Revenge of the Fallen
By MarcusBullet
Authors Note: Hey guys, Marcus here!! Ok, this is my first MLP story, and to clarify, I’m not a Brony, I’m more of the person that watches and makes fan stories. While on that topic, visit my other account on Fanfiction.net (Theunknownsoldier321).
Righto, This story has been on my mind for some time and let’s go over some stuff; this is a HiE but with a reason, this is also Equestria in Earth, Gore, Violence, War etc. And at some parts I used the MLP site to gather information... Other then that, let us venture in the Revenge from the Fallen.
I do not own My Little Pony
"To achieve revenge, one must sacrifice himself for others."
Equestria; The home of all happiness, laughter and magic. It is also the land of the magical creatures called Ponies. They all ranged from the simple Earth ponies and the magical Unicorns, to the Fast-moving Pegasus that ruled the sky. And they lived in different parts of the world; Cloudsdale that house the Pegasus, Ponyville that house all races and the Capital city of Canterlot. This place is the area where the ruler lives; Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. These two ponies are a different breed altogether, they were both Pegasus and Unicorn; a alicorn.
Princess Celestia is the head ruler of Equestria, whose power is so strong that it rises and sets the sun. While her sister and co-ruler Princess Luna has the power to rise and fall the moon. Together, they are the gods of Equestria and bring peace and happiness to the world. But as it is said, good cannot co-exist without evil. During their ruling, several attempts were made to cease the peacefulness and the joy of the world. There were the only two major incidents;
Nightmare Moon; The ponies, played in the day but "shunned" the night and slept through it, which made the younger unicorn grow bitter, eventually refusing to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. Her bitterness transformed her into a "Wicked mare of darkness", Nightmare Moon. The elder sister reluctantly harnessed the power of the Elements of Harmony and "banished her permanently in the moon," taking responsibility for both sun and moon, maintaining harmony in Equestria.
And Discord.Discord is a combination of many body parts from different creatures. His head is horse-like, much different from the other character's head styles, with a deer antler on the right, a goat horn on the left, one long fang, different-sized pupils, a snake tongue, and a goat beard. He has the right arm of a lion, the left claw of an eagle, the right leg of a lizard, and the left leg of a goat. In addition, he has a bat's right wing, a Pegasus' left wing, a horse's mane and a dragon's tail with a white tail tuft. The shape of his body resembles that of a snake. Discord is a mischievous, manipulative trickster who pulls gags on his targets through the use of his powerful magic, illusions, and hypnotism, with little to no consideration towards his victims. He has a sense of showmanship and drama, preferring to be playful towards his victims before getting down to business, even mocking and bantering with Celestia and the six main ponies in Canterlot Tower. He was defeated and turned to stone by the elements of harmony.
* used MLP information site... ^^
And after that, there was peace. That is until now...
The sun was beginning to set on the horizon, bringing the day to a slow end. The orange glow of the stunning sun covered all of the towns and cities, like that of a artist. On the near tip Mountains of Canterlot, was a Rusty metal door. It was so rusted that the only thing that looked normal was a few words: " - n- t -t r-e". And what was not like anything of the world.
Deep inside of the dark cavern was a blue statue. It was bulky; about the size of an earth pony. A single object spiked at the front, that pointed towards a blue rock, thirty three inches exactly. Then, it began to crack. The spider web like cracks appeared on the rock and soon, shattered. A object fell to the ground making a chick- kakick sound. It was charcoal black with a banana like bottom, axe-like handle at the front and back, a short pipe at the front, a arch at the top and a long metal object at the back. Soon another sound of cracking echoed the empty cave, it was the statue. The similar spider-like cracks appeared in the middle before shooting all around the object. The cracks look like lightning strikes as it consumed the whole statue before-- CCCCRRRAAACCCKKKK!!!!
