Not Fitting In
The black-coated, red maned alicorn Mary Sue woke up as the first rays of dawn crept over her face. She had asked Princess Celestia for a suite facing east as soon as she had been deemed old enough to live by herself. Even if it made it next to impossible to sleep in, she never regretted it.
“Come on, Daring!” she said, tucking her plush Daring Do doll under one wing and racing to her balcony. “We don’t want to miss the sunrise!”
Mary threw open her balcony doors and winced at the chill of the mid-autumn morning air. Her horn glowed a brilliant rose red as her blanket flew from her bed and wrapped itself around her. She trotted onto her balcony and stood by the railing, placing Daring Do on a deck chair beside her.
The sunrise was, as always, magnificent. Waves of red, orange and yellow banded the sky as the moon and stars made way for the golden orb of the sun. Mary stood transfixed by the beauty of it all, marvelling at Princess Celestia’s power and talent. “You see that, Daring?” she said in hushed tones. “That’s why everypony loves Princess Celestia. Nopony else can do what she does. One day, though... one day, she’ll teach me to raise the sun. Then I’ll be just like her!”
Once the sun had cleared the horizon, Mary Sue trotted back into her bedroom. She carefully tucked Daring Do into bed, covering her body with the blanket. “You sleep tight, Daring,” she said, giving the doll a gentle pat on her expertly hoof-stitched mane. “Oh? What’s that? You want some company?” She ignited her horn again, floating her plush doll of Shining Armor over to snuggle next to Daring. Sewing that particular doll had been a true labour of love, requiring almost an hour of careful attention.
“Aww, look at you two,” she crooned, stroking Shining Armor’s mane. “It’s almost as though you two were meant for each other! After all, who wouldn’t want to be with a handsome, brave, talented guard captain like Shining Armor? Even if he has poor taste in mares and can’t see what’s in front of his own muzzle...”
Mary Sue shook her mane, whinnying in annoyance. There was no point dwelling on that. “Especially when there’s so much to do!” she sang to herself, as she pranced over to her desk.
There was her next class at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, of course. She had a set curriculum to teach, but classes always benefitted from a personal touch, rather than being taught straight out of the textbook. As the school’s youngest professor, she was also working on a dissertation about energy balances in conjuration spells, but she simply hadn’t had much time to progress far.
On the other side of her desk from her magic notes were a set of sketches for the new line of dresses she had promised to Hoity Toity. She knew that she was going against current trends with this line, but the current trend was to mimic the long, bead-heavy train of Princess Cadance’s wedding gown, and Mary simply couldn’t bring herself to follow that. If her dresses became popular regardless, then she would surely be hailed as a visionary. If they didn’t... well, she had plenty of other things that ponies would love her for.
The bottom drawer of her desk held articles, stories and artwork for Daring Monthly, the fan magazine she edited and published all over Equestria. As much fun as she had with it, it was strictly a hobby, and had to take a back seat to her teaching and fashion careers. Her horn itched to write another chapter of her latest fan story, “Daring Do and the Flutter Ponies”, but she forced herself to be responsible.
Besides, she was going to have trouble even getting her classes ready before her flying practice with the Wonderbolts that afternoon. Mary Sue still wasn’t sure why Spitfire hadn’t yet asked her to join the elite flight team, even though she was clearly the best flier among them. Maybe she needed to practise harder.
If she got all of her work done quickly, though, she might even have some time to spend in her personal garden. Tending to the flowers and shrubs always helped her to relax after a long day, and the plants always responded so well to her touch. It was nice to have a hobby which nopony else needed to judge for her. The flowers would always love her.
Sighing, she levitated her quill and a sheaf of papers, and started planning her lecture on the fundamentals of transformative magic. She soon lost herself in a sea of textbooks, notepads and equations. Some days, it truly was a burden to be so talented.
Some time later, a knock on the door roused Mary from her studious haze. “Who is it?” she called, hoping that one of her students had come looking for help with a particularly difficult spell.
“It’s Room Service, professor!” came a voice from the other side of the door. “Here to, um, clean and stuff?”
