Conversation 25: Rainbow Dash
I don’t think I ever flew a solid obstacle course so fast. I don’t think they make obstacle courses out of crystal anywhere, either, which is a shame, this deserved some spectators. And spot lighting. There’s Ghastly Gorge, of course, and it has those quarray eels, so it’s harder, but I think if there ever was a Canterlot Crystal Caves record, I definitely beat it.
And if there wasn’t, I set the first one pretty high up, so go me!
Twilight’s plan was very simple and straightforward. Fly directly towards Princess Luna’s tower, she’s going to be there by the telescope. If anypony tries to stop me, tell them that what I have to say is for princesses’ ears only, or just punch them in the face. Bring everything and everypony to Shining Armor’s house, while Twilight is getting Cadance out of the cave. The group that arrives first stalls for time.
Then we smoke the bug with everything we’ve got.
Twilight wants to start with demanding her surrender. I’m not so sure.
When I approached Luna’s tower, two Royal Guard pegasi took flight to intercept me. The first one up was a rookie, I could tell by the orange coat color. What’s a rookie doing in Princess Luna’s personal detail? Or did the Royal Guard finally get rid of the regulation dye job? Shining Armor doesn’t sound like the commander who would insist on this sort of thing, but he’s just the right color already.
Well, rookie or no, the orange one got a full speed punch to the face as I barked, “National emergency!” just like Twilight taught me. If he were a unicorn, that would be a skull fracture, but since he wasn’t, he just ended up being thrown down to the ground, unconscious. I’m not sure where he dropped, but I think he’ll be alright.
The second one wasn’t quite so easy, on account of not being an idiot like the orange one. Instead of just hovering in my way, he built up some speed and tried to tackle me from the side. Unfortunately, he wasn’t aware he’s dealing with the fastest flier in Equestria. I could still go faster, which I did – darting just out of reach, right at the moment he would collide with me. He missed, but I’ve got to give him credit, he did manage to grab my tail with his teeth.
That only seems like a good idea. Actually, it seriously distorts the flight envelope, so it brought me sharply under my glide stall speed for low altitudes, but didn’t negate the passive lift. That is, it sent us spinning like two hamsters in a wheel, while still flying in the general direction of the tower at high speed, he didn’t even throw me off course. And guess which one of us two trained for the Wonderbolts since early childhood – me, or that burly guy who joined the Princesses’ mostly earth-bound security force, instead? Yep!
I even managed to time it so that when he finally unclenched his teeth, he was unceremoniously dumped onto the platform next to Princess Luna, his armor clanging on the stone. Not getting up for a while, I think. I was seriously hoping she’d notice how cool that was.
But Princess Luna just kept sitting there, eye pressed into the eyepiece of her telescope. She was actually leaning into the thing. “Princess Luna?” I called out. “I need to tell you something really important!”
She didn’t reply. I hovered in front of her telescope and stuck my tongue out. Th-p-p-p-b-t.
Luna remained there motionless, and I perked my ears up. She was very quietly snoring. Oh for the love of… your sister! “Princess Luna!” I said, louder, shaking her by the shoulder.
Then I shook her harder.
Then, for a moment, I actually blacked out.
Good thing I’m much sturdier than I look. This is not the first time I faceplant through a wall, and usually, it happens at much higher speeds, but when an alicorn princess bucks you straight into the head, the acceleration profile is slightly different.
“…Tis thou, young Rainbow Dash?” Luna’s worried voice said. “Forsooth, I humbly beseech thee to forgive this attack of mine, for I was not aware it was thou. Woe is me, for I was asleep at my post!”
Got to thank Dad once again for this awesome mane color. You can’t mistake me for pretty much anypony else, even at night, it’s very rare to have six colors in your hair at once.
