• Published 17th Apr 2016
  • 8,357 Views, 126 Comments

The Most Powerful Dragon in Equestria Visits for Tea - meme-asaurus



Twilight has been messaging Dragon Lord Ember for two weeks now, and the other ponies are wondering whom the new Princess’s pen pal is. Twilight gets a brilliant and terrible idea.

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In Which the Ponies Make Things Weird

So yeah, I still can’t understand what Pinkie Pie is saying, but I’m having one of those ‘parties’ now. This isn’t so bad. From what I can read from the banner, we’ve opted from a ‘birthday party’ to a ‘welcome to Ponyville, Ember’ party. We’ve also moved our location to this spot called ‘Sugarcube Corner,’ and got some more ponies to join us there. Since Spike has been here for a year or three now, the caterers have expanded their menu to gem-based flavors of cupcakes. And if putting sugar in tea is already the best idea ever, mixing frosting and sapphires is now the highlight of pony ingenuity.

If only the other guests had the courage to come up and talk to me instead of just cowering in a corner. Dragons are strangers to friendship, but hell if we can’t tell when someone is dampening the mood. At least Spike is putting his best foot forward.

“So,” he says, gulping down his fourth cupcake, “How goes the new job?”

“Oh, you know, leading and stuff,” I shrug. Holding the Scepter doesn’t leave at lot of room to fidget with my claws. It’s supposed to be for swinging around and shooting lasers, not interlocking your fingers into whatever position you want. “I’m trying to figure ways of hearing others’ input that doesn’t lead to arguments. But you know what they say: Opinions are like buttholes. Every dragon has one, and they all start to stink if you don’t wipe the muck out once and awhile.” I fake a laugh. He fakes a laugh. We fake satisfaction.

Out of the corner of my eye, Fluttershy has gradually been given seventeen different versions of the same pep talk: Come on over to me and just speak up. I can’t really make out Fluttershy’s responses to this, but they contain a rather gratuitous usage of the word ‘can’t.’ I know it’s rude to listen in on other’s conversations, but it’s also rude to talk about someone when they’re right in front of you, so I guess we’re all on the same level here. And you know what? Having a stalemate of awkward silence and barriers of anti-confrontational social cues isn’t what being a dragon is about. It’s time to shake things up. Beating up the toughest dragon on the mountain makes you feared, and in that regard, breaking the ice with the shyest pony in the room should make you approachable. Doesn’t that make sense? It should make sense. Any plan makes sense when you’re frustrated enough.

At the risk of being obnoxious, I march up to Fluttershy and shake her by the shoulders. “You. Speak.”

Like a flower in the sunset, her mane closes up to hide her face. It’s a little impressive. She’s so timid, her hair acts as some kind security-blanket camouflage. Her wings are locked up and tense. I might as well have roared at her as loud I could.

“Whuh-what’s your favorite animal?” she exhales. She hyperventilates to keep herself conscious. Good enough. Interesting question, even.

“Cows,” I say after letting go of her to think for a minute. “They stay in wide open fields and have a lot of meat on them. Go excellent with BBQ sauce.” I examine her reaction. You could hear a pin drop in here. I may have misunderstood the question. “What, do you mean an animal that doesn’t talk?”

It takes a second for her to nod. “And, uhm, oh my goodness, your favorite animal to keep around. As a pet. Do dragons keep pets?”

I think hard for this one. Whelp, honesty is the best policy. “No.” But then again, I’m determined not to let another conversation end on a sour note. “What’s your favorite animal?”

“B-b-b-b-b-buh-bunnies.”

At least I don’t have to MAKE her talk anymore. “Yeah, and your favorite thing about bunnies?” It’s hard for Fluttershy to confident when talking to me, but it’s also hard for her to stay scared when talking about bunnies. Yes! Insight for the win!