Mary gratefully set down her papers and turned to the door, opening it with her magic. On the threshold stood a young green-coated unicorn stallion in the yellow and blue livery of the palace staff. “Oh, hello!” Mary greeted him brightly. “What happened to Tea Service?”
Room Service scuffed one hoof against the carpet nervously. “Well, this is my first day on the palace staff, so, um... the majordomo said that new staff always have to tidy Professor Mary Sue’s suite on their first week.”
“That’s nice of them!” replied Mary, ushering Room Service into the suite. “They must want to start the new ponies on the easiest job.”
“I guess so,” said Room Service, levitating his array of feather dusters and cleaning rags and busying himself about his work. “They told me about you, but they, um, didn’t say how pretty you were, Professor.”
“Please, call me Mary!” said the young alicorn, patting her silky red mane with one hoof. “Thank you, Room Service, it’s lovely of you to say so! You know,” she continued, opening her wardrobe door and summoning five different dresses to her side, “I’m trying to decide on a dress to wear to the next Canterlot Garden Party. Maybe you could help me pick what complements my coat best?”
“I wouldn’t really know about that, uh, Mary,” said Room Service, running his feather duster along Mary’s dressing table. “I would love to stay and chat, but I should really concentrate on tidying your suite.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that!” said Mary, grinning eagerly. She closed her eyes briefly in concentration and her horn glowed brightly. All around her suite, furniture righted itself, books slid back into their proper places, and surfaces were left sparkling clean.
Room Service looked around the suite in dismay as all of his work was completed in the blink of an eye by Mary’s spell. “But...” he stammered, his hooves dancing nervously on the carpet. “But I was just about to...”
“Now we can sit and talk!” exclaimed Mary, patting a comfortable chair next to hers. “Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself, Room Service?”
The unicorn stallion’s tone was rather muted as he resigned himself to his fate. “Well, my name’s Room Service, like I said. My special talent is cleaning,” he continued, looking around the now spotless suite with a glower. “I’ve wanted to work in Canterlot Castle since I was a little colt. Starting work today has been a dream come true, I guess.”
“That’s so great! I’m glad you got to meet me on your first day! I try to meet all of the palace staff. I used to go down to the kitchens to help with the cooking, but the head chef told me I should stay out of there and focus on my teaching, so that’s okay. Let me tell you all about the paper I’m writing!”
An hour later, Room Service finally managed to get a word in edgeways. “Um, Professor? I also had a message for you. Princess Celestia wants to meet you for lunch in half an hour.”
“Lunch? But I haven’t even had breakfast yet! What time is it?”
“It’s about midday, Professor. Have you been working all morning?”
Mary Sue twisted her head around to look out the window, and saw the bright glare and short shadows of a Canterlot noon. “Oh, I guess I have. It’s a good thing my coat always looks so glossy and smooth even if I haven’t showered. I should finish up my class notes and get ready to meet the Princess, then.”
Room Service nodded, gratefully getting to his hooves and edging towards the door. “I’d better get back to work, then. I want to get two more rooms in this wing done before my lunch break.”
“Thanks for the chat, Room Service! It’s really great to talk to somepony outside of my classes. Tea Service was nice too, but she always seemed too busy to talk. Where is she working now, anyway?”
Room Service paused on the threshold, his cleaning supplies trailing behind him in his telekinetic grip. “Tea Service? Oh, it’s her second week now, so they’ve moved her on to Prince Blueblood’s suite. She seems pretty happy about it. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, Professor!” He edged out of the door and trotted away as quickly as he could.
Mary Sue plodded through the castle corridors towards Princess Celestia’s suite. Her head and tail drooped low, and her wingtips dragged against the carpet, as she thought about her conversation with Room Service.
I’m a hazing ritual. Ponies would rather work for Prince Blueblood than for me.
She paused by a mirror mounted on one of the walls, examining her reflection. “I just don’t know what went wrong,” she mused out loud. “I’m still as pretty as I always was, right? Same perfect mane, same sleek, shiny coat...
“So why am I all alone?”
The more she thought about it, the more alone she seemed. Other teachers at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns were hounded by students at all hours, eager to get help with their assignments or just talk about their research. Students almost seemed afraid to go to Mary for help, even though she was the youngest and most powerful spellcaster in the faculty. The Wonderbolts never spent time with her outside of their practice sessions, either. The Canterlot elite circles that should have been open to a successful fashion designer like her were always mysteriously closed. And that wasn’t even mentioning the situation with Shining Armor...
