//------------------------------// // Conversation 16: Applejack // Story: Aporia // by Oliver //------------------------------// Twilight’s happy squeal could be heard for miles. She galloped straight towards the pile of dusty books in the middle of the library floor – why are they even piled up like that, was there an earthquake or something? – and buried herself in it like a mole without so much as a hello or thank you. “Well, at least somepony’s not having a bad day,” I said. Yesterday, when we were back, I had to apologize to the Cakes and explain that their victory at that National Dessert thing had to be shared with a whopping three other bakers, for no reason other than my friends being gluttons. Twilight smoothed it over a bit, chewing them out for not trusting Pinkie to assemble the cake in place, and Pinkie promised to work several double shifts, so that the Cakes could have a day off to celebrate, so it was settled, but it didn’t sit particularly well with me. Didn’t sound like a good omen for the week to come. Then, today’s morning started with Twilight rounding everypony up for an expedition to the ruined castle where we fought Nightmare Moon. She just couldn’t wait until the weekend. I did not have anything that important to do, so I figured, what the hay, might as well. Rainbow agreed immediately, even though the weather patrol had a night shower to prepare. Pinkie was busy, of course, – she still had to make that cake she promised me, too – so she just told us “It’s dangerous to go alone, take this!” and gave Rainbow a box of something. I swear, that girl is too random by far. Rarity was doing frou-frou stuff with Mary, so she excused herself too, all polite like, but in that voice she uses when she won’t take no for an answer. She’s been itching to get her hooves on Mary ever since the humans showed up, so we decided to leave them to it. Fluttershy was just off somewhere, with no explanation, but none of us expected she’d look forward to this sort of trip, so we figured we’d have to do without her. Rainbow kept goading me the entire time while we were wading through the forest – suspiciously quiet today – and then triggered every darn trap she came across, she just had to turn that into a contest of who can find the most. Many impolite words addressed in the direction of Princess Luna were said by all, including even a few by Twilight. Really, a rotating wall as heavy as a house is too much for a prank, you can hurt somepony that way. And that organ is just creepy. By the time we finally found the library, all three of us had accumulated enough bruises and scrapes to start a collection, and when it turned out we’ve been walking in circles and took the longest possible path to reach it, I was mighty annoyed. Only Twilight’s unashamed squealing actually broke me out of it. “That was fun and all,” Rainbow Dash said, “but what exactly are we looking for?” You have a strange idea of fun, Rainbow, even watching you thrash about under a fallen tapestry wasn’t all that fun. “History of magic, mostly,” Twilight said, popping out from the pile of books and spreading them out around herself like a fan. She’s getting ridiculously good at that. “Have you ever wondered why we eat sandwiches, Rainbow?” “Cause they’re tasty, duh?” Rainbow Dash quipped, hovering over Twilight’s whirlwind of books. “Well, if I’m right, that’s not why we eat them, and the actual reason is very complicated. And possibly dangerous.” Twilight glanced up and adjusted her cloud of books to clear a path for Rainbow. “But to confirm or deny that, I need to find books mentioning natural magical objects found over a thousand years ago. More modern sources can be dismissed, because then, everypony would know about them, I’m betting on something forgotten.” “What can be dangerous about a sandwich?” I wondered. I also wondered if Twilight has finally gone off her rocker because Princess Celestia gave her another stupid test that no sane pony would ever complete. She doesn’t look like it, and the last time she broke was too recently for me to forget just what it looks like, but what do I know. “About a sandwich?” Twilight asked, spreading the wall of books apart to look at me, stacking a few off onto a shelf and pulling ten more in. “Nothing. Nothing special, at least. Maybe a choking hazard. But lots of things can be dangerous about a spell effect that causes everypony in the entire Equestria to think as if they have fingers.” “Well, I sure don’t think like I have fingers,” I said, waving a hoof at her. “See?” “Sorry, Applejack,” Twilight sighed. “It’s more complicated than that, and it’s been eating