The Great Escape
Revenge of the Fallen Chapter 3: The Great Escape
A/n: I got nothing. And now I got a AWESOME BETA (Chaotic Pony). Thank you once again my good friend.
And soon the ponies shall meet Slaughter! Anger and rage are two of the most powerful emotions and will often lead to success for the person who is angry!
Ten minutes ago
Kylar placed his right foot in a gap on the side of the wall, giving him leverage for his left hand to grasp another hole above him. It was a slow progress for him as he climbed the rocky walls. It was the only way to go. Going inside would be the stupidest move in mankind; who knows how many ponies were inside. Although it is a beautiful sight to see them die before his eyes, he had other priorities. And he was determined to do it.
Even if killing low-ranking ponies and guards may seem monstrous and inhuman, he believed it’s ‘an eye for an eye’. So for each kill, it brought him a sense of accomplishment and his thirst for blood to simmer down.
Before he started his climb he placed the rifle into his backpack so that he could use both hands for the long ascend. He had already passed the castle-like building to the side and was still going. Kylar’s plan had already been thought out from the start; get in, find them, shoot to kill, and bail from the area he just came from. He will have to be fast because the guards would hear the loud gunshots.
He grinned wildly as he saw the images in his head of the dead king and queen, on the ground with blood spurting from their throats. It would be a marvelous sight to witness. And his greatest goal would be achieved: avenge the fallen.
'Hehe, humanity shall have vengeance' He thought darkly as he shifted his right hand to another hole--
“—something of the matter, Princess?” A muffled voice called out from the blue. This startled Kylar as his right hand and foot slipped from the holes and left him dangling from his left hand and foot. He quickly gathered himself and reclaimed his grip on the rocks. Kylar’s head looked left and right, trying to find the noise. The moon was at its fullest extent and little to no clouds and as far as he could see; there were no Pegasus to be found. So where did the sound come from?
“No, it’s quite fine. Thank you.” The voice was female and it cam from the building underneath him.
Princess… He muzzled, and then it hit him like a train with the hulk on it, Princess Celestia!
Dark thoughts shrouded his mind, bringing back awful memories that seemed to be like yesterday. That was another thing. Before he was frozen by Solar and Heaven, the area underneath of him was covered with destroyed towers and a lot of burning buildings had vanished. Maybe it hadn’t been a day, or two. How long he was out was his dreaded question. What happened to the resistance? What about the SDF? Did we win?
He shook his head and began to ascend. He would think into that later on after he killed the queen and king. As he scaled the wall, his thoughts came back to the Princess. He again halts and looked at the building below. As he stared, a steadily grin worked on his face. He thought of a different plan;
'If I kill Celestia now, the king and queen would morn over her now and while they bellow in sorrow, I’ll hit them hard. Payback is a fuckin’ bitch.' With the new goal in his head, he began going back down the wall. It was easier due to the previous holes he found as he went up in the first place.
After a few minutes, he landed on the corner of the building with a soft tack. He took off his bag. The bag had only one strap that went over his shoulder and to his waist and three pockets. One large one, a small one, and an underneath pocket at the bottom of the bag. Kylar unzipped the main pocket and took out his rifle. As he placed it on the roof, his hand retracted and began to look though his bag. He pushed away a bottle of water, four identical banana-clips that were like the one in the rifle, a large red bag with the letters ‘Skittles’ going across the middle of the packet. He pushed it away with a small mutter “Maybe later” and continued his search for something.
His hand brushed against a white piece of paper that was tucked in the back of the bag. Kylar slowly took it out and held it in view. The moon was bright enough to see what is on the paper. It was a photo. On it was a male and female human. The female had long blonde hair that went past her shoulders. She had hazel eyes that blended with her light skin and noticeable freckles. She had perfect lips that were set on a beautiful smile. The male had brown messy hair that the fringe nearly covered his eyes. His eyes were dull blue that stuck from the light tan on his face. His lips were curled to a grin and had an arm hanging over the females shoulders. They both wore light blue shirts with the slogan ‘SENIOR’ on the sides. And on the bottom was writing. It said;
Kylar & Sofi <3 4EVA
Kylar looked at it plainly as he fiddled with the sheet of paper. In his mind however, a painful sting worked in his head.