“They’re… fluffy,” Fluttershy begins. “And cuddly. And cute. And quiet. They also make big knitting circles. They’re like little soft clouds that hop around on the ground.” This is so sweet, it’s making my teeth hurt. I’m starting to regret this course of action. “I have this one bunny named Angel. I named him that because he has one of whitest coat I’ve ever seen! He helps me take care of all the other critters sometimes; he’s very helpful that way.” You know, some dragons have recently accused me of torture for trying to talk them to death. They know NOTHING compared to what I’m going through right now. “I also like butterflies, but I guess you can tell my cutie mark. They’re even quieter than bunnies, so much so that butterflies can scare you by being suddenly so close without making a sound. Rainbow Dash says that they’re like colorful ninjas that way, but that’s too violent of a description for such a peaceful creature. Oh, um, don’t tell Rainbow Dash I said that; she doesn’t know.” It’s been thirty seconds since she started. An eternity. “I also like how some butterflies migrate from one place to another in swarms. Flying has always scared me silly, and it’s inspiring to see so many helpless creatures fly together across such a long distance. And most ponies don’t find bears to be very cute, but I personally-”

“WOW, THANKS FOR THAT,” I bellow politely, shoving a claw over her mouth. “NEVER KNEW YOU HAD SUCH AN INTREST IN… THOSE THINGS YOU SAID. I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE. BYE NOW.” I can feel a few ponies glaring daggers at me, among them a particularly grouchy white bunny. I don’t care. I have stared into the abyss, and it was tremendously boring. I think I need to get what comes out of the mare’s mouth weaponized, or Equestria might wipe out dragonkind. (Maybe even by accident.)

“Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” Pinkie’s voice draws out, giving light she has a bit of understanding to both sides of the conversation I just had. “Who wants to play Pin the Tail on the Pony?!”

I blink. “But… all of your tails are already attached.”

“I know, it was confusing for me at first, too,” Pinkie reassures. “Basically, it’s more like Pin the Paper Tail on the Poster of a Pony.”

“The catch being?”

Pinkie narrows her eyes and flashes in evil smile. “You’re blindfolded. And dizzy. One life stock. No items. Fox only. Final Destination.”

I didn’t get half of what she was saying, but boy, did she make it sound intense. “I’m in.”

Pinkie becomes a blur again, and my vision goes dark. I suddenly feel like I’m being forced to a barrel roll ten times over while I’m still on the ground. The claw that’s not holding the Scepter now holds an object with a sharp point.

“Okaaay… go!” snaps Pinkie. I take a step and realize how dizzy I am. Those cupcakes feel really heavy in my belly all of a sudden. Steady breaths, Ember. Throwing up in public isn’t pretty. The Scepter provides some support for my hindered balance. It’s probably showing.

“Hey, no walking sticks! That’s cheating,” Pinkie says innocently. I feel hooves yank at the Scepter. I panic and yank back harder. So hard, in fact, that I fall over on my back with an embarrassingly girlish yelp. An unidentified pair of hooves helps me up, and I try to maintain all the dignity a blind dragon that just lost their footing can keep.

“The Scepter stays with me,” I sternly declare, unable to face anypony in particular.

“Okay, that’s fine, have it your way,” Fluttershy mumbles. Her voice is close enough for me to guess that she was the one that helped me up. That shocks me more than somepony trying grab the Scepter from me. I just shouted in her face, and she’s helping me. That’s… really nice. That’s unreasonably nice. Is it because this party is about me, or does Fluttershy already consider me a friend? I can’t tell if my head is spinning because somepony forgave me so fast, or-

*BLEUGH!*

Or because I’m so dizzy, I just puked five cupcakes at once, probably on some unsuspecting party guest. I take a peek behind my blindfold, and my fears are confirmed: Fluttershy just got a point-blank facefull of dragon vomit. She’s already wiping it away, trying not to get any of it in her eyes.

“Fluttershy, I’m sorr-“

*BLEUGH!*

Oh, right. Nobody throws up just once. I always forget that. This time, I think got a bit of it in her mouth. Its Pinkie Pie that’s apologizing now, directed at me. She’s talking too fast again, but I think I caught ‘something something my own spinning power.’

Also, you know seeing someone else throw up triggers some freaky gag reflex? That’s happening now. To like, half the party. Including Fluttershy. All over me. And lookie here, we’re all brought down to even ground again.


Whenever other dragons ask me what ponies are like, I say that ‘You’ll end up puking by the end of the afternoon, but you’ll feel good about it, because that shows we’re not so different on the inside.’

They never get the joke.

Author's Note:

Shut up, I think it's cute. :pinkiesick:

Comments ( 72 )

One life stock. No items. Fox only. Final Destination.

*Seto Kaiba Voice* See what I told you about the writing these days?

Haha!:rainbowlaugh:I get it!

