• Member Since 17th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago

ShotgunWizard


i'm a wizard with a shotgun......that's it.

T

Discovering that he's living on borrowed time, Discord decides to pass the torch. After magically enchanting an item to find an heir worthy of becoming the Lord of Chaos. An unsuspecting human is magically transported to Equestria to become one of the most powerful beings in the world. How will Equestria handle Discords replacement? Will Celestia and Luna be strong enough to face this new foe? Can the mane six overcome this new challenge? I don't know. However, the real question that needs to be asked. Can their world handle the insanity that is humanity!?!?!
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Thanks to Darwin4 For editing!!!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 175 )

The title is cool and I like the cover art. The idea could use some work (for example, you could make it so a pony, preferably from the canon show because you dont look like a writer who could pull off OC's very well; is chosen to be the heir) but the general idea is pretty awesome.

The idea of a new heir to chaos sounds interesting. And I noticed the word count, which might indicate effort. But then, I noticed the 'human' tag and read the summary, with the words 'transplanted human' and what not. And my interest instantly vanished, just like that.

However, I don't agree with Nickybuttons that the new chaos avatar should necessarely be a pony. That would be lazy. But so is the 'human transplanted in Equestria' one.

So yeah... one half of the premise sound interesting, the second half kills it. Sorry.

I love what you could do with this story, but work on the grammer and punctuation. that is key in a good story,and this story had all the basics- and more! instantly following.

This story should be in the Chaotic Humans group.

5488048
you gonna put up a link?

Definitely liking this so far. Keep it up.

This story shows much promise, I look forward to the results.

This is cool. I will follow.

Can there world handle the insanity that is humanity!?!?!

Correct word should be 'their' i guess? But neat story. Will definitely follow.

Where this could go! HOW this could go! I'm ready, let's see messy this train wreck will get:pinkiehappy:

I won't read this story if the title has grammatical errors.

A few typos, but otherwise it's not too bad. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.

Comment posted by pengilo deleted Jan 11th, 2015

Let us begin,


GRAMMATICAL ERRORS:

"It's getting worse"

Missing punctuation

discord was the fact

Discord

discord noticed

Discord

You know your only ignoring the inevitable" said Discords reflection giving him

Inevitable." Said Discord's reflection, giving him

"I have done nothing of the sort"

"I have done nothing of the sort."

be a lie so badly " said Discord bringing a hand to his head feeling a headache forming from all the stress he's been feeling lately.

said Discord, bringing a hand to his head, feeling a headache forming from all the stress he's been feeling lately.

Equestria:unknown

Equestria: Unknown

"As a bird"

"As a bird."

"I commend you on your escape" said Tirek, glad that another enemy of the ponies had escaped there prison.

"I commend you on your escape." Sad Tirek, glad that another enemy of the ponies had escaped their prison.

Terik,

Tirek,

there magic

their magic

"Who better to do so then the Master of Chaos himself."

"Who better to do so then the Master of Chaos himself?"

wants again

once again


That's all for now. I don't have it in me to do the rest at the moment.

-SYA, The Horse

Comment posted by the wind in the air deleted Jan 11th, 2015

5491465

You know your only ignoring the inevitable" said Discords reflection giving him

*you're

You forgot that.

"I commend you on your escape." Sad Tirek, glad that another enemy of the ponies had escaped their prison.

"I commend you on your escape," said Tirek.

He was glad that another enemy of the ponies had escaped the prison. (You never follow an attribution of dialogue with a description unless it is directly implemented into the attribution)

5491465
Please, ShotgunWizard, take note of this. It might not be the case for you, but errors like these make reading stories almost painful (and certainly not worthwhile).

Also note that he missed some errors. For example:

You know your only ignoring the inevitable

It should be "you're", not "your".

5491726
I was wondering how long it would take for someone to notice that. The power of Thor is a mighty weapon, wield it wisely good sir.

Comment posted by ShotgunWizard deleted Jan 11th, 2015

5491829
Why? It's easier to post them in the comments. Unless Mr. Author Man has a problem, then I don't think it is a problem.

5491842
If he makes those corrections, then that comment will still be there. It's considered rude, and is actually in the posting guidelines, iirc.

