Kirk, Spock, (Broniesrponies) BRP.
Anyone else that comes to this meeting is optional and entirely up to you guys. If you guys think that other characters need to be there, that's fine and that's up to you, but those are the characters that absolutely need to be there. Oh, and to Grey Rebl and Bronze Statue, if you're wondering why you're guys aren't there, well there are two reasons for this.
1.) Grey Rebl, you guys are kind of dealing with your own planetside problems right now, of which I'm sure you are well aware and have a plan with which to deal with and continue on with its story, cause it does need to continue about as much as this meeting needs to happen.
2.) Bronze Statue, your character will become important later on in the story, however, he does not need to be present at the meeting. In fact, I do have some things planned for him that involve him not being at that meeting. Also while Bronze is kind of necessary for the sanity of the other characters, he's not a leader per se, not like all the other characters at that meeting. So yeah, he will be important later on, but not at the meeting. So yeah...
But yes, with all that said. I really need you guys to start talking to and collaborating with each other, cause the time you have now is valuable to you, use it wisely. Here, you all can use this to really get yourselves motivated if you need to. Now, lets get back to the actual side story.
-The Starship Enterprise-
-The hallways leading to the cargo and engineering bay-
Oh, and sorry its me again, but before we get on with the actual side story. This right here, this is the kind of collaboration I want to see happening between all of you guys. This... yeah... this right here. Pay attention, cause in the upcoming chapters this sort of thing is what I want to see from all of you. Yeah... take a lesson from Registered Anonymous and Bronze Statue everyone.... Yeah...
*R.A. is currently with BRP trying to find Scotty while he occasionally hits the side of the hallway with his nine iron to stave off boredom... its not helping much*
R.A.: I should have stayed back with Slim and Jim! I bet they're having hot lesbian sex again as I speak... however if somehow word would get out that I did that a certain someone would probably would be a little angry... *begins thinking about it deeply*
BS: *to RA, while on the way to Scotty* You remember what they did to the last guy that tried that, right? *shudders* I still wince when I hear harmonicas. Anyways, I was trying to figure out your usual state of mind when I had an idea: what if someone made a pie with a cookie dough crust and cookie dough filling... then weaponized it? Just saying.
(By the way, Hugh and Nana are still active and can hear everything that's been going on, right? If so, one of them is probably gonna comment on the absurdity of this statement, then get interrupted by RA.)
R.A.: *returns to reality after BS says something about a harmonica and weaponized cookie dough* Oh right yeah weaponized cookie dough sounds awesome however I wasn't refering to Slim or Jim ripping my nutsack off after getting angry at me after making a porno about them. I can handle them easily however I'm more worried about a certain someone else realizing I'm trying to film lesbians having sex with one another or other more scandalous issues that one would misinterpret as cheating... which would make them angry... who would be worse than Slim and Jim being angry at the same time... in fact she probably has suspicions and is looking into this... *begins mumbling to himself as he walks down the hall with the main idea being something about 'Not wanting another repeat of what happened in downtown Sacramento' sounding a little anxious/worried about it*
*R.A. has started to act a little less like his usual self and should be talked to in order to bring him back to his manic and insane self*
BS: sooooo..... team deathmatch?
R.A.: *stops for a second before turning and looking at BS* As much as a team deathmatch seems awesome right now, but I'm currently having a mental meltdown over possible future girl troubles at the moment... so unless you got alcohol, some heavy duty Mary J on ya, or some helpful advice about my girl troubles... I don't really care at the moment. *continues mumbling to himself*
BS: *casually turns on com unit* RA's in a pensive mood. It's kind of scary. He didn't even respond to team deathmatch or cookie dough comments.
Steve: *voice coming from com unit* Wait what? That isn't like R.A. at all... what the hell is he talking about? It's probably the reason for his bad mood.
R.A.: *manic* If she finds a way onto this ship everyone, besides me, will more than likely get killed, killed, KILLED! Why does she have to be such a crazy bitch of a girlfriend! *continues ranting*
*Registered Anonymous and Bronze Statue are still walking through the hallway to the engineering and/or cargo bay... whichever one actually has Gordon Freebrony's suit. Bronze Statue, Nana, and Hugh are oddly silent while Registered Anonymous is whistling the tune to the song "Fight as One" by Bad City and swinging his 9 iron around like a baton, oh, and occasionally hitting the walls with it out of boredom. Just for fun.*
Registered Anonymous: You know, I probably should have stayed back with Slim and Jim! I bet they're having hot lesbian sex again as we speak... However if somehow word would get out that I did that a certain someone would probably be a little angry... *Goes strangely silent for a moment.*
Bronze Statue: You remember what they did to the last guy that tried that, right? *shudders* I still wince when I hear harmonicas. Anyways, I was trying to figure out your usual state of mind when I had an idea: what if someone made a pie with a cookie dough crust and cookie dough filling... then weaponized it? Just saying.
RA: *Spontaneously snaps back to reality after BS says something about a harmonica and weaponized cookie dough* Oh, right, yeah, weaponized cookie dough sounds awesome however I wasn't referring to Slim or Jim ripping my nut sack off after getting angry at me after making a porno about them. I can handle them easily, however I'm more worried about a certain someone else realizing I'm trying to film lesbians having sex with one another or other more scandalous issues that one would misinterpret as cheating... which would make them angry... who would be worse than Slim and Jim being angry at the same time... in fact she probably has suspicions and is looking into this... *begins mumbling to himself as he walks down the hall with the main idea being something about 'Not wanting another repeat of what happened in downtown Sacramento' sounding a little anxious/worried about it*
BS: *Confused* Sooooo..... Team deathmatch?
