• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen July 24th


Just an average insane brony, doing average insane things. Professional Fanfiction Writer and Purveyor, relevant links are on my profile page.


Ember expected to get a few admirers when she became the new dragonlord. Well, more than a few.

She didn't expect that a large number of them would be ponies that she had never even met.

And she really didn't expect them to write physically impossible stories about her and Spike.

She's got a lot of misconceptions to correct. More than she ever expected.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 147 )




I have no words.

Didn't think dragons were THAT DIFFERENT from traditional life forms... in this verse, the fact is as strange as fiction! Our corpses turn into dirt eventually anyway, so the whole 'dead dragons become mountains' isn't that insane. AND GEEZE! Sounds like dragons don't have a lotta culture. Well, they do, they just don't have much in the way of record keeping.

This is... kind of amazing. So much laughter, so much.

The tests are back and...YOU ARE SPIKES MOTHER! :trollestia:

I think this pic completely sums up your version of dragon procreation:


Hm...Strange, yet enjoyable. I got a couple chuckles out of it. I like it.

This is actually really great!
I love how dragons are born; it's a unique way for sure.
(Also, makes Celestia using a random dragon egg to measure magic seem less suspect.)

Fabulous. Wonderful. Great! And it follows from canon. I can't praise this enough! You are a master weaver of tales!

Good work, Weaver.

I have no words... If anybody wants me, I'll be writing the next chapter of my fic!

Hmm. This actually does make some sense. Given the sheer amount of minerals the average dragon eats, they're definitely going to have enough raw material to regularly put out ovoliths. It could almost be seen as a form of excretion. Spike's much more carbon-based diet raises the question of what his will be like. Probably much blacker than the average dragon's. Female dragons' ability to self-fertilize does make some sense, given how some reptilian species are capable of parthenogenesis.

In all, a fascinating concept for dragon reproductive biology. Not sure if I'll adopt it, but fascinating.

I appreciate this world-building.:3

i will say this show a chapter where spike lays and egg and freaks the fuck out.

This... actually makes a lot more sense than it should, especially for a totally non-intimate, mineral-based, lava-swimming species. :rainbowlaugh: About the only things that wouldn't make sense are how dragons could fly if they're basically made of rock, and how they aren't extinct if procreation is a functional, mundane endeavor instead of something that drives every other real-world species to the point of it being the only thing that matter in many cases.

Also Twilight should know something about dragon anatomy since she's been around a dragon for most of her life. She must have had to change his diaper and noticed a few of the basics down there. :pinkiesmile:

For a moment I though there was going to be a twist and it was all a matter of differing terminology, and dragons basically screw the egg after it's laid. (Kinda gives new meaning to the term "laying an egg".) :rainbowlaugh:

I think too much sometimes... :facehoof:

Well, I guess it is true then. Truth is stranger then fiction... My mind is blown.:rainbowderp:

I kinda want a sequel where Twilight and Ember try to explain this all to Spike, you know, that he might start laying stone-eggs soon and that he might be a dragon-pony and also Twilight is his dad... I imagine that would be a lot to take in.

Love it! Awkward Twilight and naive Ember are best Twilight and Ember

I am the one-hundreth like.

I am not sorry.

Look at the tiny Ember in my hand!

Headcanon accepted.

No, really. This is an incredibly intriguing concept for dragon physiology, and it works really well. Unless show canon directly contradicts it later on, I'll definitely make use of this. So much more interesting than them just being big lizards.

This can all be explained in one word. YOSHI!:moustache::facehoof::rainbowlaugh:


I am, your father. :twilightoops:

"You are the new dragon lord, after all. That's kind of a big thing."

Yes, but only kind of.

"It's erotic fiction, starring you and Spike..."

Does anyone check how long it took between this episode and the first Spike/Ember-ship?

"I... have absolutely no idea what I just read," she admitted.

Happens to myself far too often.

Ember stared at her. "...so wait. You're, like, a walking egg?"

The scientific term is "Egghead".

Great story!
I laughed myself off while readig it!

Is this only a One-Shot or will it continue?


