“Twilight! You got a letter from Princess Celestia!” I said the moment I came in, waving the scroll. I had to leave Rarity alone with an order because of it… well, I just had to leave Rarity, that’s bad enough! So it’d better be worth it. “Wait… who’re you?” I added, noticing something… someone… by the door.
A dragon in a dress? Nope. No scales, no tail, and no dragon would wear a dress. Not even a female dragon. Maybe. Definitely not a frilly dress! One of the eyes is kind of like a dragon eye. But the other one is a pony eye. What is that thing?…
And one of that thing’s hands – no talons, so it’s a hand – was shaking my claw, kind of like Pinkie does when she finds somepony new, but so much gentler. The creature had to crouch to do it. “Hello, Spike. My name is Mary. I’m a human, though I suppose that doesn’t tell you anything,” it said. The voice sounds feminine, so it’s probably a she…
“Sorry, it doesn’t,” I replied. Never even heard of humans before.
Twilight trotted up to me. “Read the letter, Spike.” An intent expression on her face if I ever saw one, did something happen? Beside someone new in town, that is.
Oh well, I do have one job… lots of jobs, but this is the important one, better get on with it. I rolled out the scroll and started reading. “Ahem… Dear Twilight! It has come to my attention, that two travelers from another world have arrived to Equestria. They call themselves ‘humans,’ and have announced their intention to learn the ways of ponies and teach us about their own. I am sure at least one of them will be knocking on your door shortly, if this has not happened already. Please make them feel welcome. This is neither an official nor a diplomatic visit, so I hope you will try to avoid any undue stress, and take things as they come. It might, nevertheless, be a valuable lesson in friendship, both for you and for them, and I look forward to anything you will have to report about it. Yours, Princess Celestia.”
“From another world? Wow,” I said, looking the human over once again. “Like, from space? Do you have a flying saucer somewhere?”
“No and no,” Mary replied, smiling and stretching back up to tower over me. “I believe the term you would use is ‘another dimension,’ though that’s not quite correct either.”
“How exactly did you know?” Twilight said, looking suspiciously at Mary. “Because I’m sure you knew.”
Mary just shrugged, “I did know that Rika, in her infinite wisdom, left me here, and went to give her regards to Princess Celestia directly. Knowing her, that probably scared off half the castle and resulted in ordering the guard to high alert. When she decides to announce herself, she can get very dramatic.”
Twilight looked a little annoyed for a moment, but then lit up with raised eyebrows and perked up ears. “Wait. This doesn’t add up. Did she teleport straight from here… all the way to Canterlot Castle?!”
Yeah, sounds like kind of a big deal. I don’t think Twilight can manage more than a mile, and she usually collapses afterwards. Actually, what’s the record? Best teleport contest sounds kinda fun, and I bet Twilight would get a ribbon, especially if the princesses don’t enter. Not that there would be a whole lot of competition, few unicorns can teleport far enough for it to be worth the effort.
“She actually left the world and went back in at a different point,” Mary corrected. “If you want to call that teleporting, then yes.”
Well, that’s a clever way to use dimensional travel. I’ll give it seven out of ten.
“Can you do that?” Twilight bounced. “…Can you teach me?”
“No, and no because the second question has the same answer as last time. I can take you out. I can’t guide you back in, miss Sparkle,” Mary responded in a flat tone of voice. Like a school teacher.
I’m not about to regret leaving to hang out with Rarity, really, I’m not. But I am dreading having to piece it together later just to understand what they’re talking about now. Ah, such is life.
“Stop it, just call me Twilight. All my friends do,” Twilight said, smiling.
“I know, Twilight,” Mary smiled back. “Though I hope you will forgive me if I won’t hurry to call anypony my friend. I am… very particular about how I use that word.”
Twilight’s smile waned a bit at that.
Suddenly, Pinkie rushed in, almost knocking me out of the way with the door. That was sort of dangerous. “Twilight, you in? Yay, you’re in!” She added a quick “Sorry, Spike!” before starting to bounce in circles around Mary without missing a beat. “And you are one of those humans! I’ve been looking all over for you, I checked every box and barrel in Sugarcube, but you weren’t there! Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”
“Mary. Hello, Pinkie Pie,” Mary replied in a flat voice, extending a hand for a handshake, and Pinkie immediately started wiggling it up and down with the usual ear-to-ear smile plastered all over her face. That smells like a party. I like Pinkie’s parties! Mary doesn’t look like she does, though…
“You need a welcome to Ponyville party!” Yep, called it. “We’regoingtohavestreamersandgamesandpunchandballoons…!”