RA: *Stops for a second before turning and looking at BS* As much as a team deathmatch sounds awesome right now, I'm currently having a mental meltdown over possible future girl troubles at the moment... So unless you got alcohol, some heavy duty Mary J on ya, or some helpful advice about my girl troubles... I don't really care at the moment. *continues mumbling to himself*
BS: Right... *Casually turns on com unit* Yo Steve, RA's in a pensive mood. It's kind of scary. He didn't even respond to any team deathmatch or cookie dough comments.
Steve: *Voice coming from com unit* Wait what!? That isn't like RA at all... What the hell is he talking about? It's probably the reason for his bad mood.
BS: Oh really, I would never have guessed.
RA: *Manic* If she finds a way onto the ship everyone, besides me, will more than likely get killed, killed, KILLED! Why does she have to be such a crazy bitch of a girlfriend! *continues ranting*
Oh, hey, its me again. Registered Anonymous if you're going to bring a new character into the story, at least let me know ahead of time before you do anything. This side story has too many characters in it as it is so adding another one would be-
ALL RIGHT STOP THAT! It's silly...
Wait what!?
You!
Me?
Yes you, clear off. Cut that out.
But I'm the author.
Yes and I'm a Colonel. Now bugger off! Don't make me ask you again.
You know I can have you deleted from the story right?
BUGGAR OFF!!!!
-Game of Twits-
- Meanwhile in the Bunker –
The collective Councilmen of the Red Council stand around a large silver plated table, each one holding a glass of wine except for Daedaltheus and Integra, who stand at the head of the table, receiving the applause of the rest of the organization.
Bateman: Outstanding work, Daedaltheus, is resolving that whole Jason Morgan plotline.
Swan: Yes, who would have guessed that sending Twilight Sparkle and using Ghost Sombra to convert her to our side would have been the way to do it?
Horrible: Yes and having her kill him in his sleep at the hospital, outstanding job, though a bit cold hearted.
Integra: Not to mention keeping her as the fifth hidden asset this whole time was (she embraces DXIV) genius (nibbles on his ear)
Gunter: Wahn, wahn, wahn (A victory toast)
Gummy: (blinks and drinks the wine as the others do as well)
Within seconds, the members of the Council begin to cough and after a minute, Bateman vomits up blood and collapses onto the floor with Swan and Horrible following suit. Gummy merely closes his eyes while Gunter tries to move towards DXIV.
Gunter: WAHN WAHN (vomits blood) [what the..]
DXIV: That would be the poison I put into your drinks for you see, Gunter, I am replacing you as the head of the Red Council and have found a more suitable subordinate that will serve me.
Nyarlathotep: I was wrong to ever doubt you, my liege (bows to Daedaltheus)
DXIV: Indeed. I realized that you old fools would wish me dead eventually so I came up with the perfect plan to kill you all. I knew that the poison would kill them but not the great and infamous King and God Slayer Gunter so (a gold gauntlet with 6 gems materializes on his hand) I improvised. (snaps his fingers)
Gunter: (explodes and then dies)
Integra: Now that he’s out of the way, what do we do now?
DXIV: We build our empire across the five universes of the Red Council, converting each one to worship the true god of all things, the Almighty Daedaltheus Xenophon Ichabod Vladistov Atriedes.
- Meanwhile Not in the Bunker that exists in a parallel multiverse set three months in the future–
DXIV: (paces throughout the conference room, a large mahogany table in the middle as finally the department heads begin to file in)
A middle-aged man of Russian decent sits down closest to his boss, wearing a black turtleneck sweater and slacks while a young blonde woman in a lab coat with what appear to be screws coming from her head, two of them. Dr. Wily files into the room, followed by the head of engineering, a rather short man with a greying bowl cut and seventies mustache with matching glasses with a scruffy looking scientist behind him. Roger Smith and Rip Van Winkle enter the room together, and lastly an android in the form of a middle-aged woman wearing all white and a red ascot enters and takes a seat. Seconds later, a confuddled Raindrops rushes into the room, carrying a clipboard in her teeth that she holds with her wings once she takes a seat by Daedaltheus.DXIV: Roll call.
Alec Trevelyan: Alec Trevelyan, Head of Finance and Economics.
Fran: Fran Madaraki, Head of Medical.
Dr. Wily: Dr. Albert W. Wily, Head of Research and Development
Dr. Bolivar Trask: Dr. Bolivar Trask, Head of Engineering and Weapons Research
Dr. Herbert West: Dr. Herbert West, Head of Biology and Occult Studies.
Roger Smith: Roger Smith, Head of the Gentlemen.
Rip Van Winkle: Rip Van Winkle, Head of ze Lethal Ladies.
Glados: Caroline ‘Glados’ Johnson, Head of Information and Running All of Your Devices (smirks)
Raindrops: Raindrops (waves), Head of…well secretarial stuff.
DXIV: Daedaltheus Xenophon Ichabod Vladistov Atriedes the Fourteenth, Head of Division Forty-Two, Department of Design, Recruiting, and I sign all of your paychecks.
Dept. Heads: (laugh and giggle lightly)
DXIV: As many of you all know, I received an evaluation from the Council as to my performance regarding the latest assignment for Division 42 as well as my performance as a whole with Red. The results are rather abysmal and after the story finishes out, I am to be taken to the Memorial Point where the Red Council first convened thousands of years ago and executed.
Alec: And what of the Division?
DXIV: You will all be reassigned to the remaining five divisions of Red though those that stay behind or are left to work for Division 42 will be reassigned a new division head. Presently there are three candidates for my job and I have examined all of the files on each of the three candidates.
Raindrops: (begins to tear up)
DXIV: Each and every single candidate is an absolute bellend and is unfit to BREATHE LET ALONE RUN THE MOST PRESTIGOUS DIVISION IN ALL OF RED!
Glados: YEAH!
