Rainbow Six: Rainbow Six

by totallynotabrony

Rainbow Six: Rainbow Six

The newspaper was going the way of the dodo, but John Clark resisted as fiercely as he could.

He shook his head and got up from his desk, but paused to take one last look at the headline.

"Equestria becomes full member of NATO," he muttered aloud.

The door opened to reveal Alistair Stanley, Clark’s deputy. He spotted the paper. "I saw the BBC had a piece on the telly about that."

"It's a hell of a thing," Clark replied. He glanced at his watch. "So when are they arriving?"

"Mrs. Foorgate said nine," Stanley said. "I arranged to have the team leaders put them through their paces.”

"Equestrian puns already, Alistair?"

"Have to watch what I say in these politically correct times." Stanley chuckled.

Alice Foorgate came in with coffee for Clark and tea for Stanley. "Here you are, gentlemen."

"So what do you think about the ponies?" Clark asked. He tasted the coffee. Alice was a very good secretary.

"Charming, I'm sure," she replied. "I look forward to meeting them."

"Oh, they're probably a bunch of grizzled roughnecks like us," Clark said. He smiled. "Or as much as magical ponies can be."

"Mhm," Stanley agreed through his tea. "Princess Celestia said she was sending her best."

"Everything is arranged for the visit," Alice said. "Mr. Covington and Mr. Chavez are waiting downstairs."

The two of them thanked her for the update and left the office to meet up with the Alpha and Bravo team leaders.

"Oi, it's the brass," said Peter Covington, elbowing Ding Chavez as Clark and Stanley entered the conference room.

"Well yeah, of course they're here and eager to begin. Mr. C loves ponies," Chavez replied. "I sure get the warm fuzzies."

"Excellent," Stanley said, laughing along.

Lame joke it may have been, but Ding Chavez was Clark's son-in-law and got a pass. It helped that he was a damn fine solider.

Clark didn't even mind. It did feel good that magical ponies had appeared, took one look at Earth, and decided to join The West.

"On that note, what do we have planned?" Stanley asked.

"Mike and the boys are going to supervise them in the combat course," Covington replied.

"Equestrians can fly and use magic," Clark said. "What's the plan for that?"

"Sergeant Johnson is bringing his knowledge of horses," said Chavez. "Maybe there's something we can use to hobble them."

"Plus the crash course we got on Equestria," added Covington. "More than testing suitability of these candidates, I'd like to learn more."

"Right." Clark nodded. He checked his watch. "They should be arriving soon. Colonel Malloy was bringing them in. Let's go."

In Rainbow's compound, a convenient helicopter pad waited to receive the MH-60 Knighthawk that was presently coming in for a landing.

None of them saw the door on the opposite side of the helo slide open, so it was a surprise to see a blue pony cannonball out of it.

"God-" Chavez started, before coming up short. The pony had wings.

And she sure knew how to use them. After a brief loop, she came to rest in front of them. She saluted. "Rainbow Dash, reporting for duty!"

"Not like that you aren't," Clark corrected. "Have you ever been sucked into an engine? Because that's what almost happened."

Deflating, Rainbow Dash started to protest as the helicopter finished landing and the other five ponies got out.

"All right, who's in charge here?" exclaimed a pink pony, bounding over. "Because I'm going to make you a cake!"

"Later," Clark said, the only reply he could come up with on short notice. He was not a man who was easily surprised, but the pink one had.

"Ladies, calm down," said the purple pony. To Clark, she said, "I am Twilight Sparkle. We're here to represent Equestria at Rainbow."

"That'll be a little confusing," said the orange pony with a hat. "Rainbow Dash and Rainbow NATO."

"Heh, well we know which one's cooler," said Rainbow.

"Insults straight to the face," muttered Chavez.

"Not terribly couth, is she?" replied the white pony. "I'm Rarity, by the way. Forgive Rainbow, she's rather hard-charging."

"Good," said Stanley. "All of you must be highly motivated to find a place here. We each represent the best of our respective countries."

"So when do we begin?" asked Twilight Sparkle.

"When are you ready?" asked Clark.

"Any answer besides 'immediately' probably wouldn't please you," said Twilight Sparkle. "So we're ready now."

"Really?" asked Covington. "Don't you have any gear?"

"My, for what?" said Rarity.

All the pictures Clark had ever seen of ponies indicated that they wore minimal clothing. Did that also apply to combat equipment?

"Nevermind," said Chavez. "If you think you're good to go, we'll begin." It was on them if they hadn't come prepared.

Despite their lack of gear and apparent unconcern, the ponies were amiable and followed the men over to the training facility.

Greeting them was Master Chief Mike Chin from Covington's team. "Good to meet you ladies. The training course is set up. Good luck."

Rainbow Dash said, "Bring it on! We're the best and we'll ace anything you can throw at us."

Extremely presumptive of them, Clark thought. Then again, he wasn't leader of Rainbow by being brash. He decided to wait and see.

