• Member Since 17th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 11th, 2020


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ooh, discord, yes, I'd like to talk to you on discord

Hah, well I'm used to teaching a lot of children and young adults so your stroking ego comment was taken a bit more literally than you might've meant. Your environment conditions you, so I'm used to encouraging and don't allow students to break themselves down with comments. You become what you tell yourself after all.

I agree, the romance was cute and as previously said just a bit rushed with all the adventuring. Kalypso also happens to be my favourite character, so clearly liking something and getting invested in it is the way to go. I'm actually glad you like your own character and she is so well written, often we hate our own creations and don't do them justice.

You're always more than welcome to ask me questions, opinions or just random things if you feel like it. I have no issues replying when I can whether over a PM, on discord or in comment form like this. Life is more interesting with interactions, so I welcome all interactions to make life less dreary and more interesting!

I meant the ego-stroking thing as a joke, since I felt like I asked too many questions. But thank you for your feedback. I personally think that the romance was probably the weakest part of the story (but I wouldnt say its bad... I think its really cute) and Honeydew the weakest character. I like Kalypso the best, especially trying to build an air of mysticism around her, never really revealing the extent of her power... and kind of jokingly suggesting at times that she may actually be aware of everything! I like that that would be a possibility she herself would raise, whether its true or not :P

oh, god, i must sound like the most narcissistic person ever, gushing over my own character...

Feedback and different viewpoints is always a good thing in all creative arts for personal growth. So rather than stroking your ego, by asking for others thoughts you're inviting potential clashing views and negativity along with possible ego stroking which is a lot braver than simply asking for praise! Also I apologise, but I tend to be long winded when I give feedback, which is a consequence of teaching music for a living.

Honeydew wasn't flat like a lot of original characters, he has faults, flaws and good qualities. And though I can see Twilight falling for him slowly in a less stressful time, it does feel a bit like their current relationship is built around a lot of high and low points. They went from strangers to friends and beyond quite quickly and always preceded by either adrenaline after surviving an encounter, making it through hunger, travelling or simply being exhausted. They never really had the chance to have any true normal day to day routines together, no slow courting without stress either before or after adversity. Which is never a good start for longevity of a relationship in my opinion. Once the adventure is over, will they truly like each others normal boring selves?

There is also a lot of unresolved issues surrounding Honeydew and his family, which both the readers and Twilight don't know about, so that makes it very hard to judge if the relationship will fail, if they will work through it now that Twilight is almost bound for home or if it will just dwindle away and be bittersweet memories for them both.

But all in all, your characters have depth which make them easy to get into. Not all issues have to be resolved for the reader, spoon feeding us makes the story predictable and boring after all. Your writing has an easy to read flow to it, and we both share a similarly structured language besides English - German and Afrikaans are both very similar in structure, if not vocabulary-, so if you made any glaring mistakes I simply didn't pick up because it read naturally to me. All I'd like to really see either in the story or in a sequel is all three: Twilight, Honeydew and Kalypso have a bit more bonding without the highs and lows of survival forcing them closer and that they have a chance to get closer naturally in a more slice of life fashion.

Thanks again for writing I really have been enjoying your story, I hope you get something positive out of my views and ramblings.

Since you dont appear to mind my rampant need for ego-stroking... XD

Any thoughts on the romance? Did you enjoy Twilight/Honeydew? What about Honeydew alone? Any lastly, what do you think I could should improve. I dont need anything in hreat detail, a "this part i found a bit lacking" is already good info ;)

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