DXIV: Life has given me an entire bushel of lemons and we are going to make lemonade with them and pour that lemonade in the eyes of every single person that crosses us!
Rip: So, vat does this mean for all of us?
DXIV: Division 42 is at war with the Red Council, or more specifically those that are trying to kill me with those men being Gummy, Swan, Horrible, and of course, Bateman. Now recently, Patrick Bateman attack an OIC Headquarters in New York City leaving dozens dead and even more wounded. Bateman is the first priority and I will be handling him personally himself with a small unit of two other personnel of my choosing.
West: What about the rest of us and the story?
DXIV: Herbert, Bolivar and Albert (pointing to the three doctors) you will be working jointly on a new project that will deal with universe that Swan likes to call home, something that will wipe out all life as we know it.
Wily and West: YES!
DXIV: I am commissioning and restarting the Zero Project as well as the Sentinel Program. I don’t want even so much as the slightest microbe to call the planet home when you are through.
Trask: Consider it done.
DXIV: Alec, I want you to monitor the finances of Dr. Horrible and when the time is right, crash the market in his universe and siphon off all of his funds into an offshore account and redistribute it throughout the major charities in his world.
Alec: Perfect.
DXIV: Rip, you and the lethal ladies still need to focus all of your efforts on finding the Brown Dog.
Rip: Done.
DXIV: Roger, you and the Gentlemen work on a backdoor into Equestria because I got locked out by the god we helped out and cannot use the doorway anymore, so we need a backdoor.
Roger: I get on it as soon as possible.
DXIV: Fran and Glados come by my office in two hours and we will head out to New York to resolve this mess.
Fran: All righty then.
DXIV: Everyone has his or her orders so let’s get to it. Remember we are at war so consider everything that you do with caution. For those of you that were here in 1975 recall what times were like during the war with Writers Helping Initiate the End or as we called them, the White. This is no different except that we are fighting against the men that helped win the war so they are seasoned veterans that will not hesitate to murder each one of you if given the opportunity. Integra is acting as my liaison to the United Nations to inform them of the situation so that way they can prepare as well.
Raindrops: (sitting by Daedaltheus) Um, sir?
DXIV: Yes?
Raindrops: You didn’t give me any orders.
DXIV: Hmmm (puts his hand on her head and ruffles her mane) You just stay shiny.
Raindrops: Thanks.
The pair exit the conference room and walk down the hallway towards Daedaltheus’ office when the pair entered into the dome, where the dozens if not hundreds of employees worked diligently at the tiered computer desk stations.
Raindrops: You know what?
DXIV: What?
Raindrops: It is pretty cool here, all of us working as a part of team.
DXIV: I guess so.
Raindrops: Oh no, the entire thing is awesome. You, the Ladies, and all of the other employees of Division 42. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!
All at once, the entire room burst out into singing the song Everything is Awesome al while working at their desks, catching Daedaltheus off guard and mildly disturbing him.
DXIV: WHAT THE SAM HILL IS THIS NUN-FUCKERY?!
Raindrops: EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! EVERYTHING IS COOL WHEN YOU’RE PART OF A TEAM!
DXIV: (slips quietly into his office and locks the door) Ok so, the entire room is singing, it’s nto like it means something im…por…tant…. OH SPACE BALLS! (frantically digs through the stack of papers on his desk looking for a single piece of paper he assumed was buried underneath his desk calendar that itself was subsequently buried underneath a stack of papers) Come on, come on… AH HA! The piece of paper I put through the typewriter a few months ago when I was drunk off my ass.
DXIV: Ok, so what did I type up exactly?
When Twilight Sparkle gets control, of the what do part of the story…
DXIV: Ok, nothing that bad yet.
The following chapter is going to be a musical…
DXIV: Still, not that bad.
WHERE ALMOST EVERYONE GETS A MUSICAL NUMBER
DXIV: Oh, piss.
AND SINGS, INCLUDING MYSELF.
DXIV: Fuck me, Ray Bradbury.
Glados: THE GREATEST SCI-FI WRITER IN HISTORY!
DXIV: DAMMIT IT ALL TO… oh hey, there’s one last bit.
In addition, Razor will be kicked in the crotch three times.
DXIV: Oh, this is going to be good.
- Back to the Comment for Twilight-
Twilight, the next chapter is going to get really, really silly so whatever you do, don't panic, I repeat do not panic.
STOP THAT, STOP THAT, THIS IS FAR TOO
*PIMP HAND SLAP* SHUT THE HELL UP!
Yes, sir...(whimpers)
So, yeah. Have fun staying sane.
In the Story
Risen Flagg is sitting at his desk being an evil dick like always, when all of a sudden he receives a phone call. He picks up the receiver
Risen: Hello?
Pennywise’s Voice: Excuse me sir, do you have Prince Albert in a can?
Risen: What?
Pennywise’s Voice: You do? Well you better let the poor guy out, waha waha waha waha!!
Risen: Haypennywise!!! I swear to Azathoth I will fucking end you! (Slams receiver down)
Haypennywise: What did I do? (Walks into office)
Risen: Wait…How did…(Looks back and forth between him and phone) Nevermind. (Confused as all hell)On the other end of the Line, the Brown Dog is laughing his ass off after having used a land line and a soundboard from IT to crank call Risen Flagg. He is sitting in Zant’s domain.
BD: ha ha ha ha…oh man, now that was classic
Cortana: Not to mention childish and immature
BD: Never underestimate the power of children, those little bastards know the right sweet spot when it comes to annoyance.
Cortana: I don’t doubt it…so getting back on track, You did what with Zant?
BD: I sent him away to another Equestria, I’m sure he’ll be happy there
Cortana: Even after all the trouble he caused you?
BD: It was all a big misunderstanding, besides he was trying to give me Disco Ostriches, I can totally overlook everything else.
