• Member Since 17th Nov, 2012
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RandomGreymane


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A slice of life as Twilight learns that becoming a princess is a lot more than she bargained for. (Note: This is written immediately after the end of Season 3. Cover art is Mandala by Whitestar1802 - http://whitestar1802.deviantart.com/art/Mandala-355858836 )

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 153 )

OhmygoshthisissomuchhappeningthatIcanbarelythinkwowTwilightatealotnowsheissadaboutlivingforeverandnowAJdoesnotwanttoliveforeverbutitisokaynowwheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Dude... SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!!


Dude, you have so many deep, emotional things happening... then they're over in a few sentences. Gravitas, it's a thing. Pump the brakes on the pace, bro.

Applejack's mood shift from the beginning of the chapter to the end feels forced and unnatural. She even gives Twi a hard time about her eating all the stored apples in the second half, despite joking about it in the first half.

AppleJack's a complex character - much more than most people show. And people can turn on a dime. I'll look it over again once I get a chance but there's so much going on that AppleJack's issues are the least of it. As for slowing down - life doesn't and Twilight's life has been altered more than she knows... I tend to write fast when I write so this stuff just kinda falls outta me. But I'll see what I can do. ;-)

Interesting - especially the gorging. If Twilight's physical size is going to grow considerably, her body will need enormous reserves of nutrients. I also suspect that at least a large portion (maybe most) of the nutrients are being metabolised into magic reserves that will see her baseline power levels go up by several orders of magnitude. I wonder if she'll have 'surges' of magical output that she can't control as her power levels start to reach their peak?

Even more interesting is the speculation on her role. The Princess of Twilight, it appears, is the Eternal Element of Friendship (or Magic), every generation binding together the five Mortal Elements into the six-pony group that will defend Equestria. That possible immortality might await the other five is also interesting, although I can see Applejack at least not wanting eternal life if that means becoming more and more separated by time and generations from her family.

I'll be watching for more of this story.

So, basically Twilight overcharged the linking spell? Interesting and I wonder if Rainbow Dash may, in the long-term, experience knock-on effects from the misfire.

I think Applejack's point of view is understandable and I expect that, when they've considered it more closely, the others might have second thoughts too. I suspect that the other five will go through highs and lows as they consider the consequences of eternal life (not 'immortality'; I think that only the alicorns are truly immortal - unable to die except by violence). I expect a few 'flat hair' days for Pinkie, AJ suddenly getting gung-ho for the superheroine's life and Rainbow Dash worrying about life getting boring after she's done every stunt she could possibly do. Pinkie Pie thinking about losing friend after friend and Rarity watching the world go by her as she remains unchanged.

I wonder if there is a cool armour/super-suit to go with being an Element of Harmony?

th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/133/8/1/the_new_royal_guard___wallpaper_by_mackaged-d4zlx6z.png
"The New Royal Guard" by Mackaged on DeviantArt - Thanks!

“You’ve already defeated quite a few challenges in Equestria already. By now no doubt you’ve made a name for yourself already and all but the most dangerous will come calling.”

Erm...would "none but the most dangerous" make more sense?

As if on cue a filly with her mother approached cautiously. “Princess Twilight? Can I have your autograph?” she asked softly.
“Certainly little filly.” replied Twilight floating a quill in the air and signing a picture of herself being held by the filly “There! You have a good day!”
“Thank you!” said the filly happily as she was led away by her mother.

This part was amazingly casual and convenient. Why I nearly burst out in giggles.
Just plain creeped the heck out o' me.

I'd say that the part with Luna randomly appearing was even worse. Clearly the Defenders of Equestria thing was just to make Twilight cast the spell, which nearly gets the Element of Honesty eternally stuck to Applejack, (which was fixed by Princess Luna randomly appearing,) which was all to stir up a little angst from Applejack, which then disappears within the space of a few paragraphs.

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Yeah that's a Derp. I'll fix that when I finish Chapter 3. I've been on meds for a root canal recently so sleeping mostly not typing.

Yeah, Twilight is going to have to be careful with magic; her base power levels are way up so even simple house-cleaning spells will be super-charged. No doubt we'll get some Twiangst from this incident. Luna was right about learning from trial and error is a far more effective teacher than any theoretical discussion but that doesn't mean that Twilight is going to enjoy it.

Thinking about the wings - I suspect that the next major event will be the preening lessons. That will probably be with Fluttershy, although Scootaloo becoming Twilight's mentor in all things wings has a certain cute potential that can't be gainsaid.

Well for good or ill there's Chapter 4. I had some odd cut/paste issues so if anyone notices a missing or incomplete sentence or something please let me know.

I don't think they told you because there are some things you need to learn for yourself, Twilight. You'll be stronger for having to identify and solve the problems as they emerge.

I really think that the time has come to give Inkblot an exclusive interview... a transcript of which should then be leaked to another, rival news agency. Either Inkblot will cover himself with glory or he'll be exposed as a scandal-monger with no respect for demi-divine royalty.