The ice-like shards exploded in a bright blue light, sending them all around the room. But in the middle was a creature. It was not a pony, nor a Gryphon. It was a odd creature. It hit the ground with a tho-mph, its forelegs landing by its sides. its hind legs were behind the bizarre alien, all covered with black clothing. its hoofs were round and covered with red shoes. On its back was a black and red backpack that was over its shoulder and around to the corner of the bag. A black coat covered its body, head and forelegs, completely covering its whole body in black. A red sash was on its right foreleg, worn form age. But is front hoofs were extreme; five pointy claws were on its hoofs, like that of a dragon but the tips were blunt and not scaled.
The creature position remained motionless, only its chest rising up and down. Soon, its claws twitched.
"Urgh..." A groan echoed the empty room, but also dignified that it's a male. Slowly, its forelegs became arched and its claws flat on the ground. It steadily lifted himself up, almost like a push up and his knees became supporters. A strained hiss came from the dark hood on his head as he finally got on his knees.
"Where... The hell am I?" His voice was gruff and dry, due to the lack of water in its mouth. Its hand came towards his face a rubbed its mouth. The creature soon looked around the cave, taking in the darkness that he was one with. Its head soon found the object on the ground. It reached out, grabbed it and brought it close to himself.
"My rifle..." His harsh voice came out of the hood, twisting the 'Rifle' to assess the damage. None.
"But why is it--" His suddenly screamed in anguish, dropped the rifle and clutched his head. Mental images assaulted his mind, bringing pure pain to his brain.
CHAD NO!
MAN DOWN!
HOLD THIS LINE!
What will happen to us?
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED YOU, PRINCESS CELESTIA!
Then, it ceased. The pain and the images vanished, leaving the creature in the dark room. His breath was harsh and rapid, still trying to shake the reminders away.
"That's right," He said to himself, picking up the rifle "The war."
He stood on his hind legs reaching 6 feet, only two feet away from hitting the roof of the cavern. His head looked left and right, looking for anyway to escape. There was a corridor that lead down into the darkness. The alien went into his pocket on his jacket, grabbed a small cylinder object. With a click, a blight white light lit the room.
The walls were dark blue with cracks and holes, as was the roof and floor. And despite the light, the face of the creature is still not shown. With small steps and the 'Rifle' to his side, he began to walk. His footsteps echoed in the corridor as he ventured down the dark, cold path. He leveled the rifle, tucked away the light and gripped the little handle at the bottom front. In front of him was a rusted door, wary of age. And with a simple tap, it fell...
...
...
...
...
...
... Down the mountain side. The bi-pedal creature peered out of the exposed hole and scanned the area. A gasp came from his mouth after a while.
"What... What happened to Tokyo?" He said in surprise. He eyed the landscape and a growl escaped from the hood.
"Solar Queen and Heaven King, when I find you..." He put his hand into the arched top of the rifle and pulled back a bolt, "I'm going to kill you."
A/n: Thats it for chapter one, comment, like and favorite. If any problems, live a comment and I'll fix.
Peace out!
Oh, Hell yeah! I've always loved a good revenge story! I didn't see any big problems, so keep up the good work.
And, uh, first.
I like the concept. Original stories are hard to come by nowadays
*Postponed
with a 't'.
Oh-no Tokyo!
This is going to be like this tv show were Hitler won the war and the Americans fought back
HELL YEAH!!!
and let the punishing BEGIN
1494420
Never seen that show, and BTW thanks for everyone's comments, this fuels my motivation to keep making chapters
and 1494509
Epicness
DUDE I WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR EVER IF THE FIRST THING HE SAYS TO CELESTIA IS IM BACK IN BLACK BITCH
*laces fingers together and leans forward* Okay, you have my attention. Please, do go on...
Funny, that was gonna be my picture for my story, but then I changed the concept.
You have my Attention, go on.
Seems interesting... may I suggest changing the rate to 'mature'?
It looks like this story will be painted with a lovely red color
Awww hell yeah "I'm back baby"
1494876
http://www.spike.com/full-episodes/zs5i6o/spike-specials-alternate-history-season-1-ep-100
Huh. This seems kind of awesome.