It was a dejected alicorn indeed who sat down to lunch in Princess Celestia’s sitting room. The immortal ruler of Equestria was already seated, and nudged a tray of sandwiches across the table to her.
“Good afternoon, Mary,” Celestia greeted her. “I do hope the day is treating you well.”
Mary sighed softly, eyeing the sandwiches with disinterest. “It hasn’t been great. I don’t think the palace staff like me very much.” In an effort to change the subject, she asked, “Why did you want to see me? Did your research into my parents reveal something?”
“Oh, yes, that,” answered Celestia. “I did actually find something. I consulted with the best seers in my school, and we came up with some answers.
“As you know, your mother was a lone alicorn who showed up on the doorstep of the castle in the middle of a thunderstorm, during the last lunar eclipse. She died of consumption and a broken heart just after she gave birth to you. It was very tragic.”
Mary sniffled, thinking about the mother she had never been able to meet, who had died bringing her into the world. “It was so sad. Do you know who she was?”
Princess Celestia shook her head. “I still have no idea. Luna and I have no family unaccounted for, so the fact that your mother was an alicorn simply doesn’t make any sense. We’ve figured out who your father was, though.”
Mary Sue sat up in her chair, her ears pricking up with excitement. “Really? Who?”
Celestia put down the sandwich she was eating, clearing her throat in preparation for a momentous revelation. “King Sombra, of the Crystal Empire.”
“I knew it!” exulted Mary. “I knew I was special!”
She frowned as she thought this over. “But that doesn’t make any sense either. I studied the Crystal Empire when I was a student. King Sombra hasn’t existed in this world for centuries. The Crystal Empire disappeared almost a thousand years ago, taking him with it. And historical accounts aren’t even certain that King Sombra had a fully physical form. How could he possibly have sired a foal with my mother twenty years ago?”
“I don’t see any way that your history can make sense either, Mary Sue. But we will just have to live with that. At any rate, that isn’t why I wanted to talk to you today.”
Mary paused in the midst of contemplating this fascinating new revelation about her parents. “It isn’t? Then what is it?”
Celestia sighed, her expression sad and resigned. “As I’m sure you’re aware, Princess Cadance and Captain Shining Armor will be returning from their honeymoon in a few days.”
“Three days, six hours and twenty-four minutes,” said Mary immediately. “If their train is on time, at least.”
“Mary, I... I’m sorry, there’s no good way to say this, but I think it would be best for everypony involved if you weren’t in Canterlot when they get back.”
Mary’s jaw dropped.
“I know you were looking forward to seeing Shining Armor again, but the fact is, you simply aren’t handling his marriage to my niece very well. I didn’t object to you not attending the royal wedding – and the fact that you were able to help Princess Luna fight off the Ursa Major attacking Manehattan at the same time as the wedding was most fortuitous – but your behaviour towards Princess Cadance ever since she became engaged to Shining Armor has been, frankly, appalling.”
The younger alicorn stared at her hooves. “I know,” she mumbled. “But I’m sure that she’s been using her love magic to influence him. Isn’t it better that he be with somepony who would never do that to him?”
“Mary...” warned Celestia.
“Or what if he’s dosing him with love poison? Some mares do that, you know! I just want to save him from that!”
“Mary...”
“And you must admit that I was right about her being an evil shapeshifting monster who only pretended to love him in order to drain his magic and jeopardize all of Equestria!” Mary leaned forward on her front hooves, her tail twitching in agitation as she spoke.
“Mary... yes, alright, that did happen, but you were saying that six months ago, when I know for a fact that Chrysalis’s first spies only reached Canterlot three months before the wedding!” Princess Celestia frowned sternly, fixing Mary with a steely glare. “I’m very disappointed in you, Mary Sue. Princess Cadance is a fine mare who has offered you nothing but friendship, respect and love. I had hoped you would be above such jealousy over Shining Armor.”