2875195

Depends on what Twilight wants to do. I'm sure she'll figure it out though. :)

2875195 This.

2875399 PONY EMOTICONS LUNA DAMN IT! PONY EMOTICONS! :flutterrage:

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:facehoof:

*gives Chocolate Swirl a muffin laced with pony sedatives* :pinkiehappy:

Oh nononono -- interviewing Ink Blot directly would be such a HUGE monumental mistake for Twilight Sparkle.

its been awhile for this one, I actually forgot about it until I found the update.....here is to future, more frequent updates and more Twilight craziness

That is the consequence of being a moral and mortal (if long-lived) being with great power. You will always fear that you are going to abuse that power. Of course, it is that fear that stops you from doing so but that doesn't make the fear any less.

Oh Twilight you forgot to explain ALL Earth Ponies have magic and could reproduce the same feats as Applejack did, though that's is totally a Twilight thing to forget. Every pony is going to think Applejack is a freak until Twilight makes it clear that she's still a paragon of what it means to be and earth pony and "earth magic" has ALWAYS been part of what it means to be a earth pony.

People (and ponies, it seems) are too easily judgemental about things that are 'different' and they are also afraid of Power. They're afraid of Twilight because of her Power. They're going to be afraid of Applejack because of her Power. As soon as it becomes plain that her apples don't cause mutations/mind control (and possibly with a few judicious political nudges to ambitious/malleable restaurateurs), things should turn around. I also think that Filthy Rich will be of the opinion that it just leaves more for him. It could take a while though and it will probably put some strain on Applejack's relationship with Twilight.

Yet, in the end, as Twilight pointed out, it should have been so obvious for so long that Applejack has Power, ditto all Earth Ponies! I mean, how else do they explain Zap Apples?

But... yeah. I think I know why Pinky was so angry at Twilight. She's known that she's super-powerful for years; that's why she's an exile from her family and hometown. She knows how ponies react to power and she's upset at Twilight for exposing Applejack and forcing her to confront that prejudice.

Just a thought: For a very short window, Applebloom should be able to get Diamond Tiara to shut up by threatening to tell her sister on her.

3154434 Applebloom doing that would likely cause a negative backlash toward Applejack, but it would shut Diamond up until she tells her father.

3155443
Yeah; unfortunately, little ones too often don't consider the long-term consequences of their actions.

3155695 The same can be said for more than a few adults too.

Interesting. I wonder if you were inspired by this picture:

th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/101/e/c/academy_of_magic_by_equestria_prevails-d619rzc.png
Is that little Leaf sitting in the middle there?

I think we've finally seen the Twilight Doctrine in action - she believes that knowledge and education is the solution to most problems. From her speech to the ponies of Ponyville, it is also clear that she's been learning from Celestia about public speaking and motivational oratory. Genuinely believing what you say helps too, of course.

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I actually have never seen that one but yes that could potentially be Leaf in the center there.

I know Tia wants Applejack to start a school but Applejack's life is pretty full so if it were to happen very likely someone would either have to take over the farm or someone would have to run the school. Depends on the results of her students I guess. Potentially she could end up with interns running the farm so to speak. Have to wait and see I guess. :twilightsmile:

Bah, forget about decorum. You can always be 'the crazy one'. :twilightblush:

ehhh

wat ????:rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:

I've got the feeling that Celestia is deliberately pushing Twilight towards destruct just to see how she handles stress. Maybe this is not a nice thing to do but it may be better to do it in a controlled fashion than wait until it's a real crisis and only then finding out if she can hack it of if she'll just melt down.

Okay, just re-read the last bit. It looks like Twilight is messing with the wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff. So long as she's careful and conservative, things should be okay but (and let's be frank here) since when has Twilight been careful and conservative when she's under pressure? Still an infestation of Time Bats might teach her not to take stupid risks, to learn to tell the Princesses to jump in a lake if she's got personal time set aside and, most importantly, to not try to handle everything herself.

I'm enjoying your story so far but you seem to be using two names for the same character, Inkblot and Inkstain. Looking forward to the next chapter in this great story.

I hope Twilight doesn't try to place all the blame onto herself but I'm sure her friends will help her pull through.

This is one of the most complex treatments of Luna's nature and powers that I've read recently. The fine line between dreaming and the edge of death is interesting. Luna's motivations for her interaction with Twilight were also interesting. You get the feel of how old she is in her willingness to do what others would consider evil but she regards as necessary to teach a lesson better learnt now.

I think that, whilst Twilight is right to feel guilty, for Inkstain's actions were indubitably caused by her punishment of him, I don't think that she can claim full and personal responsibility. In the end, he could have taken his punishment and learnt from it. He had been trotting down this path for a long time and, sometimes, when the consequences come due of our actions, it is the hardest test of all to endure that. He chose not to endure it and instead chose the final and absolute escape from his consequences.

On a side note, Random, do you believe in reincarnation? The conclusion of the dream sequence would suggest that.

Meanwhile, Twilight seems to be tempting Time with her need to be in many places at once. That the two oldest alicorns are once again choosing not to restrain or even to advise tells me that this is another lesson that they want Twilight to learn.