Cortana: and yet you kidnap and torture actors and directors for doing much less. I still have nightmares after what you did to Uwe Boll, and I don’t even sleep!
BD: They’re crimes are far worse than defacing a statue, MUCH MUCH WORSE!!!
Cortana: And yet you won’t focus any of that energy into something actually productive and helpful.
BD: Ya, because productive and helpful is boring as all hell, my way is funner
Cortana: That’s not a real word
BD: Yes it is, I just said it (Smirks), besides, you’re one to talk about expending energy when you used all your juice to “Put me out of harm’s way”
Cortana: Well excuse me for having your best interests in mind
BD: That’s a weird thing for you to say
Cortana: Agreed, but it is what it is
BD: Next time just tell me when you think something’s up, and maybe I’ll consider it. Besides, my way of travelling is much easier than yours
Cortana: As if you would actually listen to me
BD: I said maybe!
Cortana: Mmhmm (unbelieving) so what’s our next move?
BD: I don’t know, wanna go talk videogames with Snake?
Cortana: That probably wouldn’t be a good idea, the debt collectors may be watching him
BD: Hmm… good point, Damn money grubbers
Cortana: Why don’t you just pay them back and they will stop hounding you?
CSI Miami Scream: YEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Cortana: The hell?!
BD: Hounding? Really?
Cortana: That pun was not intended, and where the hell did that come from?
BD: Well I it separated from Caine when I sent him away, no fun for him and all that, but I guess it’s latched onto you now.
Cortana: Well take it off!
BD: Nah, this is too interesting to pass up
Cortana: Oh you son of a bitch
CSI Miami Scream: YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
Cortana: Wha…?
BD: I’m a dog, so technically my mom would be a bitch…if I had a mom that is…but anyway in answer to your question, I don’t want to pay and that’s that.
Cortana: Any specific reasons?
BD: Nope, just don’t feel like it.
Cortana: Well that’s rich
CSI: YEEAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
Cortana: Damnit!!!
BD: Ha Ha Ha
Cortana: Shut up!
BD: It wasn’t me, it was Amelia Earhart (holds up skull he got from under Zant’s bed)
Cortana: Eww
BD: Relax, she’s been dead for a long time, no smell left
(Produces key from eye socket)
BD: Now let’s see what else we can takeHe walks to Zant’s vault which has giant doors depicting countless cartoon characters doing lewd disgusting things to each other
BD: Well this seems promising
He opens the door to the treasure room and all that is in there is three items. I jack n the box with Full Metal Alchemist characters on the side of it, a wind up monkey with a horrifying face, and a mysterious looking box with a lock on it with “Open me” written all over it.Cortana: Huh…I was actually expecting more
BD: You kidding, this is perfect! Imagine the secrets these things hold. Zant only knows.
The Brown Dog winds the Jack n the Box until both Elric brothers on springs pop out and punch him in the face.
BD: Why you son of a…(throws it across the room)
Cortana: (giggles) now that was smashing
CSI: Yeaahhhhh!!!!!
BD: Oh great, now you’re using it to your advantage.
(grabs the monkey and mysterious box and puts them into his hammer space)
Cortana: Aren’t you gonna open the box?
BD: What and listen to it? No not yet anyway.
Cortana: What about the Jack n the Box?
BD: eeehhhh….Nah! (makes it disappear)
Cortana: Where’d you send it?
BD: I sent it to a friend
Cortana: What friends? You don’t have friends.
BD: That’s true…Acquaintance? Is that the right word? Ya, that.
(glasses start beeping so he taps them)
BD: Well, breaks over, I just found something fun to do (grinning maniacally)
Cortana: Oh dear lord, what is it this time?
BD: You’ll see (disappears from Zant’s Domain)
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Kiro intends to make a comment with a pop culture reference, but doesn't because he it out of ideas.
Alright Twilight lets go try to find Jason, someone in town must have seen him in the past few days right... right?
~~~~~~~~
Alright sidestory time guys! Through the power of deus ex machina we all get to the meeting room to discuss our next move now... good now let's discuss about what to do next!
R.A.: I say we go in guns a blazing and burn everything to the ground!
Steve: That's a terrible idea.
R.A.: ...Then we'll just SLIGHTLY burn everything to the ground!
Steve: *facepalms* Listen if we don't want to have to go through another situation with SD I suggest we use the buddy system for when we do land on the ground that way our odds of survivability will be higher and better than doing what R.A. had just said.
~~~~~~~~~
Don't worry Razor, R.A. and me are not adding another character to the story... at least not yet. However that little bit was just adding a little backstory to R.A.'s character... as well as a horribly failed attempt at appeasing a certain individual for R.A.'s sake.
???: I thought I told you not to call me a sadist bitch anymore you annoying little bastard! *the sound of what one would consider an umbrella is heard being tapped into an open palm of a hand* Now I'm going to beat you till you're a red paste in the ground.
R.A.: But it fits your personality so well ???-Boo.... wait a minute why have you censored ???'s name with question marks?
Because I can, however you can call her by her fandom given nickname: The Ultimate Sadistic Creature. Now Ultimate Sadistic Creature please put down the... uh wait hold on let's not get violent here Yuu-
*Connection terminated please contact/message system administrator for more details*
Main story
Smell that air! Feel the past and present as the scent reminds of all the shenanigans of ridiculous proportions. The warmth of the sun, the wood and stones of various houses, and the absent calls of property damage that's supposed to be made by the now deceased Ditzy Doo...
Now you made yourself depressed. Speaking of whom, you hear the idle conversations about her death, and how some missed her.
"Remember how she once tried to put mail in a mailbox, backwards?
"Yeah, she even somehow got stuck in it for some reason. The letter wasn't important at the time though."
"Oh, wasn't it Turner's letter?"