Mary hung her head. “I’m sorry, Princess. I know I shouldn’t be so possessive of him, but it’s just that... when I first met him, I knew we were destined to be together. I felt like I was created for the sole purpose of being his one true love. Cadance can’t love him the way I can! I’m so much more beautiful than she is, and more talented!” A single sparkling tear ran down the young alicorn’s perfectly sculpted muzzle. “Why doesn’t he like me?”
Princess Celestia rose from her seat and trotted around to Mary’s side, laying her neck against her friend’s. “He does like you, Mary,” she assured her. “But he loves his wife, and...”
Mary threw her front legs around Celestia’s shoulders and cried into her mane. “Why doesn’t anypony like me, Celestia?” she sobbed, her tears flowing freely now. “The palace staff all hate me, and the Wonderbolts don’t want to hang out with me, and Photo Finish thinks I’m a joke, and none of my students like me, and Shining Armor married Cadance and not me! I do everything I can to get ponies to like me and it’s just not enough!”
Celestia stroked Mary’s shoulders with a front hoof, and lipped soothingly at her mane, calming her as a mother would her distressed foal. “Hush, my little pony, hush,” she crooned. “I love you, and I always will. Cadance loves you too, and I know that she forgives you for trying to come between her and Shining Armor. She’s just worried about you, and so am I. I can see that you’re having trouble making friends here in Canterlot.”
Mary snuffled as Celestia’s tender nuzzles soothed away her distress. “I wish I knew why,” she said, raising her head and pressing a handkerchief to her bloodshot eyes. “I try so hard to get ponies to like me, but somehow I always end up driving them away. What am I doing wrong, Princess?”
Princess Celestia pursed her lips briefly in thought. “I think I know, Mary, but I learnt a long time ago the futility of trying to teach these lessons directly. I do know how to help you, though. I would like you to travel to Ponyville and spend some time with my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. I think that spending some time away from Canterlot would be good for you, and I believe that she and her friends can teach you about the magic of friendship better than I can.”
Mary brightened and looked up at Princess Celestia. “You want me to hang out with Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash, and Applejack and the others? Princess Luna talks about them all the time! Oh, thank you, Celestia, I knew you’d know what to do!”
Celestia nodded and patted Mary’s mane gently. “All I can do is point you in the right direction, dear Mary. I know that you will find a way to make friends in the right environment. I have faith in you, my little pony.”
A scant few hours later, Mary Sue was poised on an aerial dock facing west, hitched to a wagon containing her most precious books, clothes and toys. Princess Celestia had been kind enough to convey her apologies to Hoity Toity and the Wonderbolts for missing her appointments with them, and another professor had agreed to cover her classes at the School for Gifted Unicorns.
She cast her gaze down to the south and west, making out the distant shape of Ponyville on the plains below the mountain. “A new town, full of new ponies to make friends with!” she said to her Daring Do doll, who was strapped in with pride of place at the front of the wagon. “It’s going to work this time, I just know it. When they see how talented I am, they’re sure to love me!”
Mary galloped forward and sprang off the edge of the dock, pulling her wagon after her. She spread her great black wings and soared through the sky, towards the little town of Ponyville.
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Hello, everypony! This is a little different from my usual stories - I don't usually write metafiction, and I don't plan to make a habit of it, but the idea behind this story moved me sufficiently that I really wanted to get it out there. So, apologies in advance if this story simply doesn't work out. I'll do my best, though. I'm also not quite sure where this story belongs on the line between comedic and serious, so that might be a bit awkward too.
This story is, of course, inspired by The Red Maned, Black Coated Alicorn Mary Sue Has a Birthday Party. It's not in the same continuity, though - my Mary Sue has a different family background, and will have very different experiences in Ponyville.
As I said in the summary, I'm trying to write a believable story about an unbelievable character. I believe that, no matter how overpowered or cliché a character is, he or she only becomes a Mary Sue when the story and the setting twist to make everything about her. She encounters no meaningful obstacles in her life, the only ponies who dislike her or disagree with her are later shown to be selfish and wrong, the very rules of the universe change to accommodate her, and so on. My hope with this story is to hit plenty of character triggers for being a Mary Sue, but not the story triggers. We'll see how that goes.
If you like, you can list the Mary Sue tropes that you find in the story. I'll even give out ten points for each one! Everypony loves points, right?