3890083 Am I? Am I really? I'll be sure to make a note of that. :twilightsmile:

3890108 I do indeed believe in reincarnation. I don't think the universe could work any other way.

And thank you for the comment. :twilightsmile:

3890083

Corrected: I'm going to say I was away from my notes.. Eeeyup. That's my excuse and I'm stickin with it! :twilightsheepish:

She excepted immortality far to easily.

I am honestly surprised that this story has so few likes. This is exactly the kind of thing I like to see done with Alicorn Twilight :pinkiehappy:

4022757 Thank you. :twilightsmile:

I think the reason I don't have many likes is simply how poor my update schedule is. My job requires 10 - 12 hours a day minimum and then there are family issues involving the usual stuff plus things like my daughter's autism. Makes for a full load. I love writing but sometimes I'm sooooo tired that I just don't have the energy to do much but chores and sleep.

In the end it makes me feel really really lame. :pinkiesad2:

4032327
As a diehard fan of Luna, and of "Twilight learning to be a Princess" stories in general, I have to say I'm hooked on this one. I'm with 4022757 , it's surprising this doesn't get more love. If you'd like a little more exposure, consider submitting it to more groups than just the one. For instance, the Twilestia and TwiLuna groups (and Twilunestiance), while generally dedicated to shipping, both have folders for Platonic / friendshipping stories, which Becoming Twilight definitely fits. Twilight is Best Pony, Badass Twilight, Alicorn Twilight, etc. would all show off this wonderful universe you've created to a wider audience. Just a thought. In any event, great job so far, and I'm definitely looking forward to more!

4034175 Thanks for the suggestions. I actually have taken one of them and added Becoming Twilight to the Alicorn Twilight group. Hopefully I will have more time to focus on writing soon as there are some things changing at the office but for now I update and write as often as I can.

dreaming of a relaxing rest in a meadow of flowers.

That seems redundant. :trixieshiftright:

Still, a nice little chapter.

HEY! Applejack stuck me with the bill!

Applejack is worst pony.

4230970 You've never dreamed you were sleeping? Or relaxing somewhere? Or had a nightmare about waking up to a world where something has gone horribly wrong (I keep dreaming that the date has changed and I missed tests or papers and whatnot). I love sleep so much I dream about it when I'm awake! :pinkiehappy:

This is an AWESOME :rainbowdetermined2: little story I wonder why its not more popular:derpyderp2:.

P.S. Also cant wait till the next chapter to see what has Twilight messed with in the time loop again :rainbowlaugh::twilightblush:

Love! Fave for sure :trollestia::twilightsmile:

The "alicorn metabolism" thing is now canon ( :pinkiehappy: ) but your reasons for it are extremely interesting. Kind of reminds me of the Eleventh Doctor's first night or so. Remember the whole "searching for something he could eat" thing? :rainbowlaugh:

As a matter of fact... wait a second. I bet I can find it. To YouTube!! :flutterrage::raritywink:

:pinkiehappy: Got it!

Well, that was all kinds of dumb. You rewrote Equestria's population to be so oblivious and incurious that they hadn't worked out the earthpony gift for growing things was anything but natural, just so you could run your 'being a Princess kinda sucks at times but you can work around it' plot. I mean, the gardening school scene was adorable, but you just trampled all over things to get there. It's so ... clumsy. Like taking a newspaper editor/owner with mysterious motives and an apparent bone to pick with Twilight, and turning him into the kind of thug whose employees pick on small children, just so Twilight could make the problem go away in a simple, straightforward manner rather than, you know, engaging with the fellow and trying to find out what had gotten his back up so badly.

It seems to be a recurring theme in your work on this story - interesting ideas but clumsy execution, from basic grammar and punctuation errors, to how you write dialogue, to how you're structuring the plot. Every time I settle down with your writing, and start to think, "This is flowing nicely now!" ... something gets mishandled, and all that momentum goes *thunk* into the ground.

The sad thing is, I'll probably keep following this just to see if you get yourself sorted out, because when you're getting it right this story's very interesting.

Okay, this chapter's building a LOT better. Temporal hijinks incoming!

MORE YOU MAJESTIC FUCKER MORE

Several interesting incidents here. I'm wondering if Twilight's illness was due to her time-skipping rather than any malign agency - the laws of time and space are not violated at a whim and always exact their price.

It's interesting that Applejack and the others chose immortality because it was the price to save Twilight's life. If there was ever a proof of the power of Friendship it was this. However, it is odd that AJ seems to have been the one who called to her the loudest. Why is it particularly interesting? Because it was AJ who was first to let Twilight unlock the deeper powers that came with her heritage. There might be a significance to the Twi/AJ partnership that we've yet to see.

Finally: Scootaloo = cute. Really, really cute and determined to help in a way that makes me wonder if Twilight has already found one of her councillors or guards for two decades in the future.

Now all we need is Sweetie and Applebloom to come and CMC up Canterlot. The fun that would bring...

So, all 5 chose immortality, than shaved off a piece of that to save Twilight. Interesting, though what that means... Still, no hint as to what the heck actually happened.

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