“Pinkie,” said an unfamiliar voice from behind my back. Strange, I didn’t hear the door open this time.
“…can’tforgetballoons, oh, and music, pinthetailonthepony…”
“Pinkie.”
Mary looked at the source of the voice and waved her other hand at it, while I wondered why am I actually scared to turn around.
“…andpartyhats, oh, andIneedtomakeacakeandgetberrypunchtomakesomepunch, ahaha, seewhatIdidthere…”
“PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!” That sounded very much like the Royal Canterlot Voice. Or at least, the closest imitation you can get without actually using magic to enhance it, no wonder I was scared to turn around. It’s not Princess Luna, and I’ve never even heard of Princess Celestia using it ever since she made Twilight her student, so it has to be somepony else…
“What? Oh, I know you! I didn’t know you were in Ponyville too! What’s your name? It’s not fair to watch all the time and not tell me your name! Tell me-tell me-tell me!” Pinkie bubbled out, switching targets.
I’m not sure which was more amusing, Pinkie’s reaction of unrestrained glee, or Twilight’s look of intense surprise. At least, they gave me the courage to turn around and actually look at the source of the voice. Now that is much more like a dragon. It’s still one of those humans, and still in a dress, but wow.
“Well, I call that reading, but close enough,” the new human replied in the perfectly normal voice she started with. “Hello Twilight, hello Spike, hello Pinkie. My name is Rika,” she said, stretching a hand out towards nowhere in particular. Either Pinkie is now interdimensionally famous – now that would be a fun and scary piece of news – or there’s something extra special going on. And nobody’s going to tell me as usual. Oh well, I’ll figure it out eventually. I wouldn’t be a good assistant if that sort of thing ever stopped me.
“O-o-o-o-o-o-oh. TWO PARTIES AT ONCE!” Pinkie yelled, trying to wiggle the offered hand up and down. Somehow, she only succeeded in wiggling herself up and down against the stationary hand, which finally made me laugh out loud.
“Pinkie… just how do you know any humans?!” Twilight said, and the expression on her face did absolutely nothing to stop me from laughing.
“I think it’s a compiler bug somewhere that affects page protection and layer separation,” Rika replied, looking at Twilight and ignoring Pinkie’s wiggling. “Usually, characters who trip it go outright insane. Pinkie just got really lucky, almost all instances of her are socially acceptable,” she said, and added, looking intently at Pinkie, who was still vibrating in the air. “For suitably small values of ‘acceptable.’ Pinkie. I don’t think preparing a party while holding onto me will work.”
“…Don’t encourage her, I think she might try,” Twilight mumbled, unrolling a particularly thick scroll – the biggest we had in our supplies, I think – and writing something down. Looks like she’s planning to make the legendary checklist of all checklists. Last time she tried, she nearly had a nervous breakdown when she couldn’t decide if it should have a checkbox for itself. I never saw the problem, myself.
“In saner terms, this is what I meant by ‘metafictionally aware,’ Twilight,” Mary commented, folding her arms defensively on her chest, as if to prevent another Pinkie attack. “Pinkie Pie has some access to the underlying story structure.”
“Is that what it’s called?” Pinkie said, finally letting go of the hand and dropping on the floor face first, which actually did not wipe her wide smile off. “I had no idea!” she added, springing back up. “Party in Sugarcube Corner at six. Be there or be rhomboid!” she yelled, rushing past me and out the door. “Seriously, be there, okay?” she added, peeking back in immediately, and vanishing again.
“Wow,” Twilight breathed out, looking over the bookshelves. “She didn’t knock down even a single book…”
“Yeah, that’s got to be a first,” I added. I don’t want another unscheduled reshelving, Twilight makes enough of a mess all on her own.
Mary slumped onto a pillow. “Actually, how exactly does Pinkie Pie finance her parties?” she said. “I really wouldn’t want to commit any social infractions of that kind.”