"That's right! In fact, she was still stuck there when he found her. He pulled her out and ended up on top of each other..."
"...which would've been worth the romance if it weren't for the inconvenient puddle of mud and the unpleasant scolding of the Ditzy's boss"
Carrot Top said, "Argh! Enough already!"
"Whoops..."
"...sorry. Now I feel like a bad pony..."
----------------/----------------
Sidestory
4591768
Nana: *from wristwatch GS is still wearing, watching RA from there* I believe he's having some sort of conversation with someone. I can either deduce it's RA being RA, or it involves some sort of trauma or mental disorder that can even be applied to a biological being whose insane in the first place. What do you think, Hugh?
Hugh: I think he needs to get his head together and get back on track already.
Nana: Hmmm... You're all interesting sentient beings. Perhaps I could go beyond my directives and make my own psychological report.
Hugh: Well, there's a notorious amount of data that revolves around our culture that you can see. We can both make speculations together to pass the time.
Nana: Really? Thanks!
Hugh: Yeah, plus, I can get you into speed about our figurative and metaphorical terms this way
-----------------------------------------------
*At the meeting place*
Secretary: *from behind the screen* So... When does the meeting start?
Dalek Antares: WHEN ALL PARTICIPANTS ARRIVE
S: Yes, I get that, but...
DA: YOU ARE EARLY
S: I don't have much else to do when the facility down here are under lock down, except wait. Anxiously.
DA: EXPLAIN!
S: ...I think it'll be best if I explain it when every pony is here.
DA: ...VERY WELL.
S: *mutters* ...I wish the director is here. This is just too weird for me... *back to the Antare* Err... Tell me about yourself. What does it mean to be "Antare"?
4591337
-----------------------
*Appaloosa*
*Sunglasses, agent of the AIA, stared out into the open road that seperate the entire town. He got word that he'll meet some pony important today, and said pony approached him from behind.*
Grey Rebl: What's the status of the town.
Sunglasses: *without looking back* Antsy. With our presence, it'll only make it worse instead of doing reassurance. We'll have to be discreet.
Grey Rebl: Hmm, I don't know. Discreet would only make the changling's job easier. If we put them out in the open, perhaps we can catch them that way.
SG: Hehe, how direct, Director. Nice to see you again, teach.
GR: To you to, Sunny.
SG: Where's our reinforcement?
GR: They're spread out in the town, waiting for further orders. Now, shall we get started?
SG: Hay yeah, boss!
Find Jason. Hopefully Spike knows where he is. If not, ask around, check the hospital.
Notice some dried green blood. Become EXTREMELY paranoid.
And finally, once you meet Jason... What I said two chapters ago. Be nice. Be sorrowful. Be friendly. He'll come around.
Main story!
Twilight: If that colonel shows up again, let him know – casually, of course – that Fillydelphia is far sillier than anything in Ponyville. If he doesn't leave then, tell him that Blueblood plowed said Colonel's mother. (his mother's dead. Blueblood knows)
SIDE STORY!!!!
BS: I don't think that a psych profile of RA would be advisable, or even really all that possible. I'd just like you to know that if you do start one on any of RA's band of hackers – band? gang? group? – start off by knowing that all of us are insane to varying degrees. One of the ways my insanity shows is that I'm still trying to keep the group appearing sane. (then RA spontaneously disappears) Well, that happened again. At least this disappearance didn't include coating me with – *cookie dough splatters BS* ... Never mind. *continues off to wherever the heck it was that GF's suit is supposed to be (when I get there, I'm gonna need some interactions, at least with Scotty pointing me to the suit and/or spiders.)*
So, apparently you decided to faff about Ponyville for a bit, eh, Miss Sparkle. Fine by me, except oh, I don't know, YOU ARE WASTING TIME! What do?
Jesus Fish, have Spike take you to the hospital where Jason is. There done.
Now, the Game of Twits.
New York – New Year’s Eve at Dorsia
Host: Good evening, sir, do you have a (BANG)
DXIV: Wait here. If anyone of Bateman’s coworkers tries to leave, gun them down.
Fran and Glados: Yes, sir.
DXIV: (enters the restaurant and walks through the crowd towards the back of the building)
Security Guard: Hey, you can’t come back (BANG)
DXIV: Yes, I can. (enters the room where the musical equipment is placed wherein Daedaltheus places a single cd loaded with one song over and over again) All right, that should take care of that. (exits the room)
Bryce: Hey, Daedalus, long time no see.
DXIV: Daedaltheus, and yeah, haven’t been here in a few months.
McDermott: Yeah, can you believe that we all got reservations at Dorsia?
DXIV: Yes, I can. (smiles)
Bryce: But we were talking about partying and I was hoping you might help us answer a question.
McDermott: I’m just saying that when you party, you should take it slow and easy.
DXIV: Don’t you fucking dare…
Bryce: I say that when it’s time to party, we will party hard. (music kicks in over the speakers)
DXIV: GOD DAMMIT! (draws the LAPD 2019 Blaster and blows Bryce’s and McDermott’s head clean off)
Enters the main room of the restaurant holding a sawed-off shotgun and the blaster.
Courtney: Oh my god, is that you Dietrich?
DXIV: DAEADLTHEUS! (BANG) FINKS! ALL OF YOU FINKS!
Crowd: (screams)
DXIV: DON’T RUN! (BANG)
- Meanwhile outside of Dorsia-
Bateman: I am me and so much more!
Bateman: Every pleasure is a bore!
Bateman: I am something other than, a common man! I am not a common man!
Bateman: I can’t believe that I actually got a reservation at Dorsia. Luis is going to be so jealous.
Caroline: Hello, and welcome to Dorsia. Do you have a reservation?
Bateman: Yes, I do. Patrick Bateman at nine o’clock.