“Never mind that, Princess, we have a situation!” I said when I finally pulled my face out of the crack between the stones. Luna perked her ears up. “We have infi… infil… we have a changeling invasion, here, in Canterlot, under the shield!” I explained, hovering in front of her. “They replaced Princess Cadance! We found the real one, Twilight needs your help and the Elements of Harmony!”
Luna’s transformation from sleepy and exhausted to full warrior princess mode started even before I finished the phrase, like somepony turned a switch. And it wasn’t just the sort of thing I saw during the last Nightmare Night, when I knew she was just very annoyed. This time, she was really out to kill somepony very dead – glowing eyes, bared teeth, mane poofing up to ridiculous degrees and flowing in the nonexistent breeze, everything. “So they played us for FOOLS!” she exclaimed.
“Not so loud, Princess, they might be listening!” I interrupted her as she took a breath to yell something else. Twilight was very serious about keeping the plan quiet.
Luna breathed out and deflated slightly, but remained alert and very obviously angry.
An orange pegasus in badly dented armor rose above the railing of the platform. Gee, he can still fly? That guy has a bright future. “Your Highness, this–”
“Shut up and follow me, private!” Luna spat back, unfurling her wings. “You too, Rainbow Dash,” she added. “We must make haste to my sister’s chambers. Tell me the details on the way.”
✶ ✶ ✶
“I’d say ‘I told you so,’ but now is not the time,” Princess Celestia mumbled.
“On the contrary, I have told you so, and now is exactly the time!” Princess Luna countered, folding her wings as we landed next to the door to the hall leading to the Elements vault. “If I did not take this threat seriously, our predicament would be much worse.”
“And the army wouldn’t be out chasing shadows in the hills!” Celestia retorted, pushing the doors open. Sheesh, they’re just like little fillies.
The only notable feature of the hall was another set of doors on the opposite end, and Celestia immediately galloped towards them, tailed by her sister. “After the Discord incident, the security on the Elements vault is something crazy,” the orange pegasus guard commented, shutting the doors behind us. I think I’m going to think of him as “Orange” for now, this is going to be a mouthful when I have to tell the story to anypony. Asking for his name after I punched him out feels kinda awkward.
“Tell me straight, just how much time are we gonna waste,” I asked.
“Not too much, but… You’ll see,” Orange grinned.
“Ready?” Celestia called out to Luna, taking position to the right side of the door.
“Ready,” Luna replied, taking position to the left. “And I must say this whole setup is patently ridiculous.”
“Says the princess who designed an entire castle around the network of secret passages, traps and hidden rooms!” Celestia snapped back. “On three. One… two… three!”
The sisters craned their necks to slide their horns into two matching keyholes and turned them.
Nothing happened.
“We have to turn them simultaneously, too. In opposite directions,” Celestia commented, throwing a glare across the door at Luna, only to be met with another glare. “One… two… three!”
It was like something from a spy movie. The first set of double doors opened, only to reveal another one. This second set opened too, but instead of sideways, they slid up and down. The third set was some kind of iris, fading segment by segment into the walls.
All the time while the doors were opening, the princesses had to stand there with their necks twisted, staring at each other, and that looked so uncomfortable, that I could not help but cringe. “Told you,” Orange whispered into my ear. I didn’t see any more doors, I was busy facehoofing, but by the sound of it, there were at least two more sets.
“Take the chest, Rainbow Dash!” Princess Celestia shouted at me, her horn still in the keyhole. What, will the doors close when she takes the horn out? That’s really pushing it.
I didn’t keep her waiting, and was in and out of the vault in moments. As I tossed the lid open, one of the necklaces – the one with my lightning bolt on it – lit up and snapped onto my neck, asking for no invitation. I quickly collected the rest of them and Twilight’s crown into my hooves.
“Make haste!” Princess Luna exclaimed, pulling her horn out of the keyhole, which immediately sent all the crazy doors locking again. “We shall follow you momentarily.”
“I won’t let you down, your highnesses!” I saluted. “I won’t let my friends down!”
