Final Author Notes
Note: this is all written not only off the cuff, but onto fimfiction directly, so any typos are whatever, and I don't care enough to have perfect grammar and junk.
Sometime around November, 2011 (give or take), I was driving home from school after a long day of classes. It is a thirty minute drive, and the radio wasn't playing music at the time, so I was stuck with thinking to myself. My thoughts wandered to ponies, and the various things that come with such thoughts (heh... Pinkie wearing a tutu). However, one of those thoughts was this...
Me, "Hmm... I wonder what would happen if fully grown adult Spike fought Discord?"
Now, the answer is that Spike would be completely slaughtered, and he wouldn't stand a chance. But what if something happened that cut off most of Discord's "superpowers", putting him on a much more even field. I imagined all of the visuals that would go with it, the moves that each would do, how Spike would use power while Discord would use speed, etc. My next thought was...
Me, "Hmm... what would Twilight think about this event?"
Answer? She wouldn't. She'd be dead. Dead dead dead. I go by D&D rules when it comes to dragons in MLP, and according to that, dragons don't become adults until they are over one hundred years old (with the most powerful great wyrms being over twelve hundred years). This said, Twilight would be long dead after this time. But what if she wasn't? How would she think of it then?
And that was how the story was born.
From the beginning of the story, I knew that I was going to have the girls leave their time, do their deal, then come back to their own time. Keeping them in a post-apocalyptic waste (even with things all nice and good again) didn't really sound like a real happy ending to me, so I decided to make it this way. How? I had no idea at the time. I knew that it was going to be a temporary thing, and that Discord's magic was going to be blocking them from traveling back, but other than that, I didn't know.
The biggest thing keeping me from actually touching on the subject (other than that the fact that it never really came up in character dialogue) was the whole idea of the "Grandfather Effect". If I were to have the girls go forward in time, do their deal, come back to the past, then finish off Discord, then shouldn't Discord have never have taken over the world? Wouldn't that make sense? I didn't think of a good reason to "beat" this until around chapter 30: not only did they go forward in time, but they shifted dimensions.
Here's how it works: you have universe A, B, and C. Universe A is the one that the M6 started. When they were thrown in time, they were thrown ~1500 years forward in time, and also shifted into universe B. This means that anything that happens in this future universe won't affect universe A, and so they can do whatever they need to do. When they finished, they were shifted back to universe A, where they saw themselves leave.
But what about the universe B ponies? They were also shifted forward in time, but they were also shifted into universe C (universe C ponies were shifted forward and into universe D or something. Doesn't matter). However, they ran into a snag or some bad situation, and they failed. Spike didn't become Sarlaka, Pinkie didn't get away from Xavier, Fluttershy was clipped by the stallions, any of the ponies died, doesn't matter. That happening, they never got back to universe B, and so because of this, universe B was left without any Elements of Harmony forever. Universe C got new Element bearers after the original M6 all died, so they still have that.
Here's the map I drew with my touchpad, microsoft pain, and about 45 seconds.
There were a lot of scenes in the story that I couldn't get to that I really wanted to. I never wrote them, but I felt that there was a lot of content that could've been explained in these. Many were because they never would make sense in the dialogue that I made, while others were just because I decided to go a different route. Here are some of them:
1) Spike telling Twilight in further detail about how he killed the entire dragon race, because Discord told him to.
2) Spike joking to Twilight that his first sexual encounter was with the last female dragon. When asked how it went, Spike says "apparently she took the whole extinction thing poorly, for when I woke up, she was trying to gouge out my throat."
3) Spike explaining more about Sweetie Belle's theory about the diamond horn, and how she realized it might work.
4) More about what happened to the rest of the background character (especially AJ's family).
5) Something talking about the "Grandfather Effect" going on.
6) When they all get back, AJ making the comment "Wait, so Fluttershy and Rainbow have each other, Twilight and Pinkie have each other, and Spike and Rarity have each other... AM I THE ONLY SINGLE ONE LEFT!? That's it, I'm kissing the first stallion I see!" 1st sees Big Mac. 2nd sees the old geezer of a stallion. 3rd sees Hugh Jelly. AJ sighs. "Eh, being single isn't that bad."