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story!
Oh, her cutie mark is an infinity symbol. That kinda makes sense.
Oh look, more brain-clogging meta humor that I thought was banned from the site. Thanks moderators.
I take it you wrote this to hop on the featured story train because what'sisfaces stories have been so successful.
Ugh. You write well, but I think this was a bad idea, a really bad idea.
I have absolutely no objections to this whatsoever. But, why red and black always?
Violet and blue, heck, Violet and white is a nice combo, too.
...I kinda like them?
wow, all the negativity... well this is on my list to read and now its closer to the top :3
I don't understand why people are suddenly pissed off about mary's fics getting featured.
In my opinion they were good and either hit me in the feels or made me giggle.
This is just the third of hopefully many fics to include Mary.
and future reference, Mary isn't an "OC" she is supposed to be the embodiment of what a Mary Sue actually is and expresses that they have feelings too. lol
I don't care what they say fox, go ahead and continue this!
Alright, I'll treat this like a "Where's Waldo". Except instead of a red and white sweatered man, I'm looking for tropes!
- Mary Sue is able to do even difficult tasks with skill in a short amount of time
- Mary Sue is an alicorn, giving her above average powers in all categories.
- Mary Sue is distinctively colored in a way no other ponies are.
That's all I'm going to bother with for now, will track by way of Read Later. Grammar is legible at least.
1559682 YOU
YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON(currently)
DO NOT ENCOURAGE THESE FICS
THEY ARE A PISS STAIN ON THIS SITE
PLEASE, JOIN US IN PURGING THIS SITE OF TERRORS SUCH AS THESES
Or don't. I can't make you do anything. But seriously, these fics are shit.
I actually enjoy these stories. So yeah.
Yes I thumbs upped this story, I did. I like this story only because it has the chance to turn the super special amazing god-modded powers of a Mary Sue from a badly written strength into a potentially well thought out weakness. I mean imagine it, Everyone and there brother is jealous of you because you can do things better than they can, you go someplace else and the same thing happens, and as you see the trend, you start trying your best to be second best at things that you want to do. To the author I say, you have done a great job in giving me as a reader a chance to understand what makes Mary Sue an actual Mary Sue now make with the magicks of telling me how she's gonna change. And as for all of the haters who hate this kind of fic I say unto you, if you don't like it don't read it. It's that easy.
1559702 Shit... take it easy.
1559637 Hey the feature box works by number of views primarily, and sometimes you've gotta stir s**t up in order to convince people to read an author they've never heard of before.
1559639 You again? I think we both know that thinking this person is going to forever write these kinds of fics in the future is laughable. Sometimes a person's just gotta write something to get it out of their head. Other times one takes a drastic shift in what genre they write to see what the other ideas are like.
To HopeFox though, IF this does get featured, don't take it as a sign that you should write nothing but these kinds of fics, go on to explore your own original ideas, give your take on some of the other tropes and trends. Your grammar is decent enough, and it is always nice to see what an author produces when they exert themselves in different ways.
1559702
ugh, truthfully people like this should be removed from the site.
you spaz out over a story for all I know, you didn't even read.
it's meta, therefore it's bad.
i DO encourage Mary fics because I like the basis and in fact do the art for KoS
1559732 CANNOT EVEN, BLOOD PRESSURE- *head explodes*
Nah, I'll just vent this into a blog or something.
1559747 True. But these fics are just... ugh.
1559752 For your information, I did read it. I always read before opinions. And the story still sucked ass. The grammar was fine, but the trope is just THE WORST THING YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT. And the story itself was a "meh", even if I didn't hate the trope. Nearly as bad as the "Ponyearthverse" trope.
All of this is just my opinion, however.
Ahh god why did I click on regs link?!
Again?
1559732 I'm with you. This was OBVIOUSLY written in the hopes of
earningcheating your way into the feature box.1559774 Sorry I exposed you to this.
1559787 It's sad, isn't it?
1559805 UNDERSTATEMENT!!!
It's down right pathetic!
1559820 As previosuly stated:
And then people go ahead and try to defend this
I'm so writing a torture fic in which I get to do all SORTS of things to Mary Stu here...