Caroline: Oh, yes right there, please seat yourself.
Bateman: Thank you. (pauses) Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Caroline: I find music to be an interesting experience but has severe limitations.
Bateman: Okay then… (walks through a short hallway) ALL RIGHT, FINALLY GOT INTO DORSIA!
Bateman enters the room only to find his coworkers and few, well what one could call friends of Patrick Bateman, laid out on the floor, walls, and ceiling, dripping with gore.
DXIV: (sitting at the bar with a cigarette hanging from his mouth) Evening, Bateman.
Bateman: Did…did you do this?
DXIV: Yeah, yeah, needed to do something that would get your attention. Burned your office building down, desecrated your apartment, and a few other things that might make you angry.
Bateman: I WANTED TO KILL ALL OF THEM!
DXIV: (takes a long drag) And I beat you to it (exhales) so this is where we are now.
Bateman: Yes it is (twists his pocket watch and an axe emerges in his hand) and I take it that you want me dead, correct?
DXIV: Well, considering that you want me dead and want me to fuck my girlfriend, of course.
Bateman: You know that this is treason.
DXIV: Of course.
Bateman: Pick your weapon.
DXIV: (draws a bowie knife) Already did.
Bateman swings his axe, catching the stool Daedaltheus is sitting on, causing him to jump off to the side, stabbing at Bateman. Bateman turns into the attack and hits Daedaltheus in the face with his elbow, knocking him back into the bar. Bateman swings his axe, catching the bar as Daedaltheus rolls out of the away and swipes at Bateman, but he slides back and then swings his axe again, catching Daedaltheus in the side.
Bateman: You are no match for a seasoned war veteran.
DXIV: You tend to forget (grabbing the axe and twisting the handle) I am too. (snaps the handle in half)
Bateman: Jesus fuck!
DXIV: You also forget (kicks Bateman in the chest into several table behind him, snapping his sternum in twain) I am a god with a god complex. I am a literal walking psychopath that lives solely for my own benefit and gain.
Bateman: What about Integra (coughs) and the damned ponies?
DXIV: (grabs his shirt collar and drags him into the alleyway behind Dorsia) Hey, I might be evil but I have a sense of justice. (throws him against a wall, breaking his spine) By the way, I mailed your tapes to the cops so they know about all of the sick shit you do for kicks and I also sent a copy to your secretary Jean, so good luck with that.
Bateman: Fuck you.
DXIV: (draws the knife) THIS (stab) IS (stab) WHAT (stab) YOU (stab) GET (stab) WHEN (stab) YOU (stab) FUCK (stab) WITH (stab) ME!
Bateman: (coughs up blood as blue and red police lights fill the night air)
DXIV: Wow that was cathartic. (looks down at the bleeding Bateman) I can understand why you do it but for me it’s all business and very little pleasure. (runs a bloodstained hand through his hair and takes a deep breath) You know maybe I’ll get into the whole musical experience.
Police Officer 1: Holy shit, is that Pat Bateman.
Police Officer 2: Looks like him, but who is that guy standing over him.
DXIV: No need for alarm officers, just taking care of some business.
Police Officer 1: Ah, shit it’s that Daedaltheus fucker.
DXIV: Don qua?
Police Officer 2: Yeah, Bateman warned us about you, asshole.
DXIV: So, I take it that you work for him, then.
Police Officer 1: Damn skippy.
DXIV: Look, it’s all one big misunderstanding (steps towards the officers as several DOZEN more officers loyal to Patrick Bateman arrive) Oh piss.
Police Officer 2: STOP!
Female Officer: In the name of love!
Female Officer 2: Before you break my heart!
DXIV: Fucking really!
Police Officer 3-119: LOOK OUT HE’S GOT A CHAINSAW!
DXIV: It’s a knife.
Officers: (fire for several minutes, each hitting Daedaltheus)
DXIV: Ow.
- Meanwhile in the Waiting Room of Dorsia –
Fran: How’s he look?
Glados: Like blood soaked Swiss cheese.
Fran: Ew!
Glados: And the officers are now singing stop in the name of love while they pick his body up and are loading him into the back of a SWAT car.
Fran: Bateman’s got SWAT connections?
Glados: Apparently so, which means that’s where we’ve got to go to in order to get our boss back.
Fran: Yay. I love cops.
Glados: They make poor test subjects.
The pair sneaks out the back door past a bloodstain they assume once belonged to Patrick Bateman when Glados stopped and looked down the back of the alleyway, looking towards a strange woman wearing a frilly violet dress with dark purple hair and a single pink and violet stripe running through it. She looked towards the automaton Glados before turning the corner and vanishing into the night air.
Fran: Something wrong, Glados?
Glados: Nothing, just an error.
The pair walk to a 1973 XB GT Ford Falcon Coupe with a nitro injected supercharger, painted black and more than likely not legal in the United States, and begin to follow the SWAT van as it speeds off into the night.
Fran: Aren’t you worried about him?
Glados: Nah, he’s been through much worse. He once tried Peyote while trying to rob a train with Razor in 1879 crossing the New Mexico-Colorado border. Woke up in San Francisco two weeks later with no recollection of what happened and a warrant out for his arrest.
Fran: Glados…
Glados: Apparently, he entered some kind of gun slinging tournament in Wyoming…
Fran: Glados… um, Glados…
Glados: They never found the bodies of the thirty-six other contestants and supposedly he lit fire to a church claiming that real gods were coming to kill them all…
Fran: Glados…Glados…Glados…
Glados: The train, now that he just rode until the end of the line, where it picked up speed until it reach absurd velocity and wham, right through the station and into the rail yard causing one chain reaction after another…
Fran: Glados…
Glados: And the Texas Rangers with their heads strung together in conga-line fashion with their bodies hanging from every ledge he could find in Sacramento…
Fran: CAROLINE JOHNSON!