Sofi... He thought solemnly as he packed it back into his bag. He still remembered her laugh, her enchanting eyes and her personality; Outgoing and Loveable. It’s been a year since she had committed suicide over Skype. The Earth ponies had taken over Stockholm and were gathering every single resident, forcing them to change into the ponies. Sofi didn’t want to change and wanted to stay human. So she called Kylar and talked for the last time, told him that she loved him and will forever, took the M9 that was in her dad’s room, and turned it to her head.
Kylar still flinches at the disorientated BANG from the video to this day. He should have saved her, but he was in Japan while she was in Sweden with her family. This fueled his hatred towards the ponies. He swore that he would kill each and every one of them.
Back the task at hand, he kept searching for his desired item. His hand pushed away a cylinder and a black box about the size of his hand. Kylar scrapped the bottom of the bag with his fingers and found his desired item. He slowly pulled it out and held it in his hand. It was a Ying and Yang pendent that is about the size of a twenty cent coin. There was also a crack down the middle of the jewel. It was Chad’s necklace that Kylar took after the bombings of his school. After he killed Joseph he went to Chad’s body and took off the jewel from the bloody pool. To this day, every time before he goes into a firefight, he takes the jewel and prays to it. Since then, he had conquered every firefight disregarding the last battle between him and the royals. He even dubbed it as ‘Mankind’s final struggle’. After that, he did not know what happened afterward.
Kylar collapsed his fingers around it and placed his head on his hand. He silently prayed:
“The lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for you are with me;
Your rod and your staff they comfort me.
Amen.”
With that said, he chucked the necklace back into his bag. Kylar then zipped the bag up and threw it onto his back. He was not religious or anything. But his religious friend, Billy, had asked him to say this verse every time he went for a conflict; before him, all Kylar had ever said was:
“For you my friend,
For you my brother,
I will kill each and every one of them.”
Kylar looked over the edge of the building. To say, he was about four stories high from the ground. Green grass covered the ground, swaying in the wind that was cool to Kylars face. He sucked it a lungful of sweet air.
“Let’s do this.” He said quietly to himself. He leaned over the corner to observe his target. But sadly, a long red curtain behind the windows obstructed his view. He did, however, spot stone pillars that was in between the Curtain and the window. Underneath it stood a stone platform for a reason Kylar did not know. But that is pure gold for him; a view point.
Kylars body lie flat as he reached for the window, seeing if he could get into the building. Luck seemed to be on his side as the window clicked from its position and slowly opened the tiniest bit. The assassin slipped his fingers around the edge and with slow and deliberate movements, opened it to its extent.
Satisfied, he pulled away and stood on his two legs.
'Soon, their conquest will fall to ruins!' He mentally laughed in his head. Then it hit him. Ruins… Ruins… Runes! With haste, he quickly grabbed his right sleeve and pulled up.
Apart from the scars that were caused by blades, there were numerous black images that ran along his forearm. It looked like they were burnt on his arm. The images were like:
[img]X.png[/img][img]S.png[/img][img]R.png[/img][img]M.png[/img][img]V.png[/img]
He gave a relieved sigh as saw the ink on his arm.
'Odd… Why aren’t they glowing like usual…' He shook his head and pulled down the sleeve. He decided to look into that later- he suddenly cursed at himself. He should have looked at it earlier. It was his life source. Without it, he would be fucked from the start. He was having a really bad day.
Kylar picks up the rifle from the ground and slipped it in-between his back and bag, securing it so it wouldn't slip. He then grabbed the corner of the roof and slid off. His whole body was dangling in the air and slightly swaying in the cool breeze. Kylar lifted his left foot to the open window and got a good grip on the corner of the still. With his left hand, he clasped the corner of the frame and with a grunt, pulled himself in the hole. Kylars feet planted on the stone platform and with his arms, slowly closed the window. He thought if a pegasus did a look over, they would have spotted the open windowpane.
Kylar pulled out his rifle once again and silently cocked it. Cick- Clack. The noise sounded so loud for him. His heart rate quickened in adrenaline and anticipation. But that’s not the only reason. He was going to kill Celestia. His once-friend now traitor pony that he knew before.
“What? What are they doing here?”
“I’m sorry Kylar, I really am!”
“What do you mean?”
“I told them everything…I’m so—”
“The Runic Warrior is in here!”