1559827
Somewhere along the lines of Patient X?
I'm all for it!
1559848 More like "I take a shitload of drugs and use every single thing in my demented imagination to put pain into the Alicorn" type of this.
But I'll link you once it's up
1559787 We just seem to keep running across one another.
Hrm, not in line with continuity? Still worth a read. Alright, story was not that bad, people have been unnecessarily down voting you.
1559867 You ARE in a lot of areas in this site... mabe it's destiny.
1559637 Isn't it a bannable offense to point out that a story shouldn't have passed moderation?
1559880 Maybe.... the only reason I'm not following you is because you already have a lot of followers and I hate hopping on the bandwagon train.
hmmmmm
1559888 ......
No, it's not.
1559890 Never stopped me. Watch!
1559895
I thought I saw it in the news box not that long ago, but when I checked I didn't find anything.
We need to go to space...
To get away from these horrible fics! Also because space.
1559637 I don't think this is the kind of meta that's against the rules. It's making fun of a trope, not of the site or its users.
...it is kind of cheating to pretend to be the next entry in somebody's else's series though when you're not. Yeah, the description clears that up but by that point you've already got peoples' attention.
1559963 I love you. Please, have my children.
1559880 Destiny? Oooooh, sounds saucy... Sorry, its late at night and my head is in the gutter.1559890
1559963>>1560011>>1559769 The irony of this situation makes me need a lemon, in the good kind of way though.
1559859 You know, after having seen how passionate you are for authors to never write unoriginal ideas, I would love to see you write a fic like that, its originality, inspired by the unoriginality of Meta-Mary-Sue and of Cupcakes.
1560104 Ah yes. I don't hate the authors, just the fiction. People can change you know.
Also... the idea in there being that it MAKES FUN OF the tropes I'll be exploring. That is the idea of a trollfic, dear sir.
Overall, you seem like a cool dude. Even though our opinions differ, and that I've come off as a callous asshole, we can still be friends.
1559908 Not in the news box, but they did post it on their Facebook page. Consider it official.
I DONTKNOW WHO'S SIDE TO BE ON!!!
I liked the story by the way
don't drop the story, and don't listen to haters
1559702 & 1559639
So... I take it you don't like these kinds of stories then? You could at least be more civil in your comments. And if you really don't like them that much, there is always the simple choice of not reading them.
This site really could do with a revamped search/tag system that can be used on a finer level, because as it currently stands it is hard to get around the stories you really don't like (at least for Mary Sue Alicorn haters).
Adding to read later, i am packing right now
Thus far the story is coming along well, despite many's hate for the character and/or story. How many chapters are likely, do you think?
A Mary Sue modeled after Twilight? Interesting.
Wow, apparently you really can get a lot of hate for writing about a red and black alicorn OC. And here I thought that ridiculous trollfic was exaggerating.
The test of good writing is the quality of the story and characters, and that's the basis on which it should be judged. Not on whether it resembles an idea you've seen done before.
1559827
Sooooo...
You are going to write a torture fic where you torture a (meta)character you don't like?
Sounds like a Gary Stu (assuming from your pic that you are male) self insert to me.
Oh yes, and as it is about said character, and you have said you despise said fics...
I think you are missing the point of what you yourself said. Congrats.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ComicallyMissingThePoint
Well I read it and I despise Mary Sues. I think it will be interesting to see if you can pull off a good story with a bad main character.
I disagree with your primary point though. I don't think what makes a Mary Sue a chore to read is that the story is bland and uninteresting with the world bending around them, but rather that there is a disjoint between what they are and how they act. We're seeing it already in your story, where her life is GOOD but she thinks it sucks. THAT is my primary problem with most Mary Sues, that there is a disconnect between what they are and how they act. The enjoyable aspect of a story is the conflict, and Mary Sues can't have it so when people try to put it in, it doesn't work for me.
I'll read the next chapter or two to see if this story is able to circumvent that by writting intentionally to the subject matter.
I laughed out loud a few times. And then more at the trolls' comments, of course.
This was supposed to be a so-bad-it's-funny kind of story. I mean - there's "Mary Sue" in the title. Everyone's complaining because it's bad? You mean to tell me all these guys took this seriously?