me all the way since before Canterlot. I’ll explain when I have something more specific than just a blank hypothesis.” I decided that pushing her to explain it right now was probably not very wise. It would just mean we’d be stuck in the castle even longer, while I’d rather be home before sunset. Suddenly, a shrill sound of laughter came from somewhere. “O-o-o-o-o-o-ho-ho-ho-ho!” Feminine, piercing, and carefully tuned to be annoying as a tick. Who in tarnation even laughs like that? Whoever that was, they were nowhere to be seen and I couldn’t even place where it was coming from. Rainbow Dash landed next to me and began scanning the walls and shelves for the source of the laughter with a worried expression, but Twilight just ignored it, surrounded by her cloud of slowly spinning ancient books. “Ahem!” the invisible joker insisted. “O-o-o-o-o-o-ho-ho-ho-ho.” “Quit that and come out!” Rainbow demanded. “…Oh why do I even bother,” the somewhat familiar voice mumbled. “Twilight Sparkle!” she yelled. “Huh?” Twilight said, making an opening in her cloud of books and peeking out of it. “That’s not how you’re supposed to react!” the voice said. Definitely a familiar voice, but I can’t seem to place it. “Let’s try that again from the beginning. O-o-o-o-o-o-ho-ho-ho-ho!” “Wha?!…” was the only thing Twilight could actually say, but all the books suddenly fell down onto the floor one by one. “That’s more like it, thank you,” the owner of the voice finally relented, and a cloud of smoke suddenly filled the air. When it dispersed a few seconds later, a baby blue pony in a pointy hat and cape was posing rampant in the middle of the library, all triumphant like, with a manure-eating grin wider than the one you get if you tell Pinkie you have a party job for her. “Fillies and gentlecolts, say hello to the GREAT AND POWERFUL …TRIXIE!” Next to me, Rainbow Dash did a facehoof. I suppose if I were to express our collective feelings, I would say “Oh bother!” but I was busy facehoofing myself. Twilight coughed. She was right in the thick of the cloud when it went off. “Was that really necessary?…” “Yes!” Trixie insisted, landing on all four hooves and showily walking towards Twilight. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has come to challenge you, Twilight Sparkle, there’s protocol for these things!” “…Challenge me?!” Twilight jumped. “What did I ever do to you, Trixie?” Trixie flashed a timberwolf smile at her. “Shall the Great and Powerful Trixie make a list?” “Lists are a perfectly sensible method of formulating a friendship problem!” Twilight insisted. “This is not a friendship problem!” Trixie threw back. “This is a rivalry problem!” “I never even knew we had a rivalry, Trixie,” Twilight said, making a small step back. Then another one, cause Trixie wasn’t stopping. “That’s the problem, we hadn’t!” Trixie shouted. “But Princess Luna agrees that competition is good for our development, so now we do, and there’s nothing you can do about that this time, Twilight Sparkle!” Oh my, we’re namedropping now. How’d that braggart ever manage to impress Princess Luna, of all ponies? Twilight shriveled slightly under Trixie’s heavy gaze, and her hind hooves bumped into the wall. “P… Princess Luna?!” “Yes, Twilight Sparkle, you’re not the only one who is a personal student of a princess!” Trixie cackled and turned away, walking briskly to the other end of the room. “And the Great and Powerful Trixie has come to challenge you for the right to access this library… Right here, and right now!” She glared at me and Rainbow Dash, adding, “Look, girls, move aside, this is not about you. I’ve never hurt my audience and I’m not about to start now.” “Now just wait a minute here…” I said, making a step forward. Never hurt my audience, my rump. So that time she showed up in town doesn’t count, now? Just who does she think she is?! “No, don’t, Applejack,” Twilight said. “I can take her.” “Admirable!” Trixie exclaimed. “Let’s see if you can take THIS, Twilight Sparkle! You might have vanquished an Ursa Minor, but surely you can’t create one! A perfectly crafted Ursa under Trixie’s control!” I never expected this braggart could actually back anything up, but here she did, right as rain. I didn’t see the glow of her magic, because of her silly hat, but I didn’t need to. There’s no other way an Ursa can float up through the floor, all ghost-like. It was much smaller and actually a bit cuter than the Ursa Minor I remembered. But once claws get bigger than my head, it kinda makes no difference. The Ursa snarled at us, and let out a roar that near blew my hat off. “But that’s not a… oh, forget