“Why?!”
“I’m sor—”
“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you, PRINCESS CELESTIA!”
That was the last time Kylar heard from her, and the last time he trusted her. He hated her to the very core of his body. And to make matters worse, it was the day he fought with her parents. He could still feel each hit; hear each explosion and each cry in pain from both sides. What seemed like a whole day of fighting that lead nowhere, they cast their last ice sealing spell. Then black. He pulled away from the memory and to the task at hand.
Pure anger flowed through his veins as he pushed away the curtain. Kylar soon saw her.
She had aged quite a bite from her growth spurt as well as her mane. The aquatic mane that he remembered being short, was now long and was floating in the air. Her white coat was brighter than he last saw it and the ‘Cutie mark’ on her flank was the sun. Her horn had even grown larger (Da domg dish!) that rived the golden crown on her head.
Kylar had never seen the cutie mark and the crown before, but things tend to happen after awhile.
'But how long?' He shouted in his head. A headache began to work upon his head. Without hesitation, he slowly began to lift his rifle up but abruptly halted. He just saw something in his peripherals. Kylar swore he saw a set of glowing green eyes, staring at him from behind the window. He turned his head away from his target and looked outside. The green eyes were gone. There was only the town in the distance.
Now satisfied, he turned back in time to hear Celestia say to her guards underneath, “Well, looks like its time to hit the hay, you can leave now and thank you for looking after me.”
Kylar finally took notice to the guards underneath. He hated himself now! How could he miss them?! They were right on the bottom of the steps, being absolutely still.
'And unicorns as well.' He muttered under his breath. He sucked in his breath, and lifted his rifle to eye-level.
This was it. This was the moment he has been waiting for . The start of a new beginning.
His finger slowly lapsed the trigger and with a fina—
“Princess!”
'Oh, fuck!'
He had been spotted.
One of the unicorn guards leapt from his spot, soared through the air and in an effort pushed Celestia away. Kylar would not let that happen. His finger squeezed the trigger.
BANG!
The sound of the 5.56 NATO round being fired inside rang though the spacious room. A nanosecond later, a copper bullet shot out of the barrel with a flick of flame. It whizzed towards the target to only hit the wooden chair that Celestia once sat in. The guard was close enough to push away the Princess as the bullet collided with the wood.
“Fuck.” He swore at himself. He should have shot sooner. He wanted to rant again but a familiar sound of a spell charging caught his ears. The second guard had spotted him as well and was readying a spell.
“Fuck!” He looked out the window and was about to jump back out but had a change of thought. On one hand, if he escaped, he may not get another chance at it again. But if he went down there and shot her, and somehow escape without a fireball hitting him, he might be able to achieve victory. Crazy you may say, but this is Kylar. He was born crazy.
He braced himself. 'Hope my years of Parkour and the Runes don’t fail me now.' With that he leapt from his position, narrowly dodging the spell that was cast by the unicorn. The light stuck the platform, destroying the top half of the pillar. Kylar soared into the air, well away from the miniature explosion. He landed on his two feet with a slight grunt, ironically in the middle of the room. Bits of debris fell around him from the explosion; but he didn't pay attention to it. He was focused on Celestia that was to the side of the throne, courtesy of the heroic unicorn. Her magenta eyes locked with his dull blue ones.
“Who are you?!” She shouted towards Kylar. He was startled. How did she not know him? Has it been that long?
With an agitated sigh, he grabbed his hood and flicked it back, exposing his face. Her reaction was priceless.
“Remember me, Bitch?!” He roared at her as his concealed anger had slipped through. Her eyes were gawked and her mouth was agape. In her state, the two guards stood in front of the princess in defense from the assassin.
“K-Kylar?” She stuttered faintly as if she is seeing a ghost, which in her point she is.
“In the human flesh!” He grinned manically, placing his hand underneath his rifle once again.
“I th—thought you were dead!” She shouted out of fear which made the guards uneasy. 'If he is still alive, he will still hold the unquenchable thirst for pony blood and vengeance. Who knows what he did before he got here?' And it didn’t help the guards either; they had never seen her so frightened before. Not once. She fought Nightmare moon with a stoic face; she fought Discord with a cool head. So why is this creature making her want to run away?