Now I just needed to be fast again as I made my way towards Shining Armor’s house. Piece of cake.
I’d never, ever, admit it to anypony, but changelings creep me out like you wouldn’t believe. I remember the story of the Fall of Timbucktu. How, in the middle of the battle for the city, King Orion’s Captain of the Guard ordered a retreat, and doomed the defenders – because he fell to the changelings early in the fight and was replaced. It’s bad enough to be that captain, but as I imagine what it must have felt like for his guardsponies…
How do you feel, when you betray your friends, and never even know what you did, until it’s too late? How do you feel, when you don’t even know if they’re your friends or not?
I don’t want to know that. I hope I will never know that. This will never happen to me, because I said so, and that’s final.
“One set of Elements of Harmony, coming up!” I shouted as I flew through the door of Shining Armor’s house, tossing the necklaces and the crown into the air. As the magic in them took hold, they glided gently to my friends.
Damn, we look awesome!
“Excellent, Rainbow, I knew I could count on you!” Twilight called out to me. She turned back to the center of the hall. “Surrender, Chrysalis! You won’t get another chance.”
The changeling leader was in her true form, and that form was hideous. Black, insect-like carapace, that looked like somepony shot her a few times with grapeshot, and then it grew over the scars, leaving oddly shaped holes straight through all of her legs, horn, and dragonfly wings. Piercing eyes, luminous green mane, and the smug Nightmare Moon smile. With real predatory canines. Or is it vampiric? Not sure. Don’t care.
Chrysalis’ smile only grew more smug. “Queen Chrysalis,” she insisted.
“Whatever,” Applejack tossed at her. “Give it up, we still got work to do tomorrow.”
“Shining Armor?” Princess Cadance asked in a small voice. There was no reply. Shining Armor stood right next to Chrysalis, and his face was so blank, that I really wanted to get a crayon just to draw some life on it. So that’s why he never noticed anything, the wicked insect has a spell on him!
Chrysalis laughed with that loud, deep laugh that you only hear in movies. Did she actually practice it for the occasion? Sheesh. “Ah, but the little Twilight Sparkle isn’t going to do it!”
“Oh really?” I yelled, and was met with a stare of those green eyes. Br-r-r. No, you don’t scare me. Creep me out, sure. Scare, no.
“Just ask her!” she exclaimed, and looked at Twilight. “Come on. Tell them. I’m wai-ti-i-i-ing…”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Twilight bite her lip.
“Well, never mind,” Chrysalis grinned wider. “I shall tell them myself. Your little friend, here, believes that I am a creature of dark magic.”
Twilight turned her face away.
“Not corrupted by dark magic, like your Night Princess, not of chaos magic, like Discord. Animated by dark magic. There is a real chance, that using the Elements on me would leave nothing but a dead body, isn’t it. And that would be murder.” Chrysalis said, leaning towards Twilight, almost bumping into her face. “And your little friend has no stomach for murder. You can’t do it, can you? You don’t think you have enough control to just banish me to the Moon, do you?”
Twilight did not answer.
Chrysalis glanced across the room at each of us with a triumphant smile. “The same goes for all of you, I take it.”
Twilight snapped back to stare into Chrysalis’ eyes. “I will if I have to, and so will all of my friends!” she said firmly. Damn right! “But I don’t think I need to.”
As if on cue, the Sisters picked this moment to slam the door open and enter, trailed by a platoon of guards. “I am sure my best student is not quite so easy to corrupt,” Celestia declared. “Surrender, Chrysalis. You are out of options.”
Luna, her eyes all glowy again, concurred. “THOU ART SURROUNDED, FOUL CREATURE. ACCEPT OUR MERCY, OR DIE HERE AND NOW.” A flash of lightning somewhere outside the shield lit us all up with purple light and punctuated her little speech.
