They came to Earth in peace, all but looking for salvation. The world greeted them with open arms. The... Ponies... Were all nice and cheerful. Until... They wanted to take over the world, saying it is unfit for humanity. They attacked. They killed. They... Made humans into ponies. Humans fought back, but crumbled soon after. Except one. He fought with Queen Solar and Heaven King; Celestia and Luna's Mother and Father. He lost and was sealed in ice for two thousand years. Now he's back, and his trigger-finger is itchy for war.
BETA: Chaotic Pony
Cover Image: HeimoBauss
Chapters (6)
Oh, Hell yeah! I've always loved a good revenge story! I didn't see any big problems, so keep up the good work.
And, uh, first.
I like the concept. Original stories are hard to come by nowadays
*Postponed
with a 't'.
Oh-no Tokyo!
This is going to be like this tv show were Hitler won the war and the Americans fought back
HELL YEAH!!!
and let the punishing BEGIN
1494420
Never seen that show, and BTW thanks for everyone's comments, this fuels my motivation to keep making chapters
and 1494509
Epicness
DUDE I WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR EVER IF THE FIRST THING HE SAYS TO CELESTIA IS IM BACK IN BLACK BITCH
*laces fingers together and leans forward* Okay, you have my attention. Please, do go on...
Funny, that was gonna be my picture for my story, but then I changed the concept.
You have my Attention, go on.
Seems interesting... may I suggest changing the rate to 'mature'?
It looks like this story will be painted with a lovely red color
Awww hell yeah "I'm back baby"
1494876
http://www.spike.com/full-episodes/zs5i6o/spike-specials-alternate-history-season-1-ep-100
Huh. This seems kind of awesome.
I honestly want to see Celestia excusing what she apparently did. Please don't have the main character wimp out and start agreeing with the ponies that "Aw yeah, humans suck, not ME though. I'm DIFFERENT than the rest of humanity." This line of thinking has literally killed hundreds upon hundreds of these kinds of stories.
1495498
Trust me, he wont..
Interesting
1495527
Will he go into battle like a Khorne Berserker on performance enhancing drugs!!!
1495527 The mention of Tokyo makes me want to think that the guy is Japanese.
1495775
O.O Waa....
1495778
or it can be something else
1495921 Well it's the best way to get revenge, plus it makes the story interesting!!!
So you just like to write fiction, since calling it "fanfiction" would indicate that you're a fan?
I have no idea.
1496860 dididado.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/500x_headasplode.jpg
Oh dear.
Now you'll need to get ahead. More specifically, a new one.
Need to work on you tense a bit.
Ummm... Don't you mean
These two ponies are a different breed altogether, they are both a Pegasus and Unicorn; an Alicorn.
Please get an editor. I am busy with stuff at the moment so as much as I would do it, I am preoccupied.
But a good start so far. Work on your descriptive writing and keep it dark. Keep it up!
Am I the only one who finds that the backstory sounds very similiar to TCB?
1497529
Nope, yer not alone. I also thought at first that this was a TCB story at first judging by the description. Interested enough to keep on reading, although I'm slightly turned off by the grammatical and spelling mistakes.
1497529
I do...
MUHAHAHAH I WANT SOME MORE
This is interesting... VERY interesting indeed.
Great job, I'm waiting for more soon. I have never seen a non-brony-writer before, so you're the first one, and believe me that you've done crazy-good job. Just remember to get their asses kicked with fare amount of battles and stuff
Most of this first chapter was Author's Notes and information from the MLP wiki.
Not impressed so far, but I'll observe it nonetheless.
would you be describing an M4A1 Carbine, or an M16 rifle?
50 cal.? sorry i keep thinking of over power.
A badass in Equestria? ...proceed...
Oh yeah and it reminds me of a game called conundrum
I can see 2 main things happening.
1: A lot of revenge and agnst (which in this case is good)
and
2: Some very dark and terrible puns. Like nuclear explosion and nuclear fallout bad (which is also good)
In the end, this will be awesome
!
Anti-TCB perhaps?
"Cloudsdale that HOUSES, Ponyville that HOUSES. Also, the ability to RAISE the sun, not rise.
Other than that, awesome!!
static.fjcdn.com/comments/camwilskel+rolls+1+should+i+post+MLP+FIM+Rule+34+_ac9e6104369dc65c28c319da46e83014.jpg
Yes make the ponies pay!!!!
I guess this is practically The Cnoversion Bureau if it was enacted by her parents and not her?
I can tell english isn't your first language.
YES! YES! YES!
More ASAP!!
google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&tbo=d&biw=1360&bih=664&tbm=isch&tbnid=qWvkVnBhAzo_ZM:&imgrefurl=http://www.chud.com/community/t/143958/the-amazing-spider-man-post-release-discussion/150&docid=Y4zyhqQ3wAb0OM&imgurl=http://cdn.chud.com/c/c9/c9efaa92_DisGunBeGood.jpeg&w=444&h=475&ei=FTuIUIyqO4K7hAfF1YDgDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=4&vpy=4&dur=349&hovh=232&hovw=217&tx=86&ty=119&sig=111248692605445250775&page=1&tbnh=129&tbnw=139&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:72
Please continue!
And i like that pic. You made it or found it?
HORY SHIT!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!
Why can't I just like this like everyone else...
*le sigh*
amazing first chapter. Celestia and Luna are in for one hell of a fight when this individual comes to town. I'm gonna love seeing a human kick ass. Keep goin and stay golden^^