“That’s were your wrong you fucker, you THOUGHT!” He roared at her as his anger flared from the very sight of her. He just wanted to kill her, but he needed answers damnit.
Celestia cringed at his colorful words, had it been so long to hear him speak to her like that. Her guards looked at one other, confused by his speech. And the man hadn’t even thought of letting up,
“You thought that the sealing spell would hold this fighter away. You only just postponed his anger.” He pointed an accusing finger at her, “So now, I’m going to kill you and then your parents!”
Celestia felt a spike in her heart from his threat. Kylar was the one to never let down a threat, so when he makes one, he will follow. But she retraced his words, and a solemn look fell on his face.
“Kylar…” She started, seeing him lift his rifle slowly, “They passed away a thousand years ago.”
Those words halted Kylar. 'Passed away?' He was cold for a moment. Passed away. THEY passed away. Something in his head snapped. Soon his coldness was replaced with hot anger that boiled in his chest, his arms began to shake and his eyes begin to twitch. He was pissed. He never got his vengeance! He never got to see the satisfaction of them dying in front of him!
“What the fuck?!” He screamed to her, pointing his rifle to her, “What do you mean PASSED AWAY?!”
The guards stiffened and readied themselves for the onslaught. Celestia knew he was angry, and bad things tend to happen when he got this angry. But something clicked in her head, and hopefully he would listen.
'If he knows that they are dead now, we could try to reform our bonds with the human race. I want to see him happy again, but I doubt he will listen. We were responsible for the human species to become extinct. Not to mention that he had killed a lot of ponies in the past. He will continue to do that. We cannot let that happen. I cannot let that happen!'
“Kylar listen—” Princess Celestia started but was cut off by the enrage human in the middle of the room.
“NO! Fuck that, you fucking die now!” Kylar screamed at her. He had her in his sights and quickly fired three shots in a complete succession.
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
But Celestia had already formed a force field around herself and the guards, protecting them from the deadly rounds. The bullets ricocheted off it and shot in different directions.
Kylar snarled and lowered his rifle; he knew that nothing can pierce the magical force field. He heard the sound of guards racing towards the room, over hearing the gunshots. He had already lost the element of surprise and now, he was vulnerable to her. He was out of options. But he couldn’t let her live!
'Run.'
An unnerving voice suddenly appeared in his head, startling Kylar. The voice… It was so dark and malicious that it scared him. It also sounded female and it was disorientated, like an echo in the distance. Why would he run? What would that accomplish if she’s not dead?! But… Even if his vengeance wanted him to kill her now, the voice is right. If he ran away, he could find another way to shoot her and settle the score. But it when came to accomplishing the fleeing plan, how? How could he escape from this room and castle quickly and effectively?
“AHA!” A thought came to his mind. He had figured a way.
In lightning movements, Kylar clicked a button on the rifle. The stock clicked loose and he collapsed it to the side, making it shorter. He used his left hand and reached to his bag, unzipped it and placing the rifle in the bag, but also taking something out from it. It was a cylinder with a pin at the top of the object.
'I only have one left, but this plan will work!'
As he zipped the bag, the guards had charged a magical binding spell. Kylar swore under his breath and his right hand went to the object. They cast it and the spell latched onto Kylars arms, leaving only a few inches between the pin at the top and his hand. He grunted and felt his arms rise up from the spell while thinking; 'Hurry up runes! Activate!'
By now, he is in the air with his arms are apart and his legs were left dangling underneath. The unmistakable sign of anger had masked his face, glaring holes at the ponies.
“Heh, it’s about time you did something you shmucks.” Kylar sneered towards the expressionless guards as their horns glowed prominently. Princess Celestia looked at the brown haired human as he dangled in the air, obviously suspicious of the predicament. She soon found out that she was right.
Suddenly, Kylar dropped back down to his feet as the spell dissipated from his arms. The magic that once held him had vanished. The two guards were visibly stunned, how did he get out of the spell?
“Bout time it started to work.” Kylar said out loud as he rolled his shoulders. He looked at the Princess and guards and said, “Looks like I will be leaving as I have lost the opportunity to kill you, but know this,” He grabbed the pin on the cylinder, “I still live. I still breathe. I still kill. So prepare yourself for a world of misery and death my lady, because the bodies of many will drop.” He pulled the pin and tossed it in the air. “The war has begun between you and me!”