Does anyone check how long it took between this episode and the first Spike/Ember-ship?

Less than a day, as I recall. I'f you're talking about the first full-on ship fic, then about a day or so.

Didn't see that coming

This is so deliciously meta, I love it.

Came into this expecting some random weird crack like humor that I'd most likely end up regret reading. What I got instead was a fascinating and thought provoking theory on MLP dragons. Well written, great conversational humor and a sound theory that could fit flawlessly into the show as we know it. Easy fav!

7174016 :rainbowlaugh: Can't stop laughing :-)

Came in expecting some random funny crapola, got depth and interesting conversation with a hint of feels. Also, if Spike is half-pony, what does that mean for his own future partners? Will he mate, quicken or both?

7174080 the egghead comment was hilarious

Hmm... I like this, for the unusual reason that it reminds me of the great Sir Terry Pratchett's description of dragons, that dragons breathe fire, not because they have asbestos lungs, but because that's what dragons do, they're a narrative animal. Not bad at all.

Half-pony... Huh, so THAT'S why Spike finds Rarity so attractive... Huh... Right, so... Congratulations Spike, even the normal DRAGONS ARE CONFUSED ABOUT YOUR VERY EXISTENCE!!!

This fic deserves 5 mustaches! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

"Oh, plenty. After me and Spike came back from the whole Bloodstone scepter competition,

Spike and I
The speaker always comes last in a list, and to know whether to use me or I, simply take the other person out of the sentence to see if it still makes sense. After me came back? No. After I came back.
I'd expect a scholar like Twilight to understand this.

Anyway, interesting take on dragon reproduction, though it makes me wonder why dragons would have sexual dimorphism. Why have males if females can propagate without them? Maybe they're suppose to be stronger and protect young? I don't know, evolutionarily, it doesn't make sense for males not to be able to self-propagate too. What possible benefit to the species does it have? None, that's what.

7173686 a lot of reptiles keep there fun bits inside unless reproducing so she might have just assumed that's how he worked.

...Yeah, I can buy it. I mean, have you ever looked at a lizard's genitals? You can't, because, like, everything is internal for them. It's hard to tell that they've got anything at all down there. (Not that I've tried, you understand, but I used to own a bearded dragon, and when you have to handle and clean up after one of those you inevitably end up seeing some dragon butt sooner or later.) Even regular reptiles would be confused by these descriptions of explicit mammalian sex, mostly because reptiles can't read, so a species even further removed would be downright dumbfounded.

All this also opens up the possibility that Twilight Sparkle has received porn about herself. Oh, the troubled life of a celebrity.

7172635 But wait... the tests are also showing traces of another pony's magic mixed with your own. Ah yes, the rainboom! Rainbow Dash, you are Spike's father. :trollestia:


7174614 Mother of Celestia, that needs to be a fanfic pronto

I kinda think it already is?

At least, I've seen it referred to in fanfic.

I can't entirely remember.

These head canons.
I like them. :pinkiegasp:

7174736 Family Secrets: The Reveal. Chapter 3 specifically. Sadly appears to be long abandoned by an absent author.

It was a great fic for coming up with cracky headcanons, each chapter introduces additional ones. :)

'Old dragons become mountains, and the very earth itself.'

Shades of Sharing the Night?

Only note here is that this doesn't feel like a Complete story. It ends on a hook, but a very short piece like this would usually work better as a first chapter than a standalone, especially if the sequel is already planned or in the works.

Also I totally expected Twilight to faint while Ember and Spike high five and reveal they were trolling her the whole time.

:raritystarry:so , so Spike is - is a. .
:twilightsheepish: It's ok Rarity
:raritystarry: MY Spikey Wikey's a
:twilightsmile: He's half...
:raritycry: A sisycolt!
:twilightoops: pony
:raritydespair: Waaaaaaaaaa



And suddenly, Twi-mommy!

This was interesting?

As an exposition of a headcanon it's different, which has value. As a prologue, it looks nice.

But this isn't a story yet. I'd love to see this expanded into a full story though, even a very short one.

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