If there are any questions you had about the story, ask them now! I'll get back to you as quickly as possible!
And now, because some people wanted it, I'm posted my entire outline for you guys to see. As you can see, the beginning part is much more disorganized as the later part. This is because I found myself wanting much more structure in my story than I was trying to give. Also instead of merely hitting the major plot points, I started putting in important movements, dialogue, and such like that. Finally, if you look carefully, you'll see that some parts don't line up with the story exactly or are missing. A big example of this is the entire scene where Rainbow is talking to herself after realizing she slept with Fluttershy. All of Rainbow's impersonations weren't written into the outline, and I actually came up with the idea off the cuff.
Why post this? 1) Because you asked, and 2) this might help others with making their own outlines.
Thank you everyone for reading, and I hope to see many of your friendly faces again soon!!!
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Sounds about right actually.
hmmm, pretty interesting stuff
I've studied time travel theory before. I actually wrote an essay about it. I understood everything perfectly fine until you tried to explain it!
I always love reading how other authors write their stuff! Great detailed outline there... gives me a few ideas on how to improve my own method.
Just curious. Are you going to write a 'sequel' with your altered future mane cast, or is it just over? Not gonna complain either way. I honestly am most curious on how Rarity is gonna cope with her new horn in the peaceful world. And how other ponies will react to it.
1889424 Let me try to
make sense of this messsimplify it. (It's my job.)This isn't pure time travel. While time travel was involved, at the exact same time they moved forward, they also moved "sideways," into a completely different Equestria. Their own world was saved by themselves about a minute after Discord zapped them the first time, so it never became the "World of Chaos" at any point, ever. The Mane Six from the universe they landed in were also flung forward and "sideways," but the difference between them and the ones we followed is that they failed at some point, never returning to the past and their own world, thereby allowing the events of the story to happen. While this is a bit complicated, it means that our Mane Six didn't create a paradox by defeating Discord and nullifying their existence in the altered future.
1889655 Well, that made a little more sense. I suppose that explanation will do.
1888848 Saw the typo, and was going to change it, but then I realized that it was much less a typo, and more the truth.
1888996 That's what I'm here for
1889424 That's because I suck at explaining shit.
1889569 I think not. I like the story where it is, and any sequel would just turn into drama city and romance fluff. Definitely not the same mood as this story at all. However, I MIGHT eventually do some kind of story that follow's Spike's life as he becomes Sarlaka. Unlikely as well, but much more of a possibility.
1889655 Yeah, what this guy said! Now, if only I could find a way to explain Spike in the prologue... (my story is that that is Universe B, and I'm sticking to it!)
1889728 Obligatory reply FTW
This is intentional.
And... When you used RCC on the outline, I jumped off my chair.
So basically, it was DBZ time travel but instead of different timelines we have different universes, pretty easy to understand if you ask me.
1940181 Yeah, I'm well aware that the story quality went from ew, to great, then back down to good again. Honestly, it was because I sucked in the beginning, both myself and my editor got much better in the middle (and I found out how to write!), and we both kinda got tired and lazy at the end. Not that I didn't want to finish it, but well... it had been a full year since I started the story.
And what can I say? I like to outline!
1995362
Holy crap, that's a long outline!
Anywho, final thoughts:
I really enjoyed the concept. It was very interesting, and I really enjoyed the world-building you did in, what did you call it, Dimension B. The way things had changed over those nearly 1500 years was quite believable and very interesting.
The way you handled Sarlaka/Spike was also excellently done. You played off his relationships with Twilight and Rarity wonderfully. His backstory with the CMC, though, was very touching and equally impressive.
However, my inner critic was very angry at you. Luckily for you, he stays locked up while I'm reading unless my inner reader gets mad too. But yeah, numerous examples it's/its confusion, lots of time where there'd either be an extra word or a word missing, a few other grammar mistakes scattered throughout, and the occasional spelling mistake. Additionally, the diction seemed a bit wordy at times. But as I implied, my inner reader was content, so it wasn't too detracting from the story-telling.