it,” Twilight sighed. “Girls… Go find some seats, this will take a few minutes,” she said under her breath, her horn lighting up. In moments, she was all covered in that pink shield of hers, the one she used to protect the cake yesterday. Neat stuff. I got caught up watching it and almost didn’t notice Rainbow waving to me from a reading table. When I noticed, I darted towards her, and just in time, too. Trixie’s Ursa went on the offensive, almost touching the hairs of my tail as it passed me. It slammed a claw across Twilight’s shield ball with a loud clanging sound, kinda like a bell. Nothing much happened, except Twilight sliding a few steps to the left and smirking at Trixie from inside. “Maybe when you get this out of your system, you’ll be ready to discuss your problem like a sensible adult?” she asked. “Certainly!” Trixie agreed enthusiastically. Clang. “Trixie always believed, that negotiations are best conducted from a position of superiority!” Clang. Clang. “You see, Trixie wanted to be the designated rival since she first met you. This is the only role fitting for one so Great and Powerful. It would not do for Trixie to be the heroine, all that character development, you understand.” Clang. Clang. Crack. A thin crack appeared in Twilight’s shield, and Twilight hastily magicked it back up, her horn glowing brighter. A strand of hair popped out of her mane. “Not really,” she replied, her voice slightly unsteady. The Ursa snarled and tried to bite the shield, but it didn’t quite fit into that giant pie-hole, so it only resulted in a screeching sound that made me wince. “…And Trixie would be your rival, if it weren’t for those meddling kids…” “Popcorn?” Rainbow said, stretching a hoof with a box in my direction. Yep, it’s popcorn. I wanted to tell her off, because it felt like the most ridiculous thing she ever pulled. But one look into her eyes told me, that if Rainbow believed that Twilight is in any kind of real danger even for a moment, Trixie would be at the bottom of that ravine outside with a broken horn by now, or at least, locked up in that floor trap down the corridor, even if I had any objections. Not that I would. Oh well. I suppose Dash is right about that much, Twilight can handle it. Let the magic girls sort it out between themselves. “Where’d you even get that?” I asked, jumping up onto a chair next to Rainbow and scooping up a hoofful. “Pinkie. I knew it would come in tasty later.” Rainbow Dash replied tersely, and then jumped, sending up a small shower of popcorn. “GO TWILIGHT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! SHOW THAT STUCK-UP LOSER!” Twilight, encouraged by the cheer, put more power into her shield, and it grew bigger just as the Ursa finally managed to lock its jaws around the ball. Oops. The transparent bear let out a panicked wail as it realized it got caught and tried to lift its head – shield, Twilight and all. It did work, but didn’t help. “Give it up, Trixie, I always got better marks in Force Conjuration than… ow,” Twilight said, as the bear tried to rattle the ball with Twilight inside, and she banged her horn on the shield surface. “Can’t we just be friends?!” “This is not a friendship problem, Twilight Sparkle!” Trixie exclaimed, and her Ursa slammed its head into the bookshelves, Twilight bouncing inside. Books scattered in all directions from the strike. “You missed your cue, you should have said that back when Trixie first came to Ponyville! Now there’s no way we can be friends, unless you rescue Trixie from the jaws of death at great personal cost! It’s in the rules! And Trixie is never going to give you the chance, she’s not that kind of rival!” “It is a friendship problem!…” Clang. “aw… And there is no such thing…” Bump. “Aw! …as an unsolvable…” Bump. Clang. “ow! …friendship problem…” Twilight replied from within her ball as Ursa was doing its damnedest to get it out. “Stop it!” “O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ho-ho-ho!” “GO TWILIGHT, GO!” Finally, Twilight decided she’s had enough. She made a tiny hole in the shield somewhere right in the middle of the bear’s throat and stuck her horn in. A blast of magic went right through the entire body of the transparent Ursa and scorched the floor, lighting the bear up purple for a moment, and getting a wail of pain out of the thing. Glancing in Trixie’s direction, I noticed that just for a smidgen of a second, the triumphant smile left her face. I saw another blast, and heard another howl of pain from the magical beast, but I was staring at Trixie, and sure enough, even though she didn’t fail to keep the smile up this time, I noticed a bead of sweat