“Oh, the usual, the regulars and anypony who wants to get invited to a future party chip in when they can. You’d be the guests of honor for this one, so don’t worry about it,” Twilight replied, levitating a couple more pillows around – one for Rika, and one more next to herself, for me. “Pinkie’s surprise parties are the most regular kind of entertainment in town, she’s been doing this for years. Would you like some tea, Rika?”
Rika grinned, showing off teeth. Meh, her teeth are kinda wimpy, I was expecting a full-on Nightmare Moon smile. “Thank you,” she said, settling on the pillow. “I trust my companion here has not bothered you too much.”
“It has been a most …intellectually stimulating discussion,” Twilight replied, pouring tea. Apparently, adopting the refined tone Rika managed to set with just one sentence took her a bit of effort. I bet Rarity will like them. “Though the statements on your origin have been quite extraordinary.”
“Origins,” Rika corrected, picking up her teacup.
“Huh?” Twilight bounced in place.
“We don’t exactly come from the same place. Just through the same door, so to speak,” Rika explained. “I am originally from a completely different story. Not that it matters.”
“Uh… why wouldn’t it matter?” Twilight said, surprised. “Even one new alien world is a fascinating discovery.”
“Every story is about people,” Rika said. “Ponies are people, too. If somehow, somewhere, someone manages to imagine a sapient species that will not be people, this might change. But since such a story would not be comprehensible, let alone interesting to anyone, I doubt this will ever happen.”
“But what about a story where ponies meet bizarre, incomprehensible space aliens, that remain incomprehensible even after it ends?” Twilight suggested. “I know at least one.” I know that one too. She used to threaten me that she would read it aloud if I don’t do my chores. The one time I decided to take her up on it, I couldn’t sleep for three days, and when Princess Celestia found out, she actually gave Twilight a Long Stern Look. Twilight still has a whole book of stories by that author, and they’re all mercifully short…
“That story isn’t about the aliens. It’s about the ponies who met them,” Rika grinned. “Plot devices do not write stories of their own. Also, Pinkie.”
Twilight actually bit her lip at that. “I’m still not sure I can accept the whole concept of every world actually being a story,” she said eventually. “I know for a fact at least one other world exists. Star Swirl’s Third Conjecture implies there are more of them, and you had to have come from somewhere. We don’t have the mathematical proof, but you are here, that’s good enough for now. I can also imagine an existing world being depicted in fiction in another one, I have a few ideas about how that could happen. But the idea that a story about a world and the world itself are actually one and the same on any level sounds preposterous. No matter how well a theory explains things, it’s wrong, if it also predicts things that can be verified to be false.”
Way to go, Twilight! It sounded very convincing. I can’t say I understood it very well, but I always loved to listen to her arguing. It’s one of those things that makes me proud to be her assistant, because she usually wins. I actually tried reading Aristrotle myself and failed, way too many difficult words and all the characters are always politely arguing about really complicated things. These humans seem a lot like them, particularly that Rika one. Twilight prefers to argue about mathematics and magical theory, though, and this argument feels like it might be more difficult for her… They haven’t said “therefore” or “if and only if” or even “necessary and sufficient” even once, so far.
Rika shook her head. “It only does this, if you believe, that by altering the words of a story, you are actually changing it. A story is not the text you are reading, just like the text is not the book. When you decide to alter an existing story, what you are actually doing is creating a new one. That’s how stories form trees.”
“Now that’s just unscientific,” Twilight said, scowling like she just ate a lemon. “A story does not have a separate existence.”
“I suppose friendship doesn’t either, then,” Rika countered, with an obviously fake innocent grin. Sheesh, she’s the rub it in type. “You know, for something rooted in the material world, it disappears surprisingly easily when you stop believing in it.”
Twilight remained silent for a few seconds, and then stared at me for some reason with a blank expression on her face. I pulled back. What, are you expecting me to belch up a letter or something? This is uncomfortable. Eventually, she sighed, looking back at the humans. “I’ve got to see this library of yours for myself.”
“I recommend you reconsider,” Rika said in a serious tone.
“Any particular reason?” Twilight asked, narrowing her eyes at the human and perking her ears up. A strand of hair popped up from her mane.
Rika smiled. “For one, there’s no catalog. At all. Well, there’s a cat, who obviously knows something. But good luck talking him into helping you find a book. Dorothy even thinks that a proper catalog would probably be a paradox, and an improper one would very quickly go out of date, that’s how Unlimited Library works. There is a certain pattern, but it’s not very useful, and it’s been deliberately broken by various parties for practical reasons. Frankly, it’s a mess, and has been a mess since forever.”
