Seeing as to how I'm likely to become the most inherently interesting aspect of your dismal, little lives now that you've found me, I should let you know a bit about me:

- I am Hross, The Renaissance Man. I deconstruct proper literature into a whorish quagmire of self-deprecation, reductionist blanket statements, and inane horse-fuckery.

- I'm a 25 year old male. I take showers regularly. That's...not really relevant in any way. I...just felt like sharing.

- I live in Columbia, TN. My apartment complex has been visited by the cops at least four times since I moved in for uhh...well...people cooking meth. I wish I were joking.

- I'm of a Scandinavian heritage...so I don't tan well...like...at all, dude. I think I could even get sunburned by the moon or something. But at least I got me some real purdy blue eyes...*flutters eyelashes*

- I recently (over a year ago) retired from the United States Marine Corps after having served as a machine gunner with the 31st MEU, 2/7, Weapons Company. I did indeed see combat during my tour. So...s-so you better not be a big meanie...or you'll be like...s-super sorry.

- I'm about 6'2" tall and 240 lbs. or so. I more resemble a shaved yeti (Homo sapiens neanderthalensis) than a normal, modern human. (Homo sapiens sapiens)

- I've been to over twenty countries around the world and have publicly urinated in at least ten of them. I also got to see "The Banana Show" while I was stationed at Okinawa. Basically...imagine "The Donkey Show" down in Tijuana but instead of there being a young woman and a donkey...you get a reeaaaally old woman and a banana...you kinda' get the picture. But I sure wish I hadn't.

- As you can probably tell already, I ain't all that interesting. I mean...I once ate like...twenty hot dogs in one sitting on a dare. I guess that's something, right? Meh...not really...fuck...

- Best pony is Rainbow Dash. This is nonnegotiable. Indisputably so. I will block you, if you disagree...because I am a petty, little man with too much time on his hands.

- Let it be known, the following ladies are under my immediate protection: Earthbound Pwny, The Yaoi Mistress, Tentacle Slaphappy, Karmadash, Blue_Storm, FlutterShout 777, The Sexy Assistant, Captain Spitfire, and various others. Harm them at your own immediate peril, seeing as I will administer swift MurderDeath to any who hurt their feelings. Yes, that's weird. And no, I don't care. So, if you'd like to induce a state of utterly irrational, overprotective apeshit rage in a rather unstable man, then feel free to ignore this.

- I write piss-poor stories. But don't take my word for it! Go ahead and read 'em! You'll see what I mean. (I apologize in advance.)

Now then....now that all that business is out of the way, who here wants to see my dingle dongle? What...what was that? An uncomfortably awkward silence? I didn't hear a "no!":

Crush me with your love

Do you like music? Of course, you do. Who doesn't, right? Well, I've uploaded these various amalgamations of organized sounds made intentionally by humans to this Youtube account:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEWoVPwP8eWQ_XzPqfdW5LQ

I'm sure you're all very thankful for this provision of cosmic vomit made from loud noises arranged in a methodical fashion. You're welcome. So very gracious am I, Hross, who serves as your esteemed host of this electronic space from whence the very angels are birthed.