“Twilight! You got a letter from Princess Celestia!” I said the moment I came in, waving the scroll. I had to leave Rarity alone with an order because of it… well, I just had to leave Rarity, that’s bad enough! So it’d better be worth it. “Wait… who’re you?” I added, noticing something… someone… by the door.
A dragon in a dress? Nope. No scales, no tail, and no dragon would wear a dress. Not even a female dragon. Maybe. Definitely not a frilly dress! One of the eyes is kind of like a dragon eye. But the other one is a pony eye. What is that thing?…
And one of that thing’s hands – no talons, so it’s a hand – was shaking my claw, kind of like Pinkie does when she finds somepony new, but so much gentler. The creature had to crouch to do it. “Hello, Spike. My name is Mary. I’m a human, though I suppose that doesn’t tell you anything,” it said. The voice sounds feminine, so it’s probably a she…
“Sorry, it doesn’t,” I replied. Never even heard of humans before.
Twilight trotted up to me. “Read the letter, Spike.” An intent expression on her face if I ever saw one, did something happen? Beside someone new in town, that is.
Oh well, I do have one job… lots of jobs, but this is the important one, better get on with it. I rolled out the scroll and started reading. “Ahem… Dear Twilight! It has come to my attention, that two travelers from another world have arrived to Equestria. They call themselves ‘humans,’ and have announced their intention to learn the ways of ponies and teach us about their own. I am sure at least one of them will be knocking on your door shortly, if this has not happened already. Please make them feel welcome. This is neither an official nor a diplomatic visit, so I hope you will try to avoid any undue stress, and take things as they come. It might, nevertheless, be a valuable lesson in friendship, both for you and for them, and I look forward to anything you will have to report about it. Yours, Princess Celestia.”
“From another world? Wow,” I said, looking the human over once again. “Like, from space? Do you have a flying saucer somewhere?”
“No and no,” Mary replied, smiling and stretching back up to tower over me. “I believe the term you would use is ‘another dimension,’ though that’s not quite correct either.”
“How exactly did you know?” Twilight said, looking suspiciously at Mary. “Because I’m sure you knew.”
Mary just shrugged, “I did know that Rika, in her infinite wisdom, left me here, and went to give her regards to Princess Celestia directly. Knowing her, that probably scared off half the castle and resulted in ordering the guard to high alert. When she decides to announce herself, she can get very dramatic.”
Twilight looked a little annoyed for a moment, but then lit up with raised eyebrows and perked up ears. “Wait. This doesn’t add up. Did she teleport straight from here… all the way to Canterlot Castle?!”
Yeah, sounds like kind of a big deal. I don’t think Twilight can manage more than a mile, and she usually collapses afterwards. Actually, what’s the record? Best teleport contest sounds kinda fun, and I bet Twilight would get a ribbon, especially if the princesses don’t enter. Not that there would be a whole lot of competition, few unicorns can teleport far enough for it to be worth the effort.
“She actually left the world and went back in at a different point,” Mary corrected. “If you want to call that teleporting, then yes.”
Well, that’s a clever way to use dimensional travel. I’ll give it seven out of ten.
“Can you do that?” Twilight bounced. “…Can you teach me?”
“No, and no because the second question has the same answer as last time. I can take you out. I can’t guide you back in, miss Sparkle,” Mary responded in a flat tone of voice. Like a school teacher.
I’m not about to regret leaving to hang out with Rarity, really, I’m not. But I am dreading having to piece it together later just to understand what they’re talking about now. Ah, such is life.
“Stop it, just call me Twilight. All my friends do,” Twilight said, smiling.
“I know, Twilight,” Mary smiled back. “Though I hope you will forgive me if I won’t hurry to call anypony my friend. I am… very particular about how I use that word.”
Twilight’s smile waned a bit at that.
Suddenly, Pinkie rushed in, almost knocking me out of the way with the door. That was sort of dangerous. “Twilight, you in? Yay, you’re in!” She added a quick “Sorry, Spike!” before starting to bounce in circles around Mary without missing a beat. “And you are one of those humans! I’ve been looking all over for you, I checked every box and barrel in Sugarcube, but you weren’t there! Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”
“Mary. Hello, Pinkie Pie,” Mary replied in a flat voice, extending a hand for a handshake, and Pinkie immediately started wiggling it up and down with the usual ear-to-ear smile plastered all over her face. That smells like a party. I like Pinkie’s parties! Mary doesn’t look like she does, though…
“You need a welcome to Ponyville party!” Yep, called it. “We’regoingtohavestreamersandgamesandpunchandballoons…!”
“Pinkie,” said an unfamiliar voice from behind my back. Strange, I didn’t hear the door open this time.
“…can’tforgetballoons, oh, and music, pinthetailonthepony…”
“Pinkie.”
Mary looked at the source of the voice and waved her other hand at it, while I wondered why am I actually scared to turn around.