BAN-PISH!
A loud bang and a bright flash deafened and blinded the ponies. They watched the cylinder fly in the air and then suddenly be replaced with a bright glare. The guards tumbled to the ground, screaming in agony from the miniature explosion and flash. They had never experienced this kind of attack before, it was all new. The princess knew what it was and turned her head away from the flare.
'Flash bang.' She thought, remembering those grenades a long time ago. She experienced them the hard way for the first time, and the results weren't pretty. The grenade itself does not harm or eliminate anypony; it is meant to disorientate them with the loud bang and the sun-like flash.
Celesta turned back to the human at the front… To find him disappeared. The door at the far end was opened and she felt a great fear wash through her. He was loose, and he wanted blood.
She then yelled so loud that you could hear it from the moon, “GUARDS! DO NOT LET THE HUMAN ESCAPE!”
Kylar ran.
He ran as fast as he could.
He leaped, vaulted, slid, climbed, dodged, weaved etc. Spells that ranged from fireballs to earth picks, he maneuvered. Earth ponies with spears and swords, he avoided. He did everything that his teacher taught him before the war started.
'Move swiftly, strike swiftly and vanished swiftly.'
He took a corner and saw two Earth royal guards. They stood in the middle of the room with long sharp spears pointing towards him. He ran towards them with no fear what so ever. In striking distance, the ponies thrust their spears only to miss as Kylar had leaped over them easily. As he landed, he drew his knife from his sheath. He spun and back kicked the pony on the left, causing him to hit the wall to his side but surprising still holding the spear. Kylar uses his momentum and in a wide ark, stabbed the second in the neck artery with his knife. Blood shot out from the wound as he pulled out the knife and for the final attack, a fist collided to the back of the pony’s head. The force sent the head straight to the ground, killing the pony instantly.
The second pony had just recovered from the kick and turned to the enemy with the spear leading. The pony swung the tip of the blade to the hooded creature, to only witness it duck under the swing fluently. Kylar smoothly brought the knife down, striking the pony on the back of the helmet. The force caused the pony to front flip to his back. The pony didn’t even get to see the foot of the creature fall down towards his neck.
CRACK!
Kylars foot has struck the pony’s neck, snapping it like a twig. He quickly sheathed his blade and continued to run in an effort to leave. As he ran, he felt the adrenaline being pumped in his blood, furthering his thirst for gore. Further ahead was, ironically, a lone uni-guard.
Kylar unsheathed his blade and quickened his hustle. The unicorn charged a fireball and launched it towards the human. The human dodged to the left, gaining distance towards him. He charged another spell and fired (no pun intended) towards the being. Again, the creature dodged to the right. The unicorn charged yet another spell. But it was too late.
Kylar sprinted towards the unicorn and with the knife he stabbed the guard in the chest. With his speed and dynamism, he picked up the unicorn and slammed him to the ground. Kylar then reverse gripped the blade, violently ripped it out and stabbed the unicorn in the eye. Said unicorn screamed to the heavens and his body twitched for a moment before becoming quiet. Kyler heaved out his knife, sheathed it and continued to flee. He almost forgot; Kylar flicked back on his hoodie, masking his face in darkness.
Ahead, there is a stairway descending to the main hall and the main entrance. But a problem accrued instantly. At the base of the stairs were a whole squadron of guards that had all races. The pegasus was hovering in the air, the unicorns had charged their spells and the earth ponies with swords and spears poke out from the front. The wooden door behind them was wide open, giving him a slight hope of freedom. Kylar skidded to a halt at the top of the steps, overlooking the ponies with disgust.
“Halt!” One of the earth ponies ordered to the escapee.
“Halted.” Kylar deadpanned with a bored facade as he thought of a way to bypass the obstacles.
'Oh shit, what to do?!'
“Drop any weapons and lay on the ground, you don’t want to make things any more complicated!”
“Fucking make me!”
The pony went red faced in anger and was going to retort, but a unicorn suddenly shouted,
“Why isn’t the binding magic working?!”
Kylar looked at the ponies and said to himself “Fuck it”, and ran to the guards. He had only one plan; parkour it. It was the only option apart from trying to get the G36KV out from his bag and start shooting, but the ponies would already have attacked by then.