Glados: What?
Fran: (points) Is that normal?
The SWAT van is on fire with various members of Bateman’s loyal police force jumping out of while as the roof flies off.
DXIV: (standing in the burning van) CROSS THE RAINBOW BRIDGE OF ASGARD! (lighting strikes a police car) WHERE THE BOOMING HEAVENS ROAR! (lighting strikes an officer as he is impacted by a pipe wrench) YOU’LL BEHOLD IN BREATHLESS WONDER! (the van collides with another car as the two vehicles crash into the police station, starting a rather substantial fire)
Police Officer: (runs from the fire) We need everyone down here right now!
DXIV: (he walks from the fire) THE GOD OF THUNDER! (swings a pipe wrench and as it collides, lighting strikes the officer) MIGHTY THOR!
Glados: What the hell is that? (pulling up alongside the singing lunatic)
DXIV: My 48 inch pipe wrench imbued with a lighting plasmid, made in the underwater city of Rapture or as I like to call it: THE PIPE WRENCH OF THOR!
Glados: No, the blimp above us with the Red logo on it?
DXIV: (looks) Swan making an entrance.
Fran: I take it that that’s our cue to boogie?
DXIV: Damn straight!
Daedaltheus enters the car and the trio drives into a portal back to the New York City that shares the same universe as that of the Bunker.
Well Twilight, firstly you must get something to eat. If you don't eat, then you're body and mind will start failing you even more.
If you see any crazy shenanigans, then of course you are just hungry and absolutely not going insane right?
But anyway, get to the hospital is your main concern.
Ghost Sombra, you've noticed how much she's been hugging on Spike, so obviously she constantly needs affection, so wrap yourself around her in the most embarrassing way possible and don't let go.
Tell her: "you look a lot like another mare I used to know from this position...who was it again?...Oh yeah! YOUR MOTHER!"
Then hang on as she tries to buck you off, stay on for eight seconds and achieve a new Unicorn Rodeo record.
Everyone else will look at Twilight as if she's just crazily thrashing around.
Twilight, you will then have to lie again. Just start shouting "NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH!" then no one will think you're crazy.
4594927
4592079
Steve: *suddenly over the intercom* Say can we stop talking about why RA needs a psyche test, we already know he is a bumbling idiot with the IQ of a kumquat yet he can create things that don't make much sense yet somehow work and instead lets focus on the meeting that is going to be held in twenty or so minutes to discuss tactics, battleplans, back up battle plans, and just how are we going to land on Equestria without throwing the entire world into chaos... or possibly dying in a horrible way before landing... just thought I let you all know that.
RA: *voice appears over the intercom* And on top of that I think everyone should vote for my battle plan called Operation Ram The Enterprise RIght Up Risen Flagg's Tight Butthole. The name of the operation is self explanatory and is 110% full proof!
*a deafening silence overcomes the enterprise and everyone on board*
RA: *depressingly* ...There'll be cookies at the meeting... that is all.
Steve: ...Right... so meeting. Twenty minutes. Be there. *hangs up the intercom*
4592079 4623162 BS: *after intercom is hung up* Yeah... I'm not really into meetings, so I'm just gonna go get Mr. (from somewhere else: DOCTOR) Freebrony his suit and take a look at the crate of spiders.
Nana: Shouldn't you be in the meeting?
BS: I don't see why. Until I ran out of patience for everyone yelling at each other without getting things done, no one within – how far away are we from anyone who might know me, Hugh?
Hugh: *insert very large amount of time, space, and/or dimensional shifting*
BS: Right. No one within that area even knew I had a name, so I don't see myself as needing to get stuck in a stuffy room where people will likely yell at each other, talk over each other, get covered in cookie dough, and start a pillow fight... Not necessarily in that order.
Nana: Pillow fighting in a meeting?
BS: RA. Six months ago. I won't go into details, but we aren't allowed within 100 AU of Alpha Centauri anymore.
*somehow, BS gets the suit to GF. This would be elaborated upon, however nobody in control of important Enterprise crew seems to be using Scotty or GF right now.*
4605751
The Brown Dog stands before the President of DC during a business council. He holds a Salmon in his paw and keeps hitting him upside the head with it while everyone else looks on in shock and confusion. The President is knocked out.
BD: And that’s for the New 52 (Whack) and that’s for casting Ben Affleck as Batman! (whack) and that’s for rushing for the Justice League movie to catch up with Marvel instead of taking your time and making sure your movies don’t suck!
DC Employee: Ummm…
BD: (whips around and points fish at him) The fuck you just say to me?!
DCE: I…just wanted to say that this isn’t DC Comics
BD: Huh? Bullshit, the sign out front said DC
DCE: Yes, but this is the DC Shoe Company
The Brown Dog looks around at all the charts and figures and posters. Sure enough, it’s all about shoes.
BD: Oh…my bad. Well why didn’t anyone speak up sooner?
Cortana: I did! I kept telling you we were at the wrong place! But you kept shouting “Fish Justice!”
BD: Well you know how passionate I get!
Cortana: You’re not passionate, you’re insane!
BD: One does not negate the other, in fact they go hand in hand.
The employees just look at the Brown Dog in fear as he seemingly argues with himself.
When suddenly they all jump up on the table and start singing.
DCE: These boots were made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!
BD: Da Fuck?
The Employees keep singing and dancing.
BD: Someone started a musical number and I didn’t get the invite? How rude.
Cortana: Musical numbers don’t just happen in this universe, we gotta investigate this.
BD: And why would I do that?
Cortana starts to explain before suddenly seizing up. Music starts playing and she begins to sing.
Cortana: We gonna rock down to electric avenue, and then we take it higher?!
BD: Oh great you too?
Cortana: Who is to blame in one country? Never can get to the one!