Now, however, for my biggest gripe. You done forced not one, but two ships. I expressed my thoughts on the matter before, so I'll try my best not to just repeat them. I do recall mentioning that romance is a really important thing. I mean, the idea is to build a very close relationship with someone. Find someone you can trust emotionally. And maybe even finding the person (or, in this case, pony) you're spending the rest of your life with. So, yes, while physical attractions usually start the whole thing off, it quickly moves beyond that if it's a serious relationship. That isn't to say the physical stuff doesn't happen, but the emotional stuff and the relationship-building takes firm control. There's also a fair amount of emotional build-up in one or both of them before the relationship even takes off. However, in this story, uh, well, none of that happened. You just kinda threw them together and that was that.
And this is why I wish I had an easier time you telling you what I liked. I'm always able to voice my criticisms better than my compliments. Because my compliments are more numerous than my complaints.
So, if the forced romance had been replaced with friendshipping, this story would likely be competing for top 25 (of nearly 300). However, given the forced romance, I have no idea where it will end up. I'd like to think top 100, but I won't be making any promises.
If you ever feel like it, perhaps you should go ever this story with an editor or three and find all those grammar mistakes. And maybe even rewrite stuff to replace the romance with friendshipping. Or try and write the romance better. Or maybe I'll just read your newer stuff to see what lessons you've learned.
So, yeah, nicely done overall. It had its share of issues, but it had its share of positives too. No regrets reading (except for that one time I threw things all across the library
).
Cheers!
Welp, hi guy, I just finished reading this story. (In one sitting!)
It gave me feels, man. I salute you. And the mention of pickled onions made me want to reread the beginning, because I felt like I missed something, bur recognized pickled onions.
Enough rambling. This was indeed a wonderful story, and you ended it in such a perfect way to stop even my incessant cries of sequel. Oftentimes I want one just for aftershock interactions that authors here often leave out. You handled that quite nicely though.
Enough mindless praise, go write or something.
You like to toy with emotions don't you?
With the way you make both Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow (to an extent) and with that sad thing you prevented... (Insert Sad Rainbow here) I felt a roller coaster of emotions and hatred toward Discord a lot during this story. FlutterDash is a good thing in any story :D but Twipie is a new one for me. I prefer Twi Dash, but the amount of Dash Ships I support is astonishing.
A story of these emotions needs a happy ending.
I was on edge the entire time and the soundtrack I had on repeat for 99% of it, made it 20% epicer....
Good job
Sir. I must tell you. That has got to be, by far, the BEST story I have ever read. And that's saying a lot, as I've surely read over 50 novels ranging from Harry Potter to the Hunger Games to even the Twilight Saga. But THIS. No story has ever kept me on the edge of my seat in suspense and terror before. The characterization amazing, the intricate plot creative, innovative, and believable, within reasonable MLP bounds (i.e. magic, dragons, talking anthropomorphic ponies, etc.). Never before has MLP seemed like such an exciting, suspenseful, more adult entity. I pray that this becomes animated as some sort of alternate canon for older audiences, and I assure you I would watch every minute of it in a heartbeat if it were. I would be as giddy and excited as possible were there another novel of this magnitude in a sequel, perhaps focusing on the newly found love between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy (not only simply because I myself am an avid FlutterDash supporter), and I feel there is definitely more that could be built upon between Pinkie Pie and Twilight. I wouldn't expect nearly the level of suspense and action as the original, but I would enjoy it simply for the character building and story of the characters after the ordeal, between FlutterDash, TwiPie, and the diamond horned Rarity and Spike. Maybe a little focusing on Rarity reacquainting herself with her magic? In short, I feel this has a very potential future for expansion, and I myself couldn't name a better story that I have ever read. Definitely 20% cooler than anything else. Also. Rainbow Dash is best pony!
2866442
Helicoprion
3170931 I would like to point out that I haven't logged into Fimfiction in about 3 days, and I find myself smacked into the back wall with notifications of this.
I find it hillarious!