“…andpartyhats, oh, andIneedtomakeacakeandgetberrypunchtomakesomepunch, ahaha, seewhatIdidthere…”
“PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!” That sounded very much like the Royal Canterlot Voice. Or at least, the closest imitation you can get without actually using magic to enhance it, no wonder I was scared to turn around. It’s not Princess Luna, and I’ve never even heard of Princess Celestia using it ever since she made Twilight her student, so it has to be somepony else…
“What? Oh, I know you! I didn’t know you were in Ponyville too! What’s your name? It’s not fair to watch all the time and not tell me your name! Tell me-tell me-tell me!” Pinkie bubbled out, switching targets.
I’m not sure which was more amusing, Pinkie’s reaction of unrestrained glee, or Twilight’s look of intense surprise. At least, they gave me the courage to turn around and actually look at the source of the voice. Now that is much more like a dragon. It’s still one of those humans, and still in a dress, but wow.
“Well, I call that reading, but close enough,” the new human replied in the perfectly normal voice she started with. “Hello Twilight, hello Spike, hello Pinkie. My name is Rika,” she said, stretching a hand out towards nowhere in particular. Either Pinkie is now interdimensionally famous – now that would be a fun and scary piece of news – or there’s something extra special going on. And nobody’s going to tell me as usual. Oh well, I’ll figure it out eventually. I wouldn’t be a good assistant if that sort of thing ever stopped me.
“O-o-o-o-o-o-oh. TWO PARTIES AT ONCE!” Pinkie yelled, trying to wiggle the offered hand up and down. Somehow, she only succeeded in wiggling herself up and down against the stationary hand, which finally made me laugh out loud.
“Pinkie… just how do you know any humans?!” Twilight said, and the expression on her face did absolutely nothing to stop me from laughing.
“I think it’s a compiler bug somewhere that affects page protection and layer separation,” Rika replied, looking at Twilight and ignoring Pinkie’s wiggling. “Usually, characters who trip it go outright insane. Pinkie just got really lucky, almost all instances of her are socially acceptable,” she said, and added, looking intently at Pinkie, who was still vibrating in the air. “For suitably small values of ‘acceptable.’ Pinkie. I don’t think preparing a party while holding onto me will work.”
“…Don’t encourage her, I think she might try,” Twilight mumbled, unrolling a particularly thick scroll – the biggest we had in our supplies, I think – and writing something down. Looks like she’s planning to make the legendary checklist of all checklists. Last time she tried, she nearly had a nervous breakdown when she couldn’t decide if it should have a checkbox for itself. I never saw the problem, myself.
“In saner terms, this is what I meant by ‘metafictionally aware,’ Twilight,” Mary commented, folding her arms defensively on her chest, as if to prevent another Pinkie attack. “Pinkie Pie has some access to the underlying story structure.”
“Is that what it’s called?” Pinkie said, finally letting go of the hand and dropping on the floor face first, which actually did not wipe her wide smile off. “I had no idea!” she added, springing back up. “Party in Sugarcube Corner at six. Be there or be rhomboid!” she yelled, rushing past me and out the door. “Seriously, be there, okay?” she added, peeking back in immediately, and vanishing again.
“Wow,” Twilight breathed out, looking over the bookshelves. “She didn’t knock down even a single book…”
“Yeah, that’s got to be a first,” I added. I don’t want another unscheduled reshelving, Twilight makes enough of a mess all on her own.
Mary slumped onto a pillow. “Actually, how exactly does Pinkie Pie finance her parties?” she said. “I really wouldn’t want to commit any social infractions of that kind.”
“Oh, the usual, the regulars and anypony who wants to get invited to a future party chip in when they can. You’d be the guests of honor for this one, so don’t worry about it,” Twilight replied, levitating a couple more pillows around – one for Rika, and one more next to herself, for me. “Pinkie’s surprise parties are the most regular kind of entertainment in town, she’s been doing this for years. Would you like some tea, Rika?”
Rika grinned, showing off teeth. Meh, her teeth are kinda wimpy, I was expecting a full-on Nightmare Moon smile. “Thank you,” she said, settling on the pillow. “I trust my companion here has not bothered you too much.”
“It has been a most …intellectually stimulating discussion,” Twilight replied, pouring tea. Apparently, adopting the refined tone Rika managed to set with just one sentence took her a bit of effort. I bet Rarity will like them. “Though the statements on your origin have been quite extraordinary.”
“Origins,” Rika corrected, picking up her teacup.
“Huh?” Twilight bounced in place.
“We don’t exactly come from the same place. Just through the same door, so to speak,” Rika explained. “I am originally from a completely different story. Not that it matters.”
“Uh… why wouldn’t it matter?” Twilight said, surprised. “Even one new alien world is a fascinating discovery.”
“Every story is about people,” Rika said. “Ponies are people, too. If somehow, somewhere, someone manages to imagine a sapient species that will not be people, this might change. But since such a story would not be comprehensible, let alone interesting to anyone, I doubt this will ever happen.”