Twilight’s eyes grew wider than saucers, with pupils condensed into a tiny point. I never imagined I could see her actually horrified by the thought of a reshelving, but Rika was not finished. “Which leads to the bigger one. If I were to take you there, your favorite princess would be really mad. I don’t particularly relish the thought.”
“Why could she possibly be mad about it?!” Twilight exclaimed in genuine surprise, as another strand of hair popped up. I might have an idea…
“Because you would never want to come back,” Rika explained with a grave expression. “Would you? When there is always an option of just one more book, before you pack up and go home? Really, truly?”
Yep, called it again. It would take both Applejack and Rainbow pulling her by the tail together, I guess. Actually, Pinkie and Rarity might have to join in, and Fluttershy would have to stare her down first.
Twilight visibly deflated, hanging her ears. “…just a peek.”
Mary tugged at the sleeve of Rika’s dress. “Which reminds me. My list. Now is later.”
“Oh all right…” Rika said, suddenly vanishing in a silent white flash.
Twilight stared at Mary. “…Where did she go? What list?!” Her mane was slowly progressing away from neatly brushed all the time since Rika showed up, and that was the point where it finally turned completely frazzled. Explosively.
What worried me was that this disappearing act looked so much like Discord’s magic with the volume turned down to zero. Where did she go is something that you can ask her when she’s back. When Twilight starts arguing with somepony, they always eventually come back to try again. The longest time it ever took was a month.
“Sorry about that. She can be very abrupt… Used to drive me crazy with that, but I got used to it eventually. Should be back in a few seconds,” Mary replied with a well-worn apologetic smile. “I won’t promise my list will make you happy, but it should at least make you less annoyed for a while.”
So, do the incomprehensible aliens have their own libraries?
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The same question my editor asked. :) They will certainly revisit the subject, when Twilight has a chance to come up with her own theory.
I'm reading a story about characters from different story's argue about story's within story's and whether that makes sense or not.
Just wanted to note that.
Can't stop reading omg
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Plus if the incomprehensible aliens do have their own libraries (which presumably they do) does that mean that the 'five quintillion' stories in Rika and Mary's Infinite Library are solely the ones they could possibly understand? What about a third race of aliens who we can comprehend but can also comprehend the incomprehensible race of aliens, a sort of in-between race comprehending and comprehensible to both, do they then have access to both libraries? Or their own? Therefore the 'five quintillion stories' which compose the universe for Mary and Rika are just a subsection of a truly Infinite Library of all stories comprehensible or not (aka the Multiverse), after all a madman can find meaning in what to us is complete gibberish. Does each person really have their own Infinite Library made of all the stories they could understand? A.k.a despite Mary and Rika interacting with and inhabiting 'their' Library together, somewhere in the five quintillion stories are stories only Rika or Mary could see/find because it would be incomprehensible (and thus not a story) to the other?
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Why, in particular, is everyone so worried about incomprehensible aliens?
... Is there something you gentlemen are not telling me?
...Yeah, that can't possibly be right.
If I understand all of this correctly, in this cosmology being fictional is the same thing as being real, and that applies to entire universes. Now, even if a species is incomprehensible to humans and similar people, they can still have a concept of storytelling that is comprehensible to them, which would result in as many incomprehensible (to us) alien universes as such a species could imagine. Exponentially, since stories usually concern societies capable of telling more stories, hence the tree structure.
Nevermind aliens having their own libraries - Rika's claim that all stories in the Library are such that people by the human definition can comprehend and relate to only makes sense if it exists exclusively for narratives concerning human-like cultures, and either can't or won't accept stories told by/about non-people, even if they are generated within its own system. This clearly doesn't add up, and someone like Mary should realize that, let alone a being like Rika.
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You're missing a few pieces. :)
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Something that is not possible to describe in any human or alien language would be incomprehensible, as any language can be translated to any other language. The only way something could truly be incomprehensible is if they have ascended past physical boundaries, past life and death. Such a thought is completely impossible to imagine, as is true nothing. The incomprehensible world consists of things that exist, but don't, and nothing. As nothing is a concept completely and truly incomprehensible, it can not physically exist, which means that nothing is incomprehensible, just as nothing is incomprehensible.