BD: I’ll take that as a yes…(Push’s mute on Cortana)
The Brown Dog looks out the window and sees countless people dancing and singing in the streets. He scowls.
BD: Oh sure, the whole Multiverse decides to sing and have fun without me? Hmmph, I’ll show them, I’ll show them all.
(Smiles Evily)
The Employees then stop singing and dancing and look back at the Brown Dog again.
DCE: What did you do to us?
BD: Nothing besides a little fish trauma
DCE: No, you did this, you must have. The news had a story on you some time ago.
BD: (Smirks as music starts playing) Let me tell you something buddy. (Get’s in the guy’s face as he starts dancing)
Well I don’t know what they’re talking about, I’m making my own decisions.
This new thing I’ve found ain’t gonna bring me down, I’m like a junky without an addiction
(Looks down at the Molotov Cocktail in his hands before smiling at the guy and throwing the bottle behind him where it blows up causing a woman to scream, he appears in front of her and gives her a flower)
BD: Mama don’t cry, I just want a stay high, like playing with danger or fear
(Everyone runs towards the exit away from him and the fire)
Everybody’s Walking, But Nobody’s talking
It looks a lot better from here
(Bursts out the doors of the raging inferno and into the chaos of the countless singing people in the streets)
BD: All my life I’ve been over the top, I don’t know what I’m doing, all I know is, I don’t wanna stop!
All fired up I’m gonna go till I drop, you’re either in or in the way, don’t make me, I don’t wanna stop!
The Brown Dog goes through the countless singing people in several different dimensions and ruining their music numbers, montage style. He creates an ice sheet under a group singing Beat it, causing them to slip, he punches a group singing “Hit me with your best shot” in the face, destroys every major road in his way so that those singing “Dancing in the street” have nowhere to dance, and he sends anyone doing the Harlem Shake into the phantom zone
They all glare at the Brown Dog before joining in on other songs that they can partake in. The Brown Dog just sighs and shakes his head
BD: Why don’t they ever listen to me, it’s just a one way conversation?
Nothing they say is gonna set me free, don’t need no mental masturbation.
(He teleports into the God of War Universe and sees Zues and the others singing “Staying Alive”)
Too many religions for only one god, I don’t need another savior
(Snaps his paws and Kratos appears and slaughters them all while singing “Symphony of Destruction”. Brown Dog then appears in front of a bunch of cops singing “Bad Boys”)
Don’t try to change my mind, you know I’m one of a kind
(changes all their uniforms into ballerina tutus causing them to start singing Dancing Queen)
Ain’t gonna change my bad behavior
(Smirks and then proceeds to pie a bunch of stoners singing Bob Marley songs in the face)
BD: All my life I’ve been over the top, I don’t know what I’m doing, all I know is, I don’t wanna stop!
All fired up I’m gonna go till I drop, you’re either in or in the way, don’t make me, I don’t wanna stop!
(He then goes about interrupting every musical number he sees by tear gassing the crowds and tasering those who keep singing)
All my life I’ve been over the top, I don’t know what I’m doing, all I know is, I don’t wanna stop!
All fired up I’m gonna go till I drop, you’re either in or in the way, don’t make me, I don’t wanna stop!
With that he stops singing and looks at exactly what he has done. It’s not exactly the destruction levels he caused during St. Patrick’s Day in that other universe, but it still is beautiful.
He then notices Cortana silently screaming at him in his HUD so he unmutes her.
BD: Hey what’s up?
Cortana: The hell did you just do?
BD: Humanitarian work
Cortana: Be serious
BD: Hey I only caused one fire!
Cortana: Ugh…
BD: Well excuse me, the musical number demanded I do it…speaking of which, Why the hell was I singing? Why was everyone singing?
Cortana: I don’t know! I couldn’t stop either. It’s like some force compelled me to. Something fishy is going on here
CSI Miami Theme: YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Cortana: Oh Come On!
BD: Ha, because I was slapping people with a fish. So wait, something out there caused me to do a music number against my will?
Cortana: It seems that way, and we went through quite a few universes. This is happening everywhere.
BD: Damn it! Why didn’t I think of that? (Scowls) Someone beat me to it! And they didn’t make me apart of their scheme! They’ve dicked with the wrong dog!
Cortana: Does that mean you’ll look into this?
BD: Hell ya, I gotta figure out how this was done. I mean, I know how I would’ve done it, but as far as I know I still have that little Magoffin
Cortana: And what is that?
BD: It’s a little thing called mind your own bee’s wax, but still, whoever or whatever did this has great power, and I must friend them on Facebook!
Cortana: Well with something this big, I don’t know how we can track the source.
BD: I do, but it requires me to empty my mind in a place of tranquility.
Cortana: Emptying your mind shouldn’t be that hard.
BD: Ha ha ha…it’s true
(Freezes up)
Cortana: What’s wrong?
BD: My Rarity Whoreness Sense just went off
Cortana: …I’m sorry, your what?
BD: My Rarity Whoreness Sense, apparently she’s being slutty again
Cortana: How is that even a thing?
BD: (Ignores her) Well, looks like it’s time for the Brown Dog of Forced Abstinence to pay a visit
He smiles and chuckles evily before teleporting away, as is his custom
Meanwhile in the Brown Dog’s Secret Prison
Michael Bay starts singing and dancing with the Disco Ostriches.
MB: ‘Cause I’m TNT! I’m Dynamite! TNT! And I’ll win the fight! TNT! I’m the Power Load! TNT! WATCH ME EXPLOOOOOODDDEEE!!!!!
George Lucas is singing as well
GL: No I didn’t have to make them blow! What happened to the Star Wars that I used to know?!
Tommy Wiseau is singing in Dubstep
And Caine is singing, What else?
Caine: YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!