Entering the facility, Chin gestured to the setup. "We have several simulated buildings here. Take out the threats, not the hostages."

"No problem," said Twilight. "I'm sure we can do this. We'll do our best. Just say when."

"When," Chavez blurted.

It took a fraction of a second to sink in, but suddenly the ponies were gone in a blur.

Not three seconds later, Rainbow Dash shouted "Clear!" She and the others came back to the starting line.

"There's no way," Covington muttered.

"Eh, boss?" called Chin from the monitoring setup. "They hit it perfectly. I can barely make it out through the magic sparkles, but well..."

"Roll it back," Clark ordered, walking over to the recording booth. Sure enough, every terrorist target had been hit, and nearly instantly.

"What in the world..." muttered Stanley. "Well, Princess Celestia did say you lot were the best."

Rarity said, "Rainbow's speed, Applejack's breaching strength, and mine and Twilight's magic make for the perfect combination."

"And what about the other two?" Covington asked, pointing to the final two ponies she hadn't mentioned.

"Pretty sure Fluttershy's just here in case somebody gets hurt," said Pinkie Pie. "As for me, I made you a cake while the rest were busy."

"Uh...how?" Clark said, marveling at free cake, on top of the team's performance. "Don't get me wrong, I'm more than impressed."

"Psh, if you think that's impressive," said Pinkie, cutting slices of cake for everyone, "go back and look at the first letter of every line."

Author's Note:

I'm not even sorry, even though this is basically ShadowFall's fault for enabling me.

Comments

[Lithl]

/slowclap

[Celestias Paladin]

Very clever TnaB, I won't give it away just yet.

[Skeeter The Lurker]

I can fully get behind that.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Neece]

Gotta give it to the pink!

[ShadowFall]

>mfw I realize what Pinkie meant

>mfw this is the same guy who helped me write my own serious fanfiction

>mfw he actually turns Rainbow Six into something funny

>mfw

[WildCard65]

Dang, that is very clever but I managed to read the [REDACTED].

[Minalkra]

Can someone spoiler it? I'm on my phone and its a right pain to try to get the thing. Or PM would work too.

[pahnazd]

This is clever in more ways than one. Good job.
And I'm not even sarcastic here.

[marcelojj]

Wh..bu...gah...internal stack overflown!¨!&6891!09099...

[totallynotabrony]

7192236 The lyrics to Winter Wrap Up.

[jack the blu-jay]

I would like it more if they were playing the game rainbow 6 seige but until then no favorite

[Uncle Mike]

Bwahahah!

Bravo Zulu!

[Minalkra]

7192251
Thank you sir. I get it now.

[sexy nightmare moon]

now we need a sequal where they twat terroistes

[VampDash]

YES. ALL MY YES.

[Pen Mightier]

I have no idea what Rainbow Six is, but Pinkie won you a like and a favourite.

[Spectral]

[Fracturedheart]

Hehehehehe. Yes!!

[Watcher Pumpkin]

Oh yes, the best six, a bunch of citizen and one incredibly important VIP from the alien nation should do the work of trained soldiers and law enforcements... I give them 10 days in the boot camp, if they don't beat Gaz's record they failed in my eyes.

[D48]

My god. I was enjoying this up until the end, and then you broke out that last joke with Pinkie and now I can't stop laughing.

[Luna Aeterna Solutae]

I just made it all the way through the novel.
I'm pretty sure Rainbow was under JSOC jurisdiction, and hosted in England.

[Nova Arc]

Story well written, jokes well played, secret message well hidden... How has someone not done this sooner?

[General Grant]

Clever. Very clever

[General Lemarc]

Cause tomorrow spring is here

[johnnosk]

TNaB... You sneaky little sod!

[totallynotabrony]

I should have written three more words to make it 1337

[PonyDragon]

7194071
It's not too late for that.

Good story-idea, by the way (especially the joke in the last line).

[Skeeter The Lurker]

7194071

"She then winked."

Boom.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[jwizard]

A very clever use of a classic secret code gag. What makes it so clever is that you were able to do that without detracting any from the story.

The most I've ever managed is homages to other stories and word puns in chapter titles.

[Dark Shade 75]

"go back and look at the first letter of every line."

...Well done.

[HarmonyRapids]

Mice trick bruh.

Ya mean a nice trick?

Nope, I mean mice trick!

Mice trick, really Pinks?

Yepper! Belepper! Pepper! As sure as my name is Tom!

But your name isn't Tom.

Exactly.

[Diokno44]

7194071 Is there a significance to 1337?

[Mira Starlight]

7780338
1337 is literally the most 'leet number to ever exist.

[Mira Starlight]

Sweet Celestia. This story is wonderful. But winter's just started!

[Diokno44]

7781341 Oh right

[Twilight_the_spy]

Hahaha. This is a good one.

Honestly expected them to fail hard, but I guess they do work pretty well as a team.