5491856
To each his own, I suppose. As an editor myself, I'd prefer that someone tell me my errors, and I personally could care less where there are told to me. But for someone who is doing someone a service at their discretion, it's far easier to copy parts of the story and then place the errors in the comment box at the bottom of the chapter.

But that's just my view on it.

I know there's a lot of errors in my grammar. Just pm me if you have such a problem. Also, I'm getting an editor, so hopefully grammar won't be an issue in the future.

5491883
I'm not saying don't point out errors. It's just rude to do it in comments like that. And you can word it a little more nicely. I understand you're an editor, and the job of an editor is to mangle and tear apart a presented work for every last little niggling error. But snippily pointing out errors in the comments without preamble or being asked to do so is like being the sort of mouthy teenager who screams at people playing a game to "GET GUD WHY AREN'T U USING X" rather than being helpful.

5491883
Point is, writers have feelings, and most don't necessarily enjoy negatively worded destructive criticism of their work.

By the way, I am just going to say this right now. If you don't like the story just read something else. If all your going to do is trash my story without even giving me a valid reason or advice to improve it. Don't even bother commenting.

was this based on anything? i remember a fic like this, but i can't find it no more. help?

Chaos worship that's EXTRA HERETICAL! *blams*

5491921

The fan fiction your thinking of is called " The New Lord of Chaos" By: Bookish_Devil
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Bookish_Devil

This is personally one of my favorite stories. It hasn't updated in a while, so you may have to wait a few months.

This is what inspired me to create this fanfic. After reading all the chapters, I began to think about how I would have told the story. To go on record, I have not, plagiarized from this story. Nor will I In my future chapters. The story was just a creative influence. The only thing this story will have in common with Bookish-Devil's is a human replacing Discord.

5491906 5491908
Okay, let's get one thing straight about the guys comment: he was not rude, not even close. In fact, beyond pointing out errors, he said THREE SENTENCES not dealing with the errors. Afterwards, he simply pointed out the errors. That's not rude. Rude would be me going about and talking about how horrid the grammar is and being expressly aggressive towards the author . . . or talking about how terrible the grammar is, while being aggressive, and not pointing out any errors. THAT'S being rude, and THAT'S how someone can be not nice.

And . . . how is it that someone pointing out errors in the comment is anything like a mouthy teenager? More importantly, how in the world is it not helpful? He pointed out errors without being asked! That's the epitome of being helpful. In fact, if one explains in detail why something is wrong while offering up a solution, then they are being so ridiculously helpful that . . . man, I don't even know.

Look, writers do have feelings, and I can say that for a fact because I'm a writer. I have stories that have been torn apart, both via PM, on my comment section, and everywhere else. And you know what? I may feel like shit after being told that there's something wrong with my story, but I'll be damned if I say that it wasn't helpful. You don't get anywhere through people being "nice" and asking to tell you something is wrong with a story, and to say that when someone does point out errors in a story, even if they are in a comment on the story, and call them being "not nice" and not thinking about the author's feelings and being unhelpful because you THINK that they're doing all these things is so very, very wrong.

5491975
Ahh, good. I was hoping for something meaningful from you, but I guess I shouldn't have expected much, huh? Good day, my friend.

5491981
I got bored of the discussion.
And you got analpained.

5492002
Just saying, if you aren't prepared for someone to point you out on your shit, excuse my French, then don't start a conversation at all. :raritywink:

5492013
If you aren't prepared to admit that someone else has a point, don't start a discussion. :twilightsheepish:

5491465

"you're ignoring the inevitable"

"Than the master of chaos."

Just figured I'd get those for you. :heart:

5492025
When you have one, be sure to let me know, my friend.

This sounded interesting, but I gave up a few paragraphs in after reading the atrocious grammar.

Grammar and spelling matter kids!

Interesting story, I wonder how you'll play this out.

It's an interesting idea. I'd love to follow it, but as has been pointed out before, there's a few spelling and grammatical errors. Get an editor to help you clean it up.

And please, please don't make the human Joseph Kerr.

Really needs an editor, seriously I almost gave up after the third misuse of 'there.'

Human becomes new lord of chaos... I hope he/she doesn't have the PG restraint of our old lord!

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