After a harrowing and dangerous quest, Twilight Sparkle and her friends have recovered Excelsior's Ecstatic Codex from an evil zebra cult intent on ending the world. The Codex, one of the greatest works of dark magic ever forged, carries within its pages a limitless collection of vile, twisted spells, all specially devised for anypony who opens the cover.

What do you do with a book of dark magic? If you're Twilight Sparkle, you put it in your library. Because that's where books go.

After all, books are for everypony.

"You" are Anon, and you can't understand a bloody thing these little horses are saying. It doesn't help that you're only ten. Oh well, at least they're nice. Especially the queen horse, Celestia. At least that's what you think her name is. Anyway, she's awfully cuddly, always hugging you or some such. Honestly it's nice and all, but you are starting to wonder just why she is so affectionate...

Was bumbling around /mlp/ and made a thing. You might enjoy it, you might not, it's here either way.

*EDIT* Now with sequel: Bridging Words.

Featured May 10 2016, thank you so much!

Sunset Shimmer visits Equestria and spends some time taking care of animals with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash is apparently not good with certain animals.

Sunset discovers very quickly that what you learn from the human world cannot be unlearned, ever.

Rated Teen and Sex for a pile of juvenile innuendo, though technically no bad language. Only technically.

Ember expected to get a few admirers when she became the new dragonlord. Well, more than a few.

She didn't expect that a large number of them would be ponies that she had never even met.

And she really didn't expect them to write physically impossible stories about her and Spike.

She's got a lot of misconceptions to correct. More than she ever expected.

A reader's poll in Equestria's leading newspaper rates the Princesses by approval ratings.

OOC meta humor ensues as the four discuss the findings.

Pre-read by RT Stephens, MythrilMoth, and The Albinocorn.

Equestria has recently joined NATO. There are a lot of countries and terrorist organizations unhappy about it, but one group sees opportunity.

Rainbow, the secretive NATO anti-terrorist task force, is interested in recruiting some new talent. Princess Celestia sends them six of her best.

Rainbow Dash wants to write a rap. Somehow this leads to Sunset Shimmer explaining how magic in Equestria works.

Warning: Contains rapping, logic, and stupid headcanon

It's usually boring work, maintaining an Equestrian border crossing. Doubly so if you're stationed at the Badlands crossing, with no incoming and a general populace still too busy licking its wounds to try anything funny. But it pays well, so guards tend not to complain.

But then you get the occasional day where everything goes wrong. Where an errant changeling with an attitude and an extremely punchable face tries to waltz past the station with a cart full of contraband, and sticky gross contraband at that.

If the border guard can get out of this one with all of their brain cells, they're definitely applying for a transfer to Ponyville.

Written as a birthday present for Carapace

Top three reasons to always use hair conditioner:

1. Soothes hair cuticles for shinier-looking hair.
2. Strengthens the hair shaft and protects against breakage.
3. A unicorn will come and totally chew you out if you don't.

Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

Twilight has been messaging Dragon Lord Ember for two weeks now, and the other ponies are wondering whom the new Princess’s pen pal is. Twilight gets a brilliant and terrible idea. Cover art by the sensational PixelKitties.