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Sorry, logic hole.
Assuming that the statement “any language can be translated to any other language” is even correct, which is doubtful by itself, imagine a concept so complicated, that a translation of it into English is so long, that it exceeds the capacity of human brain to internalize. That is, requires more bits to represent in any fashion than the total brain capacity.
Is anything written in this language still comprehensible?
ed: strikes me that this should be titled: uses for nonteleportation
If you can teleport more than about twice the width of your own body, or if you can teleport other items any amount, it is already very useful.
Once you get past your body-dimensions, you can teleport through something. This means locked doors stop being an issue. Or, doors in general. If you can teleport objects, you can just teleport a padlock out of its hasp, the pins out of hinges, the screws from them…well, Spike-as-telecommunication/DiarchExpress is another illustration.
A ship into/out of a bottle it could not fit through the neck of…or a globe with no neck at all. Or, to apply this creatively, a safe with no door. (Or, accessing someone else's safe, or if you forget the combination.) Getting into/out of clothes with no means of unfastening, or with bottlenecks too tight for certain parts to get through. Getting a stubborn jar lid or bottle cap off (or back on, or on in the first place without deforming them in-place, even if not screwtop).
And, if you just have some means of maintaining a teleport pattern (Scotty does this at one point) you have a subspace pocket, and I don't think I need explain how that's useful.
Though I didn't come up with them, various applications of the switching spell or other microteleport I've seen in Harry Potter fanfiction:
Putting a potion in someone's stomach/bloodstream for medicinal purposes. This has the advantage of not needing to be able to be digested, not needing to stick a needle in them…
…or something quite fatal, to someone's innards, or even just to their dish without apparently doing so.
This then makes me think of another natural option, the ability to remove embolisms. Of course, this requires unreasonably fine control, or you've gone and pulled a Clutch of Orcus(or, if you're an Indy fan, the scene where they chant "Kali Ma")…which is also a thing you might do with a teleport effect.
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Teleporting yourself twice the width of your own body can indeed be very situationally useful, but if it tires you out for an entire day, you would probably not be particularly interested in devoting the time required to learn it in the first place.
As far as I can see the examples in canon, teleporting other items appears to be harder than teleporting yourself, rather than easier.
Pondering if P-zombies fit this in any way; but I can't cram them into it. If anything, they're closer to the reverse, things that seem to be people but aren't sapient. (And that seem is a large step away from the assertion.)
The easiest way to attain that is by not using sapient in your definition of people, but I feel that concept deserves to be hated as evil. Simply using a species as your definition of people [which is, alas, implicit in many Equestrias' vocabulary with their substitution of "pony" for "*-body" and "person"] means that dead individuals are the reverse; people who are not sapient [any longer].
If there is something beyond sapience to being a person, some outside engagement, then an oracle might fail. But, if it thinks no more than it needs, it can answer any question correctly, and does not desire more than that, where does it fail?
If one attempts to treat personhood as a local variable, that Neo is not a person in the context where he is a battery plugged in, rather than the one where he is a hacker following a white rabbit, then one also has to treat sapience as a local variable, and thus gain no ground toward this strange goal.
Aristotle waxes too eloquent for my tastes; I prefer Plato.
Any story that can get me to literally wax philosophical is favorited.
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There’s a monologue by Rika that is waiting for the day when it makes it into the narrative, that starts with “There is nothing in the world, except people.” Her definition of people is rather inclusive.
Amusingly, canonical material never does the latter, and in fact explicitly uses the word “person” multiple times for “in person.” Whoever coined “in pony” needs to go see iisaw, because they’re probably the same person who decided to use the word “plot” in reference to a pony’s hindquarters unironically.
Canonical use of the “*-pony” -isms, though, is not very consistent. So far my best theory is that it’s a form of linguistic exceptionalism – it is correct in Equish to use pony-isms when referring to ponies and use the -body and -one when referring to mixed groups or other species, and it’s not correct to use any other species qualifier. But not everypony speaks correct Equish.
If this wasn't a story, Twilight might actually be correct. Sadly for her, she's double fictional. Fictional even in a fictional world.
""Stories about ponies are stories about people""
"--Cold in Gardez"
------Rika
-----------Oliver
I didn't know Shirou Emiya had a nerdy brother.