Pinkie narrows her eyes and flashes in evil smile. “You’re blindfolded. And dizzy. One life stock. No items. Fox only. Final Destination.”

Oh, sweet jesus... I only got the joke recently at BUCK's SSC...

But according to The Announcer Bashes his Sisters on Youtube, the game allows 2600 players to play simulatenously, so I can imagine how much more hectic that'd be...

Well she is different i give you that.
And i think her reacting isnt abnormal simply the mane 6 tried a little bit to hard to socialise with someone who isnt like them and has other values in her live than them
overall i like it and i see potential with your portrayal of her

Aanndd now it's a two shot. Even better. You've made me wonder now though, what dragon vomit looks like. Time to do some research... Puts safety goggles on, leaves room

I can see this going 10 more rounds.....:pinkiegasp::raritystarry::moustache::twilightoops::rainbowlaugh::fluttercry::applejackconfused:

And I laughed! And coughed to clear out my lungs after water went down the wrong pipe... Keep up the good work!

Ember sure is a good sport. Considering this is probably the first time in Equestria that a dragon other than Spike has been to a pony party, it could probably be going much worse.

This is a really good story.

Okay this chapter is EXTRA Hilariously Terrible.

Other than the only times I've known dragons to barf was ending up a flaming mess that results in massive loss of life--but this is good enough for some suspension of disbelief :rainbowlaugh:

Please keep up the good work:pinkiehappy:

“You’re blindfolded. And dizzy. One life stock. No items. Fox only. Final Destination.”

Soul Level 100
One weapon one shield.
No buffs.
Basic armor and weapons.
No magic, miracles, or sorceries.
No Estus.

..... LOL to this chapter.

Wow. That story was really touch--

*BLEUGH!*

Let it be known that the ultimate friendship making device is not kind words, jokes, common ground, or gifts....

It is barfing your guts out as one. :rainbowlaugh:

Neat, I think her personality is much better fleshed out in this story than in the actual episode.

Any plan makes sense when you’re frustrated enough.

Ehmm, no. That wouldn't make any sense. xD

Oh, right. Nobody throws up just once. I always forget that.

Now that you mentioned it, that does seem to be the case, I wonder why the stomach doesn't usually if ever empty in itself in it's entirety in one swift motion?

Does anyone know?

~Leonzilla

“You’re blindfolded. And dizzy. One life stock. No items. Fox only. Final Destination.”

The 20XX is REAL.
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ_fD_Eyt2gZVjzkEc9sxb_U-cphn4iotZ7zoE9RctST79qtcLfswJ9AdLRrQ

7135686 YES!!! Also, love fox in smash bros on the wii u, used him against grininja and ended up having a ninja fight where we kept trying to hit eachother but kept teleporting... best match ever.

New cover art is most best cover art!

7135571

:raritystarry: Why, darling, it's of course for when we have non-pony guests who have fingers.

And it's just more practical to put the handles on all teacups. *sips tea*

7135571

I guess that ponies just have teacups with handles too small for their hooves.

Huh. Pegasi must’ve invented them (pinions to “grab” the handles?). I mean, how else would the handles come to be?

Actually, it's more like a bit of Equestrian patent law: "No modifications may be permitted on any invented or discovered item covered by this act whist the patent owner still lives."

Tea and tea cups were first introduced to Equestria before the Discordian era (and some estimates they go back even further, perhaps more than 3000 years ago). Much the same history regarding chariots and a few other odd items scattered throughout Equestrian society, but since they all were first introduced by Celestia after she allegedly visited a very quaint yet interesting world....well.....:trollestia:

I loved it when Ember was talking to Fluttershy and Fluttershy nervously started to ramble about her favorite animals.

“WOW, THANKS FOR THAT,” I bellow politely, shoving a claw over her mouth. “NEVER KNEW YOU HAD SUCH AN INTEREST IN… THOSE THINGS YOU SAID. I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE. BYE NOW.”

:twilightoops:

Pinkie narrows her eyes and flashes in evil smile. “You’re blindfolded. And dizzy. One life stock. No items. Fox only. Final Destination.”

Pinkie Pie always takes parties seriously.

Whenever other dragons ask me what ponies are like, I say that ‘You’ll end up puking by the end of the afternoon, but you’ll feel good about it, because that shows we’re not so different on the inside.’
They never get the joke.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Now that was a hilarious way to end the story.