rolling down the side of her head. Suddenly, a hoof slammed into my side. “Come on, you’re missing the best part!” Rainbow hissed at me. Somewhere beneath my chair, I felt the telltale rumble of moving walls and realized that tilting the chair triggered yet another trap. Damn you, Rainbow, not now! Hastily, I leaned back the other way, hard, and in a corner of my eye, saw a bookshelf slam back into place behind me as the trap reversed directions. Whew. I was missing the best part, though. With the third blast of magic, the ghostly bear let out a final scream and faded into nothing, letting the ball with Twilight in it finally fall onto the floor. Twilight magicked away the shield and stood on all four hooves among a pile of crushed, torn and slightly crumpled books, mane hairs sticking out in all directions. Trixie’s grin twisted like a pretzel, her lips trembling. Twilight growled. “You.” Step. A heavy step towards Trixie, her mane progressing from just frazzled to something like a cross between a porcupine and a seaweed. “Destroyed.” Step. “Books.” I shivered. I sure didn’t destroy any books, and that scared me anyway. “O-o-ho-ho?” Trixie’s vain attempt at laughing it off didn’t work very well. Twilight didn’t even bother to continue, she just tossed a blazing bolt of magic at Trixie. But in the last moment, Trixie made a jump to the left… no, to the right… no, dammit, both! The two copies of Trixie symmetrically stared at the scorch mark where the original stood. “Trixie isn’t sure escalation is appropriate at this juncture,” both chorused. Twilight didn’t respond, she just sent two bolts at either copy, one after another. One of the copies caught the blast in the face and crumbled into a small pile of glitter. The other one split into two again. “Okay, that’s enough of that, I suppose,” one of the resulting two Trixies commented, and immediately exploded with a cloud of smoke, sending Twilight into a coughing fit. “Come back…” Twilight choked out, “COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD!” “This point goes to you, Twilight Sparkle!” came Trixie’s voice out of nowhere. “But the Great and Powerful Trixie shall return in the next installment!!” I guess that clearly marks the end of this one show. “Twilight, best unicorn ever!” Rainbow exclaimed, rushing in to hug Twilight, who just stood there, frowning and breathing heavily. “I knew you’d win, of course.” “She destroyed books, Rainbow,” Twilight whined. “Thousand year old books!” “You won pretty darn smooth, though,” I commented hopping off the chair. “If unicorn duels are always like that, you all should sell tickets, I’d bring the whole family to watch. What was that about, anyway?” “No idea,” Twilight muttered. “She tried something like that back when she was in my class in school. I thought she was crazy and ignored her.” “Wait, so you knew her back in school?” Rainbow wondered, finally letting Twilight go and hopping up to hover above the table. “You know, I’m not sure anymore,” Twilight replied, looking at the floor and inspecting the books damaged in the fight. “I didn’t think I could miss somepony quite that crazy…” “Humans talk kinda like that, you don’t call them crazy,” Rainbow pointed out. “They do?” Twilight stared at her. “…You’re right, they do. I don’t want to admit it, but Trixie might actually know something… But how?” “Princess Luna, maybe?” Rainbow shrugged. Speaking of crazy… What’s a trapped chair doing in a library anyway, and how did I manage to pick just the one to sit on? Is Rainbow still messing with me? On a hunch, I kicked the thing, and immediately jumped back. The chair tilted, but stayed in place, and with a low rumble and a loud crash, two shelves moved aside to reveal… well, what do you know, it’s not a trap. Rainbow sneezed in the cloud of dust which blew out of the opening. Twilight jumped, startled by the sounds. “What’s that?” “Looks like a secret room,” I said. “Let’s check it out? Whatever you’re looking for, it’s got to be hidden, not just lying around.” “Good point. That does sound more likely… Thanks, Applejack,” Twilight commented, letting the books she was trying to piece together slowly descend to the floor and making a slight smile. Inside we found a cozy little room, with perfectly preserved pillows – the Princesses sure like their conservation magic, you’d think it would all rot into dust by now like most of the other furniture – and a little lectern with a single book on it. Twilight rushed towards the lectern and almost bumped into the thing. “Journal of the Two Sisters,” she read the title aloud. Whatever you say, this sounds like a prize alright.