Chrysalis laughed. It was a long, drawn out, deep, almost hysterical laughter. I’m pretty sure even the movies wouldn’t let you laugh like that. “So this is how it’s going to be. Remember, ponies, you brought this on yourselves!” she exclaimed, “You shall regret cornering me like that for the rest of your pathetic lives! Canterlot will remember me FOREVER!”
I’m not sure just where the sword came from. I think it was one of those swords hanging on the walls, Shining Armor had a lot. But I’m not sure.
All I am sure of, is that for that brief moment before he fell, I suddenly saw that sword sticking out of Shining Armor’s back, with the point protruding from the front of his chest, right through the red of his dress uniform tunic.
And then the shield somewhere up in the sky above our heads shattered, drowning everything in the loud noise of breaking glass. I’m sure I didn’t hear anything else, at least, because that was the moment when Princess Cadance screamed, and I couldn’t even hear the shield cracking anymore.
I never imagined screaming could be so deafening, but it wasn’t just deafening, there was more magic in it than she could contain. It blew all the windows out and shattered the streetlights outside. I think every piece of glass in the house instantly became dust. It even brought down the chandelier, which narrowly missed Twilight’s muzzle, as she just stood there, dumbstruck. Chrysalis tried to say something else, which would have remained unheard even if she could say it, but a whole volley of magical beams turned the spot where she just stood into a flaming hole in the floor.
Too late. Chrysalis darted towards the fireplace, quick like a snake, and in a flash of green magic, disappeared somewhere up the chimney.
I did everything right.
Everypony did their best.
Twilight’s plan was perfect.
SO WHY IN HADES DOES IT END LIKE THAT?!
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Sailor Moon-damnit, Rika.
7360805
...She didn't do anything!... yet. :)
Well, shit. That is why you don't chat the villain up but just fire the Friendship Cannon before they know what just happened.
No such thing as too many guns. (That's what americans say right?)
7360889 Mary made it sound like everything that's happening is her fault, though. And I think Shining Armor getting impaled counts as 'anything'.
Huh. I like where this is going. Queen Chrysy's not gonna be holding an idiot ball right?
7361026
Ah. Well, indirectly, yes. But along the way, in particular, Fluttershy could have kept the secret and didn't, Mary could have anticipated this kind of plan B and didn't, Twilight could have shot first and didn't, Luna could have seen the threat as the distraction it was and didn't... The blame has hit the fan, so to speak.
7361046
I think I kicked away all the idiot balls that I found... ;)
Whoops!
I'm sure we can fix that nasty sword-through-the-chest you've got going for you there, Shining. Power of love and all that.
Quite an action packed chapter. I really love how much effort you've put into Luna's old-timey speech, lots of authors drop that or at least pare it down after a few chapters, and I appreciate you keeping it up.
Poor Orange. He's going to be the joke of the Royal Guard in Canterlot after this, probably transfer away to some distant northern post...
Ok, I admit I expected Chrysalis's Plan B to be a little more elaborate than "stab Shining Armor and book it," but I can't argue with the results.
Well, it wasn't perfect, for the same reason Twilight lost to Starlight Glimmer all those times later on: Twilight is an untrained hero. Celestia hasn't taught Twilight crap about combat situations, which is why she does things like ask for surrender when wielding a ridiculously cumbersome glass canon like the Elements of Harmony. A perfect plan would have involved activating the EoH the second they were on, and if a being of pure dark magic gets disintegrated, boo hoo. Luna would certainly have done that. I'm guessing Twilight is aware of the comic origin of the changlings, where they are basically mosquitos mutated by a dark magic pool and the skull of a dead unicorn into existence.
Now that I think about it, it really makes you wonder about how much this battle with Chrysalis affects the battle against Sombra. (Oliver, if you tell me there's compelling canon evidence that the Canterlot Wedding was actually after the return of the Crystal Empire, I will weep uncontrollably.) There was zero dialogue or talking with Sombra, it was 100% exterminate as soon as feasibly possible. I wonder if Cadance, down in those crystal caves, was thinking to herself "that mare was funny looking, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt right until she kidnapped me. Next time Cadance, shoot first and befriend later."