Jsus urging, (< meant to be Jesus Christ, my spellcheck is so retarded )
that's a crap load of comments!
are people posting a comment per chapter?
Well, you have waited long enough for this I suppose!
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
3441780 Didn't you already finish this story!?
3441830
Well duh! But when it comes to a good story I am one of those people that will actually read something more than once and hey sometimes you see something new or see something in a different light. In this case mostly just getting reacquainted with the awesome. Makes me wish there were more stories based off of characters as they have been changed in this story. I just keep thinking of the characters you wrote and how they are ripe with story ideas even if the next set of stories would likely not be so epic. Even the more mundane episodes could be turned around a lot by the experiences with these characters.
For instance with Pinkie we now have a character that is willing to change to impress Twilight (by the way Twilight has yet to see hardly any of it think of the surprise especially if she finds out why), she has the drama with her parents, and her legs could be a constant source of frustration as she tries to get back to what she used to be.
I even tried thinking of ideas to tie it all together but then I remember that my time and comfort for writing (as in my comfort of physically typing) is sadly lacking so those ideas are just confined to the part of me that likes thinking of stories based on other stories that I read. This is not the only story that I think about but this is one of the ones that I think about a lot.
4201257 Imagine if the apocalypse occurred today for X Y and Z reason (not entirely important), leaving... let's say 10 million humans left on the planet. However, all tech was destroyed. While 2500 years is way in the future, do you really think that they would have advanced farther than we are today? I say no.
4201282 Because I am a poor artist and instead blatantly stole this picture from someone.
4204579 What I'm trying to say, is that If ponies evolved at the same rate humankind does, then why do they have much more sophisticated....Things than they shoul?
~Wywint
4205654 All I said in this chapter (unless I read it wrong, it's been a while) is that Sarlaka has been in cahoots with Discord for 1100 years. Other than that, I don't think I mention anywhere else.
That said, I reread your post, but where did you get that 2500 BC date from? Confused on where you got that.
4206209 I won't comment on 1 and 3, but 2 is a reference to Sonic Rainboom... you know... the episode?
Pretty sure Fall of the Rising and this story both took it from there (just for the record, this story came out much much earlier than that story).
4205746 rounded a little.
~Wywint
4205820
...That's the idea.
4205820 4206650
You're an idea! So ha!
4206653
Lick.
4206659 Considering I introduce myself with "lick" all the time to my friends, my current skype name is "Sir Licky," and one of my default character names for games is "Das Licky," you are not allowed to take this from me.
4206795
LICK
4217320 I think of this over a bottle of Blue Moon, and I don't get paid because I'm not cool enough
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4431171
4433182
jet25.hasweb.com/~paulcas/smilies/thread-resurrection-PTL.jpg
4445177 I wrote this story while Season 3 was still not a thing. Maud Pie didn't exist back then.
4445178 I wrote this story while Season 3 was still not a thing. Maud Pie was didn't exist back then.
When I finished the story I wondered why there wasn't a romance tag, then realized there wasn't enough to justify it. I think you really should either have a lot of romance and then put the tag or have none at all. I wasn't expecting romance to appear halfway through the story and was quite annoyed by it.
The story itself was pretty good, though the writing could have been better in some parts, mostly when explaining the character's thoughts.
Should definetly have a dark, tragedy, or sad tag. Could've managed without, but chapter 19 was quite in the range of those tags.
Your world building skills are very impressive. This was a really great fic, with a nice balance of romance, adventure, and action- which is incredibly hard to do without overloading or underloading on one or more of those aspects.
I'm not particularly involved in the MLP world, so the romance here worked for me. Reading it as an adventure novel- I think of the romance more as light hearted counterpoints to break up the action, which I thought you used pretty effectively. Spike was handled incredibly and the dialogue was definitely one of the really strong points of this fic.
All in all, a fun way to spend a few hours. Thanks!
I don't normally review, but I was a little shocked by some of the negativity that was present in the reviews, so I wanted to present a counterview.
Boom. Second read through.
Can't get over this epic tale. Right on.
noice! epic read!
ps. its all about that appledash not flutterdash