Moral of the story: puking will lead to friendship :rainbowlaugh:

It's all fun and games until somepony (and dragon) lose their cupcakes.

7135464 I want to go back to Final destination please

Y'know, Ember, this is your own fault for eating so many of Pinkie's sweet things. Trust me - many confections do not a resilient stomach make. As for Flutters? I think that terror did the job for her rather than baked bads!

Who knew that Fluttershy could do the Twilight babble when she was nervous? :fluttershbad:

7135616

Because the body is an evil amalgamation of the cruelest pranks evolution can engineer, the evil masterminds behind limited time warranties, and mad science.


7135193

Well if dragon poop has undigested gems, and is all glittery, hard to clean, and can totally wreck a toilet.

Then I'm guessing dragon vomit is filled with gem shards, partially digested metals and gems, added to normal vomit. Oh! And apparently steaks chunks.

Beating up the toughest dragon on the mountain makes you feared, and in that regard, breaking the ice with the shyest pony in the room should make you approachable. Doesn’t that make sense? It should make sense. Any plan makes sense when you’re frustrated enough.

My favorite part.


Once again it ends feeling like it needs more, but yes, it was a cute scene. If you can find vomit cute, and Draconic brashness, and awkward, painful conversations between two polar opposites. It's cute.

You changed the cover photo.

I think my favorite thing about Ember is that she legitimately tries to understand the ponies, and simply can't, but she doesn't let that stop her from continuing to try. And as a result, awkward and disastrous though it is, she actually makes some headway.

The show portrayed her in a similar light and I think that's by design. Dragons are about as much like Ponies as dogs are like cats. They just don't have the same social rules or cues or values. They're entirely different, but someone's got to be willing to bridge that gap, and ever since Ember saw any value in doing so, she's being making as much effort to understand ponies as Twilight has to understand dragons. I'm very curious to see where the series takes this new relationship.

Also, I think I get the joke now.

I get it! Lol. How adorable. And gross. And adorable!

Pinkie knows that 20xx is upon us.

Eating too many cupcakes and spinning around will do that. Same thing with cotton candy and roller coasters.

Huh. I was unaware that the Scepter has a laser-shooting setting.

I suddenly feel like I’m being forced to a barrel roll ten times over while I’m still on the ground.

Yeah, that's what Pinkie meant by "Fox only."

You can't say Ember didn't reach across the aisle. I love the last bit. Vomit's role in diplomacy is frequently overlooked.

I'm a bit surprised that this is already over, but it did its job, and it did it well. Thank you for it.

Well, grossdorable.

"You’re blindfolded. And dizzy. One life stock. No items. Fox only. Final Destination.”

Someone's been on SSB.

Bonding! Purging! Bonding! Purging!

This definitely has potential. DiE (Dragon in Equestria) potential.

7136676 My cat Lucky gets along very well with out dog.

Dogs and cats are living together... you know what this means. :raritydespair:

I don't like comedies, never have. They just don't make me laugh. That doesn't mean I don't sometimes enjoy the really good ones, and this one counts!

Add Ember to the growing list of "we need a character tag"

Ember
Rara (Countess Coloratura)
Flurry Heart
Sunburst
Starswirl the Bearded
Moon Dancer
Night Glider/Party Favor/Double Diamond/ect
Seperate tags for Limestone and Marble Pie
Torch
Garble
Spoiled Rich
Simon Magnet

7137310
Brawl sucked (shitty control response times compared to melee, and the reduction to level sizes was a big step in the wrong direction).
Original is quite good (amazing, when you factor in the antiquity of the system it was designed for).
Melee is the best thing ever.
:twilightsmile:

This time, I think got a bit of it in her mouth.

While this is not a fetish of mine, I can totally see this being some sort of freaky porn comic.
"Hot puke swapping dragon-on-pony yuri action!" :pinkiegasp::rainbowlaugh::trollestia:

This is so sweet, it’s making my teeth hurt

So Ember sees the dark side of sugar: diabetes. And ponies will give it to you.

Oh, I have enjoyed this story so very much. Well done.

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #76.

My review can be found here.

Also, you know seeing someone else throw up triggers some freaky gag reflex? That’s happening now. To like, half the party.

The same thing happens when you have a contest to determine who gets the last piece of pie...

A classic back from when "Family Guy" was funny. :trollestia:

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