The ponies gawked at the sight of the human running towards them. They thought that he is suicidal going against the royal guards. But they soon felt their hearts seize.
The human ran towards them and leaped into the crowd. He grabbed a pegasus by the legs, swung from it, lands on a unicorn's head and bounced off. He hit the ground and slid under an earth pony. The human had already made it half way and still going.
Kylar vaulted over a charging earth pony and using a unicorn as a step, he leapt into the air again using a pegasus as a swing. He let go and fell to the ground in an angle, clearing the dumbfounded ponies underneath. He was too fast, fluent and flexible for the guards. It reminded them of a monkey in the wild.
Kylar landed back on earth, clearing the ponies with ease and with minimal effort. He quickly looked back, saying “Never going to catch me! See y’all next time!” and ran outside into the dark.
The only noise that was present in the room is the flapping of the pegasus wings.
“Wow…” One rookie guard said, amazed by the swiftness of the humans escape. He turned to a red faced captain and asked, “Do we get to learn that?”
The captain shook his head and ordered, “Capture him!”
Kylar sprinted down the empty street, taking in the silence and darkness. He skidded to a halt, took off his bag and pulled out his rifle. He chucked his bag back on and continued to run away. He had never felt so alive with the adrenaline and speed for a long time. Cold wind was smacking him in the face as he ran down the empty graveled road. Stoned houses lined the sides that housed ponies. Kylar took a left bend and halted. In front of him was a sign with the words ‘TRAIN STATION’ that pointed to the right.
He took his chances and takes the right. His feet hit the stony road as he powered towards the train station, but also bypassing random ponies along the way. They stared and gawked as they witnessed the bipedal alien run down the road heading for the train station.
“What was that?” One pony said to another.
“I do not know.” The other replied.
Kylar tore down the road with his head looking left and right, trying to find any royal guards. And he saw them. Two unicorn guards galloped towards him while shouting “Halt!”
In response, he lifted his rifle and shot twice.
BANG! BANG!
The bullets struck their targets; one in the eye on the left and one in the chest on the right. They both collapsed to the ground, skidding to a halt and laying still with a bloody trail behind the dead bodies. Kylar powered on, knowing that the guards would single on his location from the shots soon.
He saw the building with ‘TRAIN STATION’ logo on the roof. The building was in front of a rail road track with a train made out of muffins and candy. Kylar didn’t care about the train and its odd features and continued to run. He did not want to deal with the ponies in the building, so with a detour, he ran to the wall on the side of the building and climbed it. As he reached the top, he heard an announcement from the ponies underneath;
“All aboard the train from Canterlot to Ponyville!”
Kylar looked at the train underneath with a gleam in his eyes.
“My ticket out of here.” He said to himself and with a leap, he landed on the roof of the train with a soft tack and crouched beside an outstretched roof.
Soon, the train began to take off with a ‘TOOT!’ And before he knew it, the train had pulled away from the station along with him, away from the Princess and the city.
“I’ll be seeing you later, bitch… I'll be seeing you later...”
And thats a wrap! Like faver and comment! Any mistakes, leave a comment.
Made by MarcusBullet and Chaotic Pony :)
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I don't know if I should root for this guy, or be against him. On one hand, he's murdering what is practically innocent creatures, so he can avoid getting into trouble. On the other, to him, he just came out of a war with the entirety of ponykind where the ponies were the invaders. And suddenly the world is different, full of them, and no humans in sight.
1548477 Huh you know im with you there.
"Nothing can pierce a magic force field."
Nothing, except the SPEAR OF DESTINY!
evangelion.neoseeker.com/w/i/evangelion/thumb/3/3d/LanceofLonginusRed.jpg/300px-LanceofLonginusRed.jpg
Seriously though, this chapter is awesome! Can't wait for more!
1548477I'm just as conflicted as you are. They are going to have to handle this very carefully. However, considering where he's going, Fluttershy's will destroying levels of cuteness should do the trick.
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Make pony kind pay for what they have done to us!!! Kill the elements of harmony
!!!!
I've already read it once since I proofread it. But reading it here I'm all like
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3782-779643399ac4677cfd9624cc8ff29e9c_500.png
I just now noticed how things are going plot wise. All I have to say is this:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8352-rapid_escalation.png
Yeah.