“But what about a story where ponies meet bizarre, incomprehensible space aliens, that remain incomprehensible even after it ends?” Twilight suggested. “I know at least one.” I know that one too. She used to threaten me that she would read it aloud if I don’t do my chores. The one time I decided to take her up on it, I couldn’t sleep for three days, and when Princess Celestia found out, she actually gave Twilight a Long Stern Look. Twilight still has a whole book of stories by that author, and they’re all mercifully short…
“That story isn’t about the aliens. It’s about the ponies who met them,” Rika grinned. “Plot devices do not write stories of their own. Also, Pinkie.”
Twilight actually bit her lip at that. “I’m still not sure I can accept the whole concept of every world actually being a story,” she said eventually. “I know for a fact at least one other world exists. Star Swirl’s Third Conjecture implies there are more of them, and you had to have come from somewhere. We don’t have the mathematical proof, but you are here, that’s good enough for now. I can also imagine an existing world being depicted in fiction in another one, I have a few ideas about how that could happen. But the idea that a story about a world and the world itself are actually one and the same on any level sounds preposterous. No matter how well a theory explains things, it’s wrong, if it also predicts things that can be verified to be false.”
Way to go, Twilight! It sounded very convincing. I can’t say I understood it very well, but I always loved to listen to her arguing. It’s one of those things that makes me proud to be her assistant, because she usually wins. I actually tried reading Aristrotle myself and failed, way too many difficult words and all the characters are always politely arguing about really complicated things. These humans seem a lot like them, particularly that Rika one. Twilight prefers to argue about mathematics and magical theory, though, and this argument feels like it might be more difficult for her… They haven’t said “therefore” or “if and only if” or even “necessary and sufficient” even once, so far.
Rika shook her head. “It only does this, if you believe, that by altering the words of a story, you are actually changing it. A story is not the text you are reading, just like the text is not the book. When you decide to alter an existing story, what you are actually doing is creating a new one. That’s how stories form trees.”
“Now that’s just unscientific,” Twilight said, scowling like she just ate a lemon. “A story does not have a separate existence.”
“I suppose friendship doesn’t either, then,” Rika countered, with an obviously fake innocent grin. Sheesh, she’s the rub it in type. “You know, for something rooted in the material world, it disappears surprisingly easily when you stop believing in it.”
Twilight remained silent for a few seconds, and then stared at me for some reason with a blank expression on her face. I pulled back. What, are you expecting me to belch up a letter or something? This is uncomfortable. Eventually, she sighed, looking back at the humans. “I’ve got to see this library of yours for myself.”
“I recommend you reconsider,” Rika said in a serious tone.
“Any particular reason?” Twilight asked, narrowing her eyes at the human and perking her ears up. A strand of hair popped up from her mane.
Rika smiled. “For one, there’s no catalog. At all. Well, there’s a cat, who obviously knows something. But good luck talking him into helping you find a book. Dorothy even thinks that a proper catalog would probably be a paradox, and an improper one would very quickly go out of date, that’s how Unlimited Library works. There is a certain pattern, but it’s not very useful, and it’s been deliberately broken by various parties for practical reasons. Frankly, it’s a mess, and has been a mess since forever.”
Twilight’s eyes grew wider than saucers, with pupils condensed into a tiny point. I never imagined I could see her actually horrified by the thought of a reshelving, but Rika was not finished. “Which leads to the bigger one. If I were to take you there, your favorite princess would be really mad. I don’t particularly relish the thought.”
“Why could she possibly be mad about it?!” Twilight exclaimed in genuine surprise, as another strand of hair popped up. I might have an idea…
“Because you would never want to come back,” Rika explained with a grave expression. “Would you? When there is always an option of just one more book, before you pack up and go home? Really, truly?”
Yep, called it again. It would take both Applejack and Rainbow pulling her by the tail together, I guess. Actually, Pinkie and Rarity might have to join in, and Fluttershy would have to stare her down first.
Twilight visibly deflated, hanging her ears. “…just a peek.”
Mary tugged at the sleeve of Rika’s dress. “Which reminds me. My list. Now is later.”
“Oh all right…” Rika said, suddenly vanishing in a silent white flash.
Twilight stared at Mary. “…Where did she go? What list?!” Her mane was slowly progressing away from neatly brushed all the time since Rika showed up, and that was the point where it finally turned completely frazzled. Explosively.
What worried me was that this disappearing act looked so much like Discord’s magic with the volume turned down to zero. Where did she go is something that you can ask her when she’s back. When Twilight starts arguing with somepony, they always eventually come back to try again. The longest time it ever took was a month.
“Sorry about that. She can be very abrupt… Used to drive me crazy with that, but I got used to it eventually. Should be back in a few seconds,” Mary replied with a well-worn apologetic smile. “I won’t promise my list will make you happy, but it should at least make you less annoyed for a while.”