I honestly want to see Celestia excusing what she apparently did. Please don't have the main character wimp out and start agreeing with the ponies that "Aw yeah, humans suck, not ME though. I'm DIFFERENT than the rest of humanity." This line of thinking has literally killed hundreds upon hundreds of these kinds of stories.
1495498
Trust me, he wont..
Interesting
1495527
Will he go into battle like a Khorne Berserker on performance enhancing drugs!!!
1495527 The mention of Tokyo makes me want to think that the guy is Japanese.
1495775
O.O Waa....
1495778
or it can be something else
1495921 Well it's the best way to get revenge, plus it makes the story interesting!!!
So you just like to write fiction, since calling it "fanfiction" would indicate that you're a fan?
I have no idea.
1496860 dididado.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/500x_headasplode.jpg
Oh dear.
Now you'll need to get ahead. More specifically, a new one.
Need to work on you tense a bit.
Ummm... Don't you mean
These two ponies are a different breed altogether, they are both a Pegasus and Unicorn; an Alicorn.
Please get an editor. I am busy with stuff at the moment so as much as I would do it, I am preoccupied.
But a good start so far. Work on your descriptive writing and keep it dark. Keep it up!
Am I the only one who finds that the backstory sounds very similiar to TCB?
1497529
Nope, yer not alone. I also thought at first that this was a TCB story at first judging by the description. Interested enough to keep on reading, although I'm slightly turned off by the grammatical and spelling mistakes.
1497529
I do...
MUHAHAHAH I WANT SOME MORE
This is interesting... VERY interesting indeed.
Great job, I'm waiting for more soon. I have never seen a non-brony-writer before, so you're the first one, and believe me that you've done crazy-good job. Just remember to get their asses kicked with fare amount of battles and stuff
Most of this first chapter was Author's Notes and information from the MLP wiki.
Not impressed so far, but I'll observe it nonetheless.
would you be describing an M4A1 Carbine, or an M16 rifle?
50 cal.? sorry i keep thinking of over power.
A badass in Equestria? ...proceed...
Oh yeah and it reminds me of a game called conundrum
I can see 2 main things happening.
1: A lot of revenge and agnst (which in this case is good)
and
2: Some very dark and terrible puns. Like nuclear explosion and nuclear fallout bad (which is also good)
In the end, this will be awesome!
Anti-TCB perhaps?
"Cloudsdale that HOUSES, Ponyville that HOUSES. Also, the ability to RAISE the sun, not rise.
Other than that, awesome!!
I like!
static.fjcdn.com/comments/camwilskel+rolls+1+should+i+post+MLP+FIM+Rule+34+_ac9e6104369dc65c28c319da46e83014.jpg
Yes make the ponies pay!!!!
I guess this is practically The Cnoversion Bureau if it was enacted by her parents and not her?
I can tell english isn't your first language.
YES! YES! YES!
More ASAP!!
google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&tbo=d&biw=1360&bih=664&tbm=isch&tbnid=qWvkVnBhAzo_ZM:&imgrefurl=http://www.chud.com/community/t/143958/the-amazing-spider-man-post-release-discussion/150&docid=Y4zyhqQ3wAb0OM&imgurl=http://cdn.chud.com/c/c9/c9efaa92_DisGunBeGood.jpeg&w=444&h=475&ei=FTuIUIyqO4K7hAfF1YDgDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=4&vpy=4&dur=349&hovh=232&hovw=217&tx=86&ty=119&sig=111248692605445250775&page=1&tbnh=129&tbnw=139&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:72
Please continue!
And i like that pic. You made it or found it?
HORY SHIT!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!
Why can't I just like this like everyone else...
*le sigh*
amazing first chapter. Celestia and Luna are in for one hell of a fight when this individual comes to town. I'm gonna love seeing a human kick ass. Keep goin and stay golden^^