I always use images to help convey my thoughts.
No indents, but other than that I saw no mistakes, well done sir!
Looks like Celestia is going to have to do something very impressive to get him to not kill
1548477
Well either way I'll continue to read. This is good :D. If only I had popcorn :I
BATHE IN THEIR BLOOD!
THE VENGEANCE OF A DEAD RACE!
MAY THE TRUTH COME OUT AND BURN THE PLANET TO ASH!
*breaths*
Interesting content but I saw many mistakes.
"The context doesn't quite fit in here. The way it is written makes it so that Celestia is last to speak but the way it is supposed to be from what I see Kyler is supposed to say last line. Not sure on what to do."
I'm pretty sure you didn't mean to include that.
"who knows how many ponies were inside"
Should be "are".
You often switch between tenses. This gets really annoying to readers (Just one of several examples)
"He again halts and looked at the building below. As he stared, a steadily grin worked on his face. He thought of a different plan;"
"Kylar collapsed his fingers around it and placed his head on his hand"
Should be "clasped"
"use both hands for the long ascend"
Should be "ascent"
I notice your chapters struggle with small mistakes. If you need a proofreader, I'd be happy to help. Otherwise, keep up the good work.
1548573
Blame me for that...
MY REPUTATION FOR PROOFREADING IS IN JEOPARDY!!!
I'll be sure to fix that in future proof reads.
1548647 I'm the proof reader and in my defense I was falling asleep going over this. Work is a bitch...
There was a whole lot more in here I managed to fix. Sorry for missing some of the more important ones.
[youtube=o0CXUv-xxtY]
Kylar goes to Ponyville with epic parkour skills vs. Rainbow Dash. Enough said.
1494876
Great chapter; I can't wait for more!
Also,
didn't know if that was intentional, so yeah, might wanna remove that.
Who wants to bet that his only ally will be one Lyra Hearthstrings?
This is a difficult one. While I do like the premise for the story, I really do, I feel like you haven't properly explained it. We just keep jumping from conflict to conflict with oddly arranged backstories filling up the gaps.
Now, while this story does have my attention for the moment, that could easily change. It seems to be border lining insert, and your protagonist has no real personality to him, just a cookie-cutter outline of a revolutionary that wants to kill someone. I feel like I can't relate to him in any way.
So in the end I'm conflicted. My brain is saying 'Hmmm, this isn't the best fix I've seen, keep looking,' while the rest of me is saying 'this is kinda cool, read on!' The only real advice I can give you at the moment is to try and fix the minor things. That basically means try to slow down certain parts and don't linger on sections unnecessarily. Also, there were a few spelling mistakes, and I think at one point I saw a note from your editor...
But anyway, keep writing, I'm eager to see where you take this. Even if I do withhold a thumb for now I'll be watching, and you can easily convince me.:pinkie happy:
-Jorofrarie, TWE critic
Yes, let the hate flow through you.
Kill her.
I love Celestia, but one thing I can't abide by is a traitor.
aww yeah, looks like someone went 'red hood' on the royal guard. Let's see Celestia try to explain this one. "dear twilight, I pissed off this one race of intelligent life forms thousands of years ago and now he wants to kill me as I committed genocide on his race... P.S. Friendship is still magic." Keep goin and stay golden^^
1548557 may the planet drown in equine blood!!! And hatred is best used as motivation and purpose!!!!
1548477 One thing they forced all humans into ponies sooooooo yeah.
"What we've got here is failure to communicate."
The best thing to do right now fellow readers is wait.
Wait and see how things develop and hold judgement until we know the full story of the past.
Nobody is innocent in war.
SHIT BRICKS
1548744
I was beginning to think I was the only one with this line of thought. One part of me really doesn't like the way the story reads, but the other part of me wants to see where it goes.
i hope this all ends well, for kyler, as for celestia, kill the bitch
ughhh, just ,,,ughhh....
the first 2 chapters were good, even with the minor grammatical errors
but this was , 'blegh'
good:
-action , slashing, killing, shooting, = FUCK YEAH
-conflict: " Surprise Motherfucker!" aww yiss
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bad:
-the way the story is narrated changes from 1st person to 2nd person to 3rd person (not in any order) too much
- grammar errors, some small but others were too "itchy" so to speak
- the thought process of the characters, mostly form princess Celestia, were rather off. As in: "How could she have known that in her current situation" ordeal
- lacks some detail in some narratives, or is sometimes "over narrated" / misused words
- and for god's sake, the Author's notes are supposedly left until the end , some points should be marked with a " * " in case of mentioning"
don't interrupt the reader with side comments in the story like the " ( no pun intended) " part, you're killing the flow.
