Upstart is excited. His mother has hired a unicorn for a party. It will be so delightful to see a unicorn performing magic. It's sure to be fun for the whole household!

Of course, it's just a little fun. She's not really a unicorn. After all, unicorns don't exist.

Ballpoint Smudge has one job. It's not an easy one, but it's one he's determined to do to the best of his ability. The only problem is that as soon as he meets Twilight Sparkle, everything he's ever learned about princesses goes flying out of the window. He was expecting her to be regal, haughty and bossy. Instead she's warm, friendly and welcoming. Perhaps she's genuinely a nice pony? Nah. It's got to be a test.

Based on an idea by Ambrose Bierce, from his excellent Devil's Dictionary. Just look up 'Insurance'.

Featured at 12.30 GMT on 15/06/2016. I am very pleased indeed about that.

After a harrowing and dangerous quest, Twilight Sparkle and her friends have recovered Excelsior's Ecstatic Codex from an evil zebra cult intent on ending the world. The Codex, one of the greatest works of dark magic ever forged, carries within its pages a limitless collection of vile, twisted spells, all specially devised for anypony who opens the cover.

What do you do with a book of dark magic? If you're Twilight Sparkle, you put it in your library. Because that's where books go.

After all, books are for everypony.

Silly stories about Twilight and Pinkie.

Top three reasons to always use hair conditioner:

1. Soothes hair cuticles for shinier-looking hair.
2. Strengthens the hair shaft and protects against breakage.
3. A unicorn will come and totally chew you out if you don't.

Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

Once upon a time, ponies did not know how to count very far. Clover the Clever tells her two young fillies the story of how her mentor, Starswirl the Bearded, learned the secret of counting from the dragons.

‘A horse walks into a bar...’

One evening a despondent Applejack walked into Ponyville’s tavern. The next morning she was gone without a trace.

In the days following her disappearance the inn’s landlord recounts events in Ponyville as the town searches for its lost friend, struggling to understand why she left, and where she went.

Once upon a time, (if the term even applies) two young ladies, (if that adjective even applies) decided to visit a magical land of Equestria, selected seemingly at random from about a million.

• One of the two is a time traveler deprived of her time machine, the other is an eldritch abomination out of her element.
• One would prefer the world of pastel-colored ponies to stay as it is, and can’t help but alter it. The other one is anxious to see how it can change, and can’t help but maintain it.
• Both believe that this is not their story. But while they disturb the delicate world of ponies, they don’t even notice ponies doing the same to them.
• Sandwiches are involved somehow.

There are many things this story is and some things it isn’t.

It’s not a fix fic, no matter what some of the characters think. It’s written in multiple first person narration, which happened for a pointlessly clever reason, that will eventually become quite obvious. It’s not a crossover, it just comes with an unhealthy amount of backstory. It could be a rational-fic, but since idealistic philosophy is typically not seen as very rational, it’s only a philoso-fic instead. It’s quite meta, in the original definition of metafiction: fiction concerned with fiction as a concept. In any case, it’s either a small monument to overthinking things – I’m trying to reexamine many fanon ideas here – or a digital paperweight, I’m not sure which. It’s quite a bit more subtle than it could be, and everyone talks way too much when they should be having glorious adventures.
I know how it starts, I know how it ends, and most of what happens in between. Readers say it’s a slow burner, but we’ll get there eventually.

Acknowledgements

With special thanks to my editors, Thainen, Shrink Laureate, and MitchH.
Further special thanks to ScarletWeather and Themaskedferret for valuable input.
The artist who made the cover image stubbornly wishes to remain uncredited, but thanks to her anyway.

Maud did not love Rainbow Dash.

Maud did not understand love.

Maud understood war. Maud understood battle. Maud understood loss.

Those are the things Maud understood.

[Maud/RD - Season 5 finale AU]

Moondancer conned her neighbor, Trixie, into giving her some solitude when she was a filly, and now she tries to make amends by applying Friendship Theory.

Editor:
Minds Eye
Prereaders:
Reneigh Haycart, Not_A_Hat, ZodiacSpear

Featured on Equestria Daily