7361847
I actually suck at it. I can’t keep the full Shakespearean up for longer than a sentence or two, which is mostly why Luna switches out to more regular English every chance she gets.
I can maintain the archaic and bookish grammar much longer, though. :)
I’m still wondering why nobody is screaming “Code Geass!” at me yet.
The one interesting thing about Chrysalis’ plan, at least the plan that I imagine, is that there aren’t really any all-or-nothing moments in it, just different degrees of success. While the original number one goal was exceedingly ambitious, eating most of Canterlot and bolting with the spoils is still a perfectly satisfactory outcome.
Twilight is aware that changelings aren’t normal creatures, because that bit is surely a matter of historical record, but she doesn’t have quite that much detail, or she wouldn’t have ethics hangups about shooting first.
Everything about changelings that is of consequence to the world at large, beyond Chrysalis’ wishes, really is defined by how exactly they procreate, which ponies don’t seem to know… We also know ponies seem quite willing not to know very sad things, or at least, not to pass that knowledge on.
I wonder.
Thankfully, no, the timeline is crazy enough already. :)
You’re actually missing the fact that the initial appearance of Cadance in the Crystal Empire occurs entirely offscreen. The camera follows Twilight, and Twilight arrives at least a day later.
We never even get told why exactly did the crystal ponies accept Cadance as their ruler so readily. And while I think she is a direct descendant of Princess Amore and probably the legal heir to that throne (there’s no other way to explain how did she get her cutie mark,) that’s not really going to fly very well in a city where ponies suffer from mass PTSD and memory losses, at least, not by itself.
7362140
The Crystal ponies seemed to have general knowledge, they just can't remember their own lives. The one thing they would remember/know is Celestia and Luna. I think if a new alicorn shows up with a crystal heart cutie mark and says she was sent by Celestia and Luna, based on what we've seen of them pretty much all the crystal ponies would bow down on the spot. I mean, they practically worship the heart itself, and Cadance has it as a cutie mark... everything else is just bonus legitimacy. But compare to the way some rando teenage alicorns show up in early Equestria and the three tribes make them princesses on the spot, Cadance's popularity is unsurprising.
That's exactly why they would be so eager to accept a new ruler. The Crystal ponies are deeply in shock, Cadance is basically assuming command of a refugee camp. If they should be scared of anyone, it's Shining Armor. The big armored war-unicorn probably has more threatening associations than another alicorn does.
Well, that certainly complicates things.
Poor Shining Armor, between being mind controlled, stabbed, drained and, in the near future, being infected by mana-draining crystals it really isn't a good year for him.
Yup, I knew Mary's comment about the shield wasn't good news.
A shot to the heart
And you're to blame!
Chryssi you give love
A bad name.
7360997
As an American, I believe the technical term is "Nevah enuff dakka," but your statement still gets the point across.
7363717
...I am pretty sure that technical term would be British, rather than American, if not outright cockney... :)
7363746
I know the Orks were based off of British Football Hooligans, but we Americans do love to appropriate things.
7362140
Well, when you put it like that, you're practically spelling it out for everyone.
7364323
That's the fun part about it: It's still quite inconclusive even if I spell it out this far. :)
7360997 On the contrary, there can be such a thing as too many guns. That's when the people who are shooting at you have them.
On a more sensible end of the scale, I've always been baffled at the people who say "Why do you need more than one gun?" I respond with "Why do you need more than one golf club?"
7387918
I wonder what else is universal. What with Trixie being a tsundere, I'm sure we'll be seeing more and more smugness.
Well, that's one way to deal with Flash Sentry.
Well, who'd have the tragic flaw?
This was the only thing I could think of.
Your author's notes are really good at utterly murdering any semblance of tension.
I wonder if Orange is a Sentry.