- you used 'parkour' as and adjective/adverb ... as I, myself, am a parkour fan, that is not cool...
my suggestion: get a proof reader/editor ... like seriously ಠ_ಠ
= This has potential to be a good story, but the small things put me off (maybe its just me, or maybe even other people).
I like a good revenge story but... uhh
-cheers,
I don't understand why all the hate on this, I think it's good. Plus, you featured a Swede, cool, if you look past the unfortunate events.
Join the dark side
Uh, Kylar is quite wrong. Anger and Rage only got me into trouble.
Not that I'm saying that I'm against him. Honestly, with the fact that the ponies forced the humans to become ponies, he kinda haves a point in revenge.
1549490
Chaotic Pony is alterady the editor of this story.
1548477 I say we root for him.
Heh bloodthirsty worrior on the run.
In the next chapter: All conections with Ponyville are suddenly lost...
1548477 I am also conflicted on this. I believe that actions have consequences. What the ponies did to mankind was wrong and they should pay for what they have done. Even if it happened over 1000 years ago.
If he finds out that Twilight and her friends are special to Celestia . . . someone get a tub ready 'cause we're about to have a blood bath
Take Twilight Hostage!
Let Kylar have his REVENGE!
1549858 agree with you
1548477 Technically, he is killing royal guards (trained to protect, fight, kill, and war) in self defense to escape. Celestia on the other hand is responsable for what happened to the mankind. I root for him.
1550272 Yes at the very least he should get closure with her. Permanent closure..............
Side note. Very well written so far. Captivating story as well. Can't wait until the next chapter!
1548477 I'm split... I personal hope that I would never do what he is doing, but I know for a fact that if this happened to me the way it happened to him... I would
1550344 Yeah a very long closure XD, I want MOOOOORE
, and see how the characters develop
I recommend you stay in the past tense. Seriously, current tense is really annoying to read. Otherwise it's great, even if a bit fast at times. And occasionally awkward.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m52ktaXt5K1qb05u7.gif Oh boy,This is going to be good, Please keep going, I'm loving it so far!
1548477
Eeehhhh, they dont sound like innocent creatures to me.
There might be some kind of mistake but what ive gathered so far is that a CB like scenario occurred and the resulting war ended up with humans going extinct.
I dont know about you but i would be pissed too.
I mean think about it, no one liked the germans after ww2 for a long time, but they eventually went through enough misery to let everyone forgive them for that whole Nazi thing.
How much of a grudge can you hold against a people, even after they have done horrifying things, when they are subjected to a massive bloody conflict that leaves their capital in ruins, suffer through decades of financial bankruptcy (they were using bank notes as fire starter) and ruthless oppression by the soviet russians?
The answer is that you cant really, they paid for their crimes and now it is forgiven.
The problem in this story is that the ponies seem to have carried out the genocide of the human race quite handily and are now setting fat on the spoils of a war which cost the lives of every man woman and child.
Yeah once i learned the truth my anger would be apocalyptic, so bad that if i had a atom bomb i would use it without reservation. I would ensure the center of pony civilization ended up as a massive radioactive crater and i would laugh all the way to hell and then probably give satan a bro-hug.
Also the fact that the author hasn't let the main character realize that humans are extinct concerns me a bit. He is still running around under the impression the war is still on, how will he react when he finds out the truth?
My prediction: Denial, rage, the murders of many a pony, crushing depression, even more murders of ponies, finally one suicidal plan either culminating in the death of Celestia or the death of the main character.
Kylar should really start planning some more. But I'll watch where this gets, right now I'm afraid that he'll somehow get in fight with main 6... and that'll be a fucking tough fight.
Anyways... stay awesome!
This guy would definately be a good addition to Blumarak's army of blood. Blood by death! Death by blood! Blood for Blumarak!
I bet the voice was his girlfriend
I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this song is kyler talking to celestia when she is on the brink of death... it totally fits this so well...
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